A Changeling, a Werewolf, and a Vampire

by changeling blaze

Chapter 1

"So, its settled!", said a tall white unicorn stallion. "When are you moving into your new home?"

" Oh, I think I'll move in as soon as possible.", said a tall black Pegasus stallion sporting a green flame as cutie mark.
"Well, I hope your new home is to your liking'", said the unicorn "Here are the keys and you will be getting the bill as soon as you get all the electricity, water, gas and all that stuff together."

Half an hour later, the Black Pegasus stood in front of a two-story house. The house had a garden area, white painted fence, and fresh coat of paint. To the stallion the house was just perfect. "Well Blaze here's to a new life, boy, I really hope it's better than my last," he muttered to himself as he entered his new home .

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( Three weeks later )

At 10:30 the train from Canterlot arrived right on time. Ponies quickly shuffled off the train. Some ponies where greeted by relatives, for some it was just a whistle stop, and a few rich unicorns came to shop at Rarities Boutique. One of those ponies who arrived was a brown earth pony mare, Her mane was a little bit darker brown than her coat and had a treble cleft for a cutie mark. The mare wore only a pink bow tie. Glancing up at the clock she noted that she only had a half an hour before meeting a pony named Emerald Blaze at Sugar Cube Corner. The mare had a small problem, she knew absolutely nothing about the town or where to find the meeting place. The mare spotted a group of ponies who looked like they lived in the town. Deciding to ask directions the mare trotted over to the first pony she saw, a tall white unicorn that had a anvil cutie mark. "Sir", she asked in very heavy Canterlot accent, "Can you tell me how to get to Sugar Cube Corner?" He smiled, " Well sure I can miss. All you have to do is go straight and take the first right that you come to. It will be the last building at the end of the street. Have a good day."

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A little while later, the earth pony mare was in Sugar Cube Corner. She was looking around because she couldn't seem to find the stallion she was supposed to meet, she pulled a little letter out of her saddle bag. She read it to herself.

Dear Miss Octavia.

I received your letter about my classified ad in the newspaper. I would be glad to meet with you to show you the rooms for rent and discuss the living situation. Please met me at Sugar Cube Corner in Ponyville. I will meet you at 11A.M. I will be the black Pegasus stallion sitting at the table by the window. I have a emerald green flame cutie mark.

Sincerely emerald blaze

Octavia looked up from the letter just in time to see Emerald Blaze sitting down at a table by the window. Walking toward the table she began to get a strange feeling, not a bad one, but the sort of feeling you get when you are meeting an old friend. The closer Octavia got to the table feelings of joy and happiness washer over her. "Well. this is different." She thought to herself. Blaze stood up as she approached. " Are you Emerald Blaze?" she asked inquisitively. He nodded. As they sat down a waiter sat down donuts and two glasses of milk, her favorites.

Smiling cheerfully he said, " Just call be Blaze, it is so much simpler and easier to remember, right? So you want to rent rooms in my house?"

" Yes, Vinyl and I have been looking for a place in Ponyville for some time now. Until we read the ad in the newspaper about some pony renting rooms in his house we had luck."

"And who is Vinyl? Did she come with you?", he said, glancing toward the door expecting to see her walk in any second.

"No she stayed behind to start packing, She's very eager to move in". ( And, she thought, Vinyl would probably messed up the whole meeting if she had come). "So how much do you want for the rent?"

" See, I don't really need any money. It's just that the house is so big and it's just so much quieter than I'm used to. I could get a pet to make it louder but then I have to take care of it. Plus I can't even find the pet store. So I was thinking maybe the rent could be one third of the bills. Of course I could pay the bills if one of you could cook and maybe the other could grocery shop or something. That reminds me do either of you have jobs?

" Well I play the cello and I already have a position to teach music, Vinyl is a DJ.", as she said vinyl's job she mentally cringe because she thought he might disapprove of this sort of thing.

" So is there anything I should know about you two? ", he asked.

"Well, Vinyl can be a little loud and noxious sometimes.", she said nervously.

"Louder the better", he said "So is everything settled or do you want to see the house? "

" Well I guess that this is it...... so when can we move in? ", question Octavia.

"As soon as possible, I can't wait to meet Vinyl". he sounds so excited, " I wonder what it's like living with a DJ".

Author's Note:

This is my first story so some feedback would be nice
And some cover art will be greatly appreciated

Comments

[The Spy of the Tiger]

There is a lot of stuff grammatically wrong with this In just the first sentence we see this.

"So its settled", said a tall white unicorn stallion ,"so when are you moving into your new home.

Just this sentence has quite a bit that can be amended, such as putting the comma before the end quotation and adding an end quotation to the last bit of dialogue.

With just those changes, and a few others, it would look like this.

"So it's settled," said a tall white unicorn stallion. "When are you moving into your new home?"

I would also recommend adding more description to the characters. I have not read very far into the story yet so I can't see your vision, but you could turn that sentence into something way better. For example, add some extra description. It could look something more like this.

"So then it's settled," said a steely white unicorn stallion with a tall, lanky build. "Now, when do you plan on moving in to your new house?" the unicorn asked to his companion, a lean, black pegasus stallion with a cutie mark of emerald green fire.

"Oh, I'm moving in as soon as possible," replied the pegasus with a wide grin.

"Excellent. Here are the keys," the unicorn said, motioning with his hoof to a small table beside the door. "And you should start receiving the paperwork in a few days, once your address has been updated."

Honestly, I didn't get far enough into this to see any major plot points, just because the amount of grammar mistakes is so massive that it detracts from the experience.

[changeling blaze]

[url=]The spy of the tiger the plots better than the grammar