Nightmare Moon survives the Elements' power and takes Twilight as her prisoner. Now, the alicorn queen must establish her monarchy and defend her rightful place as queen against those that oppose her.
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Hey Peps, I'm actually 'bout to upload my first story on here and I was wondering if you would pre-read it.
That bit with Celestia really struck me as off.
"Yeah, I'll just abandon the most important pony I've ever known to a fate worse than death because I've found someone better." It sounds ungrateful and shallow, mostly because it is. If you wanted to make Celestia a morally gray character, then fine. You wanna make Twilight choose Nightmare Moon over her? Have at it! But the way it was done just doesn't work. It doesn't feel like that's Twilight at at talking there. It feels almost emotionless.
You can get rid of Celestia and have Twilight be fine with it, but--No. Scratch that. You cannot do that. It feels off in SO many ways. Such an important figure in Twilight's life should not and cannot be easily brushed aside with a simple aside. It paints Twilight as cold, cruel, and careless.
I'm sorry, but that REALLY bothered me.
But applejack can't harvest the entire orchard by herself, Big Mac shouldn't, go he's vital to the running of the farm
Also impending shit storm next chapter
that is all
*prediction*
Rainbow Dash will meet Twilight sometimes soon.
Very good chapter my dear chap!
207917
Agreed, it does seem a bit off.
Twilight doesn't have to do anything now- it would be fine if she was planning on trying to persuade NMM to change her mind in the future... but to just abandon Celestia?
I also think it's pretty odd Twilight hasn't sent someone to pick up Spike. She's taken care of him for most of his life, I would have thought she'd try to get him back as soon as it was safe. With the Griffon attacks, I assume Twi would want him safely in the castle...
208151
Nightmare forbids Spike and the other Elements from entering the palace on pain of death.
Very nice chapter good sirs.
208151
I can't believe I forgot about that. I thought they were setting that up when Spike started acting like he felt abandoned way back, that Twilight would remember arguably one of the most important people in her life, but it seems like she has little to no regard for much of anything or anyone from her former life. It's the chief weakness of the piece.
Okay, that's not totally fair, but for the most part, it's true.
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Wow the airships have a great feel to them the level of detail brought into them and everything gives them a good presnse. What I find most intresting about them though is how well they seem to mesh both magical and mechanical elements to make something so truelly massive seem capeble of flight. I wouldn't call them speedy vessles though even if you took of the arourm plating and didn't stuff them to the gills with ponies they still strike me as being only moderetly fas mostly do to size and shape, granted I'm betting they can move at a fairly good clip when not struggling with the wind too much but still these are big lumbering mechanical monsters not the agile little one seat fighter craft or even a single pegases.
I was pleaseently surprised to see this bit of backstory for Twilight pop up. Not only does it give her a bit more depth it also shows what would likely be a very big issue for her. I can only guess at just how long the issue of her inadvertently harming her parents lingered in her thoughts. Oh sure the show itself brushes it off merely as a sight gag but in real life I'm sure that there would be a bit of akwardness between the two even if only for a short time.
What really has me going here is the implecations of this scene for the story at large. After the "Statigy meeting" in the last chapter we were told that the bond between Twilight and Nightmare Moon has reached it's greatest strength. While we don't know the full implecations of this viewing this memory shows that the bond has indeed grown stronger as not only was it a memory of Twilight's that was shown Nightmare was brought into it as well and the two were given quite a bit of freedom for this viewing something that didn't happen when Twilight was seeing Nightmare's past.
Low and behold the draft hits Ponyvill at long last. While aside from rainbow Dash and Big Mac we don't really know much if anything about the characters being sent to war I think that makes sense. Rarity and Applejack had good reasons to miss out, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie flat out got lucky. Granted Pinky has a bit more of anexcuess as she is not only going to be helping with childreer but also providing a service to the town at large. Fluttershy seems kinda off i mean granted she is looking after Spike but he seems to be fairly self reliant in the first place.
The Gilda development seemed to be done fairly well. I can see her getting along with Silver Lining in a way if they had to spend alot of time working together. I don't know if they'd be friends but I could see them being on fairly good terms if the little back and forth they had is any indecation. I see something of a running gag her though, this is the second time that Gilda has come across a filly that was tramatizied by griffons attacking someone she knows I don't know if third time's the charm or not but well She'll be running across Rainbow dash soon and that'll be a whole new mess in and of itself.
Maybe I'm over analizing things here but it seems that the bearers of the EoH are drifting farther apart. Twilight is Nightmare's closest supporter(in more ways then one giggity), Rainbow is being sent off to war, Fluttershy is setting up Spike for a truely devistating emotinal blow and she probibly doesn't even know it, though it's rarity and Pinkie I'm really wondering about. I can't see Rarity letting go of the Brook issue anytime soon. Then we have Pinkie actualy insulting someone, that just doesn't seem to fit her personality but I'm probibly leaning on the show too much here. Still I can only wonder just how this will effect things in the days to come.
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Nice chapter.
But everyone seems to take Dash's draft a bit too well. I know that she doesn't have a choice, and I'm not asking for a whole chapter full of angst about it, but everyone seems to take it in stride.
Also, the thing with Fluttershy. You made a big deal about having her get shipped off to war, only for that issue to be quickly resolved before we even get to see her. It just appears rather pointless to bring it up at all, only for it to amount to nothing so quickly.
208232
I would say they take it so well because they do not really comprehend the idea of war still.
208234
Maybe Pinkie Pie, but the rest seem to get it. Especially Applejack, since she outright mentions dieing.
The new fad in all ponydom: HexSteamPunk! Yessir, Magic powered steam tech! you would have made the Dwemer proud, Sir!
Didn't see RD getting drafted coming, I'm certain all kinds of fun will spawn from that.
And actually, if you kill RD and throw off my story AGAIN, I'll have no choice but to hunt you down and smother you with muffins.
I was surprised that Miss Hooves wasn't in the crowd. hmm.
The other side of the soul bond here, The Queen gets to experience one of Twilight's memories.
And of course, we have another moment with little CT, who still appears to be withdrawn from society, even with the most awesome bundle of D'awwwwwwwwwwwwww ever practically beating down the door to play with her!
I'm not sure who you're tormenting more by keeping them separate, CT or Moonie!
Curse your story and all its addictiveness! now I must lurk in wait of story updates.
Reblefire, To be quite honest I think that Cherry is taking this incredibly well. In the last few monthes she has seen a massiv shift not just in the goverment of her world, but also how the very world itself operates, Followed up by not just an attack upon her hometown but her town being outright SLAUGHTERED the near rape of her mother, with a threat of similar nastyness leveled at her, her mother defending her being mortaly wounded then rushing her off to New Mareland to alert the Queen and finding domepony to care for the child she gave her very life to protect.
Taking all of this into consideration i think that cowering behind a rack of swords and noting that Gilda resembles the being that killed her mother is remakribly restrained. I'll admit that children can sometimes be more resilent to thing then adults can but really this is going to have long term effects on her most likely for the rest of her life. I can see her reluctently coming to tolerate Gilda over a matter of months and possibly liking her over and even longer span of timestill I think the shock of seeing Gilda was fairly low key all things considered.
Hmm interesting story.. liking it a lot so far.
couple things seem off though, twilight giving up just a bit Too easily on celestia. it feels like there could be a bit more emotion put into that part as she is faced with the choice between the old life and the new. instead of just shrugging off the old as fairly unimportant. Another pargraph or so there or just some description of how sadly she watches the sight ofcelestia fading away... just feels like there should be something a Tad "More' there considering the lengths she went to to please celestia before.... Even just adding something like
"Celestia may be gone, and i still miss her a bit after everything she did for me... But I found somepony much more important to me because of it...'
could help show that it isn't quite complete abandonment.. not sure.
as for spike, Twilight probably misses him a bit, but like her other friends fears for him around nightmare moon still.... though now that they are opening up to each other a bit.. this could get really interesting if she starts drawing her old friends and assistant back to her, or encountering them more...
Looking forward to see what happens.
Lets just hope that Night never bumps into RD, because that will cause chaos. And knowing Gilda, she's gonna recommend Dash for EVERY promotion.
Yay! History of Twilight! Nothing better than some background to a pony. Although how Night and Twi plan on getting back without a transport is beyond me.
Overall 9.9/10 (you lose 0.1 for the damned cliff) I'm still liking the direction this story is heading.
I figured that they would be leaving with Hahurl and his Minotuars as soon as possible.
The Twilight Celestia issue does seem a bit odd, though I don't see her as flat out forgetting her old life so much as just being swept along with the tide of her new life. really aside from when New Mareland Castle was under construction she hasn't really had a lot of down time to fully evaluate just how much things have changed. What with the seige of the castle, the aftermath of the Brook insodent (Save your Queen get rewarded with horrific nightmares yay!) The fallout of the rescue attempt, the griffon attack, her parentss coming to visit, and now this whole odreal of the attempt to contact the zebras and her and Nightmare coming to terms with thier feelings for each other it really shows how much of a whirlwind of madness life can be at times
You gaiz make me wanna spoiler
208232 Rainbow isn't in the social loop of Ponyville, as shown by how she didn't know anything about the draft until just then. AJ and Rarity are so their reaction was weathered by the fact that they've heard the rumors going around. (like Raindrops knows) They couldn't beg her to stay knowing what the rumors for refusing are, could they? Pinkie is Pinkie so that's that. Plans for Flutters so just bear with me. I can't really say anything without spoiling it there so
208151 Safe in the castle? After having an assassin almost killed Nightmare and actually killed her? Yeaaaaah....
207917 Just remember that it isn't finished yet. There isn't much Twi can do as of now to convince Nightmare to change her mind. Sure, their love for each other is mutual, but Twilight knows that a lot of the stuff Nightmare has done is unacceptable as shown by how many times she's stopped her and how the public views much of the monarch's actions. There will be more on it, I assure you. Celestia isn't over with cause I lurve me some Celestia. Now I sound like I'm defensive Ah well, it's bound to happen though.
208460 There is much to discuss there, but this all happened within the span of a day. And it all isn't set in the same time span as each other. Gilda hasn't technically left the castle yet, but the ponies have caught sight of the airships which means they are further ahead. Nightmare and Twi haven't technically woken up yet so yeah. Big jumbled mess of time.
Peppy, Ah i get yah. Working with multiple P.O.V.s' can be tricky at times for both the writer and reader. With the former it's establishing the importance of the events, why they merited a shift in perspective, and the chonilogical order they occur in. For the reader it's dealing with the when and where this happens along with taking in all the extra information. I myself am abit iffy on reading this kid of stuff as I've run across some of Steven Kings less refinned examples of it but I think that you seem to be doing okay with it.
I guess there will be a meeting between Rainbow and Gilda, but I also hope that she meets Twilight.
Worst case: You're going to let her die before she gets the chance.
Airships?
tech-tiles.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/house-do-want1.jpg
208669 So peppy, if i may ask, where are you going with this story? Are you wrapping it up after they end the griffin war, or are they going to bring back celestia?? ALSO how many more chapters will we be seeing?
A little something from me because insperation stuck.
It was early the next morning, the sun hadn’t even risen yet but Phile had. He was making his way to the Boxtrott where he would get to meet the members of his ensemble one last time before they had to leave for training and ultimately the war itself. He had to move more carefully this morning than normal. The streets were far more heavily congested then was normal as everypony was making their way to the strip to meet their transport and begin their new lives and solders in Nightmare Moon’s army.
After carefully picking his way through the crowded streets Phile finally made his way to the entrance of the theater where he worked. It was about five am so he was a few minutes early even with all the excess traffic he had to worry about. Taking a seat near the front doors of the building he waited for his friends to arrive, there was no way he wasn’t going to see them off for something as important as this.
While he waited he drifted off into his mind as a way to escape the noise of the crowds around him. First his thoughts turned to his upcoming trial and whether or not his request would be granted by his Queen. Next came his worries about his family how were his cousins doing right now? Beeker might just be safe if he stayed deep in the Everfree Forest. Atom and Electra on the other hoof were a different matter. Electra was off in Salt Lick City continuing her work on the possibilities of using electricity as an alternt means of power for devices. Atom last he had heard was teaching classes on mechanics at Hoofington University while continuing his own projects on the side.
Phile trembled at the thought of those projects. Atom was convinced that he could create intelligent artificial life through use of mechanics and magic claiming he would be the founder of a whole new field that he called “Robotics.” The first of these so called robots were ghastly contraptions that had the rough shape of a pony and could even move like one but they were very unsettling to look at. Nothing covered the gears, cogs, and sprockets, that made the equine skeletons move then there were the glowing gems used for eyes giving the creations a rather monstrous look. The hissing and whirring sounds they made as they moved didn’t help matter any either. Before he could ponder this further a sound caught his attention snapping him from his thoughts.
“You made it after all!” Cried a familiar voice, soon Phile found himself wrapped in the tight embrace of Treble. After he returned the hug he felt her pull back a bit so she could continue speaking. “I knew that you’d be here for a send off like a little thing like extra hooftraffic is going to stop you! She exclaimed nuzzling his neck for a moment before breaking off when the sound of somepony clearing their throat caught her attention.
“I can tell you’re grateful dear but please conduct yourself with some dignity, we are in public after all.” Waltz mockingly chastised. “After all you wouldn’t want to draw undo attention to poor Phile do you? Just because he is not on the list does not mean that it is wise for him to be here.” She finished her concern genuine now.
“Yeah, her majesty might just decide to have him used as a training dummy or something all hail Queen Looney.” Quarter Note mocked then turned his attention to Phile. “Really though Phile be safe would yea, the last thing I want is to hear is about you dropping off into the never-never after all.” He said then patted Phile across the back.
“I’m sure that you’ll do fine Phile, if there’s one thing I know about you it’s that you can take care of yourself. You’ve more then proved that to me over the years I’ve been around you.” Nate agreed resting his for hoof against his young friend’s back for a moment.
Phile smiled widely at the encouragement his friends were giving him. “Thanks for the confidence boost everypony but I think we’ve got this backwards here. I’m the one that’s supposed to be telling you that everything will be okay and that I’ll be ready to greet you all when this whole mess is over with. Speaking of that none of you need to worry about the Boxtrott while you’re gone I’ll see to it that come the big day the ponies of Las Neighas will have a show that they’ll never forget!” he exclaimed genuine cheer infecting his words as he reassured and thanked his friends.
Before anypony could say anything in return a massive disturbance resounded through the air. Though it was fairly faint now the sound was rapidly growing in volume as its source drew ever closer to the city. The ponies knew the sound for what it was a fleet of airships were approaching from the northeast. By the sound of it quite a few of the large aircraft were heading for the city to acquire their cargo of passengers.
“I guess it’s really happening isn’t it?” Quarter began. “We really are going to be drafted to be trained to fight in a war. I wish I’d paid more attention in school now so I could recall the last time Equestria was at war. Hopefully we’ve changed our tactics since then otherwise we’re in real trouble here.” He lamented as he stared in the direction the noise was coming from.
“Considering that our Queen has been asleep for so long I do not think the odds are in our favor in that field. She most likely has very little knowledge of our modern world at large and that would include modern warfare. Hopefully she will see reason and adapt to modern tactics quickly. Otherwise we shall pay for her mistakes and stubbornness in blood.” Waltz said bitterness once more audible on the edges of her refined voice.
“With that cheerful note we should be ready to leave. I’d guess that those airships will be ere before too long. Goodbye Phile stay strong.” Nate agreed.
“I will miss you and your determination to strive for excellence my friend.”Waltz said engaging him in a motherly embrace.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do kid, also I want to hear about all the details about this surprise of yours first hoof when I get back!” Quarter joked adding a playful slap on the back for good measure.
“ I will be back Phile, in the meantime take care of yourself not just for your sake but for mine too. I’ll write you as often as I can but I think this’ll have to suffice for now.” With that heartfelt good bye Trebble once more embraced Phile this time however she also kissed him on the lips stunning Phile and eliciting an annoyed tutting noise from Waltz.
After a few moments of silence Phile shook himself from his stupor and addressed the small group in front of him. “I… I’ll write you all as well. Don’t worry about me you all should focus on getting out of this alive okay?” He stammered glad that the color of his fur would conceal the no doubt massive blush he was sporting from Trebble’s surprise kiss.
The droning of the eingins grew louder as the fleet approached the city at a steady rate. Soon the massive craft would land in the city's airport and after a quick matinence check the long process of loading the "Volenteers" would begin.
209310 Couldn't tell you a chapter number cause that's not something I could accurately predict. Couldn't tell ya the other thing cause that'd be spoilageish.
209181 Nah, Rainbow won't die.
210015 Woo! Stumble over that smooch! Poor Phile. Gets a taste of what's to come then has to 'watch' Treble go off to war. 209152 Yeah, it's not entirely simple to switch times and such like this, but I won't do it over different days or anything like that. Keeping it to similar points in time.
Peppy, Well she had to give the both of them some incentive didn't she? Though to be honest my favoret bit to write this chapter was Atom I'd planned on him having an intrest in mechanics and robotics for a while now and well the whole airship bit just helped get me in the mood to write. Heck I'd bring him into this mess more if i figured I could juggle between him, Phile, and Beeker. Though I might just have to do something else with Atom anyway I mean what's a steampunk setting without clockwork solders? Gah stupid magic gem idea why won't you leave me alone!
Well thanks for keeping the P.O.V. hopping as streamlined as possible. as I mentione in the coments of Tonto's story while I love the insight that changing perspective offers some of King's less then steller works made it a very touch literary device for me to deal with anymore.
Well I can't talk much about this chapter, mainly because everyone else has gone into fantastic detail already. This chapter leaves me reminiscent of Eric Flint's collaborative series: The Jao Empire. Peppy you detailed author, you go into such fine detail regarding the airship, all you need is some mounted weapons and you'll be set to wipe out those Griffins.
Also I get the distinct feeling, that when Equestria invades the Griffins, we're going to be seeing something like Rupture Farms in Abe's Oddysee. I know it's a little weird, but you did say Griffins eat Ponies. So a factory where Ponies are farmed and killed for their meat isn't something I would be surprised to see, sort've hammer home the point that the Griffins are villainous, callous creatures that fed on other sentient beings.
Also resucing the Ponies inside the factories would be a major moral boost for the country and a big publicity victory for Queen Moon, Celestia's inaction was allowing Griffins to farm and consume Ponies, whilst her direct action put a stop to it. Just saying, Nightmare Moon needs some positive PR .
Ok now my speculation about what may be written is done. How about a new side story?
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At the edge of Dodge Junction, a purple hazy light emanated from a hut. The Griffins had been closing in, and would soon arrive soon, killing any inhabitants within.
Inside the hut a small cauldron sat, simmering gently. The purple haze was emanating from the light and fog coming from it. A lone pony was examining his hastily made blockade. The door and windows were boarded, and repulsion wards would hold off the initial attackers. The Pony sighed, he didn't have much time left. His tall floppy ears drooped.
"Flopsy, let us help?" He turned to look at his friends. The masks with their various odd and unique shapes, decorated half the walls of his humble abode. He shook his head, for a moment before he heard the first Griffins arrive. The hammered on his door, but he refused to answer it, knowing it would be his doom.
The sound of splintering wood, startled Flopsy, his hastily made wards were fading. Hastily, he levitated his cauldron with his horn, and levitated it outside. The purple mixture bubbled sluggishly as he dumped them on the griffin. The Griffin cried out as the mixture ate away at his skin and began on his muscles. Flopsy waved the cauldron around threateningly and fixed his door.
He relaxed for a few moments, until they lobbed fiery projectiles at his home. The flaming torches and arrows pierced his humble abode, spreading the fire. A roof beam fell down, but never hit Flopsy as a bolt of sharp green magic erupted from one of the masks.
"You ready to deal Flopsy?" A mask with shark teeth and red lips asked. Another beam fell and was levitated away by another voodoo mask. Sighing Flopsy nodded.
"The souls of my attackers, for saving my life? I'm sure it'll more than pay for your generosity." The Masks beamed and broke into a musical beat as they surrounded Flopsy.
Outside the hut, the Griffins watched it collapse and prepared to leave, when the music began.
"~Bum, Bum, Bum ,Bum
,Bum, Bum, Bum ,Bum
,Bum, Bum, Bum ,Bum
,Bum, Bum, Bum ,Bum~"
"~Are you Ready?~" A chorus of voices broke out in unison
"~Are you Ready?~" The chorus repeated in a more menacing tone
Out of the flames emerged Flopsy, four masks hovering around him, their mouths moving as the continued their song.
"~Bum, Bum, Bum ,Bum
,Bum, Bum, Bum ,Bum ~"
A mask shot forward, it's eyes glowing green as it blasted down a Griffin. Another mask lunged forward and tore into another griffins throat.
"~You got what you wanted, but'll lose more than you had~"
The masks hovered around Flopsy as he started using his magic to tear off Griffin wings and turn their weapons against him, the Voodoo masks protecting him from physical harm. By the end of it all, he'd slaughtered twenty Griffins and appeased the Loa.
Flopsy frowned at all the death, but knew he had to do it, he watched as the Griffins moved off from the town and made to sneak in and look for survivors.
212136 Totally imagining crash bandicoot while reading that. Made me wanna go back and play it now. Fokin win!
212159 Yeah Crash was an inspiration for the masks. Then I remembered this song I heard. Friends on the Other side
212176 Interesting. Never seen it and i prolly wont see it, but i can see how that'd be an inspiration xD
212223 I haven't seen the movie either, I first heard about the song on the Nostalgia Critics top 11 villain songs.
Edit: Now on a completly unrelated note, I want a flashback of this image...
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/255/e/3/munchy__munch____by_moonlightscribe-d49orkp.jpg
Peppy and Tonto, It's a rather fun movie, I think it puts a nice spin on the whole frog prince story though as the Critic points out in his Disneycember bit it really does involve a lot of loop hole logic. Still Kieth David makes for an awsome villan song.
I wonder what kind of price Flopsy is going to end up paying for tis boon though? To paraphraze Xycon from Order of the Stick "Never make a deal with the guys down below." Sound advice even if it is comming from an undead abomination out to dominate the world for kicks.
Speaking of side stories my muse is bombarding me with half ideas about Atom and his Robots so I might just have to do something about that.
Here's hoping that typing this up will give me a moment's rest. i don't know how much of this will affect my side story at large but here we go Atom's chapter of Sounding in the dark brought to you by my persistant muse.
In the growing community known as Hoofington there is a rickety old barn near the edge of the city limits. Within this barn some of the most fascinating experiments in the fields of magic, mechanics, and psychology are taking shape and crafting two new fields of study, these fields are known by their creator as “Robotics” and “A.I. (Artificial intelligence) development. This barn is the residence and workshop of an eccentric unicorn known as Atom.
Within this building we can see Atom at work at one or the many tool laden worktables. He is in a state of excited neglect. The goggles he wears only highlight the look of shabbiness by seeming to magnify his electric green eyes clearly displaying the deep bags around them and the veiny bloodshot look brought about by lack of sleep. His navy blue coat is stained and matted with grease, oil, and sweat. The clearly shaved head gives him an appreance for a more advanced age especially given how thing and short his neon green tail is. Three interconnected golden gears on display upon his flank show his talent in his chosen field
However out of everything the strangest part of his apprence is the device upon his horn. For fixed in place at the base of his horn is a device that many unicorns fear more than death itself an anti-magic binding ring. This binding ring has clearly been tampered with as a deep blue glow softly shimmers around it the magic flowing from the ring itself down a long strand of copper wire that connects to a large metal container that is further attacked by still more wire to five pony like shapes covered in immaculately clean white silk sheets.
Indeed the large canister like device and the five shapes it is connected to seem to be in the only part of the structure that sees any kind of upkeep tools, scraps of wire, gears, cogs, sprockets, pistons, and stains of various oils and greases abound across the floors, counters, tables and even the rickety disused cot tucked away in a far corner.
However Atom is not the only being moving around the barn this morning for standing ready by his side is an unnerving being of metal. Standing a head taller than most ponies and with a bulkier more angular shape is a being known to his creator as Alpha Five. The large fire ruby that composes his power core is located right where a pony’s heart would be. There are to smaller gemstone mounted in his skull where eyes would be located that serve in part as secondary power sources but also work as processors for his slowly evolving brain. What makes him truly intimidating to those unused to his presence however is that he seemingly has no skin all of his internal workings are exposed to the world at large it is through a combination of tireless malignance on his creator’s part and a small dirt repulsion spell that he is able to function at all in this state.
Alpha Five is a true marvel in modern magical mechanical engineering he can move and even reason if even on a fairly basic level upon his own volition so long as the gem that serves as his power core is charged. What is truly remarkable about him though is that fact that he can learn. By some happenstance that Atom has yet to recreate even after ten years of trial and error Alpha Five is able to reason, make choices and even disobey orders given by his creator. Indeed his limits are mostly imposed upon him by hard ware for he can read and right yet has no ability to speak. This however may change for Atom is working on a crystal matrixs circuit board that in theory would allow his song to make use of the artificial voice box that had been installed in him so very long ago.
“Alpha my boy I’m simply GIDDY with excitement! I may finally be able to hear you speak to me after all these years! Also even as we speak your sisters are nearing the end of their initial magic transfer! Should all go well you’ll no longer be an only child! I know! I know I promised the same with the Beta, and Delta models but I’ve overcome the hang ups in crystal matrixes that cause the power leaks in the Betas, and the feedback loops that kept the deltas from processing properly! Oooh I think I’ve got it this time I just KNOW IT! The Gammas will soon be part of our family and what’s more they’ll only need a recharge every three months instead of every two weeks like you do!” Atom rambled as he delicately wielded crystals into place and attached wires to them with the precision of a true master of the craft. Just as Atom was inhaling in preparation for another high speed verbal tangent there was a knock upon the door of the barn. Sighing wearily he set down his tools and turned to his artificial child. “Keep an eye on your sisters for me while I get the door, should the magic battery fill start the final transfer at once then comes get me understood?” He instructed, after receiving a nod of affirmation accompanied by whirring and grinding sounds from the mechanical pony Atom turned to the door where the knocking was growing more insistent by the second.
“I’m coming I’m coming! If this is about the results of the final exams I thought I was quite clear when I stated they would be posted next week! If this is about that mobile cider press I told you can pick it up again tomorrow boys!” he unthinkingly answered as he opened the door. However instead of seeing students from his class on Magical Mechanics he was greeted by the sight of three larger than average earth ponies in dark metal armor. Quickly shaking of his confusion at not having to readdress the same queries again he turned to his unexpected guests. “Oh, hello I didn’t know that the royal guard had decided to change its equipment, how can I be of service to you fine gentalcolts?” he asked his manic energy seemingly unending.
The three ponies did a double take at the response they got clearly not sure how to handle the unicorn before them. After a brief pause the white coated red maned stallion in the center spoke up. “We are here on behalf of her majesty to collect you for service in the royal core of engineers to aid in the war effort. In the name of her majesty Queen Nightmare Moon we would ask that you gather up your most essential belongings and come with us Professor Atom.” He informed leaving no room for objection.
“…Queen Nightmare Moon? I think somepony has played a prank on you all Princess Celestia sits upon the throne, and Nightmare Moon is but an old mare’s tail. Really as members of the Royal guard I expect better of you then to fall for such a simple jest.” Atom responded his tone shifting from confusion to a mild disappointment as his train of thought continued.
The white earth pony blinked in confusion as it dawned upon him that the stallion before him wasn’t being sarcastic but truly honest this shabby looking academic really did believe that Celestia was on the throne still somehow not noticing the lack of sunlight at all. Though a quick glance inside the barn showed that the windows were covered with thick black sheet meant to prevent any light from entering or leaving the building, Sighing in resignation he spoke again, “This is not a joke professor Celestia hasn’t been seen since the summer sun celebration and Nightmare Moon does indeed rule in her stead. Furthermore do to a need to expand the resources of our nation in time of war a draft has been issued to fill gaps in the various field of expertise and specialization needed by the Equestrian military.” The Stallion explained hoping that for once they could round up a late comer without much hassle or worse yet, the need to spill blood.
For a long moment Atom just gapped at the ponies before him in confusion, then something clicked in his mind all the subtle hints he so causally ignored over the past weeks in his excitement for the end for the spring terms and the beginning of the summer months assaulted him. The lack of students banging on his door asking for tests, the absurd amount of “Night” classes he was teaching and most glaring of all the decreasing of complaints about his late hours keeping his few neighbors awake. All these fact and dozens more crashed down upon him as he gazed sightlessly forward. Whatever baffled reply he was about to issue was abruptly cut off as the normal assortment of whirrs, hisses, and rumblings that signaled Alpha Five’s approach became audible, and were almost drowned out by three horrified cries.
“BY CELESTIA!”
“WHAT IS THAT THING?”
“MONSTER!”
Normally this kind of response wouldn’t sit well with Atom however he put that aside at the moment to address his son. “The battery has finished filling already! Oh this is just fantastic my boy! The Gamma sister will be awake in mere hours! I know you’re just as thrilled as your old man!” he chattered with glee rearing up in his excitement at the results that his son had come to report to him. Seemingly in the blink of an eye his mood shifted as he turned to address the stallions before him once more. “How dare you address Alpha Five like that? He has feeling just like you and I! I out to bring forth your callus attitude to your Commanding Officer! Now off with you, I have more important work to attend to at the moment!” With that abrupt dismissal Atom slammed the barn door on the three guard ponies and trotted to the back of the barn.
Upon reaching the back of the barn he was greeted by the sight of his five daughters. They were sleeker and far less unnerving then their older brother while they still have the three visible gems emitting a dim yet slowly brightening glow in the aforementioned positions. They differed from Alpha Five more then they resembled him. They had proper coverings so they looked closer to regular ponies save for the occasional bolt or seem. Furthermore each had a horn like protrusion that allowed them to indirectly absorb trace amounts of magic from the air around them thus making them far more energy efficient then their brother. To further set the gamma sister apart from Alpha Five thanks to the trial and error process that was involved in their creation when the sister moved they would be far more silent the positioning of their internal workings and the presents of the coverings would render them far less noisy. The biggest difference however was that they closely resembled real mares in the way their chassis curved and flowed. While they had no chance for a career as models they could be passed off as the real deal with a bit more work. After he was through apprising his daughter’s appearances Atom went back to work on the matrix that might yet allow his son the gift of speech.
Meanwhile outside the three guard ponies were only now beginning to recollect themselves after the shock of seeing Alpha Five, and being so abruptly dismissed by the pony they were sent to collect.
“W…what was that, that THING we just saw?” The yellow and brown pony on the left enquired, clearly still trying to come to terms with what he had just witnessed.
“I honestly don’t know it almost looked like a pony, but not quite it, it’s just WRONG somehow I don’t like this! This guy is obviously some kind of nut we should have him committed!” the green and silver pony on the right responded hi fear and distrust clearly expressed through his tone.
“… No, we’ll do as he says for now.” The white and red pony countered. Then silenced his subordinates with a raised hoof before continuing his thoughts, “We were sent to collect him yes, but if we play this situation right we might have come across a way to earn favor with the Queen and perhaps find a way out of the war. Just think about what that, metal monstrosity could do in combat! This could be just the edge we need to win this war!” he declared a dark grin spread across his muzzle and soon replacing the thunderstruck of his companions. With that the three earth ponies turned about and headed to the local troop garrison to inform their commanding officer about what they had just encountered and what it could mean for Equestria as a whole.
212233GAAAAAAAAAHHHH TOO CUTE!MY HEART!
219233 I am impressed Janus. A great story and concept + improved grammar makes this a wonderful little story. Would love to read it's own story
219233 I'd totally tap those robomares. Just sayin'. But seriously. Tap them. Lol. Totally awesome. Atom is my new favorite scientist pony.
Tonto, You have no idea how long it took to spit that out at the pitiful 12 wpm rate I type. I might follow up on Atom's story later on but I don't know when this is ment to be Phile's tail after all Beeker and the rest being swept up in the draft was meant to be the only deveation from him however my muse wouldn't shut up about this thing since Peppy did his bit about the airship so i banged this out to get some peace of mind.
Peppy, I won't judge you but just know that untill they can be taught by thier father and brother the five Gamma sisters are basicaly blank slates at the moment. I claim to know nothing about real life A.I. but I get enough to understand that they have to be taught much like children and given that gamma modles 0-4 are soon come come on line they're basicaly infants in mentality.
220143 Even better.... I mean what? Why would anypony think that? Shame on them Srsly Tappable
Peppy, Intresting viewpoint you have there. You should just hope that Atom didn't install any security measures into his daughters for that kind of situation. Though between him and Alpha Five I think that the girls should be pleny safe while they begin thier education.
As a side note had it been Nightmare herself that knocked on his Door Atom would have just complimented Celestia on her costume upon first greeting her. Atom by far is the worst of the fur when it comes to becoming lost in his work to the point where he'll even forgo food for days on end if he's close to a breakthrough.
221159 That'd go over swimmingly lol
Why do you think Beeker paniced about the thought of his older brother working for the military? If he didn't end up courtmarshelled ad imprisioned he'd probly try to program an auto pilot into an airship and end up creating the equestrian version of HAL9000.
when next update
222829 Soon as its finished being edited. So soonish
I'll just leave this here...
Something nice.
Ahem...
Dash: I'M ON A BOAT. Take a good hard look at the motherbuckin' boat!
Had to be done, and I'm very sorry.
This story is amazing.
"I’ve never seen anything like that in any book I’ve been unfortunate enough to have to read" -
"I’ll finally be able to see some action!" - INNUENDO!
"Rainbow Dash lay sleeping in her cloud home above ponyville" -
"and with the Cake’s babies on the way" - Shouldn't that be Cakes'
Hey! I've been reading this amazing story for a few days now and this is by far my most fave chapter :D
Aerial combat itself is cool, if only the ponies had gunpower. I can see Nightmare wanting at least one cannon on each airship >D
You were so very close to have me hunt you down
Making Fluttershy go to war is NOT a good idea... I hope you know that
418063 Those air ships would suck anyways.
Kirovs on the other hand...
They are probably the ultimate war airships.
pnmedia.gamespy.com/screenshots/pcnc/50380850.jpg
cybergooch.com/images/artwork/kirov01.jpg
Armed with a seemingly infinite number of 800 kg BOR-850 bombs they are a force to behold. They also possess very heavy armor and the balloon is self-sealing.
They are the proof of Soviet war superiority.
(They would probably be able to level Nightmare Moon's castle in seconds)
>Its only five in the morning
*It's