Tips and tricks for new writers · 6:47pm Sep 11th, 2013
Just because your fic doesn't qualify for a Warren Peace review doesn't mean that I can't help you. Here I'll detail a list of most of the problems that I've come across in my reviewing adventures that you should not have present in your story as well as a few other tips and tricks.
~Capitalize your damn title:
I've seen it a hundred times: someone's title has major words that aren't capitalized (or are misspelled). People, listen. Your title is one of the first things that people see when they look at your story so you better want to leave a good goddamn impression or they ain't gonna give two shits. If your title ain't capitalized or spelled right, then you're already letting people down when it comes to the quality of your writing.
~ESPECIALLY don't let errors slip into your description:
This one is a biggie. Your description is where you describe your story. That said, consider it like a menu for your story to come. If your description has errors in it then (like the previously mentioned thing) you're already promising either a lack of editing or care towards quality and will not get anything but another dislike and another unhappy reader. While not a mathematical fact, I like to say that every error made in a description is worth anywhere from five to ten in a story. So keep this in mind when writing.
~Don't use ponycreator images as a cover pic:
No one likes them. They're lazy, tend to show a lack of caring, and therefore will get your story shot to shit. Either go without or find someone on this site's Art for Fanfiction group if you're not artistically talented enough to draw a cover pic.
~Show, don't tell:
This one is big (hence why I boldified it). While not all written mediums follow this rule (see Textbooks for example), in fictional writing you need to show more than tell a story (some telling is still needed to ground your shit, but it should be used in less excess). Here's some examples:
Something hit his wing very hard, breaking some of the bones. It hurt so much that it made him cry.
More telling, less showing.
There was a rush of air as something flew at him, striking his wing with a sickening crunch of bone. He gave a pained cry, squeezing his eyes closed against a sudden torrent of warm tears as the injured appendage throbbed with pain.
More showing, less telling.
See the difference? One of them is dull and lifeless, the other is interesting and lets you get a solid mental image of what the flying monkey tits is going on. Speaking of which, your job as a writer is to paint a picture for your readers to see. The more description of events through the use of showing, the better your story will ultimately be. Don't think you have what it takes to do this? Check out the next two points to see how to get better.
~Read, read, READ!!!:
In my closing of my reviews I usually touch on this subject. I got to where I am today mostly by reading other fiction and seeing how to write by studying said fiction. Want to get better? Study the masters. Go to this site's homepage and check out a lot of the featured stories. Keep in mind, as you read them, to see how the writer tells the tales that they spin. A teacher once told me to: "Read like a writer" and while this certainly is hard to learn how to do, it will help you in the long run if you use it and apply it properly to your own stories. This doesn't mean just a couple fics (and don't just stick to this site, get books from your public library as well), it means quite a lot. As a final note, reading an occasional shitfic or trollfic can show you how not to write a story, so these can be good to check out as well.
~Get a Proofreader or Editor:
Even I had one for my first story (though he wasn't from this site). These people are here to help you write better. Use them until you feel capable enough that you can write well on your own (even then a second opinion is still great!).
~Edit your stuff OUT LOUD:
Going off the previous point, you should never just write something out and then just slap it onto the site and hit: publish. Go over EVERYTHING that you write and make certain that you do it OUT LOUD (I cannot stress those two words enough). Reading in your head can help you find and eliminate some errors, but out brains are funny things and will auto-correct many other simple mistakes that will come back and bite you in the butt at the end of the day. I know it is monotonous and dull, but (as we will touch on later) it is most certainly necessary for good writing. Writing your stories in a word document will help you find many of the smaller errors, but far more will go undetected by word processing units. Going off the word processors thing, don't write your stories here on the site. The site has poor ability to format and catch errors so use something else.
~Grammar/Punctuation/Formatting/Etcetera:
Editors and proofreader can help you with these things, but I'll still go over the most common and avoidable mistakes that I've come across in my reviewing adventures.
Grammar is usually easy to fix. Word processors will pick up grammatical errors more than anything else and you should be able to as well if you paid attention in school (something that you should do). Can't really think of much to say for this one in way of examples because there's just so freakin' many.
Punctuation can also be found by word processors, but I find that they'll screw up just as often as they'll help you when it comes to this. Key things to remember are not having run-on sentences and quoting dialogue right. The most common form of dialogue errors I find are that people don't end them right. Here's an example:
"When ending a quote with something like: he/she/it/bob said then you need to end your quote with a comma (or an exclamation/question mark, but nota period)," Warren said, "if you wish to continue after a he/she/it/bob said moment then follow that up with a comma and continue. Just make sure to end the quote with a period instead of a comma if there aren't any he/she/it/bob said moments afterwards."
Formatting is the one that word processors willnot catch often (if at all). The most common problems here are walls of text, lack of indentation, and proper use of (again) dialogue. Walls of text are massive shit-piles of words that form a literal wall of text. This is ugly, menacing, and no fun to read. Make sure to split up your story into sizable paragraphs or people are gonna call you out on this and give you hate. Lack of indentation is one that I touch on the least most of the time. This due to the fact that most writing done on this site is written so that between each paragraphs there's an empty line (like this blog for example). However, if you write like I do (just open up one of my stories and glance at the way it's formatted for an example) then you need to indent every paragraph or it'll look like a massive wall of text. Dialogue I find myself touching on quite a bit as well. As a rule, every time someone new speaks, start a new paragraph. For example:
"So who the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the thug. "I'm Batman!" replied Batman.
Wrong.
"So who the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the thug.
"I'm Batman!" replied Batman.
Right!
~Aim for twelve hundred words minimum for chapter length:
Anything below a thousand words is typically looked down upon on this site so, as a general rule, never write chapters that are less than a thousand words in length.
~Write out numbers:
I can't believe that I originally forgot to add this one in. If a number that's present in your story is less than a thousand, you've got to write it out. It looks less lazy and more professional, so just do it.
~Good writing requires patience:
Even I have trouble with this one sometimes, but you've got to get into the mindset that there's no need to rush. This is especially so when first chapters are the case. Never rush because if you do then you're gonna make mistakes and you're gonna get downvoted to Oblivion in a handbasket. Take your time to make your story the absolute best it can be. If you aren't willing to put in the time and effort to write something decent then why should we be willing to invest our time in reading it?
~Learn these bracketed word thingies:
I'm not a terminology guy so I don't know what to call all these things that make words look bold or italicized. Whatever the case, start writing with them. I earlier mentioned that you should never write your stories directly on this site.
"Wait," someone might say, "that makes italicizing/boldifying/slashing/etc words a pain in the mother fuckin' ass because I've got to go back through all my shit and highlight and hit ctrl+i/b/whatever to make it freakin' work."
Not necessarily. Here's a tip for everyone out there: get into the habit of inserting those things into your document as you write. For example say you want a character to think something and you're using the italicized words mean thoughts rule. Add in the whole bracket + i + bracket thing into your document as you write it (like I just did here). It might sound like a pain, but it'll save you some even more painstaking time later and that much is well worth it.
~Take constructive criticism:
Another important one, in short: if someone offers you advice (no matter how many times they say fuck or flying monkey batshit titties up the asshole) and they're more knowledgeable than you then take it. If you're sick then you take medicine to get better. And it ain't the way that the medicine gets administered...it's the medicine itself that makes you better.
~Don't delete comments:
Even if they're just trolls spouting crap, it's almost never a good idea to delete comments. Many readers on this site will insta-dislike if they see a mass of deleted comments because some of the time it's newbie writers deleting criticism (I should know about that one). So even if you were justified, consider the consequences before hitting that little trashcan icon. Added: 04/17/14
~Don't get high off your own piss:
Somewhat going off the previous tip, never think that your stories are the epitome of what everything should be. 'Holier than thou' thinking like this is oftentimes bullshit and if you act all high and mighty then prepare for a low and red story rating. Just because you think that your self-insert OCx[Insert pony here] clopfic is akin to SaddlesoapOpera's Pony Psychology Series (which is probably my number one favorite story on this site) doesn't mean everyone else is required to think this way. Added: 04/17/14
So yeah.
If I can think of any others then I'll add them in here. Additionally, if anyone else has any ideas or thoughts then feel free to post a comment on one of your tips or tricks. If I like it enough, I'll add it in and give you credit.
~Warren Peace: writer, reader, reviewer
/)
You had me laughing at "flying monkey tits."