The Last Crusade

by Scribblestick

Chain of Command

Gilda took off her snowsuit the second she crossed into griffon territory. “Would it really be so hard to cut holes for wings?” she muttered. She stuffed the suit into her bag and took off, stretching her sore and cramped muscles as she made her way toward the Nest. Surprisingly, she’d seen no sign of Nightmare Moon, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it.

She decided to leave that oddity for another time and focus on getting home. A smile came to her beak when the Nest came into view. A flight of recruits was practicing a formation near the training grounds, and she reminded herself to thank whoever had taken over their training in her absence.

To her surprise, the griffon overseeing the recruits was none other than Colonel Glade, the very griffon she needed to see. She swooped down beside him, panting a little from her hard, fast flight, and said, “Captain Gilda reporting, sir.”

“Major, take over,” Glade said to a griffon standing to his left, who immediately began barking orders to the flight. “Welcome back, Captain.”

“Thank you, Colonel,” Gilda replied.

“Did you get the potion?”

“Yes, sir.”

Colonel Glade looked around, as if searching for someone else. “And the sergeant?”

“She stayed in Zebrica, sir.”

The colonel frowned. “Was there a problem?”

“No, sir. Well… no. No there wasn’t, sir.”

Colonel Glade raised an eyebrow. “You don’t seem so sure, Captain.”

“It’s a bit complicated, sir.”

The colonel glanced at the snowsuit poking out of her bag and sighed. “I expect your full report in half an hour. Get yourself some food and meet me in the Dragon’s Den.”

“Yes, sir.” Gilda nodded and flew towards her quarters. The bulky snowsuit was throwing off her balance, and she was glad to get it out of her bag. She then flew to the mess hall, scarfed down a quick meal, and made it to the Dragon’s Den with five minutes to spare.

“You’re early,” the colonel noted as she landed in front of him and a few other officers. “That’s unusual for you.”

Gilda ignored the veiled jab and saluted. “Captain Gilda, sir, here to present my full report of the mission to Zebrica.”

“And down to business,” Glade said with a smile. The other griffons chuckled. “I’ve asked Major Gardner and his staff to listen to your report, since they are in charge of planning and coordinating the defense of the Nest should it fall under attack.”

Gilda gave the major a quick salute as well. “Yes, sir. As you know, Sergeant Scootaloo, Spike, and I were assigned to travel to Zebrica and retrieve a potion that would potentially strip Nightmare Moon of her powers. We successfully located the zebra Zecora and obtained the potion.” She reached into her bag and removed the carefully-wrapped bottle from within. “Zecora’s assistant demonstrated the potion’s capabilities, and both the sergeant and I are convinced that this potion will play a key role in our defense.”

One of the major’s assistants stepped forward and took the potion from the captain. “You said Sergeant Scootaloo remained in Zebrica,” the colonel said.

Gilda took a deep breath. “Yes, sir. It seems two of her childhood friends are living with the pony colony in Zebrica. The colony is planning to attack Canterlot in the near future, and she felt it was her duty to remain in Zebrica to help her friends.”

“Canterlot?” Glade repeated. “Have they lost their minds?”

“The sergeant is convinced that the ponies have a reasonable chance of success, sir.”

“Has the sergeant forgotten what happened the last time such a feat was attempted?” Glade asked.

Gilda shook her head. “No, sir.”

“Have you, Captain?”

“No, sir.”

“Then explain to me why you allowed an officer under your command to not only abandon her duties but also support and plan such a risky attack.”

Gilda took another deep breath. “As I said, sir, the sergeant felt it was her duty.”

“The sergeant’s duty is to the Nest and the protection of those who call it home, as is yours, Captain,” Glade snapped. “As her commanding officer, it was your duty to make sure she returned to the Nest, as ordered.”

“I was unable to persuade her, sir,” Gilda answered. “Scootaloo’s decision was her own to make. Her friends are determined to retake their home, and they needed her help. Who are we to say she shouldn’t help her own kind?”

Colonel Glade scowled. “I suppose she took Spike with her, then?”

“Spike? I haven’t seen him since we got separated in Equestria.”

The colonel froze for a moment. “Separated?”

“Yes, sir. Nightmare Moon attacked us en route to Zebrica. Spike distracted her so we could get away. I assumed he came back here.”

The colonel exchanged a nervous glance with the major, who cleared his throat. “We have not seen Spike since he left the Nest.”

“You’re sure he’s not in Zebrica?” asked the colonel.

“I think a giant purple dragon flying around on mechanical wings would be pretty obvious, sir.”

Colonel Glade began pacing back and forth. “I can’t believe this. I told him specifically to stay with you two.”

“He was trying to make sure Scootaloo and I made it to Zebrica,” Gilda said.

“Silence!” Glade barked, and Gilda obeyed. “Do you have any idea what this means, Captain?”

“Spike was instrumental to our defensive strategy,” Major Gardner explained when he saw Gilda’s blank expression. “We believe dragons are one of the few things Nightmare Moon fears, and for good reason. Their hide is nearly impervious to magic, and they’re ferocious fighters.”

“And thanks to you, we’ve lost him!” Glade shouted.

“Me?” Gilda said. “How is it my fault? You’re the one who sent him away.”

“And you’re the one who let him face Nightmare Moon—alone, no less,” Glade replied. “Not only that, but you’ve allowed one of our best officers abandon her post for a suicide mission.”

“You say that like I can control them,” Gilda said, her voice rising. “Scootaloo can be almost as stubborn as I am, and Spike’s a full-grown dragon, in case you forgot. Besides, blaming me won’t get us any closer to taking Nightmare Moon down, so I suggest we organize our defenses before we start pointing talons at each other.”

“I didn’t ask for your suggestion, Captain,” the colonel spat before turning to speak with Major Gardner. “Nightmare Moon’s spy knows where we are. We must assume the dark mare knows as well. We must also assume that since Spike has not returned and Equestria still lies in eternal night, he lost the battle with Nightmare Moon and is now imprisoned or worse.”

“The captain did bring us the potion,” Major Gardner said. “It could give us the edge we need.”

“Nightmare Moon could attack at any moment,” said the colonel. “You and your soldiers must come up with a strategy, and quickly.”

“We could attack Canterlot,” Gilda suggested.

Colonel Glade’s head snapped around. “What are you talking about?”

“I saw no sign of Nightmare Moon on my return journey,” Gilda explained. “It is possible that she was wounded in her battle with Spike.”

“Possible, but not probable enough to risk our soldiers,” Glade replied.

“Well, our other option is to wait for her to recover and plan an attack on the Nest,” Gilda said. “Any chance that she’s weak is better than that, however small it is.”

“She does have a point,” Major Gardner started to say, but the colonel cut him off.

“The ponies put you up to this, didn’t they?” Glade asked. “They asked you to come back and rally our forces to help them in their attack.”

“No, but I think that’s a good idea,” Gilda replied. “The ponies might not be strong, but they have some powerful allies and a plan that I think could work.”

“You said the same thing about Rainbow Dash,” Glade said.

Gilda’s jaw stiffed. “Yeah, what of it?”

“I don’t think I need to remind you how that turned out.”

Gilda felt herself lowering into an aggressive crouch. “Don’t you dare speak poorly of General Dash.”

“Captain, I know you two were friends, but Dash’s strategy cost us dearly,” Glade said with a sigh.

“You think it was her strategy?” Gilda growled. “Think again, Colonel. Dash sent a spy to poison Nightmare Moon. When she failed, she tried to warn the general, but our griffon guards sent her away. If we—if I had listened to her then, we might have been able to save ourselves and the battle.”

“Don’t talk to me about what might have happened, and don’t try to blame our soldiers for it,” Glade hissed. “Also, you will address me as sir.”

“No, I don’t think I will.”

Glade’s eyes narrowed. “Is that a challenge, Captain?”

“Depends. Will you apologize for insulting Rainbow Dash?”

Glade took a few steps toward her. “You are out of line, soldier.”

“Am I?” Gilda asked. “Our allies are preparing to attack, and you’d rather stay here and do nothing?”

“An attack on Canterlot is suicide.”

“It’s no different than waiting for her to come to us,” Gilda replied. “Nightmare Moon defeated Spike without any time to prepare. If we wait for her to attack, she will have a plan, and we will be in serious trouble, potion or no potion.”

“And if we attack, we’ll be fighting her on her own territory,” the colonel shouted. “She’s had over ten years to plan how to defend Canterlot.”

“I know that,” Gilda said. “The ponies and their allies know it, too. I told Scoots she was crazy for staying, but the more I’ve thought about it, the more I think she’s right.”

“You’re letting your feelings get in the way of reason and duty.”

“My duty is to protect the Nest,” Gilda replied. “The way I see it, the best way to do that is to strike now while Nightmare Moon is weak and our allies are strong. They have a plan, Colonel. For our own good, I suggest we help them carry it out.”

“That is my decision to make, not yours.”

“Not if I can help it.”

The colonel stared at her for a moment. “Name your challenge.”

“Aerial arena. First blood. Winner commands the Nest.”

Colonel Glade smirked. “Very well. See you in thirty minutes. And next time, Captain, remember that I expect my orders to be obeyed.”

Comments

[Page Flipper]

Hello there! You already know who I am, so no use introducing myself. Straight into the review then!

--WARNING: The following review may contain horrible jokes and puns in an attempt to lighten the mood. Viewer discretion is advised--

First impressions: I like it very much. The thought of Nightmare Moon winning when she came back really interests me, so I was very excited when I was given this story to review. In fact, this story was in my read later list. Funny.

Onto the facts now, I guess. Yay, criticism!

Spelling and Grammar: Aside from the rare typo (probably caused by the slip of a finger rather than actual misunderstanding) and the misspelling of "Appleloosa", the spelling was spot on. Paragraphs flowed smoothly and only a single sentence seemed awkward to me. (Well, the single one I could find.) Proper use of indents, capitalisation, apostrophes, the whole sha-bang. Which means the grammar is good too. I'm not sure what else I could put here, so well done!

Characterisation: Pretty damn good, I must say. Each character was very well done. You've matured the CMC, but they're still the same characters from the show, which is good to see. Sweetie Belle's anger management issues is a tad odd for me to adjust to, though. She's such a sweet character in the show. But I guess going through something like that would leave a few mental scars on somepony. Tortured for months, watching her sister die, and losing her cutie mark to necromancy and she only gets PMS. I'm surprised that she gets off rather easily with that.

Ha, I kid! Her character development is well done and believable. But a few PTSD symptoms wouldn't go amiss...

Scootaloo and Zecora both feel like they've been ripped from the show. You'd be great at writing poems, because Zecora's lines don't feel forced or awkward. The dread and terror of the situation never seems to leave the characters, so you've kept the air of "oh Celestia is we gun dy?" and it fits the atmosphere of the story perfectly.

And Gilda is still a bitch as always. Damn, I want to trap her in a cage and send her to a quill maker who is also a tanner that likes chicken.

Plot: Very well paced. You've weaved current events and the explanations of previous events together brilliantly. Plot points are beefed up with nice character interaction and it doesn't feel rushed, slow, or confusing at all. Oh, and bonus points for having the chapters similar in word count!

Miscellaneous:

Sweetie let out a soft moa. The sound of a-

Why did you leave out that "n"? Is he your "n"-emy?

“You tested it on Sweetie Belle first?” the princess asked, her eyes widening a little. “That’s a first.”

Thank you Captain Princess Obvious! Aside from word repetition and my intentional misinterpretation of her meaning of "a first", the line also doesn't sound like Celestia. We know it isn't Celestia now, but such a delicate operation would require Chrysalis to be able to emulate at least Celestia's slightly more formal language.

I... think that's about it.

Overall: Well written and entertaining. 6.472 x π ÷ 4 fengdingles out of 5!

Keep up the good work, Scribblestick!

~Page Flipper, reviewer for WRITE
djotter.blossers.net/StorageBank/WRITE01.png
~May your days be filled with laughter!~

[Scribblestick]

1984971 Thanks for the review!

the misspelling of "Appleloosa"

Gah, I thought I got rid of all those. Do you remember where you saw it? I can't seem to locate it on Fimfic or my word doc.

Fixed Sweetie's typo, working on "Celestia's" dialogue. May throw in some PTSD for good measure. Thanks for the tips!

~Scribs

[Scribblestick]

1984971 Also,

You'd be great at writing poems, because Zecora's lines don't feel forced or awkward.

I do have some experience with poetry, in fact. Not much, but a bit. Zecora's lines are still infuriatingly frustrating sometimes, though.