A long forgotten element has been brought back, but for better or for worse?
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Cancelled??
4881510 That's what it says.
4881571 That's sad.
Enjoy your newly found free time
Holy... That's all I can say I can understand how hard it was for you to write something like this. And it's like I always say never push someone to there breaking point. I await the next chapter and pray everything is alright as we'll as it can be
Your character. The hero. He just tortured and murdered in cold blood.
And he is supposed to have been the one we agree with and side with and he got SICK.
I'm glad this is canceled. I can't see how his friends would ever trust him again after something like this.
Well.........That. Was. Amazing! I'm kinda sad that it's cancelled. But still, this was the best way to end this! I enjoyed this story!
4881686 Well, it's like they say. What is the most effective way to test a man's spiritual strength?
Take away what he holds most dear and wait to see how long it takes for him to break.
4881694
Truly decent people don't break. As Batman famously said in "The Killing Joke", "Maybe people DON'T break. Maybe there isn't a need to crawl under a rock with all the dark things. Maybe it was just you all along" .
The fact he broke so quickly is what really destroys him as a protagonist. Superman didn't even kill the man who had just killed Lois moments before. Because vengeance isn't justice.
4881714 They aren't real people either. They are archetypes and character types that behave in accordance to the writer's will. They can make you think, but they are not always portrayed in a genuinely realistic manner. Real people can break. And everyone has a different breaking point. And true. Vengeance isn't justice. But you and I and everyone else in existence aren't as strong and infallible as Superman, are we?
Think about it. And I mean really think about it. If someone you perceived as being a like able person not only erased the minds and personalities of the people most important to you and replaced them with personas that were the most extreme unpleasant opposites but also turned them against you, including the one person you love more than anything, what would you do knowing who was responsible while having the power to do actually do something to him?
Most people would break. And you would be surprised what people will do to fill that hole in their heart.
By the way, this kind of event in a story is referred to as the Despair Event Horizon. Look it up.
Darn I was reading this but had my hours changed at work so I had to stop for a while.
4881903
Can you really use the "they're archetypes" card when the Mane Six are meant to be literal representations of emotions? And keep in mind, your main character is meant to represent humanity. The fact he did this says absolutely nothing good about the species. It just makes him look like all the worst of humanity and none of the good. It's not even the fact that he's angry and wants revenge, he's enjoying it. That's what's so twisted. The fact he feels no remorse or regret.
Really don't want to see this awesome story canceled. There has to be something more to this story than this?! It just doesn't seem right. Please reconsider canceling. You want to kill off the hero, fine; but at the very least, tie up all the loose ends first. It could easily be finished in one more chapter. Please consider it.
4882199 Perhaps, but at the same time, they come off as surprisingly human in how they behave. Like real people. And did I really say James represents Humanity? There are two possible meanings to that. The human race or the qualities of being human. Well, let's see. He has shown to be in a good minded state of mind while rarely behaving a bit morally gray and has now shown that even the gentlest men can become monsters when hurt just the right way. Yes, I would say his representation of being human is quite accurate now that he has shown it is possible to go either way.
Besides, this story subtly explores the concept of being human with the Mortal Chaos arc delving into the weaknesses of the human heart.
I think u Should put complete instead of canceled because then it gives the reader to imagine what would happen next or start "what if"story's to this story
WHY DID YOU CANCEL IT IT WAS SUCH A GOOD STORY YOU SIR ARE A MONSTER!!!!!!!
... why... why did you cancel it? Honestly, I don't know if I should even hate you or this story... I know this may not make sense, but stories have a deeper impact than you think, fake or not, at least to me. I wanted to see what happens next... I guess curiosity does kill the cat.
You may not have noticed, but I've tried avoiding stories that kills the heros... I was hoping this wouldn't happen...
Most human in equestria's fics suck, this one is one of a kind... I know I don't have the power over this, and yes, I did heed your warning of it being messed up, but I was hoping for Celestia, Luna, Nightmare Moon, or Twilight at least to stop him, put Discord in stone and never worry again!!
It's just indescribable to what I've read!!
That is all I have to say, but I'm pretty upset with how it turned out... cancelling it? Fine, let it be that way, just not like this...
I don't want to read anymore of your stories again. If this is how you want to cancel your stories, then I don't want to be any part of it! You can keep the like, for it being funny, exciting, and most goofy stories of all time... I'm just taking the fav and follow with me.
I just have to say this, Humanity, there is an unspoken rule I've heard of amongst writers. Never tick off your readers. I'm severely disappointed but there are others who are ticked and walking away from you as an author. Its not even over how you ended the chapter but that you updated then pulled the rug out from under us and just cancelled. If you want to cancel, fine, but you're going to lose readers and followers in the end.
4881670
cancelled
4882457 Hey, that was as big a target as Juggernaut with his pants down. How could I NOT do that?!
4882424 All right, I see that was a bad idea. I was just trying to add emotional impact by making it seem that since the narrator had appeared to have perished that the story would naturally be unable to continue. I apologize and will fix that.
4882366 Check again.
4882374 *sigh* I'm sorry. I thought it would be interesting to troll the readers by using the cancel status to add emotional impact to the story. But after seeing this kind of reaction, I can see that was a mistake. Really, I'm sorry. Now that I actually see what trolling does, I can say it's not a good thing. I'm sorry for the unwanted emotional duress. The story is not done, not even by halfway. Again, I'm very sorry and hope to make it up to all of you with future chapters.
4882638
Ahh...using our emotions against us. Sneaky sneaky sneaky. Just keep doing what you do best. Can't wait to see how many times you hit us in the feels again.
4882652 YESSSSSSSSSS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4882670 Will do. I thought I was being a clever writer, but now I see I was just being a jerk... I take pride in making my readers feel, not in hurting them...
4882668 It... was a troll? Damn, I feel stupid...
4882668 That was my fault for taking it seriously. It's hard me to take a joke when you've written this kind of chapter. You really got me... Let the trolls be rollin...
4882707 Again, I'm sorry. I don't take pleasure in hurting others. I should've known better than to do that.
4882709 Don't apologize, I'm the one that's sorry... to be honest, I found it a little odd that you cancelled out of nowhere. I could've taken the cancellation joke... I'm a little sensitive, so it's easy to get me worked up.
Again, sorry for the reaction. That was premature of me.
4882638 Not gunna lie, not a good move with the cancel thing. Heck when I saw that in addition to the update...with no explanation btw as is the norm, well that rubbed me a bit raw. Still, if you're planning to continue, do so. I dunno about your experience level in writing fanfic, but some things just aren't done.
That said...holy shit James went full JOKER on Discord's ass!! Still, seeing RD there at the end...and more importantly seeing her sticking with him. Dude, that was hard core, giving massive props with that. On a side note, wondering what you'll do with Discord's immortality, as that lock-box of his still exists. Also noticed how Jame's powers were controlled during the fight, makes me wonder if Humanity can also enhance Discord's own powers or feed off of them. And since James made Discord take that handicap...well, stacked odds make great drama. Better still, will Twilight or anypony be able to restore the team?
Of course the final question then becomes...can James actually recover from this? And will things ever be alright between him and his friends again?
Looking forward to more...and please don't punk out on me with that. Even if it's just me, I DO want to know how this pans out.
I sometimes despise that fact that when I read I imprint on the character (my meaning of imprint being that from the moment I roughly know the characters personality and looks, I become the character, feeli g everything they feel. And I mean EVERYTHING) because I felt the heart-ache, I felt him snap, his rage, his joy, and because of that my body reacted to it all, from a blistering pain in my chest right down tk the minute twitches of the eye and the pain of stretched cheeks. And this being one such time where I despise my imprinting. Until the next chapter comes out I'll just be replaying that last scene with rainbow in my head over and over. Keep up the astounding work. You'll be sure to get a comment from me in the next chapter too.
4882955 Yeah, I shouldn't have done that. I was going for adding greater impact to the chapter's end by "canceling" the story since it seemed the narrator had just perished, but it didn't work the way I had hoped and I apologize for it.
As for that box... Well, as shown by Rainbow's presence, Discord's death had apparently caused any of his magical machinations to reverse. And that lock box and its contents are directly connected to him as well. It is likely that before long anything he messed with or conjured up will fade away or return to normal. At least that's my take on it.
Of course, as it turns out the whole thing was caused by Discord duplicating himself via the mirror pool, because a version of Discord who does the exact same thing that he did previously, and then is killed through both being so supremely stupid and gullible that he removed his immortality to play a game, and then so incompetent that he can barely fight back, is obviously not the real Discord.
Or, at least, that's how it should turn out, logically, but since James is being written as the only intelligent and capable character in the plot (well, except for the part where he breaks down over his friends not liking him anymore even though they pretty much warned him that this is the shit Discord does), I doubt that this will be the result.
Congratulations, you've made a hero who managed to be more evil than the Spirit of Chaos. Torturing someone to death because they made your friends not like you anymore is beyond the pale. And Discord doesn't turn you into the opposite of what you are; he inverts your personality, letting your dark side come up to the top. So James may have done all this while discorded, but that still means that the capacity for brutally torturing and murdering someone (and eating their body parts while they're still alive and watching) for making his friends act mean to him is in him, and has always been. Good thing Discord didn't get to him in high school, or he'd have gone Columbine and shot up the place, most likely.
This has to be the first time I've seen Discord die in a story... Seemed kinda anti-climatic that he just went insta-white at the end... I guess blood knight rage mode will do that to you though...
God dang. that's a horrible end. though I just KNOW this isn't the end. also, btw.
I've got a better finishing line: 'And that's the punch line' then James walks off.
4883464 Sure, they may have warned him, but first impressions can be very conflicting. And besides, hearing about something and knowing about something is not the same as actually experiencing something. Take Five Nights at Freddy's for example. You've likely read about it being a truly terrifying new spin on Psychological Horror and probably watched a few playthroughs, but try playing it for yourself and see if you don't feel more anxious trying it out for yourself despite having seen all the game had to offer. Until you experience it for the first time, whether or not you are expecting it, you will not be able to comprehend the experience until it happens to you.
So if someone deceives everyone in your life who you feel compelled to live for into becoming your enemies and leave you, please let people know what that is like and how you dealt with it. Especially if you have the power to enact revenge on that person. Having power in your possession can make all the difference. In fact, this little quote by President Abraham Lincoln says it all.
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."
As for James being the "only intelligent and capable" character, I never took Discord for a foolish idiot. I have yet to watch Season 4 and onward, but I have seen him up to Season 3. And besides, I do know at least enough that Discord has been duped by another villain at least once in the Season 4 finale, so he can be deceived. On top of that, in this story Discord is well over 5000 years old. And from what the show has presented, the one and only time he has ever been at a disadvantage was when the Elements of Harmony were used on him. Out of all that time, he has only been humbled twice. So for someone who has gone through centuries upon centuries without ever being harmed, chances are he would be pretty smug and cocky and would probably start to have some difficulty in identifying something that could be a genuine threat. Going that long without feeling pain and fear can probably do that to a true immortal. What adds to this absurd smugness is how he "reigned" during his rule of chaos. Even when Celestia and Luna confronted him, he still had his throne out in the middle of a town. No palace, no guards, no necessities of a sovereign. It seems that he was never too keen on the whole "ruling" aspect of being a ruler and preferred to just do what he wanted when he wanted while letting the world go mad with his chaotic magic, which points to a lazy side to him. If nothing else, all he cared about was having fun and the opportunity to try out a game exclusive to another planet would likely pique his curiosity. And no, his supposed connections to the universe of Star Trek doesn't count.
Furthermore, his first impressions of James, having gone well over a millennium without any direct interactions with humans, let alone any from Earth, would be an almost completely blank slate. And since James said almost nothing aside from a bit of laughter while the rest of his companions and the royal sisters did most of the talking and acting, that would likely give him the impression of a very quiet and laid-back individual who could not possibly be even remotely dangerous to him. This would probably be reenforced when he suddenly revealed himself to the girls and James again at the entrance to the labyrinth only to see James never reach for his sword to prepare for a possible assault and again never drew his blade when Discord started to annoy him within the maze.
So yeah. All things considered, living for eons without fear of harm and with the only thing that could be perceived as a threat kept out of the hooves of the only ones who can use it on you would likely instill a powerful sense of arrogance. And with such a strong penchant for fun and games, being tempted by a man who presented himself as a nonviolent and quiet bumpkin would probably get him to play along with a little coercing. He certainly is wily, but he would likely get complacent around someone who has no connection to the one thing that is even remotely problematic to him and has no clear fighting spirit. Of course, you might likely disagree with me due to your own headcanon, but I view and deduce how Discord behaves through observing him in the show and not through other fanfictions. And an unspoken rule for everyone is that you do not piss off the gentle quiet ones. Something I don't think Discord has ever had the chance to find out firsthand.
Just a quick stupid question, are you planning on killing the main character...? Because in case you haven't noticed, one of the tags to your story says, "Tragedy". That tag means, "The hero dies." or in this case, the protagonist. So, that's why I ask. It's different to die of age, being K.I.A.(killed in action) in service to protect their people in war and such.
With this recent chapter it's kind of easy to assume he's dead... unless that chapter was a troll too. Either way, I just want to be sure... as I'm trying to Avoid the "hero dies" stories.
4882668
Dont play with our emotions like that again.
Please don't tell me this is the end. I don't want it to end!
4882301
In your own story he represents humanity as the bearer of its element. Even though "humanity" means someone's compassion" and actions like that are refered to as bestial, BENEATH humanity. Torture is said to lower people to the level of an animal. You can't say he doesn't represent humanity when that's all his character is. And you basically wiped away hundreds of words of fairly positive character development with a single chapter in which he does a complete 180 that's out of character, cruel, sadistic, doesn't match the town of the rest of the story, robs the story of potential future plot points with Discord, and reads like TORTURE PORN.
If this was him defending his friends and losing control that would be excusable. This is not. This is beyond forgiving. This is not what humanity is about. This is not what our species represents. And I am ashamed you think an average human would in any way act like this. Most people are not sociopaths just waiting for one really bad day to finally snap. But that's how your "HERO" comes off.
It. Is. Despicable.
I NEED MOAR NOW
please
4884799 Humanity is about compassion? I view humanity as being able to choose right from wrong. Morality. And of course, it is fully possible. I'm certain that any human can become a monster. The type of event that took place here is referred to as a Despair Event Horizon moment. Look that up. I'm certain that even in reality, good people have become monsters. Actually, I know that there have been people who have been like that while still seeing themselves in the right and having people they love. Can you guess who some of these monsters were?
The Nazis.
These were people who could have just capped their millions upon millions of victims in the head, but instead, they decided to get experimental with how they murdered and tormented their victims. Gas chambers, medical experimentation, and I kid you not, a torture chamber that utilized a heavy swinging iron bar that would swing and hit the victim in the genitals until they either died or passed out. Think I'm making this up? Check out THIS article. The sheer creativity of their methods show that not only was it willing. It was likely something they found twisted enjoyment in. That is a permanent testament of how vile good people can get. How many good people were turned into monsters during that time? Would you have become a Nazi operative if you lived in Nazi Germany? Would I? The possibility is certainly there.
I'm done with this discussion. It's gotten old. I've said my piece and you've said yours. And besides, I never said Discord was gone for good. Remember, he usually keeps an ace up his sleeve.
But yeah. I was making a point by having the chapter end up at a point where the reader is left wondering who the real villain by that point. For a short while, James became worse than Discord ever was.
Can everyone please quit arguing about what humanity stands for? This discussion has gotten out of hand. If the author chooses to write about morality and humanity as they have been, then that is their prerogative. That is what is known as creative writing. If you don't like it, then don't read it. No one is twisting your arm to do so. Now, let this be the end of this debate.
4883861
There's two theories of justice/retribution for the wrongs another has committed. (Well, there's more, but here's the two relevant ones.) Proportionate retribution, and pre-emptive action. Proportionate retribution, which concerns itself with right and wrong, good and evil, says that your response to an action must be proportionate. So humbling and frightening someone who did you and your friends psychological damage is ok, but killing them is not. Pre-emptive action concerns itself with smart and stupid, strategic or a misstep. Under pre-emptive action, killing someone who has the power and the motivation to kill you is ok, but torturing them is stupid, because unless you're the writer, who is omniscient, you have no way of knowing that they won't find a way to survive your torture and come back for revenge.
If I were in James' position and following proportionate retribution, I would terrify Discord into undoing what he's done (which he offered to do, several times), and stop there. If I were following pre-emptive action, I would kill Discord quickly and cleanly when he thinks he's safe from me -- have him undo what he did, offer him a hand in friendship and claim no hard feelings, and then backstab him, fast, so he has barely any chance to even realize he's dying. Drawing out his death with prolonged torture both increases the odds that he'll find a way to turn the tables on me, and increases the odds that he'll commit a horrible revenge if he does. Torturing him to death slowly is morally wrong under the circumstances, where Discord has not physically tortured anyone and has not killed anyone, and torturing him to death slowly is strategically stupid under the circumstances, where I don't know if Discord had an ace up his sleeve or not.
Honestly I would have expected Discord to find a way to cheat. The fact that James did not *should*, if Discord was being well written and if this story was willing to follow through on the consequences of the hero's tragic actions, result in James ending up dead, seriously hurt, or at the very least the victim of *some* kind of retribution, because Discord is a trickster archetype and they cheat. And James gave Discord more than enough time to try to put into motion some sort of trick, and the fact that Discord's visible efforts at self defense were so pathetic might be a clear indicator that Discord was concentrating on setting up something else. This may or may not be your intent, but James, as a character, cannot know your intent, so since he does not actually know if there is an omnipotent author out to protect him from consequences or not, what he did was really really dumb.
Torture is useful for two things. It's useful as a means of desensitizing yourself to people you are going to kill who are helpless -- this is why the Nazis used it. The natural human reaction to another human being helpless and not a threat is not to kill it; by encouraging torture, you desensitize the killers so that they see killing the victim as fun and what the victim deserves. But this is not a good idea if there's any chance that the victim is not helpless. For instance, if the victim has friends with guns coming to his rescue, torturing him will just increase the odds that the friends with guns will torture you if they defeat you. So you need to believe that there is no way that the victim could possibly turn the tables on you and win... which would be an understandable belief coming from Discord, who as you pointed out is cocky and doesn't know his attacker very well, but is an unbelievably stupid thing for a mortal man fighting a trickster god to assume. The other thing it's useful for is a deterrent. If you torture someone and let them live, they may be so terrified of you that they will never go near you again. (But, they might also become dedicated to your destruction.) If you torture someone to death, you may frighten their friends, family or other members of their group into obeying you. (But they may also decide to rebel for revenge.) Discord has no friends or family to deter by torturing him to death and James doesn't plan to let him live, so it's not a deterrent.
What James did was both evil and stupid. It was evil, because torture is always evil. It was stupid, because there are times when torture makes sense tactically if your goals line up with it, but James has no goals that line up with torture. He did it because he felt like it. Because he was angry and in despair, so he snapped and went over the top. I can't actually see any of the ponies *but* RD forgiving him for this; or, they may forgive him, but be afraid of him, because they've just seen he has a greater capacity for evil than Discord did.
Also, from a meta story perspective. Discord died because when he still had opportunity to kill James, he didn't do it, and by the time he was willing to kill in self defense, he was too badly injured and frightened to focus. There were numerous places where, if Discord was a natural killer, he could have taken James out, but he didn't because killing doesn't come to him naturally. I won't say he's incapable of it, but I'd say the decision to kill is a very, very hard one for him to make. James won by being a better killer. When the hero beats the villain because the hero is willing to kill and the villain isn't, from a meta story perspective you have something seriously wrong, unless your goal is to write a story that deconstructs the trope of heroes and villains and sets you up to recognize that the hero *is* a villain and the villain may not be a hero, but he's not someone you should think of as a villain either. And I don't think that was the goal here.
James' tactics were good, and certainly better than Discord's, but his strategy sucked. If this does not result in Discord coming back from the dead eager to enact a horrible revenge, or the vacuum created by the death of the chaos avatar who doesn't like killing being filled by a new chaos avatar who just loves it, or magic in Equestria coming to a grinding halt because magic cannot function without chaos, or some similar awful fate, it will only be because he was lucky enough to have an author who didn't want him to suffer the logical consequences of his deeds. And since he can't have known that... he was an idiot, and he was an evil idiot, and if he has any morality left in his soul he should have nightmares for the rest of his life about what he's done here.
4885905 Well said. If I see anymore being posted, I'll delete them.
4885983
Could you just stop? Its Humanity's story not yours. Let him tell his story the way he wants to. Input is one thing but all your doing is causing conflict where there is none. So just...stop.
This was just disturbing as all fuck. Killing Discord?! Won't they need him later on? Whose gonna be the new spirit of chaos and disharmony? Why have you done this Humanity? WHY?!
I agree with ngrey651, I doubt his friends will ever see him the same way after this. Im also waiting for Humanity to say that this was a joke.
Not even half done?! Just please burn this chapter. Destroy it and rewrite.
Im probably gonna have nightmares from this shit. FUCK!
Weeeeelll... that happened. 5/5, 10/10