• Member Since 14th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 1st, 2015

Amy Clockwork


Writer and Project Lead for Then the Shadows Whisper, FiM Fiction Enthusiast and Reviewer, Lover of Ponies

More Blog Posts52

  • 137 weeks
    A (Not So) Brief Analysis: Fallout Equestria: The Radio Play

    A Quick Note From Amy: I know it's been months seen I pushed out an update stating that the file had been corrupted, resulting in the loss of some 1500 words, and now it's here. I pushed through a writer's block and an overwhelming amount of school work to get it done so please, enjoy this scene-by-scene analysis of F:E - The Radio Play!

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    0 comments · 113 views
  • 147 weeks
    The Second Annual Summer Review Marathon: Closing Ceremony

    Welcome back fillies and gentlecolts! As summer draws to a close, so must this little adventure through the depths of FiM Fiction's story archive. To recap: This last month I managed to storm through seven stories here on Problematic Reviews and in progress, redesigned a lot of this website's visuals! However, the best is still yet to come! I still have to announce my top three must reads of the summer! Now, before anything, I must point…

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    0 comments · 87 views
  • 148 weeks
    FiM Fiction Review: The Sword Coast

    I would like to address something briefly before moving on to the review. As many of you have heard, actor and comedian Robin Williams was pronounced dead in his home last Monday. The actor behind Genie in Aladdin and John Keating in Dead Poet Society brought so much joy and inspiration to my friends and I over the years. The news of his apparent (now confirmed) suicide came as a shock to all of us. Mr. Williams was battling depression leading up to this…

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    0 comments · 87 views
  • 150 weeks
    FiM Fiction Review: Cold Light

    It's rare that I read a story for fun as of late. Especially now with the review marathon in full swing, most stories that catch my eye on Equestria Daily usually go to the purgatory that is my “Read Later” list. With the exception of this one. Perhaps it was how ambitious it is for another relatively low-profile writer to take on such a story? Or how the introduction catches the reader's attention by foreshadowing the climax? These things and more make Scramblers…

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    0 comments · 150 views
  • 152 weeks
    FiM Fiction Review: On Time for a Change

    Welcome back, internet travelers! It appears we're having an unofficial comedy week here as this is the second comedy I have reviewed and the second time I took the schedule as a complete joke! Yeah… Just give no regard to the calendar for now. I'll have it fixed by The Sword Coast! Promise! Jumping in, LordSmokedMeatsandFishes's…

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    0 comments · 111 views
Apr
9th
2013

FIM Fiction Review - The Trottingham Reports: A Slender Escape · 9:30pm Apr 9th, 2013

I don’t know how stories with ridiculously long titles float to the top of my inbox, but I had a particularly bad time with this one when a lovely individual’s comment spoiled the thing. Damn you Lukezv; there is no forgiveness for the sin you have committed. Yes, I read the comments section! Lesson learned, but that’s besides the point. Flutterdash’s The Trottingham Reports: A Slender Escape serves as an excellent reminder to writers to elaborate on character and plot. It’s unfortunate since Flutterdash can put together clever and entertaining conversations that can feel realistic if it was executed well. The Trottingham Reports: A Slender Escape is a decent short-story even with it’s shortcomings. Now stop making long titles before I get carpal tunnel.

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The Trottingham Reports: A Slender Escape by flutterdash1
Complete (last updated Nov 17,2012)

Doctor Trotson has been assigned to observe Sherlock Hooves and his activities in Trottingham. He is assigned by the Minister of the Night to observe this obscure pony and as he does so he gets dragged into a murder investigation involving the mythical Slenderpony. Read it here.

Tags: Adventure, (Crossover)
Rating: Everyone, (Teen)
(Edited to better categorize this story) (Suggested Teen due to depictions of violence and very moderate gore)

=== === ===

Well, didn’t I just make myself look dumb. Lukezv is forgiven, the description spoils that. I should’ve better explored that better, should I? Oh, the ways I try to make myself look clever. My biggest issue with The Trottingham Reports: A Slender Escape is how short it is. Don’t get me wrong, I like short stories, but Flutterdash clearly didn’t make this long enough to elaborate on Sherlock and Trotson’s characters. We end up not seeing any of their thoughts or flaws, leaving them unrelatable and weak. On a related note, the plot feels rushed and unclever. It wraps up quickly and hardly shows any development of the two character’s relationship. The list goes on-and-on about how rushed The Trottingham Reports feel.

The Sherlock Holmes stories have incredible amounts of layers to them; so much so that the BBC’s Sherlock takes an hour-and-a -half episode to solve one mystery. Now, it could just be that I’m too large of a fan of the BBC’s Sherlock, but I can easily say that those should be the standard model to the Holmes, or Hooves, mysteries. It’s going to upset a lot of people that The Trottingham Reports doesn’t take its time to add depth to its mystery. Sherlock Hooves would be clever if he solved clever mysteries.
Also, the pacing suffers as a direct result. Important plot points feel abused and any sort of buildup seems to be lost between the lines. Although there is only one instance where a slow part seemed to overstay its welcome, this is kind of a bad thing. The major plot points are the only thing driving this story, making them lose their weight.

That’s enough bad news for a Tuesday! Flutterdash does have one incredible talent: being able to make his conversations flow well and feel realistic. Not only that but they’re clever too. I could be missing the bigger picture here. With this amazing dialogue, the right length, and a lot more character development, flutterdash could put together a masterpiece. So in other words, flutterdash is a good writer but this story is way too short to be anything but just that: a sweet, short story. I easily recommend this anyone looking for short story. This has been Admujica. Have a great week guys.


The Trottingham Reports: A Slender Escape gets a score of: 6.5 out of 10
Really rushed but has the elements for an enjoyable short story
Read it here.

Report Amy Clockwork · 216 views ·
Comments ( 2 )

Grazi for the review! You're not the first to call my pacing to attention, but hopefully you shall be the last. I swear on my honor to continue to delve into the mysteries of pacing and figure out exactly how to master it.

994875 No problem. When writing my stories, I keep in mind that slow parts help build up to the faster, heavier plot points. So essentially, the slower, more character focused parts should drive your story just as much as the heavier ones. Although it's important not to let them overstay their welcome. Hopefully that helped. I look forward to reading your stories in the future.

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