ZOHMYWHAT2

by cloudedguardian

Slow Progress

“If it’s ‘unforgettable’ then why did they write it down?”

Twilight gave a slightly desolate and exasperated sigh at Pinkie’s otherwise cheery question.

“So that we could find it,” She replied simply looking up at the pink pony with the slight hope that she would just accept the fact that video games did not dictate to logic and would simply move on. “Otherwise we would still be wandering in circles and be unable to move on.”

“But you’re not supposed to write down your usernames and passwords and stuff where other ponies can find it, every site always tells you that! And then they always say “never give your password out” and all other sorts of really obvious rules that must mean that ponies keep doing really obviously dumb things, which really doesn’t make sense when you think about it, because making mistakes like that and getting your stuff all messed up be a Meanie Mcmean-pants is really no fun at all and-“

“PINKIE!”

“Yes, Dashie?”

“It’s a video game. Just take the clue, and go back to the computer you found, so you can log in, and we can move on already!”

“Okie Dokie Lokie!”

For the last twenty minutes, the horror game had decided to take a walk. Literally. After the jump scare under the bridge, the game had suddenly decided to forget that it was a horror game, and therefore was supposed to be spooky, and instead had sent their character on a very long and dull walk around downtown. There was no monsters, no bloody writing, not even a grumble of thunder, and it had gotten so boring that they had passed the “False sense of security” and right into the “Do you want to play cards until we get to the next area?”

The most interesting thing that had occurred was Pinkie’s discovery of a single Jack-o-lantern that looked identical to the one on her porch at home. No, really, that was the most interesting thing that happened. It did not help that it took a very long time for the girls to realize that said Jack-O-Lantern marked the only door that could actually be entered, and this was discovered only when Pinkie had finally resorted to trying every door she seen. All that was left to do was explore the coffee shop, which despite being empty and dusty wasn’t the least bit creepy due to the bountiful amount of light that was somehow streaming in through dirtied windows, and discover the locked computer. This in turn had queued the search to track down the two pieces of paper that they had earlier spotted, and would most likely provide them with the Username and Password to get into the computer. Up until this point, they had thought the paper simply litter, much like the bountiful amount of newspaper before it, and had not even tried picking it up. Video game logic had not yet kicked in, it seemed. Twilight’s guess was that doing so would provide them with the PIN they needed to get through the bloodied door, and hopefully into interesting times once more.

“Here’s the computer again! Which one do you think is the username, girls?”

“Excalibor,” Came the reply in a tone that was bored five times over.

“Wow, unanimous decision huh?” Pinkie chuckled, before obligingly typing it in.

“That is such a stupid and completely typical username,” Rainbow Dash grumbled, from where she lounged on the couch, casting her upside-down gaze on a bored Applejack. “Excalibor~!” She exclaimed, her voice cast in sarcastic excitement as she waved her hooves around in the air. “Woo.” She deadpanned, earning a small snort from the cowgirl.

“It does sound awful silly. Kinda like a colt tryin’ too hard to impress a schoolfilly he likes.”

“I think you just summed up the whole internet AJ.”

“That’s…” Applejack frowned as she mulled the thought over. “Pretty sad actually.”

“Eeyup.”

“You were right Twi, it did have the PIN! It’s 7216… And I think someone just came in the café.”

“Well thank Celestia for that. Even I was getting bored.”

Rainbow gave Rarity a rather sour look as Fluttershy laid down her cards from the spot where Rarity and her had been playing Go-Fish for the past ten minutes.

“No, really?” Dash muttered dryly in reply as she rolled over and off the couch to land on her hooves to trot over to the computer screen again.

“Well, go on. Go see if there’s a monster,” Rainbow said, poking Pinkie gently in the arm with the tip of her hoof. “There should be after all this.”

Fluttershy slowly crept her way up towards the computer chair as Pinkie slowly snuck over to the doorframe to peek around it. Fluttershy held her breath as Pinkie edged around to peek around the moldy wood to see… The door open all the way to reveal the still very empty street outside.

“Oh,” Fluttershy breathed, admittedly somewhat relieved.. “So- Um… Now we have to walk all the way back to the subway door, right?”

“I think that, now that we know where we are going, it shouldn’t take long for us to actually get there,” Twilight offered. “Which at this point even I am grateful for.”

“You and me both,” Rainbow grumbled, resting her head on the computer desk. “This game suddenly went from ‘Cry of Fear’ to ‘Cry of Boredom.’”

When they finally reached the locked door from whence they’d came, it was not with intimidation that they looked upon the bloodied “Help me” but with hope of an adventure.

Yes, I’m getting overly poetic. I’m bored too. Shoot me.

“Okay!” Pinkie exclaimed cheerily, clicking the door to bring up the rusty padlock. “Let’s see, seeeveeeen, twwwooooo, one, siiiix,” She said slowly, as she tapped each arrow to bring about its respective number.

*Click*

“Open Sesame!” She chuckled proudly as she pushed the door open to reveal the darkened passage ahead.

“This,” Rainbow began slowly, sitting up to get a better look at the screen, “This looks promising.”

As Pinkie stepped into the darkness, the game’s hints popped up along the top of the screen again.

You can put up to 3 items in your quick slots.

Another three steps forward caused the small box to scroll and reveal a new message.

This is much faster than equipping through the inventory and can save your life.

“And that’s very promising.” Rainbow grinned, a somewhat feral look finding its way upon her face.

Pinkie’s eyes went wide, and she tested the first door she came across with a hint of worried caution. It was locked, forcing her to step out of the darkened passage and out into the cold open, a hissing wind blowing a few dead leaves into drifting by her character’s nose as she stepped into the back area. As she turned to look at the two doors ahead, a metallic thunk echoed out, causing Fluttershy to duck behind Applejack again. Everypony else on the other hoof, was leaning forward with a hint of excited trepidation, and despite the ominous atmosphere that had descended, Pinkie made her way towards the two graffitied doors ahead.

Approaching the first, however, pulled the controls away from her as a cutscene took over. Breath was baited as the black bars thinned the screen, and the character muttered a cut-off curse as his phone beeped. The cell was pulled from it’s pocket to see a new text, four words long.

Look to the right.

If any of the girls had control of what the character did next, it would be to NOT look to the right. Perhaps to never look to the right ever again, if possible.

However, it was the game that was in control, and their character did in fact turn to the right, and the door nearby creaked open to allow him passage. Although in some ways she really didn’t want to, Pinkie still stepped through the door into the darkness beyond.

“What is with this game and dank dark corridors?” Rarity muttered with some disgust. “They could at least try for some variation.”

“I’m sure they’ll do something new for the next area. This game is way too popular for them to just reuse the same textures over and over again.” Rainbow said quickly, as Pinkie investigated the tape recorder laying on the ground at the next corner.

“Ooh! Save point!”

“That’s never good.” Twilight deadpanned, earning her a confused glance from Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie all at the same time.

“How is it not good, Twilight darling? It means that you won’t have to start over if something happens.”

“Yes, and the very fact that they decided to put one there usually means that something is about to happen.”

“It couldn’t just be because we’ve played for almost forty minutes now?”

“It could. I just don’t think so.”

Although Rainbow agreed with Twilight, she was more eager to see what that “Something” was, as well as what the relative reactions to it would be, to comment on the presence of the save point herself.

None-the-less, the second that the save was completed, Pinkie turned and made her way down the path once more, bringing back the hint box within the first minute of making the turn.

Press MOUSE2 to make a melee attack with your weapon. This will cause a small amount of damage to monsters in your immediate vicinity. Use it to push attack enemies when surrounded, or out of ammo.

“Is that proof enough of there bein’ “somethin’” for ya Rarity?”

“Ah, yes. Quite enough.”

“Hey Twilight, what does “Immediate vicinity” mean?” Pinkie asked, turning around in her chair enough to look at the purple unicorn seated behind her.

“To be in one’s immediate vicinity means to be very close, within hoof’s reach, so to speak.”

“Ooohhhh, okay.”

The next step forward that Pinkie took turned off all the lights. The girls froze as a rattling breath echoed out through the darkness, only Rainbow Dash looking hopeful. Pushing the forward key once more brought forth a shambling noise as the camera slowly panned forward to the single slit of light that could be seen. As it was reached, a malformed hand reached forward to push the door open, turning the slit of light into a small view of the hallway outside- Past which their own character walked with the loud snapping of shoes on cement.

“If that’s me, then who’s at the door..?” Pinkie asked slowly.

The camera snapped to hang above their character, to show the large splattering of blood that he had found before him.

Is that… Blood… on the floor?

“Eeyup,” Applejack gulped, leaning slightly into the trembling yellow pegasus beside her.

Their character continued to mutter to himself, even as the camera shifted again to reveal the malformed hand scooping up an abandoned hammer nearby. The speakers slammed out a painful bang as the door behind him slammed open as a deformed human tackled their character to their floor, prompting a scream from several of the girls. The second that their character kicked the monster off, Pinkie found the cutscene over and-

“No no no, I don’t want the controls back! Keep them! Oh no oh no oh no~” She muttered anxiously, grabbing the mouse and keys again to yank her character bank in time to dodge a hammer swing.

“It’s disgusting!” Rarity squeaked, “Absolutely horrid, completely awful and gross and-!”

“Twitchy.” Applejack deadpanned, her eyes wide but otherwise steady after her spectacular jump a second earlier.

“Get’em Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash cheered, and their character rushed forward to swipe at the thing with their knife.

A sickening crack echoed out as a hammer blow landed, but with a swipe more, coupled with a quick turn and thrust, the monster fell to the ground, prompting another cutscene to begin.

What the hell- Who was he?!

“I did it!” Pinkie squeed, somehow stretching her reach far enough to glomp Rainbow Dash from her spot at the end of the desk.

*Zsst*

“You sure did Pinks.”

I’ve… *bzzt* I’ve got to call the Police! *Kzzt*

As they celebrated however, Fluttershy gave a rather strangled and frightened squeak, for each time their characters frightened words was cut off by static, each blitz brought up a gruesome image- Gone before you could truly see it, but there long enough to unsettle one and bring the feeling of haunted despair with it.

Pinkie quickly turned back to view the screen, to see nothing other than their character struggling with his phone.

Dammit… No signal.

His tone was oddly calm, despite the linger of fright that was in it. The cutscene ended, and as Pinkie turned to look down at the defeated monster, it vanished into thin air, prompting a collective chill around the room. She gave an audible gulp, before heading through the door that the monster had burst from just a moment earlier.

“Glowing item. Pick it up.” Rainbow said quickly, pointing at the screen where a bright red and white glowing cylinder sat.

Pinkie obliged, and the game promptly told her it was a syringe. Before she had done so much as a raise an eyebrow, Rainbow declared that it was for health, and was pretty typical a health item at that. She shrugged and moved to look down the hatch that led to the next level, just to stop completely where she stood.

“I am not going down there.”

“What? Why not?” Rainbow asked, her tone incredulous as she stared at her earth pony friend in disbelief.

“Err, I’ll have to agree with Rainbow on this one Pinkie, you kinda have to go down there to move on.”

“No, we have to go down there to move on. I am not going to.”

“But why not?!” Rainbow Dash spluttered, her disbelief growing audible.

“There’s water down there.”

There was a moment’s silence as RD processed what Pinkie had said. When the realization hit, her hoof hit her forehead in an audible clap.

“Pinkie. This is not Amnesia. Nor is it an Amnesia mod. This is a Half-life mod. There are no invisible monsters in the water.”

“I don’t care. If it doesn’t have pretty pink bubbles and sparkles in it, I am NOT going in it.” She deadpanned stubbornly, crossing her forelegs with a hint of finality.

It was not very often that Pinkie actually frowned, but this was one of those few times, and for a good minute, Rainbow Dash just stared at her with a look of complete exasperation and incredulous disbelief. After that minute had passed however, Rainbow Dash gave an irritated sigh and stepped towards her.

“Okay fine,” RD snapped, a determined look quickly settling on her face. “You don’t have to go into the water. Just get outta the chair so I can do it myself.”

Pinkie’s frown immediately flipped into a huge grin, and she bounced out of the chair with a flourish to land beside Twilight.

“Okie Dokie Lokie!”

Comments

[Dry Wit]

Apparently Twilight Sparkle has read the TvTropes page for Suspicious Video Game Generousity.

[UseFistNotMouth]

Oh, the game characters are humans?