Pirates in Ponyville

by Jadevamp

New Adventure! Fog on the Horizon!

Pirates in Ponyville: Chapter One
New Adventure! Fog on the Horizon!

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It was a quiet day on the Thousand Sunny. No storms in sight, no giant creatures, no inexplicable changes in heading or bearing. Of course, Nami knew that didn't mean anything. The grand line was an evil mistress, and any second this stupid inconsistent ocean would throw something insane at them and they'd all have to run about the ship in a panic for another two hours and-
"Your lunch, milady"
Nami looked up to find Sanji standing over her, a dish held in his palm with practiced poise.
"Oh! Thank you, Sanji"
Sanji placed down the dish in front of her and lifted the cover, releasing a delicious cloud of scents, and revealing the fish cutlets in orange sauce. It looked wonderful, of course-- everything Sanji made was delicious.
"What's wrong, Nami-Chan? You seem troubled. Oh! Is my cuisine unsatisfactory? I will take it back right away!"
Nami smiled and shook her head.
"No, no-- It's fine. It's just this weather-- It's got me on edge."
"Why Nami? It's beautiful out-- not a cloud in the sky! A perfect day for sailing!"
Nami sighed. "Exactly. I keep expecting this sea to throw another giant dolphin at us or something."
A cry came from the crow's nest.
"Fog straight ahead!"
Ussop leaned over the edge peering out of a telescope, and sure enough, following his gaze Nami saw a cloud of fog in the distance. She checked the log pose on her arm, and it was facing the same direction. She sighed.
"Nothing we can do for it. The log pose is pointing in that direction. We'll have to go through. Everyone get ready for trouble-- and someone wake up Zoro! I won't have him sleeping through another disaster while we work our butts off!"
While the rest of the crew came out on deck, Sanji walked over to the sleeping Zoro and placed his foot on top of his head.
"Wake up you shitty swordsman! We're heading into some fog and Nami wants everyone ready!"
Predictably, Zoro kept on snoring. A bubble began to form in his nose.
"I said wake up Seaweed head!"
Sanji brought back his leg and moved forwards, slamming his foot into Zoro's face. The bubble popped and Zoro's head formed a crater in the wood. He got up and proceeded to yell in Sanji's face.
"What the hell, dartboard brow? I was sleeping!"
"Yeah, well Nami wanted you awake!"
"That doesn't mean you have to kick me!"
Nami stepped up from behind and punched the two on the back of the head. Huge lumps grew almost immediately.
"Shut up idiots."
Luffy came rushing out, a huge hungry smile on his face and a knife and fork in his hands already.
"WOOOHOO LUNCHTIME!"
Nami's palm connected with her face.
"It's not lunchtime, Luffy. We're heading into that fogbank right there so I want everyone on deck just in case."
"Awww..."
The rest of the gathered crew went to their positions, ready in case of an emergency as they sailed into the fogbank.
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Meanwhile, In Ponyville
Twilight was in her home organizing the latest shipment of books when there came a knocking at her door.
"Now, who could that be?"
She walked over and magically opened the top half of her door. Outside stood Fluttershy, looking as demure as usual. She looked nervous, so Twilight decided to prompt her friend to speak.
"What is it, Fluttershy?"
Fluttershy spoke in her normal, barely audible tones.
"Umm... can you come to the lake, Twilight? I saw something weird in there when I was going to check up on the bunny family that lives there."
"Sure Fluttershy. What did it look like?"
"Well, it was very big, and it looked like a sun was on the front of it..."
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AN:I think we all know where this is going. Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read my story! Reviews and critiques are welcome, random trolling is not. This is my first try actually writing a fanfic so if you see something wrong, TELL ME. PLEASE. Also, I really don't have plans for a villain just yet, or any other characters from One Piece-- if you have any suggestions I would appreciate them. On another note, I really wish this site supported font sizes-- fluttershy is supposed to have a smaller font there to reflect her whispering. Eh, what can you do.
Next Epis-- I mean chapter: The Straw hat Pirates find themselves in a new world-- but what will they do when they find they have the bodies to match? Will they be able to adapt to new forms? Find out in: New Land! Our bodies have changed!

Comments

[Ceraph]

I like this.

The characterization is true to their respective cannons, as is the information regarding the Sunny's lion head.

The layout however is a bit blocky, you are using a new line for each differing speaker, but there are no visible paragraphs, which I believe would make it easier on the Eye.

The chapter naming style is also very true and awesome. I hope this Fic gets alot more views, it deserves them.

[Octavio the Umbreon]

Not bad...
you have my thumbs up, fave and interest. continue

[Thardoc]

what the guy at the top said. but you have my attention :D
this story read i shall!

[sirraf]

i forsee sanji being full on pissed after all "a chef's hands are his most prized possessions"
and he gonna lose them. lol

[J Hamtrot]

Don't think I don't like this, but I'm going to do some constructive nitpicking.

1. Please put in the description what time this takes place at. I myself am only at Impel Down, but seeing New World Zo(l/r)o on the cover art makes me think something might get spoiled for me.

2. While using hyphens in a long row may make a cool transition, know that the final version is more condensed than the original. What I suggest is filling the line with hyphens, then delete 28 of them.

3. Paragraphs need to be discernible. Either seperate them with an empty line or begin the first line of every paragraph with an indent.

4. The first two bits of dialogue should end in some sort of punctuation.

5. "Shut up idiots." should have a comma after "up."

6. The author's note should be properly capitalized.

[Phantom Dragon]

Wait, where's Chopper, Franky, Brock and Robin? That's not SUPER!