Nightmare Moon survives the Elements' power and takes Twilight as her prisoner. Now, the alicorn queen must establish her monarchy and defend her rightful place as queen against those that oppose her.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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There are very little actual flaws in your writing, and those that there probably are, I can't see :P So don't worry so much in that department. enjoyed this little chapter, I'm quite interested to see where this will go.
Also, do you have an update schedule you are attempting to stick to?
I wonder what nightmare moon is going to have twilight do...and is this going in a romance direction????
Very well done! I'll be tracking.
I'm always fascinated with the villains, and with NMM in particular. She's so enigmatic, I've enjoyed reading all the widely varying stories and ideas about what she might have been like if she'd won. This is shaping up to be a good one.
Cool!You don't have a prereader? Well you don't need one. Although having a prereader could make it go from cool to awesome.
Can't wait for more!
Nice work on this chapter i liked the way you handled Twilight's reaction to nightmare's condition. That was a nice bit of quick thinking to use a tapesty like that, granted Murphies' law kicked into effect but still that was a nice gesture on her part ah well.
*Hums "No Good Deed" from "Wicked"*
Nice, we get a rough possible (I say possible because Twilight isn't the type to be satisfid with such a bare bones explenation.) theory as to how Nightmare overcame the Elements.
Poor Twilight she's being tossed about like a ragdoll, though things could be far worse for her she isn't being led about by a bridle or shackled to Nightmare's side, and she was allowed to keep those bedsheets that her parents gave her so it's not all bad.
This new castile that Nightmare wants I wonder what what's going to happen to Canterlot Castile when it's finished. Beter yet why not simpaly rebuild the Tempel of the Royal sisters and use that? While the everfree isn't exactly impassible it's still very dangeruos and residing thier would only add to her air of mystery and intimedation.
54006 Haha thank you. I don't have a set schedule to adhere to but I do try to get these out every other day. I work a lot so I write in my spare time before bed.
54017 Yes. There WILL be romance. Maybe not for a few chapters but it is definitely going to be a shipfic. Can't have this stuff happening overnight now can we?
54038 Yeah me too. Nightmare Moon is by far one of my fave characters. There just aren't enough fics with her.
54130 Heehee thank you. I always try to do what I can to keep it as error free and smooth as possible. I just recently had my mutter start reading them and she's helping to point out mistakes.
54192 Nightmare Moon will explain fully how it happened. Not now of course. I did consider her rebuilding the royal pony sister's castle but if you can remember from chapter 2 and the description, there is the whole Loyal Minion thing. Under the ruins of her old temple.
Anyhooves~ Thank you everypony and keep a lookout for chapter 4 within the next day or so.
(on a side not: fimfiction needs more NMM emotes)
Yknow gaiz. I didn't think about it when I uploaded the picture for the story, but the Twilight picture fits in pretty well huh?
Ok I tried my hardest to get as much of ch4 written as i could tonight but 2 hours of sleep isn't cutting it. Been dozing off while writing I'll be sure to work on it and try and have it finished tomorrow night or early friday morning. I REALLY wanted to get more than what ive got done but it aint gonna happen
Hey nii-san! its meez. you did great! umm... what is "mutter"? and uhh... um.... Hi? well yea... BAI!!!
57875 Its german for mother if you are referring to my after story notes
57881
Ohhh... HEY! you're forcing me to read this and u mention "mutter" and not me!?
I have a Q aswell. wats with the "57881"?
57929 It's my OC's name
57932 Also youre reading cause I can turn off your interwebs bwahahahaha
Chapter 4's about halfway done. It's going to be a little bit longer than previous chapters but i hope it will be just that much more awesome. I'd finish it tonight (erm morning) but after being informed a couple hours ago that my shift has been switched for tomorrow I won't be able to stay up as late as I planned. You can expect this to be updated tomorrow night with my promise! Can't even begin to tell ya how much i hate leavin you guys hanging
I´m assuming your Nightmare Moon will be a rather zealous mare in terms of her "possessions" In essence, Nightmare Moon is the product of Luna`s inability to have friends and perhaps something even more. Since her sister shadowed her amorous conquests towards her, Luna makes a friend, Celestia snatches it away, Luna has a date, Celestia steals the date. etc. etc. She peasures in "having" Twilight, to "have" her is, as if, a compensation.
59230 Interesting thought there. I was definitely going with the whole her not having friends and thus forcing Twilight into her ownership, but the thought of Celestia stealing her affections and such as that never crossed my mind. I did have that "Haha I have your student" thing in there though. NMM loves to spite her sister.
I know this will be a long ways down the road for this fic but I can't wait to see how these two react when they have feelings for eachother (Though when they finaly tell each other would be equaly if not more rewarding.)I don't know who's reaction will be more satisfiying Twilight given her incredible lack of scoical graces or Nightmare with all-about-me attitude.
'huh. I've always put my thoughts like this...'
"Shouldn't they be, though? Maybe it's just my Autism, but-"SMACK!
"Shaddup!"
"Fine, jeeze..."
Great chapter, mate.
Wonderful work. Although it makes me cringe to read itm, NMM's treatment of Twilight is true to form for a person who has just come into power and has little to no regard for anyone other than herself. I enjoy the dialogue and bits that give us insight into their minds.
It's protégé, not protege
Rereading this, just because. Yeah.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
I have to disagree with your editor about putting commas after ellipses.
You know, if you really want to word thoughts properly than you shouldn't "voice" them at all and instead work them into the description. Internal monouloging is considered to be sloppy writing in most published works.
>Also I really wanted to establish one of her biggest uhhh.... whatever that word is I'm looking for
I think the word you want is "dildo"
Since i couldn't find a good reaction image this will have to suffice
I did not see that coming...
That...that made sense actually. Also, are you considering editing all this because I just looked at another one of your stories and the difference in the quality of writing is quite something.
This part felt incredibly forced. Twilight might be nice and naive, but Nightmare has so far treated her horribly, essentially taken her as a slave, hurt her with the magic-binding ring, kicked her while she's down from the pain, threatened to kill her and now she's murdered several guards, some of which Twilight may have come to know while growing up at the palace, and even with all of this in mind, Twilight convinces herself this quickly that she'd be no better than Nightmare if she abandons the mare to a fate she richly deserves?
Very frankly speaking, it made me cringe. Even for someone like Twilight, it's just not remotely realistic.
Still, I'm interested to see where this is going, so I'll keep reading.
2700078 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4zlnxJS251rxzmdho1_500.jpg what this didnt fit the bill
Possibly a little bit late for this... but you do know here's a option button to putting Author's Notes in these right?
What's the ship?