Default

by Cackling Moron

I've made my bed

The throne room felt a lot bigger than Jack remembered it being, but that may have been because the last time he’d been in it the place had been packed. Now, it was just him, Twilight and Celestia. There weren’t even any guards.

Which was just as well. They had not been overjoyed to see him. Jack couldn’t blame them.

Celestia seemed happy enough though, sitting there on her throne, mane and tail doing that magical billowy thing that Jack honestly found kind of distracting.

That sense of warmth and wellbeing that seemed to accompany being around her was there too, though that wasn’t as much as he remembered it either. He put it down to nerves.

“Hello Jack. My, haven’t you grown?” Celestia said.

Jack had not been entirely sure on what to do with himself during this apology and, on entering, had bowed. Then curtsied. Then tried to take a knee. Then stood up again so he could settle on just standing like a sinking pudding with nowhere to put his hands, Rarity having neglected to give the suit functioning pockets, curse her.

“So everyone keeps telling me. I’m a big boy now - and getting bigger all the time,” he said. Celestia smiled that soothing, regal smile. It was soothing enough that Jack actually didn’t feel particularly dumb for what he’d said. That was a powerful smile and no mistake.

“And I must say you’re looking very smart today,” she said, looking him up and down. He looked down at himself as well and gave a small turn on the spot. The effect was rather like throwing a disco ball into the lightning department at Ikea.

“Oh, this? I just had this lying around.”

Celestia laughed obligingly. She was very good at this ‘Making people feel at ease’ malarky. Back home whenever Jack had encountered that sort of thing it had always made his skin crawl so much he’d felt concerned it’d crawl right off his body. Here, with her, he believed it. She was just so bloody genuine.

To be fair, all the ponies were, Celestia was just the best at it, presumably on account of her experience.

Jack still wasn’t completely used to it.

“It’s lovely. Rarity’s work, I take it?” Celestia asked.

“What gave it away? But yes, she’s a gem. They’re all gems! Look at Twilight, look how great she is.”

He pointed down at Twilight who laughed nervously and tried to look self-effacing.

“You’re meant to be apologising,” she said out of the corner of her mouth, smile fixed across her face. Jack, so relaxed by Celestia’s presence and attitude, had quite let this slip his mind.

“Yes, right, that. Ahem. Celestia, your highness, your maj - I’m very sorry for, uh, kind of crashing in here that one time. Nude. And kind of making a mockery of your security by sort of...dragging them along with me...and then booping you on the nose in front of everyone.”

Jack screwed up his face, trying to remember if he’d missed out any details or if he’d got anything wrong. As far as he knew he’d covered the important parts, and that made him wince. Looking at it now, he could see why that sort of thing was frowned on.

“Uh, yeah, I am actually sorry about that. You’re there trying to do your job and I kind of just mess the whole thing up and cause a scene. I hear that sort of thing is bad for monarchs.”

He looked to Twilight for confirmation on this and she nodded, so he felt reassured. Celestia let out another light laugh from behind a hoof.

“If I’m being honest, Jack I must say you rather spiced my day up,” she said. Jack’s eyebrows raised. He supposed he couldn’t deny that what he’d done might have been comfortably classed as spicy, but the way she said it sounded decidedly appreciative. Which wasn’t what he’d expected.

“I’m spicy now? First time for everything.”

Celestia sat up a bit straighter, the combination of the throne and the dais meaning that she was possibly the first person in a long time that Jack had to look up to while talking to. ALbeit not by a huge amount, but still, those inches were immensely refreshing.

“If you’ve lived as long as I have and done the same things as often as I’ve done it, you come to welcome these little distractions and unusual events, I find. Excluding the dangerous ones, of course, which are less fun. You, though, certainly brightened my day. Especially as I hadn’t seen you in quite some time! I remember your arrival.”

“You poor thing. I’m sorry I had to put you through that,” Jack said with towering gravity, adding to Twilight: “You too, you poorer thing.”

“The point is there is nothing to apologise for. Certainly, there have been worse scenes and - as you might have noticed on your way in - life has carried on. Think nothing of it.”

Jack folded his arms and gave an exaggerated huff.

“It is legitimately difficult apologising to you guys, you know that? I bust up Applejack’s place and straight-up steal from her and she let’s me smash rocks for a day.”

He left out the whole part about getting kicked in the head. It’d derail his whole thing and besides, he’d rather pretend it had never happened. Kind of a dud moment. Jack continued:

“Then I come into your palace and cause rumpus and you just appreciated my antics! I am honestly curious what I’d have to do to be irredeemable.”

Jack thought about that one for a second.

“Actually no, no I’m not. I’d rather never find out. Could you even imagine how alone I’d be, then? Hah! Oh man. Thank you all for being so bloody lovely. I’d hug you both but it might kill you. And if I hugged you, Celestia, the sun might drop out the sky or something.”

“I find that unlikely,” Celestia said, smiling.

“True, but still. I’d rather not risk it, you know?”

“Would you prefer to bump your fist against my hoof?”

This way of describing such a simple, commonplace action was unusual enough to completely throw Jack off his rhythm.

“Uh...sure…?”

Cautiously he approached the dais and the throne from which the regal hoof extended. His fist bumped against a golden horseshoe and, to his immense relief, nothing horrible happened, though Celestia did appear momentarily surprised by something. Jack then withdrew.

“Still though you know, I can’t help feel that I’m just being let off lightly over and over again here. Is this a cultural thing? Are you all softies? I’m telling you Twilight, I could totally handle a pillory. I could!”

“You’re not going in a pillory, Jack.”

“We might have one lying around somewhere…” Celestia said absently, tapping her chin. Jack beamed while Twilight buried her face in her hooves.

“Yes! See! Celestia gets it. That’s why she’s the one in charge.”

Celestia continued tapping for a moment before sighing sadly and shrugging.

“Ah, alas, if memory serves it’s being polished right now and so is sadly out of commission. My apologies,” she said. Jack looked appropriately disappointed.

“Bums. Oh well, you tried, that’s the main thing. See Twilight? Celestia tries.”

“Should I be taking notes?” Twilight asked, flatly.

“Couldn’t hurt is all I’m saying, in my quest for forgiveness.”

“Consider yourself thoroughly forgiven,” Celestia said.

“Aha! You said I had nothing to apologise for! And now I’m forgiven? Get your facts straight, Celestia,” Jack said, pointing accusingly, every moment a sparkling nightmare of gems and rich fabric.

Twilight was tugging on Jack’s trouserleg.

“Little much?” He asked her.

“Maybe.”

Celestia, from all appearances, was thoroughly enjoying this.

“So spicy,” she said.

“You’re a unique lady Celestia, I can see why you keep getting voted in. But, uh, I’ve likely taken up enough of your time and my little friend here seems to be getting restless,” Jack said apologetically, indicating Twilight with both his hands. Celestia nodded with concern.

“She does, doesn’t she? You should probably get her some fresh air.”

Twilight made the most rewarding noise of affronted betrayal. Jack grinned.

And that was that. Much less painful than either Jack or Twilight could possibly have expected. They found themselves strolling back through the palace grounds towards Canterlot proper both feeling pleasantly surprised.

“That went well, don’t you think?” Jack asked her.

“Very.”

“Were you expecting me to do something unfortunate involving a lack of clothes?”

“With you that’s always kind of a risk, though you have shown remarkable restraint lately.”

“We can always go back? There’s still time, she’s probably still there,” Jack said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder and stopping walking. Twilight stopped too and seemed to give the idea genuine consideration.

“Nah,” she said, shaking her head. “Wouldn’t want to overexcite her.”

And on that bombshell she just kept on walking. Jack was so impressed it took him a second or so to start walking again, though it took less time for him to actually catch up. He covered considerable ground with little effort.

“You know I think I’m a bad influence on you,” he said.

“And I’d say I was a pretty good influence on you, so I guess it balances out.”

Rarely had Jack ever wanted to just sweep Twilight up and give her a huge cuddle more than at that moment. He wasn’t entirely sure why, and resisted the urge much as he always did. She’d probably object.

“You - “ he said instead, trying to maybe express this feeling in words and failing. “Yeah, you really are. So what’s the plan now, boss?”

At this Twilight actually appeared a touch guilty.

“Um, I’d actually kind of planned for that whole thing to take longer. Like, a bit longer. I arranged to meet up with some of my Canterlot friends while I was here because I figured that you would be doing something for Celestia to make it up to her, but now, uh…”

“Ah, you got plans running on top of my plan, is that it? Say no more, Twilight! You go see your friends. That happening now?” Jack asked, having absolutely no idea what time it was other than ‘daytime’.

“Soon,” she said.

“Soon is basically now in this day and age. Shoo shoo, off you go. Go have fun, go see your friends.”

“What will you do?” She asked, in a way that Jack could tell was her newer, softer way of saying ‘Please don’t cause trouble’. He appreciated her not saying it outright, but could also understand her concern. He did, after all, have kind of a reputation.

“Nothing horrendous, trust me. I’ll probably just have a walk around, see the sights. I haven’t been here for a while now, and I wasn’t really in a sight-seeing mood when I was. I’ll probably cause a scene just by standing around but I can’t really help that. Sorry.”

Jack was presently the irresistibly eye-catching combination of massive, unique, weird and fabulous. Who could help but gawk?

“No, that’s not your fault. And if you’re sure. Thanks, Jack,” Twilight said, smiling gratefully. He wafted aside her thanks like so much bad air.

“Bah, don’t thank me, I didn’t do anything. Now go, go, off you go, shoo, get out of here Princess of Friendship,” he said, shooing her along. Twilight just cocked her head and gave him an odd look.

“You know I don’t think you’ve ever called me that,” she said.

“Have I not?”

“No,” she frowned. “Sounds weird coming from you.”

Jack did have to admit it had sounded pretty weird in his mouth. If that made sense.

“Twilight it is. Go! You can find me later! You won’t be able not to find me!” He said shooing harder.

“I’m going!”

And go she did.

Author's Note:

Is this nearly over?

Comments

[Joural]

This seems like a remarkably poor idea.

[Coretz]

“And I must say you’re looking very smart today,” she said, looking him up and down. He looked down at himself as well and gave a small turn on the spot. The effect was rather like throwing a disco ball into the lightning department at Ikea.

I know Ikea sells everything but I didn't know you could buy lightning.

[lazyreader19]

Celestia and Jack make the best pair in his story.

Id cite examples, but the. I'd just be quoting at least 75% of the chapter verbatim

[Waiting for Godot]

And that was that. Much less painful than either Jack or Twilight could possibly have expected. They found themselves strolling back through the palace grounds towards Canterlot proper both feeling pleasantly surprised.

....Beg to differ, but it was V painful for Twilight...and, v Monty Python.

[A Wild Magikarp]

I never realized how badly MLP needed a personality like Jack until this moment. He and Twilight just play off each other so well!

[Cackling Moron]

10736910
Perhaps one of my more nuanced creations.

[SilverDiamond]

Celestia is FUN here. Wish there was more slice of life from it. You know, I just remembered another fairly overpovered character from another fic. Name's Atlas. Would have loved for a collab on the crossover. X) Can link it to you if you want.

[Verdauga]

Noice.