There's Something Happening

by minniezombie

Chapter 4: Sometimes Ponies Lie

Twilight didn’t invite her friends back to the cottage after that. She hadn’t invited them in the first place, but she apologized and let them know she needed to be truly alone for a while. There was no protest from them although this went directly against Twilight’s usual values and they were worried about her. Twilight spent all her time locked in the cottage with the thick curtains drawn and no lights on, mindlessly grazing on the delicious food Celestia had the pantries stocked with all night and sleeping every day. It helped to take her mind away, which she was thankful for.

Although she tried desperately not to, Twilight thought about what Rainbow Dash was talking about before her friends’ last take-off. Something bad-weird was happening all over Equestria. Or, Twilight thought, what happened at the party just… never ended. That’s what it sounded like to her. Ever since the party, disappearances and deaths. Thinking about this too long often ended up in a major shut-down of some sort. She’d curl up under a few quilts on the floor and cry, or she’d eat until she couldn’t move, or she’d read a book she hated just to feel something.

Sometimes she would wake up and immediately wonder where Spike was, since she usually started the day with him. Then, she would notice that the sun was still down – not from dawn but to dusk. When she absorbed her surroundings and the reality set in, she just went back to sleep. She just slept and ate, never opening the doors or windows and never writing to her friends after the apology letter. She wanted to disappear. She secretly, and guiltily, wished that whatever made those other ponies poof into thin air would just take her away too. She wondered why it didn’t, if it was random. She wanted to stop thinking about it but analyzing all those little details consumed her. She felt like if she didn’t do this, she would miss something crucial and would have indirect involvement with catastrophe yet again.

Everything was wrong. Twilight couldn’t bear to think about Rarity and Pinkie Pie. She understood that they were gone too, but her mind almost wouldn’t let her believe it. She thought back to all the times one of them had been kidnapped or lost or seemingly poofed into thin air . They had to be somewhere, she knew of it. All the missing ponies of Equestria had to be somewhere. She didn’t see their end the way she saw Spike’s, she didn’t have to see them lying there lukewarm and nothing but biomass. She involuntarily gagged any time that last image of Spike entered her mind, threw up if she had food in her stomach, which was all dangerously common. So common that her throat constantly burned now. She would eat food to replace what she lost, but then she’d just throw up again at some point. Every topic she lingered on turned into that image. Every single one.

Twilight guiltily recalled the last interaction she had with her friends. Although she had apologized, she felt like she didn't even deserve to call them friends anymore. The hours each seemed to stretch into infinity. She watched the minute hand sit still until suddenly it peaked back up at the top over and over again and eventually she realized the sun had come up in the sky. Seeing the sun these days instantly made her tired. She rested her head on her hooves, not bothering to move to the bed, and thought about how she could apologize to Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack. Thought about how Rarity and Pinkie Pie deserved apologies too. Tried not to think about Spike.

When Twilight awoke, the sun was still up. She fell asleep with her eyes still trained on the clock, so when she opened them she saw that she’d only slept a few hours. Four hours and twenty-three minutes, to be precise. It came to her in a dream. She would write them a letter. She would write them each a letter, even Rarity and Pinkie Pie. She thought about these letters so much, started writing them in her head – starting with Rainbow Dash. She felt the worst about how she treated Rainbow Dash. Her own behavior shocked and disgusted her. Threatening physical violence was far beyond any line she’d ever come close to crossing. Even as she remembered it, she could feel her stomach churn, her cheeks warm. All the emotions she felt these days were regret, guilt, shame, and grief.

–

After Twilight’s outburst Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack went straight to Princess Celestia. They had been in close contact with her since the party, considering the horrors that were terrorizing the citizens of Equestria and their duty to protect everypony. Celestia was staying in Ponyville, as it seemed to be the main target, with a large protective magical dome covering the entire premises. Although she put the dome up, the disappearances and deaths just moved to other places in Equestria. Their latest concern was havoc in Everfree Forest. There were seemingly no animals but predators left, and they were hunting each other for sport – making the forest a legitimately dangerous place to be near. Celestia cut the force field off just at the clearing before the woods, but that didn’t stop citizens and creatures who weren’t Ponyville residents from mistakenly entering the forest. Of course, they would never return.

Princess Celestia was staying in Twilight’s old place and attempting to make it comfortable by putting everything that belonged to Spike in a consolidated location and meticulously cleaning and organizing. This wouldn’t have taken long originally, but there were certain things Twilight had in her house that caught Celestia’s eye and confused her. Writings strewn about the desks, annotations in books, to-do lists; all suggesting one similar thing – Twilight was unwell before the attack.

Rainbow Dash knocked on the big front door sharply with her hoof and Princess Celestia had the door open before her last knock which had Dashie inadvertently throwing herself inside. The concerned look the princess gave had Rainbow Dash speaking before she even greeted her.

“Twilight just threw a bookshelf at my head.”

Princess Celestia looked doubtful and almost offended. “I’m sorry?”

“Twilight threw an entire bookshelf at my head.”

“She’s not lying.” Applejack chimed in. Fluttershy was behind her shaking her head ‘no’ in agreement.

“What happened?” Celestia calmly demanded.

“We went there to… to –”

Applejack once again chimed in. “We went there to say hi. We thought Twilight could’ve used company, maybe some good old-fashioned support.”

“Yeah! And she threw a bookshelf at my head!”

“What was said?” Celestia seemed incredulous.

“She was mad at me because… Well, I asked her why she was even trying if she didn’t care – She said she didn’t care, by the way. But before that, I asked for her help! With… all this –” Rainbow Dash made a general all-encompassing gesture – “and that was her response. That she didn’t care. She doesn’t care,” she started to tear up. “And she threw a bookshelf at my head!”

“I think she gets that part, Dashie,” Applejack muttered quietly, but not out of earshot from the princess.

“Well, if she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be in that cottage right now. And she definitely wouldn’t have thrown a bookshelf at your head,” Celestia seemed to still be thinking but this answer was not satisfying for the ponies.

“To be fair,” Applejack was a good voice of reason. “Fluttershy was clearly right about her not wanting company, and you were pushing her mighty hard. I get the desperation, trust me, I do. But I think she is just way too fragile right now. That’s why I said we shouldn’t mention it. I thought hearing that it was still happening would break her for good…”

Princess Celestia looked approvingly over at Applejack. “That is a very keen observation, Applejack. You’re right. Rainbow Dash, I don’t think what you were doing was wrong. Your heart was in the right place, as usual. However, if just one death has put her in this state… I cannot imagine that knowing it never ended would be healthy for her. Her outburst was unacceptable but we must remember that she is nowhere near her right mind. You weren’t hurt, and certainly she could’ve hurt you if she wanted to. It might be a better idea to leave her alone for a while. I don’t think she was as mentally sound as we all thought she was, even before the tragedy.”

“What do you mean?” Rainbow Dash asked. She was still upset with Twilight, but mostly concerned. Especially after Celestia’s two cents, because she was undeniably right.

“I don’t want to reveal such personal things, but I want you all to understand the gravity of what she is facing. She normally puts on a brave face, especially for you girls. She is very good at being courageous and friendly. Extraordinary even, so good at it that I never suspected she was struggling. But I know now that she always was. I believe that suppression of her true emotions may have contributed to the camel’s back shattering this way.”

This left the ponies speechless. They didn’t ask any further questions about what Celestia was referring to, but it was those writings that littered Twilight’s home. On the outside, she was radiant and kind. She uplifted any and everyone, and believed that nopony was truly bad deep down.

Except, apparently, herself.

--

Twilight sat at the desk in the bedroom of the cottage with paper sprawled around her and something inside her recognized that this was her element. However, as she stared helplessly at the quill and paper, thoughts bombarded her and prevented her from picking the quill up and starting any of the letters she intended to write. She kept having ideas for what to say, but then as she would go to put the ideas down she felt embarrassed of them and decided to "think on it" a bit more which resulted in nothing getting done. She had so much to say, and yet had no desire to say any of it. She was really only doing this for her friends, out of a sort of emotional obligation. She hated the idea of changing as a pony and driving everyone away, especially after losing so many friends maybe forever.

She wanted to apologize, she wanted to explain, she didn't want to excuse, but she didn't want to mention the tragedy or have to write about her own mental state. She didn't want ponies to know how she really felt, even though she was wearing it on her sleeve. She kept taking huge bites of plain hay and chewing on them for minutes at a time, deep in thought.

She felt as though she didn't deserve her friends which also prevented her from being encouraged to write their apology letters. Her motivations had been fettered by her own actions, just like always. So helpless to resist her deepest emotions but so used to hiding them.

The thought of everything she had done to upset her friends, Princess Celestia, anypony else. She raked her memories and recalled every single negative reaction she'd ever given somepony. She remembered snapping at Rarity for making a mess of her library. She remembered snapping at Spike.

She suddenly decided she wouldn't write anything that night.

Author's Note:

I apologize for posting this chapter so much later than I said I would -- college is surprisingly time consuming. Who woulda thunk

Comments

[TheTeenBrony]

When will the next chapter be?

[dark_samus3]

Can't wait for more