Flash Fiction #9--July 28th--2023--Friday

So...This was unwieldy. I had one version that I liked better because then it had more evocative detail. I was trying to learn how to add detail without sacrificing the story...well...my beautiful pacing got shot...

Then...I got a high score from the review from Claude and I was really happy. But, wanting to always improve...I added more detail...and more detail and better opening and then...

My pacing was gone.

My spicy character work was gone and...now...

sigh...I got a six.

So...I scrapped the three sentence memory section's cut out even more section's and now...

I am at a seven and my ponies Arc and Snowy are just a little boring...

But! i am happier with this version and I am tired...

This one has some good ideas. I hope you enjoy!

---

There. There in space ounce thought to be Luna’s domain but, soon, Equastria will be forever changed-

for good

for ill

because...

by happenstance, by a planet a hundred thousand miles away…

Unknown.

Unheard of.

---

Snowy, turn’s catching a sight.

Besides human’s, and tourist human’s (ugh.), a few Tithim (He had only seen a few!)- their long hairless dropping ear’s covered under scarf’s, hat’s and a rather large and oddly comfortable looking-

blue...cat? No…wiposh.

“Psst. Yo, Arc!”

“Check it! Stallion!” Snow adds with a punch and a flick of his hoove.

And, it was there that ,Arc, saw-

A wiposh!

Yes, nesting over a Klategarian uniform wearing the Tithim’s bare ear’s like a cat rub’s a leg.

Or, a dog? Cat-dog?

Cuddling up on it’s large head with it’s equally long body...a blue furred!

And, as if sensing the eyes of the two young alicorn’s...a eye, a burning blue the color of the deep northern Cristalwallow icy wind’s…

Studiously, pointedly...they look away.

And, Snowy catch’s the red leather cover of the Battle of Ivory Promises by The Dreatalby-

“Sister’s, If I never see that booger faced-”

wosh!

“Watch out!” A push and Snow went careening into a stall manned by the looming shape of Daano. How strange a Zil bearing the bonded word of the great Daano.

Daano...Red bound Book’s, Gathering era Nook’s, and a raffle ticket’s for...faded poster of some last century Kicker...go flying in the snow.

Wet andmouth agape, Snowy watch’s as the...Green tusk...from the look ofthey’re-

Nostril’s snorting. Why could Arc need to-

…

There.

The heavy panting of the Daano fades, A braying uniformed Tithim...calling...they’re troop’s.Because laying...laying...there was-

blood.

Pink Tithim blood.

Surrounding…

A body. Smoking from what look’s like-

“The King’s work. It’s got fanatic all over it.”

Closing his eyes, Snow, breath’s in and out, in and-

“Got a time?” His is calm and knowing Northern Tithim authority’s.

He knows they would be on this as quick as a one of Zakira’s party’s.

“No...and probably won’t with this crowd but, check this...Orange Rocrin. Look at those crystal’s forming around they’re teeth and lip’s…”

Snow could barely see.

Who would kill a Tithim?

Knowing the situation…

Who would risk the fallout...

A flash of color in the distance.

Tugging on Arc’s Scout uniform and they fade into the sea of ponies, human’s, Tithim’s, Zil-sek, and Modish.

Short as they were they could still see the tall chrome iron head of a Modish.

It’s long limb’s stretching into thin point’s. It’s chain marking it as hailing from Saolar’s hot climate.

And, curious as they were they look back allowing the press of bodies to disguise them.

Because one thought echo’s in there mind’s…

The Scout’s can’t get involved…

not again.