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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Me like
...WELL...that can't get any more awkward...
Bet this will have some effect in their future, huh?
4861612 Nah....
4861611 Thanks!
might i suggest a different picture? this one would give us a visual of what Dusk actually looks like. the current pic confused me, because i thought that this was going to be a human story. my fault but i thought it would still help to have a pic that was the same as what the characters would look like.
4861629 Yeah, that's what I thought.
Cockblocked by Barb. I'm surprised that RD nearly managed to bang Dusk. I can't wait for the next chapter.
4861632 it is a human story, but with wings horns and tails. Sorry for the confusion
4861636 Interlude 3 part 4 will be a lot of fun but might take a while to complete. Ticket master, chapter 4 will be a real insane joy haha.
4861639 but it says anthro. ok, now i'm confused. maybe replace the anthro tag with a human tag, but add an authors comment at the beginning of the story stating the unique look of the characters? i'm sorry i'm being so picky, but it just really confused me. and maybe it was just me, but it never hurts to state my opinion.
4861644 I totally agree that it never hurts to ask quesitons and state ideas! Thanks for your imput. I had not used the human tag because I think of it as human as in human not semi anthro mixes of human and pony. Hmm. Will have to think about that thanks!
There's stuff like spelling again "agian" and the sudden weird shift in tense at the end that's sort of distracting. That editor you were talking about sounds mighty good about now! Not to be mean of course :)
4861681 its totally my fault. I stayed up to rush the last two or three paragraphs out. I will likely come back tomorrow and give this some polishing. God I wish I had an editor ><;
4863279 haha. First: thank you for holding out despite my errors. It's a great pleasure to have you enjoying my work and offering such constructive feedback.
Second: Sadly my attempts to acquire a editor or prereader have thus far been for not. The most common reason given is that they are uncomfortable with the fact I might have a little content in the future with a 16 year old having sex.
Third: the constant use of would is clearly a issue I need to go back over and try to clear up. I haven't written in about 12 Years except for rping on a thing called furcadia and have some very bad habits that I'm trying to break. Thanks for pointing the worst of my uses of would out. I just got us but will attempt to clean things up in that chapter today!
Fourth: the whole Canadian thing is to explain why I spell some words differently not to cover my ass for being bad at spelling haha. Though I fully admit that I am very bad at spelling as well.
Fifth: yeah in that chapter I made the mistake of copying q script figuring I would catch all the he and she's and be able to swap them easily enough. Clearly I've missed a bunch and will go back and try to hunt the rest down while I'm there looking into the overuse of would. Thanks again.
Sixth: thank you again for dealing with my mistakes and for trying to help me improve the quality of my story. It's a massive pleasure to have people so interested in in my first work in such a long time. I have to thank my readers daily for helping me find these kind of issues. Like how I now regularly search for any time I use your because I have found thanks to a keen eyed reader that I often misuse it instead of you're in my haste to write. So I will keep adding to my notepad file of things to double check like this. Thank you so much for caring!
Seventh: Clearly I need to not type long responses on my phone as It doesn't like the text input on this website. fixed a bunch of errors in this post. Bugger ><;;
4863279 as an example of my attempts to fix the over use of would!
it now reads:
These little changes will hopefully clear up the painful overuse of would's
I'd help out with editing but... I've got like, 4 different jobs I need to finish myself on other sites, so no go :( not that I'm that great anyway.
4863595 It's super sweet of you to offer the idea at all. Thanks a lot and keep up your kind work for others!
APPROVED 100% BY MADGOD! FEEL GOOD HAVE CHEESE AND CHOCOLATE MILK!
4865276 I like Chocolate Rain more.
4863532
Maybe check out the My Little Fetish forums. They get editors for Bestiality and Vore fics. I doubt anything you have in mind will faze them.
4865465 HAha. Thanks. Though I will fully admit I'm planning to keep this tamer then I could go for now...
Hey Psinova, if you need an editor and proof reader then I am willing to offer my services although I am working and taking college courses so please give me a window in which to look over the material. Let me know if this helps any and keep up the good work.
There is a discrepancy between what is said here and what is in the profile. It's only a letter though 32A here and 32B in profile. It seems Dash doesn't want to be part of the herd, but she might want to be when she is legal. I am worried about Scootaloo though. Dusk letting a tear fall on the letter to Cadance...that's not a good sign. I don't understand why Fluttershy was upset at Pinkie for saying 'Aunty Pinkie', yet Flutters is older. I know people who have younger uncles/aunts.
4872710 On the breast size good catch thanks! My bad!
And on Pinkie and the aunty line, its simply a simple reference to the show and Fluttershy's identical reaction. Glad you enjoyed it.
And instantly endeared to Dusk's interaction with Scootaloo. Not enough just-plain-friend relationships between kids and adults in stories. It actually furthers the show's message of "different kinds of people can be friends" by such interactions that go beyond the barriers of age, something so rarely seen these days. The show has Apple Bloom and Zecora, but it's nice for Scoots to get some love.
And then Rainbow becomes my least favorite for taunting him into breaking the law and enjoying his suffering.
Also, you could set your watch by how often Barb manages to come in at just the right time, or wrong time, depending on how you look at it.
Lastly, have you considered submitting this to more groups? I ask because it seems terribly unfair that my most popular story has so many more likes and views than yours, even though it's so much younger.
Oh God, I can only imagine the Blue-Balls poor Dusk has right now!