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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I love this chapter. It was interesting watching Dusk interact with Bronze (whom I think is developing a crush on him) and Surprise. Lyra's interaction with Derpy was entertaining to watch and I found Fluttershy's fearful attitude about meeting a dragon hilarious. Dusk's talk about the different types of dragons was a great read. Thanks for the great chapter. I hope the next one comes soon because I want to know the type of dragon they'd face along with the reason for Shy's phobia.
5855150 A REASON, you say? I'll admit, I'd like to see that too.
Ah, sorry about that, I don't typically give upvotes. "Diffusion of Responsibility" and all, you know?
5855150 well thank you! The extended Derpy scene was to make up for a decision I made recently to push Derpy’s interlude back a few chapters, in order to make the flow of chapters and the time line of events make sense. Bronze is a joy to write and will likely be around a long time, as my first oc to not be designed as a power broker, she has opened up a lot of storylines.
Dusk being Dusk is a joy. Such nerdity.
Surprise worked out surprisingly easy to write. A joy because I am always scared to write Pinkie wrong as she is so difficult to handle.
And Fluttershy. Oh Fluttershy.
5855187 oh no, I don't mind at all. I just got a little grumpy because of getting 4 downvotes in a week when until recently I hadn’t had a downvote in almost 2 months. I know, silly reason but urgh!
I've noticed in the past few chapters that when you switch to Lyra's perspective you starting replacing "e" with "i" in personal pronouns, not all of them but a significant number
5856129 Yeah! It's mostly a reminder that she is transgendered or futa.
Quite a good chapter Psi-nova.
The story is very entertaining and the pace is well. Though the part about the armor the wonderbolts are wearing bugs me.
Why use chainmail for flyers? Wouldn't it be better for them to be wearing either plate or something like a jack-of-plates or brigandine.
Since the extra mass involved would make it harder to fly, let alone make maneuvers needed when fighting.
Sorry, If it comes out as nit -picking to you.
I also have the same problem. People downvoting my fic without any feedback.
I mean come on, how are we supposed to improve without any given faults o fix?
5957612
Guess like a madman
On a side note I up vote almost every fic that doesn't have a cringe worthy concept, I work though back grammar. And this story I up in my top ten.
Here is the complementary stache.
First of all, I think I upvoted after the second chapter, to say nothing about commenting. As for why your story isn't more popular, like I said, spread it around to some groups. Apart from that, it might be the length of chapters. 2 to 4 thousand words seems the ideal, at least to me. Otherwise, no matter how good the story, I can't help but think that having to finish the chapter I started is a little bit of a chore. Not much good this late into the story, but it's just my 2 cents.
Oh, poor Dusk. After getting about a dozen promotions, now he gets to rest his head in one of his marefriend's laps while the other looks on without a trace of jealousy. Sorry, but it's hard to have sympathy with someone in this situation, even with what they're about to be up against.
The humor was nice, and almost as amusing was harnessing the people like ponies. Then Surprise actually showed up.
The mention of diamond dogs makes me look forward to Barb riding Dusk in an effort to bravely save Rarity.
Other than that, this largely felt like filler.
Lastly, as a fellow writer not sticking strictly to the order of the show, when do you plan to have Nightmare Night? Not when you plan to post, but when in the Equestrian calendar will it happen, like is it a Fall or Summer holiday?
A touch heavy with the shi/hir pronouns in Lyra's section. Seemed like some of those were unnecessary and kind of bogged it down a bit.
Otherwise fairly nice chapter. Liked Surprise's appearance and hope she isn't a temporary character.