Travelers Tales: Discord The Champion Of Ponyville

by Slippin_Sweetie

Paying Social Calls: Part One

Discord, Angel, and Owlicious sat together at the Ponyville cafe, enjoying their scheduled lunch break assigned to them by Owlicious. Discord took a bite out of his teacup as he looked over at the disillusioned Angel, "What's your problem?"

Angel Bunny looked up suspiciously at the draconeequs, slowly chewing on a lovely salad of lettuce, spinach, carrots, and cucumbers.

"I don't trust you... why did you give me a voice?" he cocked a brow, munching on a slice of cucumber, "What's in it for you?"

Owlicious sighed, taking a bite of a giant moth. Discord had magicked him up a plate of insects, which was a fine meal. He didn't imagine ponies would enjoy watching him choke down a rat.

Discord chuckled, "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me, and besides, I don't speak animal. You help me with Fluttershy's pets, and I help you by allowing you to flirt with any mare that gives you a scratch behind the ear."

Angel's ears popped up, considering Discord's offer as he slowly chewed, "Hmm... sounds like a deal."

"Speaking of our duties, we have more to accomplish, gentlecreatures," Owlicious chomped down another insect before properly wiping his beak, "I believe we should stop by Mayor Mare's and see if she requires any of our help."

Discord sighed, rubbing his temple, "If she goes on about finances again, I think I'll cease to exist… alright gentlecreatures, let's get a move on."

With a snap of his fingers, the three instantly appeared in Mayor Mare's office, "Ms. Mare? It's Discord!~" he chimed.

"I hate when you do that..." Angel shook his head, dizzy from the transport.

Mayor Mare jumped up in fright, turning around in her swivel chair to face the draconeequs.

"Oh! Uh... Discord! And... Fluttershy and Twilight's pets... how... nice?" Mayor Mare smiled nervously, rubbing her hooves. "So glad you visited; I was... hoping you could help with something," It seemed she was more asking out of obligation and fear than genuinely wanting his help.

"Princess Celestia is visiting us this afternoon, and I haven't had any time to do anything but prepare myself for our meeting. Since Pinkie Pie is away, I was hoping you could handle the festivities?" she asked cautiously.

Discord slowly chuckled before erupting into a fit of laughter, "Is that all? This is the easiest thing I've done this week! A party for Celestia, you couldn't ask for a better creature for the job aside from Celestia herself!"

Mayor Mare laughed awkwardly, "Aha, I'm... sure. First, I'd like you to check in with the Cakes to ensure everything is ready for her arrival; you know how much Celestia loves her sweets. Next, I'd like you to check in with Amethyst; she's an event organizer who can help with decorations. Lastly, please ensure the Ponyville police are at their stations. I know she brings her own guard, but with the Princess and her friends away, it would be nice to feel more... secure."

"I'm sure you can handle all of that." Mayor Mare softly smiled.

"Is that all?" Angel rolled his eyes.

"Er... did that rabbit just talk?" The mare blinked, rearing up.

"Yeah, what's the problem?" He hopped up on her desk, crossing his arms.

"Um, nothing, nothing, of course!" Mayor Mare smiled, although she couldn't help but scoot away from her desk.

"Don't bully her, Angel; it's rude," Owlicious crooned from Discord's shoulder.

"And... so is the bird... er..." the Mayor got up and cleared her throat, trotting to her door to open it up for her guests.

"Thank you for visiting; I'll let you know if there are any other duties I need help with," she subtly gestured for the door, "If you need any help... don't hesitate to contact me! With a message... from my secretary."

Discord raised a brow at Mayor Mare, "Oh what, are you too good for me?" he'd scoff as he'd wave off the earth pony, "Teh, typical politicians and their sense of superiority." he'd stamp out of the door before quickly snatching Angel off her desk.

Teleporting outside of Sugarcube Corner, Discord looked at Angel, "Now I know I gave you the ability to speak, so I trust that you'll have the good sense not to use that ability in front of Celestia she tends to get fussy when her 'harmony' gets out of order."

Angel rolled his eyes, "Whatever, I'll talk to anypony I like!" He'd grumble under his breath.

Discord would sigh before stepping into the cake shop, seeming overwhelmed by the thick scent of frosting and baked goods, "Goodness… how could anypony work here, let alone live here, is beyond me… smells like a toothache..."

"It smells rather lovely, although I can't eat it." Owlicious sniffed, "Smells like... sugar-coated heaven."

Discord cleared his throat, "Hello? Mr. and Mrs. Cake? I was sent by the Mayor to ensure we have the proper assortment of teeth rotting confections to give Celestia."

There was the sound of bickering from the other side of the counter behind a door where the kitchen was held. For another minute, there was silence until Mr. Cake trotted out, a bead of sweat going down his brow.

"Oh, Mr. Discord, how nice to see you! I didn't know you were going to help with the festivities... uh... sure, why don't *WE* show you what we've cooked up?" He emphasized the 'we,' a squeak coming from the kitchen.

"Please, no need for formalities. Discord works just fine." Insisted Discord as he raised his brow, amused at the implied bickering the Cakes had moments ago.

"Just follow me..." the earth pony would open the door, trotting inside.

The bakery was filled with confections and pastries of every kind and flavor, layered cakes that went up to two feet in height, a chocolate fudge lava cake with caramel drizzle, vanilla frosted strawberry shortcake cupcakes, and the list went on. A giant sundae was in a serving bowl, topped with banana slices, cherries, and hefty caramel and chocolate drizzle portions.

"As you can see, we have quite a lot already started, but we also need more for the guests..." Mr. Cake spoke before blushing.

"Not to imply the Princess has a large figure, but... she has quite a big appetite."

Discord rolled his eyes, "She'll have more than a big figure if she eats an entire banquet. Fatty." Muttered Discord under his breath.

"Now, what's wrong with a large figure?" Mrs. Cake looked at her husband before turning to the draconeequs, "Ah... hello Discord. I'm not sure we've ever met, but you know Pinkie Pie... and you're... friends, right? Nice to meet you."

Discord shrugged, "We get on from time to time…." he leaned close, "Between you and me, she's has a few screws loose, and that's coming from ME of all creatures!"

"Ohoho, well, Pinkie's always been an... excitable one, that's for sure." Mrs. Cake replied, not quite certain how to take that.

Angel couldn't help but hop up onto one of the counters, taking a nibble of a banana slice. Discord swatted Angel away from the desserts as he examined the selection callously, "Now, I'd hate to scrutinize your hard work, but where did you pull your selection of pastries and cakes from?"

"Actually, most of these are family recipes!" Mrs. Cake smiled proudly, "There's only a few that I've begun experimenting with, but yup, these all came from my grandmother and me!"

"Hey now, sweetie, some of these I made with you," Mr. Cake looked crestfallen.

"Oh honey, you know we're a family, so of course, it comes from both of us!" His wife admonished him.

"Yes, dear..." Mr. Cake sighed, "And all of our ingredients come from the town unless it's quite rare. We've been hoping to get more exotic fruit like mangoes and coconuts for more diverse options, but they're quite expensive this year."

"Yeah… none of these would enter her mouth," Discord replied straight to the point, "Suffice to say she wouldn't touch these, now don't be offended! This isn't because they're bad but… unfamiliar to her."

Discord flicked his claw through the icing of one of the cakes, tasting them before feeling the texture between his claws, "Yes… I'm afraid this won't do at all."

Mrs. Cake shot up, "What in Equestria do you mean?! We've made the same pastries for her every time she visits! How could she not enjoy them?!"

"Now calm down, honey; why don't we... listen to him?" Mr. Cake smiled awkwardly.

"Oh... well..." Mrs. Cake sighed.

Angel sighed loudly, tugging on Discord's tail with an expectant and curious look. Owlicious coughed, rather un-birdlike.

Discord flicked Angel away with a swift movement of his tail, "Celestia is courteous and polite, you could give her vomit on a plate, and she'd still keep it at her table. But would she eat it, no sir!"

The draconeequs continued, "I have witnessed over a thousand years of state dinners, Summer Sun Celebrations, and birthdays. I know exactly what makes Celestia tick." he'd summon a large cookbook before flipping its pages to it.

The Canterlot Marble Cake….

"Only the most experienced bakers can make such a delicacy; I have seen bakers and chefs driven mad, on their knees, begging for the cake to come out just right. I've had some begging ME for help. But only someone truly versed in baking can make such a combination of chocolate and vanilla cake topped with ganache frosting and a drip!"

Discord snapped the book shut, "If you want her to even take a bite of your cake, you will have to surrender yourselves to my instruction! Because we only have so much time to prepare!"

Mr. and Mrs. Cake shared a look, unsure if they were ready for such a feat or if they even believed Discord at all. They were more than confident Celestia had eaten their cakes... hadn't she? They ran out very quickly when she was in town, especially on ingredients... but then again, Pinkie was always there to 'taste test,' causing them to bake triple what they needed anyways...

"We... wouldn't mind learning a new recipe, if that's what you mean." Mr. Cake offered hesitantly, giving the draconeequs a nervous smile.

"I'm almost certain I've made a marble cake before..." His wife muttered, checking her recipe book.

Discord swatted the book out of her hooves, "This isn't some namby-pamby marble cake! This… this is what makes someone an expert at their craft!"

"That was my mother's..." Mrs. Cake squeaked, grabbing it from the floor and dusting it off.

Discord grabbed his pelt and tore it off like a sheet of paper, revealing his chef attire, "Now let's get cooking!"

Discord… simply snapped his fingers as a large cake covered in ganache frosting with a perfect dribble of ganache already appeared on the counter, "What?... Did you think I was going to let you bake this by yourselves? Do you think I'm crazy? You already prepared all these pastries; it'd be ridiculous to have you make more…."

"However… I would like one tineey-tiny, smaaall favor for my efforts…."

"Wait, you weren't going to... teach us?" Mr. Cake cocked his brow, still processing Discord ripping his skin off.

"Oh, what is it you want?!" Mrs. Cake asked, finally at her wit's end. Angel couldn't help but snicker at the outburst.

"Your firstborns!" Discord erupted in a fit of maniacal laughter, thunder, and lighting cracking outside the bakery, despite being the middle of the day and clear skies moments ago.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake turned to each other in shock, unsure whether to take him seriously or not.

"We-- we would never!"

"Could never--!"

"Ah… I'll leave the recipe here if you want to learn for next time… but I'd like a slice of carrot cake and some banana bread with walnuts." Discord politely asked.

"Oh..." Mr. Cake sighed in relief. "Th-That's all?"

"Of course, we can!" Mrs. Cake smiled, one eye twitching. "Right away, why don't you sit down, and it'll be out for you in a jiffy!"

Mrs. Cake forcefully pushed Discord out the door, surprisingly strong for her size. Angel snickered, watching the scene as he nibbled on a cherry. Owlicious flew off of Discord's shoulder and onto a light fixture.

Discord did his best not to burst into hysterical laughter as he allowed Mrs. Cake to shove him out of the kitchen. Snapping his claw as he summoned Angel, holding the bunny by the pelt with his paw.

"I left the recipe in your book, folded neatly in a piece of paper. Good luck, and don't pull your mane out over it…." Discord said as he smiled at Mrs. Cake.

"I'm losing hairs already." Mrs. Cake grumbled before slamming the door.

Within a few minutes, Mr. Cake trotted out with a large slice of carrot cake and a massive slice of banana bread, the walnuts not even appearing to be chopped up.

"S-Sorry about her... she's a little... miffed." The stallion smiled awkwardly. "Er... have a good day?"

Mr. Cake slowly trotted backward, nearly tripping over himself as he stepped back into the kitchen.

Angel Bunny hopped up and snatched a chunk of the banana bread, chewing on it quickly. "So, are you done having fun messing with them, or are we staying here all day?"

The pair heard a hoot as Owlicious flew in, landing on a counter. "We do have other duties, Discord. I hope you won't waste the same amount of time at our next stop."

Discord sighed as he swapped the banana bread with the carrot cake for Angel as he gave the piece of bread to Owlicious, "Yes, yes, I am quite aware. Remember, this is a delicate process for me, my humble assistant. If I go about this too… normally, I will cease to exist, and then we'll have a bigger problem than stuffing Celestia's gullet with sugar and fat."

Angel sneered as he was handed the carrot cake, "What do you take me for, a stereotype?' he shoved the carrot cake away, "Yeah yeah, and that would be just soooo awful if you disappeared."

Discord roughly patted Angel's head, "My dear, sweet, ignorant rodent. If I disappear, your mild annoyance will be the least of your problems. Now eat your carrot cake." he smirked.

Angel Bunny did his best impression of a hiss, showing off his sharp pair of teeth.

"What's next on the agenda? Hoofshakes with the adoring public? Worshiping Celestia's tookus?" scoffed Discord.

Owlicious rolled his eyes and took a bite of the bread, enjoying the crunch of the walnuts. "I believe we are supposed to meet somepony named Amethyst for decoration organization? I believe she's a unicorn..."

Discord crunched on one of the glass plates as he tapped his claw against the table. "Decoration organization? Organization? Organization. They want The Lord of Chaos to manage the organization?... How ironic." chuckled Discord.

"Where did they say they were organizing?"

Owlicious sighed, "Organizing the decorations... you know, streamers from light post to light post, flags, welcome banners, and signs. They like to make it an event and make a good impression each time one of the princesses visits."

"Surely you've witnessed one of them?" The owl cocked his head.

Discord flicked Angel's rump as he turned to the owl, "Honestly, I can't tell what's part of the usual scenery or decoration. It all looks the same, so mundane, so boring…."

He'd sigh, "Let's go find Amethyst, whoever this background pony is."