Nightmare Moon survives the Elements' power and takes Twilight as her prisoner. Now, the alicorn queen must establish her monarchy and defend her rightful place as queen against those that oppose her.
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Ok, so I Can't think of a name for the chapter and, if my editor can't help me out, it'll be up to you guys to help me Otherwise, hope you enjoy.
Thanks for the new chapter, can't wait to read it. (Hopefully after months of waiting it is better than the rest!)
1733740 Months? Only been like one and a week, you silly filly
EDIT: Make that exactly one month.
1733745 Only a week, maybe to you. It at least feels like months to us.
1733774 Meant one month and a week, but it was a solid month
update!
Yesyesyesyesyesyes... new chapter
Yay new chapter!
1733706
Also maybe a chapter name of "Old Losses"?
Or something along those lines?
oh yes!
1733790 Found an error: We hath done naught that thou hast brought upon thyself! should be We hath done naught that thou hast not brought upon thyself!
Also, holy information dumps, Batman!
HHmm, "The Fury of the Night"?
It seems that history was indeed written by the victors, in this universe at least. Celestia, I am disappoint.
Speaking of Moon's reaction to her friends/allies dying, wonder how she'll react to Twilight's eventual death...
Also can't help but wonder if Celestia is actually Bluh Bluh Huge Bitch, or if this memory is twisted, or if the smile was something else...
Unless ya' have a thematic means of namein' chapta's, ya' had both the moon n' a meteoric impact in this here chapta'. Mayhaps sumthin' along the lines of "The Impact of Tycho"
Also, Ah'm gettin mo' Darth Vada' vibes from NMM then Ah' reasonably reckon Ah should be, as in, Queen Meanie here is playin' the overpowered bratling tune.
This chapter needs a title "Forsaken Kin" maybe.
1733892 Hmmm, maybe. Just doesn't tickle my fancy though. Was actually one I had though of, but was trying to find other words for
1733949 Fixed, and thanks for catching that
1734022 Twi won't die of old age, if that's what you're wondering. As long as Nightmare doesn't die, then Twi won't get any older than she is now.
Now that's a question isn't it? Who knows?
1734067 Hmmm, dunno bout the Vader thing, cause her reasons are definitely legit. There will be more to this story later, obviously, but that name. I'm really liking that name. And she's less overpowered than one would assume. She just excels in magic whereas the other aspects of being an alicorn are lessened. Celestia is far more sturdy and much faster. Most of Nightmare's magic, as seen here, wasn't really hers, but the worlds. Being the current Element of Magic has it's benefits, after all. Again, more on that in later chapters.
1734088 Hmmm, perhaps. Better than any dribble I had thought up by a long shot
Thank ye all for thine suggestions. All shall be considered and it will be updated with a new name soonish. Gotta wait on more possibilities and my own decision
1734151
Well now, Ah'm glad Ah could be of service with the namin', but Ah'm sure ah could do otha' lunar themed names:
"The Tranquility of Crisis Past" (Referencing 2 lunar mares as well as the dream sequence of the crisis)
or
"The Nectar of Forgotten Vapors" (Hah! 3 lunar mares and the name is possibly foreshadowing future events as well as describing the chapter, maybe better suited as a later chapter name due to the presence of the word nectar, implying an end rather than a means)
Now, ya' right, there is a lotta' differences betwixt the Dark Lord n' th' Dark Queen, and Ah shoulda' specified "Episode III Vader", but Ah'll summarize as this, droppin' mah idiom fa' clarity: Both lust for power and recognition by means of using a power that is significantly greater then their selves (force versus pony magic). Both deal with jealousy of order that they believe greater than they are until they take the action necessary to usurp it (Celestia's rule versus the Jedi Order) both were defeated by a close individual who wielded a similar power, only using a calm mind as opposed to emotion. (Anakin's mentor versus Luna's Sister)
Do ya' get mah angle here? If not then don't go over troubling ya' self about it, Ah really jus' wanted ta' know if there was a bit of literary referencing there. If'n not, then Ah was just puffin' smoke, that's all. Still in love with ya work, though!
1734298 Ah, I didn't really pay attention to pt 3 of the series as I was pretty much lost to it after pt 1, so I was very mislead by my knowledge of the movie. Makes a lot more sense now, though.
So much
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4uyevImMo1rpn610o1_400.gif
In this chapter
1734445
Like Ah said, If it wasn't a reference then it tain't a reference! Not a big deal. Ah'm curious of what ya' thought of the otha' names, tho'. Ah did put a little more thought into th' subsequent two as opposed to mah original suggestion; but if they ain't as good then, oh well!
*puts away the needles and jumper cables*
You get to live...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
For now.
I shall read this tonight.
1734537 Hmm, I'm not sure I get what the references are there, but I don't think the first one really applies as there was nothing tranquil about this chapter . The other I'm not sure about at all
Woo! New chappie! If you're hard up for a title, what about Remembrances? Also, found a possible error here:
I think you meant millennium here, right?
1735164 Yes, yes I did. Oops.
1733527
Things to accomplish during the day? Well, they can all be done tomorrow. After setting it down for a little bit after reading Ch 3, I picked it back up maybe an hour later at the most. I ended up reading through to the most current chapter and procrastinating with everything I had planned to do today. Oh well, no big loss there.
So, my initial reservations were proven very wrong once I got a few more chapters into the story. The 'Dark' element definitely is playing a role in this, although I wouldn't necessarily call it the focus, as in a really weird roundabout fashion, it is more the removal of said 'Dark' element that seems to be a pivotal point of this story, focused on Twilight slowly changing NMM into a 'better pony'. While there is death and destruction, some of it lightly detailed (NMM dismembering the griffon that nearly killed Twi and her emotional fallout after their return from the Minotaurs immediately come to mind), and the story itself is steeped in war and death, it is handled in a fashion that deadens the impact somewhat without removing the effect it has on the story. If that makes sense. This is still a Dark story, just not one that goes all doom and gloom and with the focus on the changing of NMM's personality, it seems to actually be moving away from that and could even, if you kept it running, end in a rather happy manner given its current direction. Although, still lots of potential for 'Dark' elements to pop up and come into play.
The relationship dynamics with Twi and NMM, especially considering that the basis of Twilight's love originally came out of a Master/Slave relation between her and NMM. That progression alone was rather odd to see, although I kind of figured it would come to pass beyond that into love [Romance Tag kinda gave it away]. While on this topic, I don't think anyone can really have any basis to their qualms as any character being out of character, as the events contained within this story essentially ignore most if not all of the character development that occurs beyond the beginning of the show (which I still have yet to watch, rofl). At this juncture of the story, it seems that the M/S relationship is gone, with the sole exception of maybe being used by NMM to embarrass Twilight. And oh, obligatory mention of Stockholm Syndrome while I'm on the topic.
Mkay, Twilight saving NMM, the death experience, and her subsequent changes. I did read through some of the more recent comments and saw that Twilight was not becoming an Alicorn, however I never really saw it going one way or the other and honestly it probably would not have that large of an impact on the story regardless of which path was taken. The color scheme change and the growth made for interesting side effects, and again, from reading comments, essentially bound Twilight with NMM to where they shared their fates (At least Twilight is bound to NMM more strongly than vice versa, so one could assume that NMM would physically survive Twi's death, but the opposite is probably not the case). The eye pupil change is also interesting, although so far it does not seem to serve any purpose beyond another oddity of the magic that had been used to save Twilight. Gotta ask, any other changes going to occur? It sounds like Twi has grown ~9 inches or so, where does that put her stature at in comparison to NMM? All on that part.
The little filly of doom is how I kind of think of Moon. It is a very interesting origin of her character, and the interactions of her and the other characters as well as her 'shadow half' are well done. It is very odd to see a character that, on one hand, brings about some major comedic relief as she goes running about glomping and tickling even the most stoic of characters, yet on the other hand turns into a shadow creature of doom and shadow that can imitate many different forms and mote out death in such a fashion as to make it seem almost trivial to her. I believe that the shadow part of Moon is the part of the soul of NMM physically manifesting itself, and at the time she 'made' Moon she truly had mostly nothing but anger and rage already filling her, so it would translate across to Moon's shadow self. Her filly side is more of the exact opposite, which explains all the actions thereof. Probably one of my favorite characters.
I'll be honest and say that I was slightly weirded out by Twi knowing a spell that can grow a dick on a pony. The 'clop' [sex] (whoever came up with the term clop should be shot in the face) in the story seems to mostly play as a plot point, although I noticed that you upload the 'lite' versions as well and do a good job saying 'and then they had sex' in the lite version. While I read that your explanation of why they 'do it' so much is that NMM only knows of the physical joys and gift giving as methods of saying thank you and making each other happy, it still seems somewhat odd, as in the later chapters of the story Twilight seems to become a voyeur to a massive degree. Can't really raise the 'OOC card' in this situation though, as the whole breaking of Twi while under NMM at the start says fuck you to that card, it was still odd in my eyes. Then again, both her and NMM seem to have turned into rather, umm, thinking of a proper word here, slightly sex crazed/focused? (Not what I was going for, but nothing better came to mind). And another thing that now has me morbidly curious... Can Twi or NMM get knocked up by the other due to that spell? Oh, the possibilities.
Kind of running out of time here, so all I'll put for the moment. I still want to hit on a few more points and will probably be able to in a few more hours. The story here is mostly well written, and you seem to have a wonderful editor (plural in some of the chapters I saw). The only thing is that I saw for awhile this story didn't seem to get many updates, although it looked like that was due to you going back and editing/reviewing it all? Regardless, this is staying in my favorites, you get a thumb up, all that good jazz, and more to come in a few hours.
And oh, name for the new chapter?
I would almost say call it 'The First Fateful Night', even though it is very much similar to your title. It is kind of why NMM did what she did upon her return, ya know? Or, "Before The Fateful Night', but I think you get my point.
1716496 not yet but i will also i feel like an idiot for not thinking of unicorns
well anyways love this and thankyou for takeing time to reply to my comments
1735351 Whew! What a comment. Let's get started!
First off, I'm glad I could pique your interest! Anyhoof, I hoped the romance thing would be obvious because, I know how misleading the whole SB/Twi thing was. Most people when they see this come for the MoonLight shipping, so that definitely needed to be made apparent. It was awkward though as any shift in relationship from master/slave to equal lovers would be. It completely changes the dynamic of the relationship, after all.
Lol'd
There's gonna be more on the changes in/on Twilight, but I think that'll be just about it for the changes themselves. As it stands now, She has a darker coat; similar to the same color change that Luna -> Nightmare Moon went through, a big ass scar on her stomach; reasons obvious, a height increase to make her somewhere between Fleur de Lis and the alicorns, and the eye thing which only truly makes itself apparent when she is 'emotional'/unstable (ask for more details if needed). There is also the soul-link thing that you seem to have down. Nightmare will survive (albeit regretfully) if Twi dies, but the opposite is not true. It also grants Twi the benefit of immortality in the sense of longevity, but that doesn't extend to unnatural causes (such as an arrow to the face).
Glad you're enjoying Moonie as she is by far my favorite OC ever (of any I've read about/thought up [*cough*egotistical*cough*]) and you've got the personality thing spot on. She is the one filly's soul (what's left of it) with altered memories, which a large chunk of Nightmare's soul to keep the filly's stable. Since the Nightmare part is just an augment (although much more so than Twi's), the 'creature' personality is less prominent and only surfaces when needed/commanded. Plus, who doesn't want something adorable to run around causing diabeetus?
I think you mean exhibitionist, but I can see your point, however, it is all Nightmare's fault. She remembers the 'indecency' of the past and how things weren't so uptight and is trying to shape Twi into a mare to more fit her high expectations. Twi is, of course, doing all of this semi-willingly. Plus, with the whole penis spell, you have to remember. Twi was a recluse with limited social interactions and, as it is with stereotypical shut-ins (which I of course went for), she was quite a bit... 'experimentally curious' and it stuck because, hell, it felt good. Nightmare certainly can't get knocked up (this chapter tells you why if you paid attention, but you'll be able to discern for yourself the answer to that in future installments.
The updates used to be pretty frequent, largely due to the fact that I had a lot of time to write and little other things to do that didn't involve writing. I started writing this as a part-timer, then went full-time and bought tons of things to take up more and more time as the months went on. I do try to update as often as possibru, though There was a point where I postponed somewhat for minor edits + time stamp inclusion and what-not, plus the writing of AHWC and some of ND, but it's mostly just this focus now. I'll finish editing it/rewriting what's needed after this story is complete (because I hate editing and I don't wanna delay it further than it already is being delayed).
1736156 No problem. I read em all and reply to the ones that can be replied to if possibru
Don't think that Celestia's smile would have influenced Nightmare Moon's judgement on Celestia...
Also don't answer this part if you don't want to, but do you have any clue when the next chapter will be out; eg another month, less, more?
1736230 Oh, it didn't, but it did serve to anger her more.
When I saw this had updated, the Final Fantasy series's victory fanfare played in my head as a reaction. I was slightly disappointed that I didn't have time to read it before work, though.
This kinda makes me wonder what happens to Moon Beam in the canon universe, where NMM was successfully purged by the Elements. Since she was Nightmare Moon, that means Moon Beam is Luna's child. Their love was... is real, and I do not think she would be able to simply let her be destroyed, regardless of any circumstances. She'd definitely be conflicted at the very least.
Oh, and I like spacecowboy's title suggestion.
well all in all i must say i was expecting something more evil from cel and if you think about it compared to luna cel didnt do anything that wasnt needed exepte mabye the last part with the banishing and the smile dont know why she smiled cant wait to find out and as for the 1000 year banishment that was cruel and know that i think about it mabye celestia knew the 1000 year banishment would make luna worst and that was part of some master plan to find somone with the ability to harness the element of magic so when luna came back those that control the elements could use it against luna and destroy lunas power over dark magic afterwords cel would appear like in the show and show a facade of kindness and forgivness toward her sister and use lunas lack of knowledge and loss of power to mold her into something she could control and make sure what happend never happens again.
know this is just my paronia talking but who knows i might be somewhat right
New Chapter! Must prattle endlessly and drown the net in typos!
Wall-O-Text!
A wonderfull chapter here! We get some incredible insight on Luna's last night on Equestria, some hints at Celestia's possicbly diffrent persona and one hell of a fight in addition to finding out that Moon Beam's millina long sleep hurt like a bitch.
the quite start to the chapter really helps to set the mood, everything from Twilight's simple musings about the familearity of entering her beloved's memeries via dreams, to her apprecation of the world of the past, helps to build tension for the growing fight to come. Twilight's commentarry here also works incredibly well to both help with the flow of the chapter as well as keep the audence's intrest going. Little things like noting that striking first seeming to be a hasty and foolish move to her own terror at how visiral the fight was made things seem more real.
Finding out how things all went so wrong for Nightmare in such a spectuaculare way was thrilling, from seeing her being a seemingly unstoppible jauggernaught to hearing her voice her grevences to Celestia in their most basic terms really makes you feel for her.
However it appears that Nightmare's termper, and her drive to achive victory is what did her in here. She used a number of attacks that didn't discriminate who they would hit and is shocked that her troops turn upon her? She busted out Meteor and even dropped part of a STAR on Celestia and EVERY pony on the ground below her. That's the kind of wreckless combat starty you'd see the final boss of a JRPG use.
That said I won't deny that it was a horrific day of her none the less. she was forced to hide her daughter so she would be safe, lost her dearest allie that was quite possicbly her lover as well, Had her other subjects either turn upon her or viciously kill those who remained loyal to her. Her sist seeming to choose their subject above her and apprearing to not only not care for her in the slightest but pay no heed to her very real issues with her work and the lack of apprecation she got for it, along with possicbly being denied oppertunities to rule and gain their subjects love.
The final blow though had to be not Celestia turning the elements upon her, but the smile that She flashed as they took afect, weather it was a final taunt to her or not I doubt it could be seen as anything else to her. That really had to be a blow her sister seemingly content to be rid of her for a millina and using the tools that they once weilded together to protect their subjects and the world at large to do so.
It really is THIS memory, the events of THIS night witch truely set in motion everything that was to come. It didn't solve the problem of Nightmare Moon, it delyed it and allowed her to accumulate the power she needed to take her nation, It allowed her rage to fester, her heart to harden, set in mind the callous path of governence that she still adhears to buy and large even now. Though losing a lover, seperation from a daughter, betrayle by subjects, and your sister would do that to anyone.
On Celestia's side this night also allowed for the seming complacency that would be her downfall. She apprently thought her gambit was all that was needed to fix things, the possicblity of Nightmare becoming more ruthless, being consumed by a grander fury and outright slaughtering the potential element bearers not even apprearing to cross her mind. There was apprently no back up plan and given relations with the gryphons and possicbly the other nations the millina of peace allowed the military to become soft. This was a pivital night in not just Equestrian but also world history as though Celestia won the battle she set her self up to lose the war.
Wall-O-Text!
Woo rambling done! I love the chapter Peppy and i can't wait for the ones to follow this! As for a title suggestion? "Of Dreams and Damnations?" Meh sounded good in my head atleast but well that's a scary place even I don't like to linger in their too much!
Update!?
1736920 Nope, it's a lie.
1736913 While most of that is largely true, there are a few things that aren't. First, Heart Gleam was not Nightmare's lover (in the relationship sense of the word). She was Nightmare's 'lover' though, as any mare would be if the alicorn so chose. Also, when she dropped the star pieces, they were aimed at the bulk of Celestia's forces where little to none of her own would be and, even if there were, they had long changed sides by then or been dead. Most troops were never on her side and only stayed with her because they would have been struck down otherwise. She had taken over the city, after all.
1737077
Aw.
1737077 Fair enough but still given that she was aiming carefull that's still pretty wreckless and callus.
Also I know you said you weren't answering questions but I have to ask is this the last chapter of the first fic or not?
1738614 Oh no, it's definitely not, but I also said I'd answer spoilery questions in the form of private messages so people wouldn't rage about spoils in the comments. I'll answer other various questions though.
1736203
Okay, going to hit on sections that I wanted to cover but ran out of time on, then the reply to your comment after that. : )
The interactions with the Main Six and Spike throughout the story. As Twilight slowly began to influence NMM, these interactions, both with and without Twi there, where really well handled. I know that currently you've got them rather split up, with Fluttershy off doing the nurse thing, Dash at Cloudsdale, and then Rarity, AJ and Pinkie still in Ponyville, but I think that they are all going to continue to play a much larger role as the story progresses. The plotting/scheming in Ponyville was well handled, and it was nice to know that you just didn't drop those characters from the story, because you could have easily done so without a second thought in all honesty. During the attempted 'rescue' of Twilight by them (literally just a few days too late to make a difference), it helped to kind of show that Twilight had finally broken completely and had resigned herself to her 'fate' at NMM's side. The whole thing with SB being Rarity's friend was just an added level of yikes. After Twi gets NMM to spare them all, they kind of go their own separate ways for awhile, for sure. I will admit Rarity making that dress for Twi was probably most embarrassing for the both of them. Fast forward a little bit to Rarity's second visit, pieces finally start coming back together for Twilight, finally. Rarity seems to be mostly over SB's death, I think she is more miffed over the fact that Twilight killed someone rather than the fact that it was her friend. And I've always seen Rarity portrayed as being VERY observant, which you do here as well, with her realizing that Twilight is going to need all the friendship and support they can offer her what with everything that as happened and is going to happen. AJ was kept rather in character, stubborn to all hell, slow to forgive, and I do not foresee her going with Rarity and Pinkie to the castle when they go to visit Twilight, at least not this time. I see Dash ending up in the castle after training, maybe even training directly with Gilda and Twilight in the future under NMM. I see her as being too important to delegate her anywhere else, so I am looking forward to see if that plays out how I imagine it to. As far as Fluttershy, well got no idea what might happen and where she might go right now. She's kind of off in the middle of Lala Land as far as the story is concerned.
The stoic general of the Lunar armies, Cloud. Her character. Just amazing. The slight against her by Celestia herself causing a deep seated hatred of her regime and causing her to immediately back up NMM for the sake of her not being Celestia was pretty powerful. I think Could really started to shine however after Moon Beam started interacting with her and the battle with the remnants of the Celestia Guard. With that battle, her action during it, and then her adoption of Tart, her character is also an amazing OC that you have created. Her stoic exterior is one hell of a shell, and I love seeing it when it is dropped.
Hrmm, gotta give the comedic handling of Blueblood a thumbs up as well, I laughed HARD when you revealed his fate. That, and the handling of Gilda so far has been well done, overall I would say that all of the characters are being handled well within the confines of believable considering the circumstances that they are finding themselves in.
Celestia and her image. Really big thing here, and it seems that it is going to play a larger role as time goes on. Being who she is and the position she is in, I can easily imagine her as the manipulative bitch who is doing what she thinks is right, even if it causes hark to her own sister, which is what seems to be the case as the story progresses. I believe folks typically refer to her sterotypically as 'Tyrant Celestia', although I am not really a big fan of it. She is very maniplative, and I am honestly looking forward to seeing what other things manage to tar the image Twilight has of her, as after 1,000+ years (No clue on the timeline prior to NMM manfesting, but I am guessing it has to be a fairly large amount of time due to the fact that Celestia was already well into that manipulative bitch mode by then), but it seems that she was twisted somewhat from all that time ruling alone, and even before then. The fact that it seemed like she wanted Moon from NMM as well shows that something else was in play. I doubt that you will have Celestia come back into the story at any point, but I will admit I am somewhat curious about what would happen, once NMM gets more stability in the country and time passes. Although I want to ask the question of whether or not she would strike down Twilight, her prized pupil, I would say that from the memory in this most recent chapter she would do it in a heartbeat. Mkay, /end speculation on Celestia.
Well, I could probably go on a few more, but now I've hit all the major things. Moving on to the reply to your comment now.
As far as it being a MoonLight 'shipping' (hate that word), it seemed to be pretty obvious to me, although I will admit I did kind of spoil it by reading through some comments before starting to read the story. I sometimes do so when I am apprehensive as to whether or not it is something I'm going to want to read, so I kind of killed any potential confusion there. Even if I hadn't had that knowledge though, I would think that I probably would have come to the conclusion that SB was simply a passing character. Yes, she played a huge role, but there just wasn't enough stuff to bolster a proper foundation for a proper relationship to form between those two, not to mention that at some point it is obvious that the Master/Slave relation would evolve beyond that. I'll just say that some folks need to learn to read between the lines better so that you don't have to yell to the world that it isn't the pairing you're going for.
And glad the mention of Stockholm gave you a laugh. It seemed to fit in very well there as an afterthought.
As for the changes, basically what you're saying is that at this juncture they're basically done, but there will be more details on things that have already happened that she is not yet aware of? I believe that is what you are saying. And I understand the eye color change rather well, you did a good job explaining it there as well as in the story. It makes for some very unnerving gazes too, Fluttershy Stare v2.0? And I do like (even if it was a spoiler tbh) that Twi will live as long as NMM is still alive, except due to things like an arrow to the face. How bout an arrow to the knee? (yes, you may shoot me for that one!). Hitting a little bit more on how they are influencing each other, yes, if I recall now a voyeur is someone who enjoys watching. Ooops. And I forgot to mention that she seems to have become a masochist too, it makes for some interesting character points. /insert groan at winning the Minotaur duel through a 'horngasm'. Oh why god, why?!?! : ) I think, after having thought on it some more, I am really curious as to where these two will balance each other out as far as their personalities. As time goes by, they are each rubbing off on each other and giving them traits, such as Twi picking up the Masochism and Exhibitionism from NMM, while NMM has gotten more compassion from Twi. I doubt that they will become 'mirrors' of each other, but I am fairly confident that I can say that Twi is going to develop / continue to develop a darker side of her while NMM starts finding 'the light'. Again, it really falls underneath the whole character dynamics concept, and I'm loving it all the way.
And oh, you never did complety answer as to whether ot not that spell will let NMM knock up Twi. Don't need to know if she will, just if she can. I'd rather be surprised if it were to happen in the future. : )
And last thng, as far as the schedule of updates, was just trying to give you some humor and flak thrown together. I know exactly how life is, and when you work 40-60+ hour work weeks, sometimes its hard to find the time to do much else. I will selfishly say that I hope that you find some more time to write in your schedule, as this is truly a great story. And also, it seems that you've already got a great crew on it, but if you ever need another eye as far as looking over for grammatical erros and such, just let me know. It's great practice for my second time through college, with English being my weakest subject in my eyes.
And oh, this I believe is my 2nd longest comment / critique on a story ever I think. Had one over at Fanfiction that surpassed the character limit and had to take it to e-mail. Just a rnadom fact. : p
1742402 The Fluttershy thing, while it is going to be somewhat resolved here and will, in due time, play a major role in the story, is something I'm setting up for an entirely different fic (same universe of course) that will come sometime in the future.
Cloudy was another character I put a lot of work into and I'm glad that people have taken a liking to her. You just can't have a proper story without a hardass and people to make fun of her/break down the shell, now can you? Especially a hardass that holds a higher rank than you in the army in which you are currently employed *stares pointedly at Gilda* I can also say that the killing of Blueblood was the highlight of my career. He deserved it in all ways possible. Celestia, I hate that guy.
Now, with Celestia, as I have said in a previous comment, there is a lot more to the story that can't be told at the moment. All things show henceforth are facts, of course, but there's more to the picture than the tunneled vision you have been shown. So many facets I've added on to Celestia's personality and such, especially with the already shown dreams and Cloudy's story to create a mare that is just too much for one chapter to handle. Not saying that the next chapter will have more on it, but I will say that it's not over. Also,
SPOILER ALERT
Celestia will be making an appearance in part two
SPOILER END
(I've already said this before so it's not too much of a spoil)
Can't say anything more on that topic, though, so on to the next point! Weeee~
I find myself reading the comments of potential stories vary often as I have a pretty narrow sense of stories that I will read, especially if romance is involved. I'm glad that it did seem kind of apparent, though. I know that, at the first sign of a possible ship twist that I won't like, I tend to drop a story (i.e. seeming SilverBelle when actually BelleColt [lol puns]) The stockholm thing as just an add at the end really hit the nail. Most people point it out as the most blatant and obvious thing and to see it as just an aside brought some lulz.
Yes, they are done for the most part (unless I remember something that I missed and intended to add beforehand, which happens a lot, I'm afraid) and will only be pointed out/commented upon/further detailed in later chapters. Also, refer to this 1608028 for the horngasm thing. Somewhere about halfway through, I think. (Cause I love crushing hopes and dreams) Now, while an arrow to the knee will most certainly end her days as an adventurer, it will not kill her.
Well, I can definitely tell you that, without a shadow of a doubt, the spell can- Unknown Error -nd then they all lived happily ever after.
Now, as to the additional editor thing.... You can never have too many (as far as I know, of course) and would be glad to have ya on board, but I do do live editing, aka give you permission to edit a gdocs and you can fix as I go or however you choose. Currently down to kind of one editor atm, though (mostly me and my awesomesauce).
Anyhoof, tl;dr I like ponies and pictures of ponies.
Glad you enjoy.
1742628
Yeah, I would say that so far you haven't had any elements that weren't there for a reason. so although Fluttershy's isn't really apparently obvious, it's one of those things that I will be looking forward to.
And I figured that the tale of Celestia was just beginning, so to speak. I do like what you've shown us so far, again pulling from the 'manipulative bitch' viewpoint I had poked at a little. And the fact that she will be coming back is making me anticipate that confrontation when it does come. And honestly, the trickling of information is probably the better way to handle the facets of Celestia's character you keep showing us, avoids an information load as well as tunnel vision onto one specific aspect in a story.
And yeah, I can get real picky bout the romantic pairings as well and drop a story at the drop of a hat. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/17356/Blue-Angel is probably the best example and one of the few stories that has actually caused me to actually get angry when I think of it or see it. Essentially, the story went in 400k words before brutally destroying the possiblity of a TwixOC pairing and instead shifting the focus to Dash and the OC, when the Dash in that story personified every. terrible. character. aspect to the extreme. Gods, so angry still. And lol, the Stockholm thought came to me as I was about to hit send. Literally scrolled back up to add it in. Funny that most folks jumped to it first rather than the between the lines things that had been going on.
And I copy you on the fight, she just happened to have the masochistic side come out during the fight when she had her magical overload then. It makes sense.
Feel free to send me a PM to the GDoc and I'll make comments and such, even if it's just a few minutes here and there I'd love to help out. Shame I can't really use it while at work, Apple products are a POS at times. Nice tldr btw. : )
1742691 Well, I give my editors pretty much free reign, but they typically don't do anything to change it by much (they generally tell me and I go back and fix it.) I'll pm ya with details and such in like, half a sec.
Ok, justify that "small smile" right now. There was no reason for her to smile, unless it was that sad kind of smile that would indicate she was thinking "its not permanent" or some silver lining tripe. That one line (which I assume you expect to break Twilight's feelings for Celestia) is, for lack of a better term, dumb.
Now, I've read this story from the beginning, and i know you male mistakes (your remake comes to mind, not many authors take the time to do that) but this just grates on my nerves... If you couldnt guess, Celestia is my "best princess". I had come to terms with her never returning, but Twilight forsaking her? Nah, son.
EDIT: I withdraw my ire. I just remember this chapter ended before the lovers could talk about it. I shall wait...
1743768 Somepony needs to read comments and author's notes~ If you want answers that won't be immediately answered in-story, you're gonna hafta pm me
1743836
Hey, I changed my comment! -See EDIT- :3
1744114 I saw Still saying that if ya want answers youll hafta pm me, though. For this chapter only. Once the next one is posted, you lose out~
Well, it's been awhile since my last comment so I have something to confess.
I haven't been following the story as rigorously as I had been a few months back but I hope to fix that. I'm caught up and back in the game.
Now 1742691, I love your comments and I welcome any assistance you have to offer. As I've stated a few times before, I'm not to good on the grammar/spelling front as I'm more of an idea guy. Go read Necro Domina if you haven't already. (Though it updates slower then ATFN)
Anyway, Pm me with your skype name (if you have skype) as all the editors are here (as well as the author, though that slow bastard isn't worth mentioning (You know you love the abuse, Peppy.))
... I'm not as elegant in my writing as most so I'm sure this comment sounds jumpy as all hell.
Oh well, editor-in-chief Dr.Jekyll out.
EDIT: As of writing this, there are 666 likes.
One does not simply fuck with Luna...
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