Well, short chapter, but let's read, proofread, and review anyways; we'll see what we've got goin', here.
... "Ah, its a load" - "its" should be "it's". ... "of my devastator" - "devastator" should be capitalized, as "Devastator". ... "turning around. I saw" - The period should be a comma. ... "Who ever lives there" - "Who" and "ever" should be one word: "Whoever".
That takes care of the proofreading for the first chapter. There were a few cases of "any more" being used, but "any more vs. anymore" seems largely contested in terms of whether or not the latter is a word, so I let it slide this time around.
Going to the story, you picked an interesting character to go along with, being one that's unquestionably miserable as your lead; the characters of Borderlands all have comedic touches, and I feel like while you nailed it well enough in this chapter, it might be difficult with him being the focus in a long-term state. Incidentally, it's hard to see exactly what direction you'll be taking this story: "Turn over a new leaf", "Return Home", "Suicide Mission", etc.. There's a lot of different paths the story CAN take, but as for which will be the one you'll be choosing, I'll have to just keep reading and find out.
Well, short chapter, but let's read, proofread, and review anyways; we'll see what we've got goin', here.
... "Ah, its a load" - "its" should be "it's".
... "of my devastator" - "devastator" should be capitalized, as "Devastator".
... "turning around. I saw" - The period should be a comma.
... "Who ever lives there" - "Who" and "ever" should be one word: "Whoever".
That takes care of the proofreading for the first chapter. There were a few cases of "any more" being used, but "any more vs. anymore" seems largely contested in terms of whether or not the latter is a word, so I let it slide this time around.
Going to the story, you picked an interesting character to go along with, being one that's unquestionably miserable as your lead; the characters of Borderlands all have comedic touches, and I feel like while you nailed it well enough in this chapter, it might be difficult with him being the focus in a long-term state. Incidentally, it's hard to see exactly what direction you'll be taking this story: "Turn over a new leaf", "Return Home", "Suicide Mission", etc.. There's a lot of different paths the story CAN take, but as for which will be the one you'll be choosing, I'll have to just keep reading and find out.