Forgive, Forget and Fall in Love

by raunbiw

Moon

Rainbow Dash turned over and groaned into her pillow against the sound of music blaring into her ears through headphones. Anything to silence her thoughts. She had thought that once her and Applejack were over, the memories would stop but they just didn't. She simply wanted Applejack to go away. Her stubborn ex wouldn't leave her head and truth be told, she hadn't left her head since that night. What about Fluttershy? Couldn't Fluttershy replace that strong, green-eyed blonde that Rainbow Dash had fallen hard for over a year ago? She wished, but wishes didn't come true. Never.

Hopelessly, she tried to focus on the words of Bob Dylan but it was to no avail. Applejack, simply Applejack. Her time with Applejack had Rainbow Dash in a chokehold and it was not loosening up any time soon. She thrashed in bed, angrily desperate for a breath, desperate for a break.

Only two months before we ended. I couldn't sleep. I didn't know why, I was never very self aware though, you had said that to me before. It could have been the sugar I ate too late. Or it could just be one of those nights. Whatever the dumb reason, I couldn't sleep. I left your bed to you sleeping soundly and tip-toed to the window. It seemed kind of dainty for me, but I was a sucker for good views. I liked being up on tall skyscrapers in the city to get a good skyline, watching the sunrise every morning to music and yoga. Sweet Apple Acres had a good view. Especially covered in snow.

I tried my best to open the curtain quietly, the old metal rings on the old metal pole scraped a little bit, but you only shifted slightly. After a pause to make sure the coast was clear, I climbed up onto your window sill. I liked your room for many reasons, particularly the pictures of us and me plastered to the wall, but your wide window sill and bay window were the coolest. Sugar-coated apple trees from three directions could fill up my eyesight, all glowing with the bright white moon smack dab in the centre. I took a photo of it on my phone.

Rainbow Dash lifted her head to a soggy pillow and blurry eyes. She pushed up to look out her small window and at the sad view of brick next door. She wished she had apple trees and a moon to think to. To cry to. She turned over and flopped back down, head sinking into the wet pillow, eyes glued to the wall.

"The hay are y'all doin'?" you said, I didn't get startled...however I did almost manage to fall off of the window sill and onto the floor. "You good?" you spoke again. I steadied myself and then met your eyes.

"Can't sleep." I said. You nodded slowly. "Somethin' buggin' you?" I shook my head and slouched against the glass. "Just. Can't. Sleep." I groaned and thudded my head, lightly, before turning around to look at the moon again. The fuzzy white haze around it looked like spray paint to me.

"Try harder." You said. I rolled my eyes, "gee, thanks." You shook your head and turned away from me, placing your head back on the pillow. My gaze stayed on the moon.

A few moments later, you spoke again. "C'mon Dash, long day tomorrow, we gotta shovel the driveway and set up before people show up to buy cider." I knew it hadn't been the end of it. You were tired and you were right, there was no point in arguing so I took one last glance before trudging back to bed.

As soon as I lay down, you wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer, face buried in my hair. I snuggled into you and your other arm came lightly under and around my neck, hand tracing circles on my cheek. I ended up falling asleep after all.

Rainbow Dash continued to stare at the wall. She wasn't supposed to crave this, crave her. She had a girlfriend, one that took care of her and had never said a mean thing in her life. A loyal one. One she liked. One that didn't drive her up the walls in doubt. What was going on?

The wall got blurry and her nose twitched and then came the first warbled sob. Headphones were yanked off of her head and whipped at the wall, the loud crash was satisfying but not satisfying enough. She pressed her face into her damp pillow again and screamed.

"Why do you do this to me?!" The words scratched her throat and left it throbbing. The rest of the suffocated cries didn't aid either.

Grass, prickly grass tickled the back of my neck as I shifted on the ground. We forgot to pack a blanket, well I did, It was my job (even though you invited me here) and I blew it. You deserved better and I was pretty annoyed with myself but whatever. You never messed up stupid stuff.

We were here for the fireworks, it was some random park in Canterlot but there were scheduled fireworks that day since it was the fourth of July. They wouldn't start, I was so bored and they wouldn't start. It was dark and there were other people who had blankets to lay on rubbing it in my face. My fingers were linked with yours, at least you had the bag that had the cider in it to rest your head on, I had mud. My fault anyway.

Rainbow Dash kicked her blanket off of the bed. She thumped her feet on to the floor and stood up making her way to the kitchen before opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. She chugged it to calm down and took a deep, jittery breath. Didn't really help. She trudged to the door and slipped on her slides before making her way out the door.

"When is it gonna start?" I craned my neck to look up at you. You shrugged. I groaned. "It's taking forever." You didn't say anything for a second so I rolled my eyes and looked away from you. A few moments later you responded.

"Uh huh." I looked up at you again and stared for a minute before looking away. You were being boring.

"I'm bored." I said flatly. You didn't answer so I once again turned my head. Once I did, you spoke. "Look at the moon then, just as pretty as the fireworks, that's what I tell Apple Bloom at least." I debated it for a second. "Meeeeh, the fireworks are rainbow coloured so..." I watched you form a smile as you flicked me in the forehead. Your solution was inconvenient because the moon was on the other side of the sky. I sighed and turned over, half rolling on to you, I was squirmish and I knew I was being annoying but I didn't put any effort in to stop. I could see the moon but only until you pulled me up on you fully, and into a kiss.

Full and bright, wet grass, tears and moon. Rainbow Dash was at the park, laying on the ground. She couldn't see the moon too well because the sky was still cloudy from earlier's storm, the glow she could see was small too, that night was a crescent. She looked anyway, the grey wispy clouds sufficed fine, like sad, quiet fireworks against the dark, starry sky.

She felt pathetic, she was at a random park crying over her ex past midnight. The ex that she'd broken up with and she was doing so while taken. Disloyal, stupid, stupid, stupid. The tears streamed down the sides of her face in two even lines. She wouldn't give in by sobbing out loud, no not a chance. What could she do? There was no way that staying with Fluttershy while grieving her relationship with Applejack could be morally okay. Staying with her would be selfish. She liked her though, she liked Fluttershy... She wouldn't have to be alone either, Rainbow Dash hated being alone and maybe being with Fluttershy could help her get over Applejack, faster. Once she was fully over Applejack, they could be happier together!

But then what about the time in between? All the being distant, everything Fluttershy did being compared to Applejack? That wouldn't be fair to Fluttershy at all, it'd make Rainbow Dash a horrible person. Although leaving her would be selfish too if she was only doing it to feel better about herself. But she was also doing it to save Fluttershy from the distant and sad Rainbow Dash... Was that loyal enough? Selfless enough? Her last breakup was plenty selfless so maybe this would be okay? But she didn't want to lose Fluttershy at all, she couldn't afford that. But that would be selfish, what was she meant to do here? Maybe just feel nothing.

I couldn't look at your face, I focussed on the moon instead, such a cloudy night. I felt like crying, I was pathetic for that. I could feel your eyes on me, usually I wanted them to be, but right then, I didn't. "I love you, Rainbow Dash but my sister's hungry, We–" You stopped as my head darted up to look at you. My lip stopped trembling for a minute, I stared for a second and I could tell you were irritated with me. Of course you were. "Well you shouldn't!" I spat. Maybe I was getting irritated too.

After a shuddery breath, Rainbow Dash set home.

Author's Note:

Thank you to anyone reading this! Whether it ends up being two people or two hundred, I'm grateful for all of you.