A long forgotten element has been brought back, but for better or for worse?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh, my. I see why you'd think this would be controversial. Will there be more James/Dash later, or will it just be one-sided?
7958994 Just a onetime event, as stated in the chapter. There will be callbacks on occasion though.
Great job again, you never fail to write something good, even if it does take a while, but the wait is worth it in the end, with chapters like the ones you write.
7959055 It's appreciated. With how different this chapter was, may I ask what stood out for you?
7959000 I'd be really interested in seeing events similar to this, but with Twilight and Rarity. Again, an awesome chapter!
Now this was a fine chapter . Great job, just wondering how long will this volume be?
7959072 I cant really say, It was just great as a whole.
Dang, H. You knew this would be a hot point of conflict, but you did it anyway. And given everything you've written thus far, you are no less brave for it. Also, still writing out the synopsis of your chapters. Got my work cut out for me. It'll be 2021 by the time I'm done with your first volume.
7959530 It's to prevent the overuse of words like "reply" and so forth. I haven't proofread the chapter yet, so I can fix that at a later date.
7959516 You don't have to cover EVERYTHING, you know. Just focus on the parts that matter if it'll help cut down on length.
7959549 The reasons I would even consider covering everything is:
1: You are a fine writer and every detail adds to the experience. Don't sell minor details short, as everything you add to it adds a layer to the story.
2: I'm a stubborn jackwagon who wants to see the story through, every last significant detail of it. And I'll be darned if I don't at least try the challenge of critiquing 55+ chapters with over 2,000 words each.
So I'll trim a few details short, but most I'll leave in because they play an immersion role like no other I've seen before or since, except among (what I refer to as) the Great Writers of FIMFiction. You are among them on that list, and despite the fire you have come under because of the nature of this story - for better or worse - you deserve the space you have earned in it.
7959549 good chapter bro. Honestly glad you did that for dashie. The hidden ballerina skill was a shock though.
So wait, JamesxFluttershyxRainbow is a thing now?
Man! It takes a lot of time and thinking for Fluttershy to have Rainbow Dash joining in. Also, that dream chapter was awesome! If it would be cool, mentioning the Subspace Emissary that a few number of crossovers would join. Not nintendo but fimfiction, based on intrest, rating or popularity!! I need time if my story can reach it's actions and 'SHOW YOUR MOVES!'.
If only it were to happen...
This part has me confused. He puts his shirt on, but talks about not wanting to put his shirt on?
Oh my gosh I laughed so hard!
The ballerina stuff, the jam session, the classical music and blues. And the shower/bedroom scenes? Woof!
Once again, you've failed to disappoint me.
As always, I look forward to the next chapter.
-Ru
7961279 He was commenting on how he did not want to put his shirt back on so soon, but had to do it anyway. Glad you enjoyed it though. Any further feedback is appreciated.
Seven paragraphs in: *Looks at the title* "Is this going where i think it's going?"
End of chapter: "It totally did."
I very much enjoyed the chapter. I was surprised with how OK with everything Fluttershy was, but I was glad to see that she trusts both James and Dash that much. I feel bad for Dash though. She got a taste of being with the one she loves and wont be able to feel it again unless she finds someone else. I hope that it was enough for her.
Anyway, as always, looking forward to the next chapter. :)
7962448 Always glad to please. I knew I was walking on eggshells with this chapters concept, but I think I delivered in the end.
May I ask you for your thoughts on the highlights of this chapter, whichever they were to you?
7961232
No. Fluttershy's just pimping out her man. Just because they had a threesome doesn't mean it's a herd. Rainbow and Rarity, at least, have romantic and intimate love for James. I don't THINK AJ and Pinkie do. Twilight... might, I don't remember.
Fluttershy was conflicted at first but shared James' affection and general intimacy with Rarity, so long as they don't have sex, they're allowed to be all lovey and make out. Though I don't remember the deal with Rainbow, this chapter makes it apparent that Rainbow was also allowed some making out, and for this one time she was allowed to have sex with him. This took a lot of discussion between them, apparently, but Flutterpimp seems to be enjoying the payoff.
... Wonder if the fact Rainbow got some will peeve off Rarity and the Royal Sister trio, since they've got basically the same desire and emotional attachment to James.
I think Humanity stated there won't be any herding. But maybe Flutts will loan him out to the lot of them. Friends with benefits.
7963330 Definitely not the kindest criticism you've given, but it's appreciated all the same. I knew I was taking risks with this chapter. I'll probably even touch upon it in a later chapter.
7963472
That wasn't criticism. Chapter was fine. If it helps you understand things, the type of culture I live around, "pimping" is not considered a bad thing. Either the profession or sexual acts it's applied to at times in a semi-humorous sort of way, such as swinging or threesomes and such. It's used either as something of a joke, or it's paid some form of respect. In this way, I made no insult or negative comment at all, and I hadn't intended to come off as though I had.
None of what was presented in this chapter was a problem. The only problem I could see coming from the fallout of this chapter was the part where I mentioned that Rarity and the Royal Sisters might not be the most pleased with this, since they were told/assumed they couldn't go for a James-ride because Fluttershy's not cool with that, but Rainbow gets to and Flutters was really enjoying herself there.
7963330 I'm actually already thinking of how to address the motives and reasons behind that in the next chapter, even if just briefly. Not sure how well I'll do, but I'll try to provide clarity.
And I apologize if I interpreted your comment in a negative light. "Pimping" in general carries a harsh or perverted tone, even though I had no intention of making it seem that way in the chapter's last stretch. I wouldn't call that sort of activity pimping, rather than just saying it's...complicated.
7964363
And that's where the 'humorous' part came in. I was, in essence, making something of an off-hand joke. She's not actually pimping out James, but she did provide a long-desired sexual encounter with James for her friend - and seeing as though she was the provider, making the connection was meant to be humorous by way of juxtaposition. You don't need to worry about this chapter being controversial or complex. It's very simple, the concept of the menage-a-trois, swinging, and the like has been around for a very long time, and is only viewed as wrong by very hard-line communities who try to dictate what people in a relationship can do behind closed doors.
You wrote a fine chapter, so try not to worry. All the characters involved enjoyed themselves, it wasn't out of left-field, it's fairly clearly stated just which mares really want some James-action and which are just attached to him as a very close friend (the former of which clearly included Rainbow for many chapters and her attraction to him was obvious to anyone with some gray matter in their think-pan if you know what I mean). If anyone gives you shit over the content and threesome itself, just pity that they live such sheltered lives and chalk it up to a problem with their personal tastes. Keep doin' what you're doin', and we'll keep reading!
7960618 Where can I read what you have done so far?
7966482 Comments on the first chapter. Somewhere easy to find them. Still haven't completed the synopsis of the first chapter because I got dragged away to something else at the time, but I promise to return to it before the end of the month.
Be aware though, I did cover every single word up until Rainbow clobbers James to the ground, give or take.
7966569 I already saw those. I was just wondering if you progressed further than that by now.
7966713 Nope. Sorry! Life caught up with me!
I must say I really enjoyed this chapter, it was really well written as always.
7968779 That isn't the last time tragedy strikes in this story.
7850833
still hope you are not just a starlight glimmer hater for her being a bad villain with bad reason to become like that:
derpicdn.net/img/2017/2/26/1373715/large.png
(hope you followed her backstory how she became like that before starting to mentioning her in your story)
yes, how the whole situation was handled wasn't good and how she became good in the end is rushed, shouldn't be that easy. but its still a character in a cartoon show mainly meant for children where happy ends are normal, so the story will most likely never become nearly as deep and/or dark like your story. we should realy just accept/tolerate that and stop hating if the story doesn't go the way we want it to be.
to overreact like starlight someone need to be mental ill/unstable. but still such people need help, not just killing them or locking them away forever (if that is what you want to do to her). at least try to help her first before giving up on her and say she can't be helped.
you gave nightmare moon a second chance and she behaved crazy too, not that much different compared to starlight (both overreacted in some way).
Hating a character without a realy good reason is never a good idea, and at the moment you sound like that. just killing her off or locking her away just to be never mentioned again on the side out of spite sound too cruel and it would be better to leave that part out completely. if not then i try to ignore the parts you are mentioning her and continue to enjoy everything else. it needs a lot more to stop me from enjoying/following a good story, so don't take what i said as any kind of hate, just my thoughts to that.
continue your story and i will most likely follow it untill the end, no matter how long it takes (want to know how it all ends and want to know how it will continue later).
7980756 I don't hate her quite as much as you think I do, even if she is one of the most losthesome and unrelateable characters on the show. She really is an awful person who became the way she did out of sheer cowardice and weakness. Lots of friendships don't work out in childhood, but you just try again until you find someone you stick with. And yes, I am taking into account her backstory, which only serves to make her more pathetic. Starlight Glimmer is what happens when you give up and become the next Stalin. And the scary thing is there are people in this world who can relate to her. The only one who I can think of off the top of my head is the infamous anti-brony, Dakari-King Mykan, who is an absolutely loathesome irredeemable person and has a disturbingly similar background and ambitions.
If you somehow like this character despite all she's done and her poorly handled (and unrealisticly speedy) redemption, I won't hold that against you. But do not hold it against me for treating her with the diginity, realism, and lack of irony that a character like her deserves. Justice can be harsh and she had years to stop and turn back before she became the monster she was. Whatever happens to her in my work, she only has herself to blame for it. If you don't want to see her genuinely suffer the consequences of her actions, I strongly advise you stop reading here and go read something else. I am not going to back down on this issue.
On a side note, comparing Starlight Glimmer to old Disney villains is a very poor comparison. Those villains are petty, yes, but there's still SOME depth and motive to their actions. (Evil Queen motivated by vanity and envy, Frolo motivated by prejudice and eventually lust, Maleficent motivated by sheer malevolence as one of Disney's biggest big bads) But at the same time, they have dark ambitions and are cut from a different cloth than Starlight Glimmer. They follow very different archetypes than Starlight Glimmer. She, on the other hand, is from a show built on morals and characters that are meant to be relateable. What makes Starlight Glimmer so pathetic is that she is nearly impossible to relate to aside from the tiny niche audience of sociopathic losers mentioned above. Do not compare her to timeless villains that Disney has produced because that is rather insulting. I strongly doubt they became villainous so many years ago during childhood over something embarrassingly petty. They earned their status as villains long before the "petty" incident that spurned them to commit the actions they are immortalized for, so please take that image link down. It was only made by overzealous fans out of desperate emotional attachment to the show in a foolhardy attempt to justify her actions in the season 5 finale and I don't need to see that tripe.
7980817
-no, i don't like her directly, neither interests me the show that much anymore. i watch most episodes mostly out of curiosity.
i'm just someone who don't like pointless hating, like many other "fans" of this fandom like to do, and wanted to know if you are one of these people who hate something for stupid reasons or someone who have good arguments to support the disapointment.
before i can feel any hate against someone/something i need to know more about theyr backstory, how they could become like that and if they can be helped to get back on the right path, have they any mental problems (even here on earth such people count as ill and get most of the time help first instead of pure punishment). as long i don't have any real proof that someone is completely evil at heart and beyond any help, i believe that one could still have something good inside and can change/be helped. and only if nothing helped, she realy turned out to be pure evil and/or a danger for others without any other way to protect others from her, then she should be punished/locked away or anything else what has to be done to protect others from her. anything else would be just cruel in my eyes.
thats just how i am. i want to give everyone at least the chance to change first. the chance to become a better person.
-yes I admit, the picture wasn't the best example. but still many hate her for stupid reasons or just because other hate her and just jump on that wagon.
7982871 If anyone hates her for "stupid" reasons, then they're probably the kind of people who hate the show on principle regardless of what part. Starlight Glimmer is probably the most hateable character in the show and has no business being turned into a protagonist without punishment for her crimes. Don't defend these kind of characters.
7983010
no no, it wasn't realy my intention to defend her. english is not my native language and it can happen that i can't express me so well, so my choice of words are not the best sometimes.
yes, she committed a crime and should be punished for it. but just locking her away (or worse) only to be never mentioned again without the chance to redeem herself is still not the best way to deal with her. at least it sounds like that for me how you talked about her, as if you want her to disapear forever, either by dying or prison. if thats the case it would have been better to never even start mentioning her to begin with in your story. don't let it sound too strict. at least let it sound as if they will try to redeem her, not just cold-heartedly locking her away forever or even just killing her because its easier that way.
nightmare moon commited crimes too (after seperated from luna, eternal night again, nearly kills james and rainbow dash, tried to hurt the others too).
yes, the circumstances are different, but still one get zero punishment because she has a bond with james and later with luna and celestia too and the other gets it without mercy because she is a stranger for them? not realy fair in my eyes.
its not that i wish nightmare moon to be punished, she suffered enough and should have finaly a chance for a happy life. but if its just pure enforcing of the law than same right for everyone. that means everyone should have the same chance to redeem. its not just because of starlight, i would have sayed the same if it was someone else.
7983178 I see that this discussion isn't going anywhere, so I'm only going to respond one more time to at least try to make my point clear.
Your comparison of Starlight Glimmer to Nightmare Moon of all characters is a very poor comparison once again. For as infamous as she is, Nightmare Moon never really got the chance to actually DO anything after her transformation to the point that Celestia was the only one who ever personally saw her before Nightmare Moon's banishment. Yes, she had the potential to cause a great deal of harm, but she was nipped in the bud before such a thing could happen. Even in the show, she was only loose for maybe five minutes before getting sealed away, greatly minimizing any harm she could have done. And if you ever took the time to read Before Time Began to Flow and Musings of a Forgotten Princess, it would be very clear to you that Nightmare Moon is far more of a victim than a villain. So of course she did not receive much punishment, unless the vicious beatdown and many bleeding wounds she received at the hands of the Elements of Harmony, her own mother, and a desperate rage-blinded James was not punishment enough in your eyes. As brief as it was, it's far worse than what Starlight Glimmer ever got. And I will be throwing in a contrast and comparison between the two at one point just to make it very clear to the audience how they differ and how Nightmare Moon was the lesser of two evils.
And where Nightmare Moon's actions resulted in only very brief grievances, Starlight Glimmer's unlawful imprisonment and brainwashing of dozens of citizens of Equestria went on for potentially years. Do you have any idea what that can do in terms of long-term damage to one's ability to function normally upon returning to society? I get that the show has no choice but severely downplay these implications for the sake of time, but that's a very messed up thing to do. And that's not counting her going on a timeline-destroying rampage just to spite Twilight after the season 4 premier. That is not only petty. That is outright evil and not something one should forgive. If there is one character in the show that actually does not deserve to be given a chance at redemption, it was her, like it or not. And suddenly having a change of heart that conveniently at the point she did after a lifetime of embracing her disgusting toxic and sociopathic beliefs is not only unrealistic and insulting to the audience's intelligence, especially with the fact that her victims want anything to do with her after all that. It's borderline impossible. Hitler, Stalin, and Bin Laden did not have an epiphany during their final hours. They died as they lived. As monsters. And if the show had any sense of dignity in handling someone as diabolical as Starlight Glimmer, she would have done the same.
So please. No more. Stop trying to downplay what she has done and claiming she is someone who deserves a second chance. It's a very naive outlook on the concept of redemption and because frankly, people who did what she has done do not deserve it.
8013563 Yes, I was a fan of the Railway Series growing up. But what is that? Never seen it before. I only watched the classics way back when.
As for copying text...
Left click hold. Drag. Right click. Copy. Right click. Paste.
8013820 First, I was actually referring to those 'text-bubble' things that separate the story's words from the comments.
On another note, that clip comes from one of Thomas' two 70th Anniversary Specials from 2015, "The Adventure Begins;" a CGI re-adaption of the first two Railway Series Books and the first seven episodes of the TV Series. What you saw was the ending to "Thomas' Train," "Thomas and the Trucks," and a new scene by the current head writer, Andrew Brenner. You might say he's the Lauren Faust of "Thomas & Friends." He, along with a new production crew, new writers and new animators, were shown a TV Series that was down on its luck and made it great again.
That's right. Thomas the Tank Engine has a large older fan-base too.
Believe me, if it wasn't for them, I would've left him a long time ago, but if there was ever a time for an old fan who's drifted away to jump back on the "Wild Nor' Wester" (the Express) to Tidmouth on the Island of Sodor, it would be now.
Coincidentally, the "Thomas & Friends" TV Show has followed a similar pattern to MLP in the media. If you think G1 is better than G2 of MLP, Seasons 1-7 and 8-11/12 of Thomas follow the same pattern ("The Great Discovery" was still really good in my opinion).
G3 and 3.5 of were the low points of MLP, and so were the early CGI years of Thomas (barring "Hero of the Rails" and "Blue Mountain Mystery"), especially Season 15; "Newborn Cuties" could be compared to "Fiery Flynn," "James to the Rescue," and "Wonky Whistle," combined.
But starting with "Friendship is Magic" and "Blue Mountain Mystery," everything changed. With FiM and Season 17-onwards with Thomas (which some fans call the 'Brennaissance'), everything's been much better. Of course, even some the most current stuff from Thomas isn't quite Railway Series-esque, but it's still much better then it was before. After all, as Rainbow Dash, Quibble Pants, and Duncan ("Duncan and the Grumpy Passenger") know all too well, you can't please everyone.
You can get back up to speed with the Sodor Island Fansite ( http://www.sodor-island.net/ ) and the Thomas Wikia ( http://ttte.wikia.com/wiki/Thomas_%26_Friends ). They are both worth a look. Heck, the SiFBlog has even had 'in-depth' articles logically comparing "Friendship is Magic" to "Thomas."
http://thesifblog.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/bronies-are-hasbro-onto-something.html#!/2012/03/bronies-are-hasbro-onto-something.html
http://thesifblog.blogspot.com/2016/07/thomas-ponies.html#!/2016/07/thomas-ponies.html
On yet another note, The Railway Series has had two new books since 1995 (totaling 42), no other modern CGI children's show has such high quality in their animation, and if you want to see the best of the show's stuff today, check these out:
"The Adventure Begins"
"Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure" (starring Jamie Campbell Bower and guest starring Eddie Redmayne and the late Sir John Hurt)
and Season 20
Of course, it's all up to personal opinion. Everything mentioned is well worth checking out. More than likely, you won't be sorry. And keep an eye out for nostalgic surprises along the way. As SKARLOUIE of SiF said in regards to "Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure," "The Thomas we all know, is back."
If you still don't believe me, here's a 10/10 scored episode by SiF from Season 19: "Den & Dart,"
and a 70th Anniversary Documentary from the Thomas & Friends YouTube Channel.
8018875 Then you want to use the Quote function between the YouTube and Spoiler function. It looks like a pair of large quotation marks.
How many volumes/arcs are currently planned for the lost element in total? I seem to recall there being five planned with the fourth titled "Sins of Humanity" and the fifth titled "Endgame." But recent comments have stated that there is a sixth volume planned for the story. I know you gave reasons for it, but as of right now, how many volumes are going to be in this story? how many more volumes are left? Just curious.
BTW, The Lost Element is by far my most favorite MLP Fanfiction on the net. Everything I wish to have happen in a Human In Equestria fanfiction occur in this story alone and THEN some. You are a master, buddy! Keep up the good work, and long live Humanity!
8025210 There will be six in all. I originally planned five, but Volume 3 was already long enough after the central conflict ended, forcing me to start a new one after it.
And it's appreciated, but just how does my story fit everything you've ever wanted to see in a HiE fic and more?
8025828 Ooh......wow. Where do I even begin? Well, there are 4 things I can name off the top of my head as of now.
1. The human becomes romantically attached to one of the mane six
2. The human becomes an elemental bearer
3. When the human receives his magic armor, he goes through training with Spitfire of the Wonderbolts as his flight instructor
(wanted to see something like that for a while.)
4. The human develops strong friendships with the royal sisters
The lost element has all of this happen. Also, Queen Chrysalis, the only villain to successfully kidnap the mane six (mlp season 6 finale), is stalking James in the shadows for reasons yet unknown. I cannot wait to see what she has planned for him. Like I said, you are a master! Looking forward to the next chapter!
Quick question. What volume will Queen Chrysalis make her move in? or will she not make her move until the sequel? Just thought I'd ask.
Keep up the good work.
8028136 Not until the final volume. She's not taking chances this time.
8028631 Oooooh! Cannot wait to see how that plays out!
Also, How is your progress on the next chapter coming? When can we look forward to seeing it posted?
Love your story, Humanity! Cheers!! XD
Here's another question for you.
What is the title of the sixth an final volume of The Lost Element? Just curious.
Long live Humanity!! XD
8034306 Endgame.
8034431 Ah, yes, the final arc's title remains the same. Just thought I'd ask.
One last question for now, Humanity. I know that the each of the story's volumes and arcs subtly delves into a quality of the human heart, But what does "Vol. 4: Day by Day" explore (if it does this at all)?
8035856 Almost strictly Slice of Life events. It's leading up to the wedding and the birth of Fluttershy's child.
8036355 Ah, I see. Looking forward to the wedding chapter, humanity.