Warren Peace Reviews (On Hiatus) · 6:13am Jan 7th, 2013

Updated 09/11/13
Have a fic that doesn't qualify for one or more reasons? I can still help! Check out my tips and tricks for new writers!

So I've been reviewing new stories (mostly for new authors) that get shot to shit (therefore earning the term: shitfic) on this site for a while now here on FimFiction.net . I go through the chapters and give input on what needs to be changed and for what reasons. Check on the front page of this site, find a fic with a poor rating, and you may just (eventually) see a comment reading:

You qualify for a Warren Peace review. Prepare yourself...

But some may wonder...what makes a fic qualify for a Warren Peace review? Does any fic with a shitty Like/Dislike (L/D) ratio count? Or am I more selective in what I review and what I leave to the timberwolves so to say?

Well guess, genius! I wouldn't be making this blog post if it wasn't the latter of those two. So, that said, what does make a fic qualify for a Warren Peace review?

1. A poor L/D ratio upon my seeing of the story:
Poor L/D ratio (to me) is about one like for every two dislikes or less (So basically a general ratio of one to two ). It also tends to mean not a whole lot of likes to begin with despite any dislikes. THE MAXIMUM likes that I would ever accept as legitimate would be ten, provided that there were at least twenty-five or so dislikes to counter that (in my travels, though, this hasn't often happened). A question that may come up is: what would happen if a story got a better L/D ratio as I was reviewing it? This has been the case before (rarely), and I'll continue with the review regardless. Once you see: You qualify for a Warren Peace review. Prepare yourself..., there ain't no goin' back.

2. It can't be an ungodly amount of words:
Quite frankly, if the first chapter is fifteen thousand words long, I'm closing the tab and moving on. My comfort zone is chapters with word counts that are three thousand words or less. So sue me for being a lazy bastard who ain't gonna take the time to read a super-long mother bucker of a fic when it's got a shitty L/D ratio. A fair warning: if your chapters are less than a thousand words then the first thing that I'm probably gonna say is that you need to not be lazy and crank out more words. One source of downvotes is sub-thousand word chapters (chapters with less than a thousand words). People don't like it when they can fit the entire chapter on their webpage.

3. It can't be a trollfic:
It's a trollfic, it's meant to be bad. That said, I don't review trollfics (on purpose).

4. It shouldn't have a lot of comments that already point out flaws:
Nor should it already have a review that's about as detailed as mine. I'm not gonna waste time reviewing a story if someone else already did. I might write something that seconds what the previous reviewer already said, but that's about it.

What you should expect in the review:
The shittier...er, poorer quality, of the story the more I'm probably gonna sound like an asshole and the longer the review is gonna be (unless the total word count is less than eleven hundred). The few good fictions that I've reviewed I've actually written relatively little on. On the other hand, the lesser ones I've written much larger reviews for. The general time it takes to write a review is anywhere form thirty minutes to a hour and a half from my: you qualify comment. I can be rather vulgar at times, so expect me to sometimes use words like: shit, bastard, (son of a) bitch, (god)damn, friggin', hell,(flying) tits, ass(hole), and Oblivion. My rule for the word: fuck, is that I only ever use it once the story's used it (for the record this can be either through the use of the actual word or the use of the action (as seen in clopfics for example)). I'll try not to curse too much if I suspect that the author is of a relatively young age. I may be an asshole, but I'm a half-decent one when it comes to friggin' manners.

I reserve the right to refuse a review to any story for any reason and I'll admit that I'm a bit of a bigot when it comes to certain things. For example:
~I hate writing in the second person. Why? I feel that most of the time it's used, it's used to let the author get away without writing a decent character. They just get to put down: you and go with that. Additionally, it can alienate readers of the opposite sex or opinions of the character acting in the story. In short: it's far more fun to read about actual characters instead of 'ourselves' doing shit in a fic.
~I'm not a fan of humanized/anthropomorphic ponies. The main reason that I love MLP is because I'm a massive SciFi/fantasy guy. Take the ponies out of MLP:FiM and you remove almost all of the SciFi/fantasy stuff! Plus, they're ponies in the show so they should be ponies in the fanfiction as well. So sue me.
~I'm also not that knowledgeable when it comes to writing clop. Yes, I get the basics of how to write a steamy scene, I know what bad clop looks like, but I really can't say I know how to write it so I'm not sure how much help I can be in that regard. In short: clop isn't my forte.

Now gore on the other hand? That I think I'm pretty adept at (despite the fact that I haven't written a gorefic...yet).

Trust me when I say that I'll be critical, lemme tell you a true story:

Mom: "You're being too critical of other people."
Me: *takes that as compliment*

I'm not perfect, so I might make mistakes (especially when it's late PST, which is my time zone for future reference). My bed time is around eight, so don't expect anything from me after that unless you're feeling really, really lucky. This is doubly so when you factor in the fact that I typically only review around midday.

Key for my edits:

Underlined words are things that I'm pointing out to an author.
~~Words that are slashed through mean that they need to be removed.~~
Words in red are corrections or additions that I've made to the quote.

ANY TIME that I quote something I'll do my best to correct it (unless I'm trying to prove a point with the way that it is).

I will also end my review with:

Questions or concerns? PM me. Otherwise good luck and farewell...
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While you can reply via comment, I'll be much faster to reply to a PM than a comment. A review will always end with a brohoof, you are not required to brohoof me back.

A final thing, if you turn around and bite my head off then expect me to retaliate with a mother fuckin' vengeance. I've been writing fiction since 2006, have passed all my English classes, and also just so happened to have taken an Arguments class my freshman year in college. Guess what? I passed that class. If you think that you can bite my head off and then beat me in an argument, then that means that I probably won't be reviewing your fiction in the first place because it won't qualify for a review.

In short: Anyone good enough to take me on when it comes to my critical reviews is smart enough that they won't be writing fictions that get a lot of downvotes (this is so far a solid scientific theory that I've tested and proven).

Is this a challenge? Maybe. But it's always better for both parties if we don't start a pissing contest and just get along. At the end of the day, I'm doing this to help my fellow writers, not rip them a new asshole. I'm spending my time to review what mostly consists of bad stories for the sake of the author of said story. If you think that I enjoy reading shitty Rainbow Factory rip-offs, then you've got another thing coming.

No. What I enjoy is helping those who need help that I can provide.

And if you don't think that I can provide good help then either GTFO, or look at my story list and tell me that I don't know what the hell I'm doing (in short: all my stories have been relatively well received). I'm an egghead and a sucker for fiction (especially science fiction and pirate age stuff), I've been reading for as long as I've been able to read, and writing fiction since 2006 (even then I was drawing comics for a few years before that, they sucked but I digress), if you don't think that that qualifies me as someone who's got the right to review, then tell me what does.

I think that I'll end with a quote, as I believe that I've covered everything.

"He who can take criticism can likely take anything else while he who ignores his opposition is doomed to failure," ~Anonymous.

~Warren Peace: writer, reader, reviewer
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