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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice job
5491364 Danke Shadow! :3
Once again, you did an amazing job with this story. Dusk's past with Sunset and Trixie was very interesting and the different cultural norms of the Griffins is very interesting. Dash's complicated past with Gilda, from being her lover/beta to having to talk against her in a trial, was intriguing and I wish to learn more about it in the next chapter. I also enjoyed how the CMC first got together by having Scootaloo assist Applebloom in protecting Sweetie Belle from bullies while learning a trick she was taught by RD. Scootaloo showed a lot of depth in this chapter , especially by realizing that she has an infatuation with Dash. Lastly, the romantic relationships in this chapter were very nicely portrayed. Dusk Shine feels out of the loop due to AJ and Rarity assisting the other Mane 6 (BTW, I didn't expected RD to help Rarity or that Fluttershy to have Rarity as her mistress. Nice twist) and the girls feel slightly embarrassed, yet Dusk manages to accept his mares' need to "assist" others without being possessive or disturbed by that revelation. I also enjoyed the fact that AJ and Rarity have developed feelings for each other as well and that even RD can still hold a candle for her last girlfriend. This is an amazing chapter and I hope the next chapter comes soon.
5491488 Thanks Moon, your views and feedback is always deeply appreciated! I am trying to really build things up here, most of all RD's past, and the fact that she really is the youngest and least mature of the six, yet in many ways she is really in the toughest place having to respect concern's the others don't have to think about, since she holds a job that is considered a public office, and thus has to be worried about what others think she is doing.
Oh boy... I'm not done yet however, paragraph 7 I'm fairly certain you ment ministrations not menstrations. I mean unless Dusk wanted his hair dyed red... *shudder* I immediately apologize.
5491585 Hahahahahahahahaha *dies laughing*
Thanks for the warning! See, every extra set of eyes helps ><;;
Another job well done I dare say. Keep up the good work! On another note...I have a bad feeling about Gilda. I suspect something to happen that makes her challenge Dusk and or mess with Dash.
5492098 Are you psychic, or psycho?
When does it say rainbow is under 18 in the show when it never gave any ponies ages
5492263 It's established in my story that Dash is turning 18 in about a week or so. If this website didn't have such strict rules on 16/17 year olds and explicit sex I would have written the scene, but since it isn't important for anything but titillation, I left it out. Sorry, but don't worry, after chapter 7 I will make it up to everyone disappointed.
5492345 oh good i thought i was missing season 5 episodes
5492579 Haha. Nah, but I can't wait.
Huh. Whoever this "Flamers" person is must be pretty cool to edit stuff. Like that can't say he did a fool-proof job, though. I can still see some errors here and there.
On an unrelated note, I can't wait for the next chapter. I bet it's epic (hopefully that Flamers guy will do a better job, though).
5493213 nerd.
I knew something else was bugging me...
Should be bouquet Darling.
5495078 thanks again! Hopefully you enjoyed the chapter itself
5495307
Chapter enjoyment?
th06.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/050/0/7/pinkie_pie_check__by_boem777-d4qal46.png
5491585
5495078
I'm sorry.
How did I miss those?
5534225 because you're dealing with my 506 other mistakes per paragraph.
5534225
*shrugs* A fresh set of eyes always helps.
That picture of Dusk reminds me A LOT of Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock.
5554919 haha. I never got around to watching that show but I've seen enough to know what you mean.
Night of the Living Character Development!
World building was nice and you're really building up Gilda's arrival, but the best part here was the character development. The CMC becoming friends feels way more natural than in the show and the way you set up the romantic/sexual relationships is quite fascinating. It's like the entangled web of alliances that set off WW1, only with more horse people poon.
Uhm...
Look at the birthday cake. There is 21 candles that we can see...Meaning she is 21.
But, if we consider that the cake has two sides, that would mean 41 candles. Thus, Dash is 41 years old. And consider Granny Smith's age has to be in the high 200s to low 300s for her to be there when the town is formed. It is very possible that ponies live a lot longer than us and stay youthful for a long time.
7362134 anniversary generally always means "all ten" years.
Since Dash is most unlikely just 10 years old (harty har), 2 years older then the crusaders, Anniversary must mean its her 20th's birthday.
Lauren Faust herself said that she intended the mane six to be set in their early 20s, in the show, that definition mostly ranges from 19 years (the later months especially) towards 24/25 years old.
So generally in the series, all mane 6 members had to be at least, say from the discord arc on for example, about 19-25 years old.