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  • E To Light a Fire

    Trixie travels into the Everfree to retrieve an ingredient needed by Twilight.
    4,712 words · 2,333 views  ·  99  ·  25

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  • 19w, 2d
    How is this not popular?

    I cried. ME. I don't fucking cry for shit.

    Fuck all them faggots with their faggoty-ass LoHAVs and shit. Read this:

    Injuring Eternity

    Do it. That is all.

    9 comments · 283 views
  • 19w, 3d
    Can you Boogie? Boogie Woogie? (ATFN Tagged)

    5 comments · 124 views
  • 20w, 19h
    So Much Gold This Week

    Sometimes, I wonder how people figure it's a good idea to shove their imaginary selves into the MLP characters various males of the show Spike, and then I get depressed and fap to pictures of children dying as they're being raped....

    Anyway... Luckily, there's some pretty honorable people out there that take it upon themselves to read (ugh...) some of these absolutely awful fics and add at least some humor to them. Introducing the proud Mr. Ignorable (or Igno, as I like to call him) and Aryanne in 'Why the fuck? How could you even?'

    Enjoy.

    (A Cautionary Word: This story is completely godawful, even in the review. You have been warned.)

    12 comments · 212 views
  • 20w, 4d
    A Bit of Gold

    So, my roommate decided to write a review of a story that I didn't wanna bother reading (Seriously, self-insert trash can go jump off a cliff for all I care), but unfortunately it was deleted since the kid couldn't take the heat. It's rare that Valvy posts anything, he usually just handles the TS group if I need him to and occasionally reads stuff, so I was pretty excited to see a new post. He really is a swell guy. I think my asshole has rubbed off on him a bit (hehe).

    Anyway, since he doesn't care enough, I figured I'd share it with ya:

    Okay, let's see....

    We have bright colors in the description, showing that you have enough of a lack of respect for your own work that you can't let it hold itself by its own merit; a description long enough to tell me everything about what's going to happen while mysteriously leaving out the romance between you and Twilight (I'm sorry, your 'OC' and Twilight); and the cliche 'Can these heroes do what they're obviously going to do? Come and see!!' ending. Also, this:

    who once helped saved

    I can just tell that this is going to be great.

       Our story begins in Canterlot, which is home to the most elite ponies in all of Equestria. This is also where its rulers, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, live and watch over all those that live in this grand paradise...as well as maintain the day and night together. Canterlot is was also the home of Princess Celestia’s star student, Twilight Sparkle...until she moved to the town of Ponyville in order to be close to all the new friends she made during her visit so long ago.

        Today, Twilight has come back to Canterlot to retrieve some new reading material from the Royal Library. She has plans to study extra hard this week, and learn more than she has before; Perhaps it will be more then she can handle, but the bright and brilliant little unicorn never backs down when it comes to studying and learning all she can.

        “Are you in need of any assistance, deary?" The Royal Bookkeeper asks the young student of their most beloved ruler of Equestria when she walks by.

        “No thanks. I can handle it.” Twilight answers as she stands at the top of a ladder, while using her magical abilities to levitate a few books off the shelf and down onto the floor.

        The Bookkeeper smiles and allows Twilight to resume her search for whatever books she wishes to take home with her, and returns to her duty of dusting and re-organizing, "Very well. But if you change your mind and need any help from one who knows where every book is properly placed and categorized, but let me know~"

        "I will." The young streaked maned pony promises and returns to browsing the top shelf of the "Ancient Spells and History" section.

    Boy was I right. Your opening starts off like every children's book ever, something that should never happen on a fanfiction site for an older age group. You're telling us stuff that we already know, something that, if they're reading a MLP fanfiction, should never have to be said. We don't need a summary of Canterlot's past/inhabitants, give us descriptions of the place.

    The next paragraph continues on in the same manner: elementary reading, explaining everything as if you were talking to a second grader and reading him a bed-time story. The whole point of studying is to learn more than you previously knew; we don't need to know that, nor do we need to know that she'll possibly have difficulty with the studying before it actually happens.

    Following this, you throw in some pointless word-counter buffering in the form of 'the young student of their most beloved ruler of Equestria'. Why do you need all of that? You could have simply said 'the young student' and moved on. Then you have the bookkeeper, somebody that would know that Twilight probably knows just as much about that library as she does,say some stupid crap, and then end it with 'but let me know when the start of the sentence opened with 'but'.

    Finally, there's this:

    The young streaked maned pony promises

    First off, it's either streaked mane, or streak-maned. The first one implies that she has streaks in her mane and is used to describe an observation of something. The second one is used as an adjective, which is what you should have used there.

    Okay, so it was your first chapter. Maybe you've improved since then and-

    The Mane Six gather around the table as Zecora places one of the oldest books in her collection upon it. Carefully opening to the first few pages within, the wise zebra mare begins to scroll through the pages one by one...searching for the very section that holds the answers the little ponies seek.

        “So, what exactly are we looking for, Zecroa?” The curious Rarity asks.

        “Somewhere within these pages unturned, may lie the answer to how the Darkness has returned,” Zecora answers as she continues searching for the right page.

        Twilight notices the pages are old and a bit worn…which reminds her of the book she found in the Royal Library. Unfortunately, she left it behind at the Gala. Whatever befell that little book that might have had some connection to all this, Twilight only hopes, however unlikely, the book is still in once piece...or somewhat.

    Well... I stand corrected. Chapter eight and either nothing has changed since you started writing, or this is the pinnacle of your writing capabilities; that is, children's books are.

    First, never fucking use the 'Mane Six' as a descriptor for the MAIN six. Secondly, never use Main Six in your story. Never, not even once, has that been used in the show to describe the ponies. Not. Even. Once. I can look over it in the description, you're probably young and don't know any better, but never in the story. It's laziness and stupid.

    With that out of the way, we transition right into more pointlessness. You're just telling us what Zecora does. Use descriptions, show us what the zebra is seeing. We know that she's looking for the passage or whatever it is that Twilight and co. need. What we don't know is what else is in that book.

    I'll ignore 'the curious Rarity' and move on to your failed rhyming. You rhymed turned with turned. What are you, some modern day rapper? If you aren't going to take the time to create worthwhile and proper dialogue for a character, don't use that character.

    Twilight notices the pages are old and a bit worn…which reminds her of the book she found in the Royal Library.

    Oh, you mean most books in a library? Please....

    Whatever befell that little book that might have had some connection to all this, Twilight only hopes, however unlikely, the book is still in once piece...or somewhat.

    That's supposed to be two sentences.

    With everything wrong with the story itself laid out, time to talk about your writing. Your grammar isn't terrible, but it's nothing to call home about. You write as if you were telling a story to children, which would explain why it got so popular on deviantart, and you have a terrible habit of abusing said-isms. Those are the 'said, whined, complained, answers, asks, etc.' that run rampant in every line of dialogue you use. All this and I haven't even touched on your need to fulfill your own power- and love-fantasies.

    There, you wanted somebody to actually try to read it before providing criticism? It's done. Peppy may not have wanted to do it, and I sure as hell regret it, but it's all you're going to get. And, just remember, even if somebody doesn't take the time to read your story doesn't make anything they say invalid. All that does is show immaturity on your part and a lack of drive to improve, which shows your internal age more than you can realize.

    Also, as a final note, here's something that you could make use of:

    How to Handle Criticism

    Enjoy.

    8 comments · 264 views
  • 21w, 9h
    Trek 4 rekt'd

    Yeah, more Dark Souls 2. This time with 100% less faggotry from nines (not rly)! Come and watch!

    1 comments · 103 views
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Hey guys as I said in the fic this is my first one so don't be gentle :pinkiehappy: If ya like it tell me! Maybe it'll boost my ego. If not tell me what's wrong and I'll do my darndest to fix it. Happy reading!

I like it.

Hehe thank you :twilightblush:. I plan on pumping out more and given a few chapters start working on the shipping. It wont come out full force right then but It'll be alluded to.

I feel like I've read this before... was this posted elsewhere before this? Also, I always love these fics. Can't wait to see what happens next.

is this going to be a twimare moon fanfic? if so....awesome!

Awwww nice. But I hope she'll be nice to Twilight... well, mostly nice... she wants her to be minion, not slave, right? RIGHT?

Hmmmmmmmmmm shall have to see were this goes but liking the basic plot am interested to see what you do with it

Wow, this is fun. Tracking :D

Hmm... Interesting. Poor Twilight though:twilightoops:

Seems interesting, though having Nightmare Moon not be defeated needs some explaining (and the only way it could really work would be for her to evade, after all the reason they work is they bring overwhelming power to bear).

>>47961

Plot seems to be a Nightmares Don't Last Forever clone.

Somepony is inspired by Nightmares Don't Last Forever. As long as it's not an exact copy I'm okay with this. We can never have too much TwiNightmare after all. Update soon though. also I hate Cliffhangers DX

I wouldn't call this a cloe of Nightmares don't last Forever at all. Not only does the tone different so is Nightmare I can't really see this Nightmare engaging in playfull banter or teasing Twilight nor do I see her being benevilent rule by any definition.

As for her blocking the Eliments of harmony really I can see it happening she had nothing BUT time to come up with a way to block the attack that stopped her before. Also it's not like she could spam that sheild of hers, had twilight and the rest fired another shot, (Witch they probly could have done.) they would have most likely won. Hell I'm kinda surprized that Cannon Nightmare didn't have SOMETHING to that effect. You would think that with all the time she was imprisioned she would have spent atleast some of it trying to figure out where she went wrong and how to fix things when she broke free. Discord gets a bit of a pass as I can't see him composing much less commiting to and exicuting any kind of long term plan. Though I'll admit the Q shout outs may be mudding my judgement there.

>>48311

The reason I do not see blocking them as a possiblity is the Elements of Harmony are defined as being the most powerful force in the world. As such it works out better to find a way other than just saying a shield spell was used, particularly if the story is to have a more serious tone.

That's a far point, and I'll be the first to admit that I know little about warfar, physics, and (for lack of a better term) energy manipulation for some reason I can see the Elements of Harmony being overcome as a definat possiblity through proper application of force. For all the good they do the elements seem to work akin to a sledge hammer, so perhaps with the right knowhow one could find a way to dampen or redirect the force of impact thus weakening the blast enough that a second barrer could protect you from them. Though really this is just me talking out of my plot here so take my ramblings with a few bags of salt.

HEY! I love the story! :pinkiesmile::heart:

There were a few times you repeated a word and forgot a word plus the occasional misspelling, but it was still great. Can't wait to read the next one! bai-bai!

I do not intend for this to be like Nightmares Don't Last Forever.

@NinjaNin I love Moonlight ships and there just aren't enough of them. The only thing I don't like about Nightmares Don't Last Forever is that NMM isn't NMM any longer, she just looks like her because the Elements didn't revert her form back to Luna. That's DEFINITELY Luna under all that. I do love the fic though

@janushyde Trust me NMM will NOT be playing around with twi.

@everypony There will be an explanation for the Elements being resisted. The shield is just just a basic counter measure. Main alicorn defense or so I've noticed from the 48752685962 fics I've read.

@Wolflover you'll just hafta wait and find out won't ya :trollestia:

@Jeebus I'll have to have you point those out to me soon as I get to working on chapter 2 so they can be fixed

Other than that Any comments on my writing style or improvements that might need to be made. I'm still kinda nervous about how I'm doing in that regards. Noticed a few of you all liked it and just want to try and make this as enjoyable as possible.

>>48572

Good to hear it will be explained, I was just pointing out that to keep it simple it would be best if she evades.

Hmmm working on chapter 2. You can expect it sometime later tonight or tomorrow night after i get off from work.

I'll have to see where this goes...

Well written and thought into. I wonder what's to come...

Hmmmm I'm going to pop a dark tag on here cause of the next chapter and more chapters to come. Gonna be some gore and such. Nothing TOO gruesome but better safe than sorry. Cant be having my fic flagged :twilightsheepish:

And here it is guys chapter two! Hope you enjoy it as much as i had fun writing it!

Winning. I am impressed.

Wow you read that fast. I am equally impressed. I hope the dark and such wasn't too much I want this to match Nightmare Moon's evil and such but don't want to send it into a grimdark type of story.

Interesting. I was wondering when something would happen to start Twilight on the path to becoming more than a (mistreated) pet to Nightmare. It would seem that it will be next time.

Seems about the correct amount of darkness to really show Nightmare as evil.

Oh man I just realized i didnt name the chapter. Failsauce. Let me fix that

Well atleast the royal gaurd were shown as semi effective for once.

Hmm what exactly can Twilight do here, even if she were to get acess to her magic I don't know if she would know any healing spells. Twilight may be a Red Mage in all but name but that doesn't mean she actualy knows ay healing spells.

Next comes the issue of would she try to take advantege of this situation or would her good nature kick in, better yet what about the very real possibility of a panic attack kicking in. Hell I'd surprized if a combination of shock and stress didn't cause her to simpaly freeze up, better yet this is the situation where the bystander effect is far far more deadly then it normaly is.

>>50438 I like the speculation and it brings me joy to be the only one knowing whats going to happen next for a fact. I do agree tho. I wish i could just come out and say it but it would KILL me to spoil anything.

Good show, good show. :twilightsmile:

>>50438

So far as what Twilight could do if she had magic, even if she does not have any direct healing spells she could possibly conjure up some (temporary) bandages. After all, a good bit of the magic she does in the show that is not simple levitation is transformation. (teleporting or otherwise getting the Queen to somewhere than has medical supplies would be another way, though unlikely as she is tired)

Without magic, she can go fetch first aid supplies or something. Yeah, if it comes to this the Queen's survival mainly depends on immortal alicorns not dying easily. Unless she convinces some other pony to help, though that would be rather difficult considering what has happened (unless that are as kind as Fluttershy).

As to what she will do, if she was just going to sit there till Queen Moon dies or is feeling much better then there would not be any real reason for her to be so baddly injured so far as plot goes. Based on her being worried by Queen Moon collapsing and the type of story we have been told this will be she is more likely to help than try to get rid of the Queen.

Speculation is fun.

Oh I agree that Twilight wouldn't leave her to rot she's not the type to do that but I would be shocked if she didn't briefly consider the possiblity given the situation she's been placed into. Then you have to consider the fact that even intending to help this is the very situation were fear, panic, and indescision  will be facters at play.

Then you have the next problem even if Twilight pushes through the fear and keeps a level head there are two more issues at hand 1 does she know first aid, and two if so is she compitent at it? I'm clear for CRP and first aid in my home state but I pray I never come across a situation where I need to use those skills passing the class is one thing real world application is another entirely. Much as I find the whole twil botches a spell plot device annoying (Though granted it can and has been used well.) This is the type of situation where her ... issues with high stress situations can and will be a force to be reconed with.

Oh boy, I'm rambling again I'm going to shutup befor I stick my size 13s in my big mouth.

Cool story bro, and good cliffhanger to leave us on. Plus showing off some fancy magic to boot and make Nightmare Moon just the right level of Evil. Anyways I look forward to future additions to this series

>>52741 Thank ye. It always feels good to receive positive feedback :pinkiehappy: I kinda enjoyed leaving it off on that cliffhanger. (insert sadistic smile here) Kinda one of my guilty pleasures.

To everypony: I'm going to try and get chapter three out tonight  or early tomorrow morning. I can't make any lasting promises cause I am VERY easily distracted BUT expect it no later than tomorrow night since I dont work tomorrow and can work on it all day! May even have ch4 out Wednesday night :yay:

There are very little actual flaws in your writing, and those that there probably are, I can't see :P So don't worry so much in that department. enjoyed this little chapter, I'm quite interested to see where this will go.

Also, do you have an update schedule you are attempting to stick to? :pinkiehappy:

I wonder what nightmare moon is going to have twilight do...and is this going in a romance direction????

Very well done!  I'll be tracking.

I'm always fascinated with the villains, and with NMM in particular.  She's so enigmatic, I've enjoyed reading all the widely varying stories and ideas about what she might have been like if she'd won.  This is shaping up to be a good one.

Cool!:yay:You don't have a prereader? Well you don't need one. Although having a prereader could make it go from cool to awesome.:raritywink:

Can't wait for more!:twilightsmile:

Nice work on this chapter i liked the way you handled Twilight's reaction to nightmare's condition. That was a nice bit of quick thinking to use a tapesty like that, granted Murphies' law kicked into effect but still that was a nice gesture on her part ah well.

*Hums "No Good Deed" from "Wicked"*

Nice, we get a rough possible (I say possible because Twilight isn't the type to be satisfid with such a bare bones explenation.) theory as to how Nightmare overcame the Elements.

Poor Twilight she's being tossed about like a ragdoll, though things could be far worse for her she isn't being led about by a bridle or shackled to Nightmare's side, and she was allowed to keep those bedsheets that her parents gave her so it's not all bad.

This new castile that Nightmare wants I wonder what what's going to happen to Canterlot Castile when it's finished. Beter yet why not simpaly rebuild the Tempel of the Royal sisters and use that? While the everfree isn't exactly impassible it's still very dangeruos and residing thier would only add to her air of mystery and intimedation.

>>54006 Haha thank you. I don't have a set schedule to adhere to but I do try to get these out every other day. I work a lot so I write in my spare time before bed.

>>54017 Yes. There WILL be romance. Maybe not for a few chapters but it is definitely going to be a shipfic. Can't have this stuff happening overnight now can we?:trollestia:

>>54038 Yeah me too. Nightmare Moon is by far one of my fave characters. There just aren't enough fics with her.

>>54130 :twilightblush: Heehee thank you. I always try to do what I can to keep it as error free and smooth as possible. I just recently had my mutter start reading them and she's helping to point out mistakes.

>>54192 Nightmare Moon will explain fully how it happened. Not now of course. I did consider her rebuilding the royal pony sister's castle but if you can remember from chapter 2 and the description, there is the whole Loyal Minion thing. Under the ruins of her old temple.

Anyhooves~ Thank you everypony and keep a lookout for chapter 4 within the next day or so. :twilightsmile:

(on a side not: fimfiction needs more NMM emotes)

Yknow gaiz. I didn't think about it when I uploaded the picture for the story, but the Twilight picture fits in pretty well huh?

Ok I tried my hardest to get as much of ch4 written as i could tonight but 2 hours of sleep isn't cutting it. Been dozing off while writing :twilightblush: I'll be sure to work on it and try and have it finished tomorrow night or early friday morning. I REALLY wanted to get more than what ive got done but it aint gonna happen :fluttershysad:

Hey nii-san! its meez. :pinkiehappy: you did great! umm... what is "mutter"? and uhh... um.... Hi? :twilightblush: well yea... BAI!!!

>>57875 Its german for mother if you are referring to my after story notes

>>57881

Ohhh... HEY! you're forcing me to read this and u mention "mutter" and not me!?

I have a Q aswell. wats with the ">>57881"?

>>57932 Also youre reading cause I can turn off your interwebs bwahahahaha :trollestia:

Chapter 4's about halfway done. It's going to be a little bit longer than previous chapters but i hope it will be just that much more awesome. I'd finish it tonight (erm morning) but after being informed a couple hours ago that my shift has been switched for tomorrow I won't be able to stay up as late as I planned. You can expect this to be updated tomorrow night with my promise! Can't even begin to tell ya how much i hate leavin you guys hanging :raritydespair:

I´m assuming your Nightmare Moon will be a rather zealous mare in terms of her "possessions" :twilightsmile: In essence, Nightmare Moon is the product of Luna`s inability to have friends and perhaps something even more. Since her sister shadowed her amorous conquests towards her, Luna makes a friend, Celestia snatches it away, Luna has a date, Celestia steals the date. etc. etc. She peasures in "having" Twilight, to "have" her is, as if, a compensation.


>>59230 Interesting thought there. I was definitely going with the whole her not having friends and thus forcing Twilight into her ownership, but the thought of Celestia stealing her affections and such as that never crossed my mind. I did have that "Haha I have your student" thing in there though. NMM loves to spite her sister.

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