Two years later

Well well well, it’s been awhile hasn’t it? Two years after the date your bullying of me reached a head on here to be precise. And you might be wondering, why am i still thinking of this, it was two years ago? Well, let’s go into a bit of storytime. When I wrote this story, my life was hell, in pretty much every way. I could go into detail, but most of you probably are too selfish to care, so rather than waste my time writing it out, let’s just do a TLDR. 
Here’s a just sample of what I was dealing with throughout the course of working on this story, some of which i’m still dealing with, in part due to toxic people like you:

Way more college work than I was comfortable with, peers who ostracized me and treated me like garbage and in some cases even discriminated against me, professors who didn’t care, a college who could care less to even try to fight the hostile environment I dealt with,  controlling parents who constantly put down my passions and refused to give me autonomy (such as taking less classes or transferring elsewhere to alleviate other things  listed), a toxic breakup where everyone took their side, prolonged and extreme isolation (like where weeks went by between meaningful conversations),  EXTREME stress to the point where I literally couldn’t fall asleep, chronic sleep deprivation (both due to early classes and the prior issue), burnout, depression, ‘friends’ who could care less and probably wouldn’t have noticed had I committed not living, literally no one to even talk to about all this (let alone even marginally help me improve anything) or even just talk to in general, being too tired and burned out to try and fight any of it or even get help, and PTSD.

That’s what I was dealing with when I came here and started writing. The hope was that, since this fandom is based around friendship, surely this would be a good place to reach out to to get support or at least someone who just let me vent. 

 Looking back though I almost wish I had dragged my balls through broken glass instead of trying my luck here,  because in many ways that would have been much less painful than what I dealt with here. That’s because, as a whole decided to respond to my cry for help by choosing to dogpile my works with dislikes and doubling down when I explicitly said how much what you were doing was hurting me, which was just serving to perpetuate the very exclusion and wholesale rejection I was was writing about to move past in the first place. . It got so bad across multiple stories that I became more focused on trying to make changes just to make it stop than actually trying to get the help I needed and deserved at a horrible time in my life. (even going so far as to submit it to multiple subreddits to get feedback because literally no one here could even take 0.1% of the time I spent writing the chapter to even say why they didn’t like it to give me a fair chance to defend myself. And let me tell you, with toxic reddit mods that was a real “picnic” to do) And sure, you might be saying ‘there will always be that one guy who does that’,just ignore them,  but that’s just it, EVERYONE was that one guy and literally no one was on the other side of the coin supporting me or even just listening so I could vent about all the crap I was dealing with. And before you say, no, I can’t disable ratings, because the way the site is structured that would mean the story would appear so low on search results no one would see it, so damnedif you do damned if you don’t!

I think what really gets me too is when I made a post at my wits end calling others out for their piss poor treatment of me at a time when I could least take it (keep in mind this had been going on for YEARS at this point too), and the post actually got reasonable traction, people FINALLY started speaking up and stopped their behavior of stonewalling me while silently votebombing me.  But this wasn’t the emotional support and acceptance I had been craving and all but NEEDING for all those years (humans are social creatures after all). Of course not, this was a lynch mob, out for my blood, as multiple scumbags went to each and every story to downvote me just to spite me, as well as pettily reporting me to the mods for minor infractions to get the stories removed  (this didn’t work but it DID get some chapters removed,  so I have to say really classy of you to take down my work while ignoring the multiple pedos on here writing sexual content involving minors!). Several people who had been silent while I made posts crying for help before also suddenly came out of the woodwork to beret me, proving they could have spoken up earlier to help, they just chose not to.  

And they said some real gems to me too! One person claimed my stories were about the worst things they’d ever seen (it’s a fanfic site, don’t expect professional work, not to mention with all the crap I was dealing with I think perfect grammar is near the bottom of my list of priorities at the time). Another stated I wouldn’t be missed and lobbed various accusations at me such as calling me toxic and accusing me of harassing others, which I find odd since going out of your way to downvote someone when you know it hurts them and they are begging you to stop also seems a lot like harassment and toxicity, yet this guy was fine with them doing it, so pretty hypocritical of him!. This jerk also claimed I couldn’t take criticism, but then again, as I mentioned before, NO ONE even said why they disliked the stories to give me a chance to change them, so that isn’t criticism at that point, it’s just hate. A third basically made fun of me and claimed I ‘got what I fucking deserve’ by being treated this way (let me tell you right now NO ONE deserves to be repeatedly kicked when they are down like that, there are some lines you just don’t cross). He also had the audacity to accuse me of faking the mental illness claims to garner sympathy, (without any proof mind you, and i’ll state right now I’m not faking anything, though no one will likely believe me because you people clearly aren’t that bright as is evident by how you formed a mob against me without even getting my side.) I also had people telling me to ‘curb my autism’ like saying something like that is ok! And again, you might say it was just a few people, ignore them, but it wasn’t, multiple people upvoted this cruelty to me and blasted me with dislikes when I ‘dared to defend myself against them, so It’s clear this is a systemic issue with this site as a whole!

Honestly, I don’t even know why i’m writing this post. Maybe I want sympathy, but it’s become clear to me people here are too toxic and selfish to even understand the concept of thinking of someone besides themselves. Except wait, you guys were support of others who wrote to vent such as Ezrienel and Scampy, so It’s clear you were capable, you just chose to act as awful as you did to me because reasons which honestly makes it worse. Anyways though, maybeI want validation that what I dealt with wasn’t fair and I didn’t deserve it, but again, it’s become clear that the people here as a whole are simply incapable of or unwilling to acknowledge they’re wrong and their site isn’t perfect so they’d rather just shoot the messenger when someone speaks up against the problems with this site. Maybe part of me still wants the emotional support I’ve wanted and needed all these years, but at this point I’m convinced everyone here and elsewhere is sociopaths and narcissists and seeking that is just a waste of time. Plus, in all honesty, even if this last blog post did actually make people realize how wrong they were to me by jumping on me without even getting my side of things first, and how awful they  were to act against me to spite me in the first place (and I am NOT holding my breath on that one)… it would be a case of too little too late as the damage you’ve done to me and my desire to write is already there and will likely remain for a long time, plus I simply can never forgive you as a community for treating me this way for seven years when I needed help, nor can it change my stance I have now that asking for help is pointless because others are simply too toxic to care and will often make things worse if you try so it’s better just to suffer in silence. 

Actually though, saying that does give me one reason for writing this, showing people how not to behave and how damaging it can be to act as you did to me so that hopefully the next time someone in my situation shows up seeking help, you actually listen instead of attack them and maybe they get the help and support I never got. Granted, I doubt most of you will be swayed by this, but I suppose if even one person is then it was worth the time to write it. 

Either way though, I’m done with this place, I have better things to do than deal with a bunch of immature and cruel scumbags who seem to get off on acting awful to other people just because. Sure part of me wanted to fight to make this place better, but that’s before I realized this site is like the Titanic,  sinking below the waves and dragging everyone on it along for the ride, and no one can stop it from going down because it’s just too much to handle on their own, as well as the fact that no one here seems to even have the ability to admit how screwed up this place is in the first place (can’t help those who won’t help themselves and all that)!  All they can do is hop on a lifeboat before it drags them down with it, and hope that the next ship they get on won’t also be sinking,  or at least not so fast that salvaging it is a hopeless task. 

So, peace out, and hopefully you can grow up at some point and realize that treating others with respect is important and that you need to get the full story before you form mobs, or just die in a fire, at this point either option is fine with me. 

And as for the haters and bullies, please go and fornicate with none other than your own person (in the figurative sense since I know a fair amount of you actually do that on here, which in fairness I have no issue with unless it’s to foalcon),  and try actually thinking about something other than what makes you get off once in awhile. Oh yeah, at the risk of triggering you easily butthurt pieces of shit I am STILL better than you, because unlike you, I don’t spend my spare time votebombing personal stories of other people and hurting them just because I find it so sexually swell I jack my dick to doing so like ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi! Seriously, cut that out, it’s pretty pathetic. And you legit better hope I don’t find you dying by the side of the road, I WILL leave you! And save your breath on yelling at me in the comment, I now realize you are the fuck ups, not me, and the opinions of you sociopathic basement dwellers means nothing so I’ll only laugh at how stupid you are if you hate on me. 

And for the mods, CONTROL YOUR FUCKING SITE! It’s literally unacceptable you allow people to write foalcon and harass and bully people like me in the ratings and comment, but then turn around and flag my stories because they aren’t quite related enough to MLP for your arbitrary standards or aren’t ‘well written enough’ for you (seriously I had someone PM me that as an excuse for removing a submission). I might get banned for saying this but at this point I don’t much care, I hardly use this site anymore and I backed up all my stories so it won’t hurt me at all, and certainly not as much as the chronic and sustained cruelty of the people here have already (if you can even call these wastes of air who go around bullying others people vs monsters)