Multi-Topic Blog: Sometimes You Need To Do Something, Anything Different · 12:52am May 27th, 2023
So.
You may have noticed me launching an anthology recently. Instead of continuing my cyberpunk story, with deadline swiftly approaching. Or continuing my other ongoing stories. Basically instead of anything I'd planned to do this month.
I did that because those two snippets of a screaming-inside Luna and a lonely Zecora came to me today in a whirlwind, and when I've been feeling like I'm banging my head against the wall waiting for my skull to crack open like an egg and ooze my grey matter all over the floor, it's nice to have a (pun intended) flash of inspiration, even if neither of the two entries into this new anthology are very pleasant.
I suppose this where I start explaining.
It's getting hot in the room I'm typing in, and I'm probably going to go off in search of somewhere cooler multiple times in the process of putting this blog together. It's currently 31 degrees and, for those of you in the States, that's in C. For you, translate that to about 88. And I know there's parts of the world with hotter summers, hell there's probably someone laughing at me right now for finding this hot. I don't care. I live in a place that hits -40 in the winters (and I don't need to translate that one; that's the place when both temperature scales intersect) and then claws its way up into hot, humid summers.
There's a thin strip of time in spring and autumn when I feel comfortable, and the rest of the year I hide indoors to escape the weather. Not that that's been much help when our air conditioner isn't working. There was a chance that someone would come today and help, but it's late enough in the day that the chance of that is dropping to none.
I'm too hot, and I shouldn't be raiding the ice cream. That's not a sugar concern either; I'm lactose intolerant and always pay for a binge with pain. I'm drinking a lot of water instead, and it feels like it's exiting the body directly through sweat.
I'm not in danger. No dizziness, none of the really bad signs. But I'm not comfortable. I've got a window open (which always seems to be an invitation for the neighbours to hang out right below it and speak loudly enough to hear through the music in my headphones) a fan running, and I've been eating mints so that I can at least trick my mouth into thinking it's cold.
Heat makes it hard to sleep, alongside everything else. I think the fact that I have a weighted blanket made from a cooling fabric is the only reason I can sleep at all.
When it's not the stress keeping me up.
I didn't link the GoFundMe in the anthology, because I'm starting to wind down my aggressiive promoting for it. She has an appointment, for the 23rd of June, and decided to further cut the costs by forgoing any sedatives for the procedure, just a little local anesthetic. Trying to talk her out of such a decision is something I've recognized as a losing battle, and besides, I already pushed my luck in twisting her arm enough to let me set up the fundraiser in the first place, I don't get to decide who she prioritizes in using the money.
She wants as much as possible available for her dog (and some for the other, if there's excess), and honestly, I get it. Our animals give us so much love that we'll endure a lot to give some back.
It's almost her birthday. I won't give exact date, since it's not mine to give, but it's close. And I've been getting accustomed to the fact that we have very different approaches to birthdays.
For my part, I barely notice that they're there, and just make note of it as the day when I have to update the number I start giving people when they ask for my age. I sometimes treat myself to nice food, or bake myself some sweets, and it's generally understood by those around me that I don't want presents. Overall it's just... indifference. It's just another day.
She approaches her birthday with tentative optimism that there'll be something worth celebrating about it, and then the closer it gets, tends to rapidly crash into dread and depression. Like the seasonal depression some folks get around Christmas, only in the summer.
But that optimism seemed well-founded this go-around. A friend of ours who's been really busy lately is carving out time to spend with us for a little celebration, and that trustworthy family member was going to spend some times with her ahead of the date.
Was. Then said family member was completely radio silent for about a week.
(No, I wasn't concerned they'd run off with the money. I was just hoping they were still alive. Not my story to tell but... stalkers are a very real concern, with that one. Including violent ones.)
Thankfully, for a given value of "thankfully," that turned out to just be extreme work stress leaving this poor person so exhausted that even sending a text message was more than they could handle. They're in a thankless job, just got handed some extra onto their workload, and were given about half the amount they should have been as a bonus for going through it.
There's been a lot of feeling of waiting for the shoe to drop. The next thing to go wrong. It kept us both up, worrying about them, and there's still room for things to fall apart closer to the date.
Which might be influencing my feelings on the other thing.
I've mentioned a couple of times on here that I have a blog. It's dedicated to science fiction TTRPGs, with a lean toward helping those unfamiliar with the medium, or who've just started to dip their toe in but maybe only know D&D and Pathfinder. I do reviews, create free-to-use NPCs, hunt down freely-distributed games to point a neon sign at, give general tips, and even play solo-friendly games and create text-based actual plays that are one-half tutorial on how to play, one-half novelization.
The site is currently down, and I'm really, really hoping it comes back up.
Though at least in this case I can say that I brought it on myself.
I was originally hosted on a place that wasn't just a host. They had a lot of extra tools, meant to make creating, maintaining and growing a blog like this as smooth as possible. And I'd recently looked at it, taken stock of the tools I was using versus how much they charged for them, and made the decision to jump elsewhere. I found a host that was more affordable, can do everything I know I need a host to, and cuts the fat out. They were even having a sale, so I'm set up for a year.
Of course, I have to transfer the site and domain over to them. And therein lies the stress. I found a tutorial specifically for going from my previous host to elsewhere, but it was a few years old, and I immediately hit a snag trying to put it into practice: the Wordpress plugin used to facilitate the transfer in said tutorial is now blacklisted by that host.
You see, they're a little more... "hands on" than most. The stated intent is them handing a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff so you can focus on writing the content. In practice it often makes circumventing them to have a little more control into a goal. And they don't like being circumvented.
I tried a few others with the same purpose. Got the blacklist message when I tried to activate them. Finally found one that I was able to activate and use... and now it's been about two days of prayer. Because I don't know yet if it actually worked. I started the move and now it's propogating. Making sure every little part of the internet says that yes, this is over here now instead of there. It's been sitting at 83% since early yesterday and driving me crazy.
There's literally nothing I can do. I know that. It's waiting for locations all over the world to update and I can't just pick up a phone and yell at someone in Brazil to hurry it up. But the limbo has had me imagining what happens when it doesn't work. If the backup doesn't restore, either due to something wrong with the plugin itself or the original host not being compatible and I just...
The text of each article is saved elsewhere. The reviews, and everything else. I'd be replacing the images, but the ones that I took from the game books are still on my computer, as are the game books themselves if I need to take a fresh screenshot. The rest... just stock images. Artfully arranged flair. Dice here, a miniature there, a box of pizza...
I'd be redoing the site's layout. I'd modified the base theme pretty heavily, and I'd have to do it all over again. Getting the colours right, the fonts, arranging the widgets, a few bits of actual code that I'd mostly figured out by inspecting the theme and screwing around turning things on and off until I learned what was what...
The comments would be gone. That'd hurt the most, really. There weren't many, but I'd still answered some questions, made recommendations...
Of course, this is me just doom and glooming. The backup I made could be fine. The restoration could be a snap. Everything could be just fine.
But I've never been good with uncertainty, and it's hard to concentrate when I keep wanting to stare at a percentage that isn't going up.
I write in fits and starts. I go back and forth between my writing and other things, because if I try to marathon it, the last part of what I write will definitely look like a sprint to the finish line. Descriptions thin out, typos get more frequent. I need to take things slow or the end product is a mess.
For Act of Chaos, Set Us Free I'd get two scripted lines of dialogue for every several hours. Chapter two's script is still only one scene in. And the script is the barest of bare bones, something that a draft ends up massively fleshing out. I couldn't concentrate on it.
I considered backburnering it. Forget the contest, just update it when I can until it ends, and consider it an "in spirit" entry. It's destined to be on the shorter end, anyway, something like A Moonlit Storm or Crystalforged, so it still wouldn't be too long a wait for the readers.
Then, instead of shifting my focus over to Lightning Rod or The Long Eventide and potentially having the same problem... Luna's scene sparked in my mind. Then Zecora's did. I wrote them in a flurry of typing, no trying to outline ahead of time, or miring myself in significant editing. Just let the characters be, and let the words fall where they would with a bit of cleaning up.
The end product was just over the 1000-word minimum. So I published it.
It felt good to do. Even if I was writing from the perspective of two characters during far from happy moments in their lives.
I'm going to try to keep cool. Recover. Rest. Be prepared to roll with whatever punches come my way in the next few days.
On the upside, I'm going to be part of a WoD game soon. I'm excited about that. Sometimes you just want a break from what you're doing and look at things through the eyes of a nerdy vampire for a while.
Until next time, all.
Chill, reboot, and relax Silver.