Flash Fiction #10-July--29th--2023--Saturday · 11:07am Jul 29th, 2023
I had a good time with this one! Got a good score too. Didn't even have to work to hard...
Nothing to say other then, adding detail reduced my score. After review both...it mainly was because the story well, richer in detail and fleshing out other character's it losed the super tight focus on old Red.
So, here you go a super tight narrative piece on one of Red's troubled day's in his long life.
(For few that read the last flash fiction. This can be considered a sort-of-sequel. Tomorrow's will be a prequel of sort's.)
Enjoy!
Covered in pink blood.
Tithim blood.
In his street during the Sararine festival. Hologram’s looming like his disapproving momma’s glare. Bulbous oak’s seemed to sway and sag with the shock. His breath had come in heaving gasp’swith the brutal, terror of a sense of betrayal.
Who would dare wound a Tithim?
Who would-
Today.
Yes. Today. Today was different. Today was-
The arrival.
New.
A new planet.
“How art thou like us? Does thou guide your own moon and sun?” Luna had said.
Besides the whitemarble castle, the throne room behind me and Jacar in slack’s (Damn the slack’s...) glaring at me…
Between his hooves was one of the old Piprasan.
Built by the ancient human’s to...prepare...
He swallow’s. And, for a brief moment as Luna continues to bleed silver he can’t help ,but remember his congregation.
“You lost it, son. You. Lost. It!”
She couldn’t have been older then three...thousand? Perhaps?
Perhaps.
Younger then Red. Younger then anyone on the vessel- really.
But...they didn’t know that…
What do they think of us? Of themselves?
Sighing with the weight of knowledge, weight of knowing what they did, what they were forced to do?
He didn’t think often of his origin's...at least not anymore.
But…
You live a few thousand year’s and thing’s come up, you know?
The Coalition.
The First Attempt’s.
Mother’s meatball’s.
His brother’s-
Disaster
Disaster
Dis-
The need for them. Me. Forever me. Once upon a time...before-before-
Horn burning, hooves cracking as a wave of flame surges towards gray shapes..
Human’s, Tithim and the great blue symbol between them.
Running a hoove over the ancient breed- bruise-blue fur, long hair, and female. Small. Pony-like.
Cute.
A mane filled with star’s.
He snicker’s.
And on a successful seed world!
Well…
It was nothing short of funny ,but...before laughing, before drink and visiting with his son…
He had his moon to save.
