Luna's Friend(cancelled)

by remsaman

Chapter 1: Introduction

It had been 600 years since Nightmare Moons banishment on the moon. And by Celestia, it was lonely. Nightmare Moon had spent all these years plotting her revenge and thinking of new ways to torture, crush, kill and destroy Celestia and her oh so precious sunlight. She wasn’t even sure if she was on the Equestrian moon anymore, was there always 5 land masses? Whatever, it didn’t even matter anymore. She was stuck on the moon for another 400 years. It wasn’t her fault that nobody cared!(She just wanted some recognition...)
There were craters EVERYWHERE from her bent up rage and letting it looks. for all she knew the moon was Swiss-cheese by now!

Days, weeks, months pass. Yet, she felt calmer, like all the hate she had towards Princess Celestia had just vanished from thin air. She felt that all that mattered now... where the stars... how pretty they shone...

She picked up a shard of shiny space junk nearby that glistened like glass. and peered into it, and was shocked by what she saw; Her eyes were normal, glistening orbs, instead of steely dagger like slits in her iris.... Her mane was no longer flowing with the stars, it was a cool blue.
The armour that plated her like a battle uniform was no longer present, aside from four shoes.

She wasn’t Nightmare Moon anymore. She was Luna, and oh how happy she was.
Being rid of that tormenting state of wickedness and unjust rule, how it pleased her!
but she remembered, she was still on the moon. and no one knew, let alone cared, of her recent transformation.

But then, she thought she saw a shiny glint of silver fall in the distance, and went to investigate. It couldn’t be another piece of space-junk, could it? It seemed too unnaturally designed.

Luna approached a crater nearby where the shiny thing had landed and peeked over the edge,
It seemed to be a large silver polygon, with three yellow protruding... leg looking.. things?
Just as Luna was about to investigate further, she heard a sound and fell back into the crater.
she soon recovered and peeped back over the edge.
Wow! Another pony! this was amazing! But this pony walked on two feet and had fingers? it also seemed to be wearing a white suit with a golden visor, preventing Luna from seeing any further details of the figure.

She lay low for a while as the creature bounced down the steps, and she almost had a heart attack when it started to speak fluent Equestrian!

“That’s one small step for man...... one... giant leap, for mankind.” The strange creature uttered.

Man? this thing must be called man! but what WAS it? she had to find out, As she looked around, she saw the creature planting a flag with the help of his comrade. the flag had numerous stars and stripes on it. at least she wasn't the only one that adored the night sky!
Mans comrade went back inside the large shiny object, Man took a few moments to enjoy the sight of Equestria. Luna overheard Mans helmet talking to him, using some kind of magic!

“Neil, we’ll be experiencing some interference as the moon goes out of range of our radio sensors, which means you’ll be in the dark for about 30 minutes. Just keep calm and if anything goes wrong, return to the lander immediately.” Mans helmet said.

“Alright command, I'll be setting up the reflector mirrors in the meantime.”
“Roger that. Houston out”

Luna watched as Equestria disappeared behind the moon, this is as good as a time ever if she was going to introduce myself!

Man started placing little crystalline objects on the ground while ignoring his surroundings, while Luna trotted up to him. She tapped him on the shoulder, accidentally knocking out his radio communications

The man responded,

“Ugh, look Jimmy, if your going to play pranks, try not to do it in such a situa- AAAAAAARGH WHAT IN THE-” Man fell over and started screaming.

“HOUSTON? JIMMY? SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THERE IS A HORSE UP HERE?”
but no one could hear him, because his radio had been accidentally disabled by Luna.

“I'm sorry, Mr. Man, I didn't mean to startle you.” Luna hastily replied

“And.. it can talk. Now I have seen everything.” Man responds with a confused tone in his voice

“I'm sorry if I surprised you Mr. Man, but I’ve been here for over 600 years and you are the first creature I've seen in a very long time”

“but.. 600 years? the average lifespan of a horse is much smaller then that... and.. why do you have wings and a horn..”

“I'm an Alicorn, Mr.Man, and id also like to know what you are. I've never seen your kind before! and how long has your kind been living on equestria?” Luna responded quizzically.

“Equestria... alicorn..? I'm sorry Miss.....”
“Luna.”
“Miss Luna. (God she even has a name.) But i don’t know what you are talking about, humans have been living on earth for Milena, probably millions of years even. and you are the first talking ‘alicorn’ I've ever met, the horses back on earth don't talk at all, and pretty much show minimal intelligence.” Mr. Man said, voice slightly muffled by the helmet hes wearing.

Luna was shocked to hear this. Her entire race reduced to moronic brainless horses? And these humans, Dominating the world for such a lengthy time? Luna was sure that this ‘earth’ could not possibly be equestria, and something might have happened during one of her ‘angry moments’

“Excuse me, Miss Luna, But if i might ask. why can you talk?” Man said, raising himself from the ground.

“I learned from an early age, isn't that how everyone learned to talk?”
“Yeah well, its not every day a human sees a big blue horse with a horn, wings, a crown, and that can talk.”

“Point taken.”

“But where did you come from Mr. Man?”
“Call me Neil, please.”
“Oh, Mr. Neil, where did you come from? Where you banished to the moon as well?”
“Heh. No, my colleague Jimmy and I are here on a research mission. I cant exactly explain it in full detail, it would take too long.”
“And why are you wearing that funny helmet? Is it stuck on? Let me help!” Luna asks as she reaches to rip the helmet off his shoulders
“WHOA! No! I need this to breathe! The oxygen levels on here are too low to sustain any life form, in fact, i should be asking YOU why you AREN’T wearing a helmet!”
“I don’t know, I can breathe perfectly fine! Are you sure you need that helmet?”

“I’m sure, listen, I have to go in a few minutes or command will think something terrible happened to me. Sorry I couldn’t stop to chat, goodbye Miss Luna!” Neil starts to walk towards the lander, but is stopped by an ear piercing scream,
“WAAAAAIT!”
“What is it? I really need to go!”
“Can I come with you? I want to see more... hughmanns!” Luna asked with a large smile on her face

“But how could I get you back? Its not easy sneaking a horse-”
“Pony.”
“Pony, the size of a motorbike past security and out of NASA.”
“Motorbike... Mr. Neil?”
“Ugh, never mind, just grab onto the bottom of the lander and try to hold on, you don’t need oxygen or a suit so I’m guessing you have very high tolerance to critical heat levels. Once we are about to touch down on the runway, jump off and fly or walk or whatever to the nearest forest. we’ll talk more then.”
“Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! I cant wait!” Luna starts skipping around like she just devoured sugar cube corner.

“Please Luna, be quiet, if Jimmy hears you he might think somethings up, now can you please hold onto the side of the lander?”
“Excuse me Mr. Neil?”
“The big silver and yellow thing.”
“Oh right. Sure thing!”

The next few minutes were the most exhilarating moments of Luna’s entire life! the lunar lander lifted off the ground and was grabbed by a nearby white object that looked a lot like a unicorn horn, but with a rounded black tip and sides, and wings on the very back! she only had just enough time to jump off the lunar lander and grab the back wings of the mysterious object before it corrected its course and fell towards this ‘earth’

Oh boy. Neil meant it when he said she had very high heat tolerance, she could see small parts of the object breaking off, and the entire thing bursting into flames! if she fell off now, who knows where she could end up!

Soon enough, the object landed on the ground, Luna remembered to jump off, but when she looked around, there where no forests around whatsoever, it was just a large, orange and red desert expanding landscape. She looked at what one could call a “forest” but the only thing she could hide in was a nearby place filled with strange metal beasts. The beasts looked to be asleep, so Luna thought it would be a great idea to hide from the other “hugh manns” for the time being, seeing how surprised Neil was when Luna first greeted him.

Luna hid in the beasts domain for a few hours, which consisted only of white paint and hard smelly rock. Finally! Neil walked out of the building, carrying his helmet under his arm as a memento from these NASA folk. He walked past her and she used her horn to give him a slight tug in her direction, it worked, he saw Luna’s hiding face and walked over.

“Sorry I took so long Luna, but I had to make sure that there wasn't anyone following me.” Neil said with a sigh.
“Why? Are they people who want to hurt me?”
“No, in fact, I’m the only one who knows you exist right now, I just don’t think they’d take so kindly to a talking horse from the moon as I did.”

“Come on Luna” Neil requested, “we gotta get you into the back of my van before anyone sees you. If they do, i got a lot of explaining to do, and I'm not sure how i could”

Luna follows Neil to his car, while trying to avoid open the open spaces between the metal beasts. Eventually they come across what seemed to be the leader, it was big and black, Luna was scared that this thing was going to eat her!
“M-M-Mr.Neil? are you sure we should get in that? it looks awfully hungry
“ha-ha, no, this thing isn't alive Luna, You wont get eaten. Trust me.
Luna was reluctant and hesitated, but she got in the back.

“ the van has tinted windows in the back, as long as you don't break anything, feel free to look. but i suggest you stay strapped in. its going to be a bumpy ride.”
“Mr.Neil sir?”
“yes Luna?”
“whats a van?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mr.Neil?”
“yes Luna?”
“how does your ‘van’ work without any earth ponies pulling it or Pegasus ponies flying it?”
“i.. don't know what that means, but ill explain the first part.”
“way back, more then 65 million years ago, there used to live these creatures called ‘dinosaurs’ and many other magnificent creatures. A great event wiped out almost all of them, and the ones that weren't incinerated got buried underground. With time, pressure, and varying heats, The dinosaurs slowly turned into what we call ‘oil’. We refine this oil and burn it to make the engines in our cars run”(sorry for the science lesson viewers)
Luna gasped in horror
“YOU BURN ANIMALS? YOU MONSTER!” Luna shouted, Inching as far back as she could from the driver of the vehicle.
Neil sighed heavily, all the while keeping his eyes on the road.
“Luna, the animals have been dead for millions and millions of years, we are simply using the earths resources to further the productivity of the human race. And oil is a large staple in the worlds economy.”
“but.. those poor dinosaurs...” Luna started tearing up.
“There is nothing to be helped Luna, asteroids are pretty much impossible to stop when your 20 feet tall, have tiny arms and no knowledge of your demise.”
Luna just pouted and gave a grunt at Neils sarcasm.
She looked out the window and saw a nearby sign.
“whats a Deli?” she asked inquisitively.
Neil tried to sort through many of the possible ways to avoid having this conversation with her, Because hes pretty sure she doesn't eat any meat at all.

“Mr. Neil, whats a Deli?” Luna repeated herself
“they uhh... serve food....”
“ooh can we get some?”
“I'm not sure you want to..”
“why not? it sounds exotic!”
“i don't suppose you like... meat... do you?”
Luna just sat there with a sudden shocked expression on her face.
Could these.. Hugh.. manns.. really be so cruel as to harm animals to EAT them?
Why would they do anything like that! its horrible to think of what those poor animals went through!
“listen.. Luna... your only a child. arnt you”
Luna, confused at the question, answered truthfully
“i guess i am, is that a bad thing?”
“no, it just makes things a lot harder to explain”
Luna was still on the verge of tears after learning that the humans ate poor defenceless animals.
Neil could see this in the rear-view mirror and tried to explain as best as he could.
“Luna, we humans need both meat and plants to survive, if we don't, we could all fall ill and die.”
“but the animals....”
“A lot of people don't like animal killing as much as you do Luna, but if its what we need to do to survive on this hostile planet, then so be it. You cant change how a human works.”
“maybe if i just do a littl-”
“no. luna.”

Eventually the pair slow down once they reach the center of town. and Luna sees a large blue van with “breathalyser tests” written in bold letters on the side. She is prepared to ask what it is, but she sees one up ahead and figures shell soon find out. After all, she doesn't want to annoy Mr. Neil.
“Oh ****, Luna, hide!”
“why? and where?”
“these guys cant see i have a HORSE”
“pony”
“PONY in my van! these people are really strict when it comes to animals!”
“oh.. where do i hide?”
“anywhere! just stay out of sight!”
An almost blinding flash emits from the van windowss which directs the attention of the policemen testing peoples breath for alcohol.
“excuse me sir, but have you been drinking tonight?”
“whatcouldyoupossiblymean!theresnothingsuspiciousinthisvanatallimeanitsjustavanright?”
were going to have to take a look inside the back. sir.
Neil thinks to himself “oh god. what do i do.. if i slam the acceleration, the cops would chase me and arrest me. but if i don't.. they find Luna! what could i do...”

He is contemplating legging it when the police slam the vans hatchback shut, “your clean, maybe you should relax sir. you seem very unnerved.”
“y-yeah i think i might do that... t-thanks...”
Confused by what just happened, Neil looked in the rear of his car to see if Luna was O.K.
“Shes gone!”
Neil was in a panic now, he didn't see the police walk away with her.. or even mention her.. but where could she be!?
“M-M-Mr N-Neil?” came a quivering voice from the corner
“Luna? where are you”
“I'm right here.” and with another blinding flash, Luna was back, completely visible!
“Oh Luna thank god you’re O.K! i thought you ran off”
“No Mr.Neil, I'm still here.”
“Well at least your O.K, i thought those goddamn police might have kidnapped you or something”
“Excuse me if i might ask sir, but who is this “god” you keep referring to?”
“uh.. people say hes the creator of everything, they call themselves Christians. i personally don't believe in the gibberish myself but sometimes words just come out of your mouth.
“don't you pray to Celestia at all?”
“who?”
“oh.. shes my sister. shes pretty much the equivalent of your god. except shes real”
“so. you are...”
“oh no. me and my sister raise the sun and the moon. but.. things happen so she banished me to the moon. and well... here i am!”
“your sister must have been a real b-”
“oh no she was just doing what was right.. i got a bit.... jealous”
“right.”

As they finish up their conversation, they come into Neils home street.
“now Luna, I'm not sure what could be going on once we pull in, so if i sound distressed or anything. id like you to pull whatever it is you did earlier and go invisible, then hide in the basement, There’s plenty of produce in there, so you shouldn't go hungry. just stay away from anything labelled ‘beef jerky’
“Yes Mr.Neil.”

“oh nuts.”
“what is it Mr.Neil?”
“my wife's home”

Comments

[Brony Tom]

Eh... the idea was kinda interesting, but after Neil first meets Luna it didn't really hold my attention. It didn't really seem plausible; I mean, what kind of astronaut would keep the discovery of a talking pony alicorn a secret?

[Br2nd66]

I really liked this I couldn,t help but smile

[remsaman]

505

maybe someone who already has something to hide?

;)

[Brony Tom]

522

I see what you did there.

505 well you know, if you found a talking pony... wouldnt you keep it a secret??

[remsaman]

549

of course. you see what they do to things that talk in movies n shit.

你是一个同性恋屁股荡妇，没有人喜欢你他妈的达欣屁股狗屎吃阴户鱼面奶酪牛奶

I like where this is going....

Luna seems waaaaaaaay too childish, I mean, whe is hundreds of years old right? She's a lot more than just an adult.

[SouthernCross]

You wanted proper reviews right? Well I'll start with chapter 1.

First off, please try and maintain your tense. You keep flip flopping between past and present tense in a most distracting way.

Secondly you seem to flip flop in the level of detail in your writing, sometimes it's really good and sometimes you're litterally giving the reader nothing to visualize. Obviously this is bad, please try to stick to giving a healthy amount of detail all the time.

Third, spelling and grammer. Sweet Luna you got lazy here. The number of times you start sentances and speach with lower case letters is kinda disturbing, add the rather poor formatting across the entire chapter and you get a pretty jarring read.

Do you know how to fix all of these? Proofreading with a proverbial fine-toothed comb. Don't finish a chapter and upload it straight away, take a break and come back to it an hour later and read it yourself. If you see any of the problems I mentioned, fix them. You become a better writer, readers get a better story, everyone wins.

And now I go to read chapter 2... in the morning.