Unbecoming
Chapter 2: Some Things Are Not Meant To Be Seen
Written by: Nathan Richard Stuckwisch (Julius Ulysses Icarus; penname)
7/2/2015
I had seen the Sun and now I can’t see it anymore… or… am I always seeing it, unable to unsee it? Some things are not meant to be seen, as Twilight and I both saw something that was not meant to be seen...
Twilight just wrapped her hooves around me, hugging me, and kissed me deeply. I returned the kiss, letting myself be held in her hooves. She… she was catching me from falling, in this abysmal darkness. Whether I now looked up or down, she was there, holding me. She whispered in my ear:
“There’s nothing you can do to make me stop loving you, Dashie.”
Again we pressed our lips against each other. She nuzzled me. Each touch of her hoof, her brushing her muzzle against mine, her rubbing against my fur, or licking my ears and, uh… cheeks, each started to become a reminder and resemblance of who I knew Twilight Sparkle to be… all of her mannerisms and demeanor became unquestionably real to me, through her touch, voice, and even smells and, uh… tastes. I felt her move away from me, but still held me in her hooves, I only snuggled myself further into her embrace, sighing and letting myself be caught from falling.
“T-Thank you, Twilight, I… I love you too.” I threw my hooves around her, or, at least the best I could, feeling her mane and her soft coat, I nuzzled her neck in solace.
“I… I can’t help but wonder Twilight, how did I get here?”
I heard Twilight sigh, and heard her hesitate and stumble over her words.
“Well, I uh… it’s... “
I heard her take a breath, and she began again:
“I was the one who saved you, Rainbow.”
“Oh…” I was dumbfounded, and in agony, for I had caused her this tragedy..
“I’m sorry” was all I could mutter.
“I was flying, on my way to see the Princesses on an urgent matter that they had requested my presence for… then I happened to see you, flying in the distance, above me, over the clouds. I had called out to you, to get your attention, but you… you weren’t responding, so I flew after you, but… you just kept flying higher and… faster and faster… until I... “
Twilight paused. I heard her wince audibly in sheer pain…
“Until I saw you fall…”
She began crying uncontrollably, and I cried with her… this time I felt around in the darkness, and wrapped my hooves around her, and coddled her as best I could… I kept whispering “I’m sorry” to her, in guilt, even though she seems to have already forgiven me and said that nothing I could do could make her stop loving me, it was clear as day this hurt her… traumatized her, perhaps… I had imagined that she was deeply hurt, not because she had thought that I had hurt her, but that I had hurt myself in such a way...
“... seeing you fall was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever seen, Rainbow… I… I raced as fast as I could to catch you, and I did… just before you hit the ground, you had landed in my hooves, and I had cried out to you…”
“Rainbow! Rainbow! RAINBOW!”
I heard her calling my name, but... she wasn't speaking... but I had heard her, elsewhere.
“W-wait… Twilight…”
I felt her shift in my hooves.
“I… I remember, Twilight. I remember. I remember hearing your voice. I remember you crying, and holding me, and you flapping your wings as you rushed me to where I assume was here… and then, nothing.”
I hesitated. I had pondered whether to disclose to what I had to say next to Twilight... she would understand, of course, but… but I… I… I’ve no way to deal this on my own! I'm alone enough in this darkness already...
“There’s something I need to tell you, Twilight…”
“Anything, Dashie…” she said with a concerning and caring voice.
“Thank you, Twilight… This may sound crazy, but… I can’t see anything… anything but a damn vision of a bright light! Whether it’s white, or red, or orange, I… I can’t tell! When I’m awake, all I can see is darkness, Twilight. But… when I’m asleep, all I see is the blinding light! I… don’t know what I want anymore, Twilight! Whether to sleep or to stay awake, I feel like I can’t tell whether I’m sleeping or whether I’m awake, and I don’t know that I want either! This… this feels like a nightmare gone on too long, and I want it to end! I just… I don’t know!”
I began crying again, not knowing what else to do…
Then I had felt Twilight hugging me tightly, and kissing me, giving me a sensation of warm lips, and cold tears, something sweet and something bitter… and then it hit me that I was indeed awake, and what I had thought was nightmare, of dreaming, was real…
I cried more, muttering under my breath that I was sorry, sorry that I had caused her to see such a sight… I clutched her tightly and returned her passionate and yet bittersweet kiss… guilty of my own undoing...
“Some things are not meant to be seen, Twilight… some things are not meant to be seen..."
This story is great so far, keep up the awesome work!
It's super rare that someone does a 1st person story well, but it really works here
6165551 Thank you for your comment! Thank you for bringing to me awareness of quite possibly where are blind stories seeming to appear.... OUT OF NOWHERE xD! Candidly, I had no knowledge of this show Daredevil, existed! So I'm quite surprised xD. Thank you for the reassurance that RD would, at least in this situation, would cry... Already, in chapters further, I am trying to let people know that I haven't forgotten RD tends to try to act tough, and strong, especially for everypony... she has more than herself to stay loyal to... For me, though, just as everypony, everypony is, well, a pony (human, humanely speaking!). We all are vulnerable, prone to pain, and anger, and anguish, etc., and that is my reasoning for why RD is reacting as such, but... (SPOILER ALERT) she of course begins to get over it, and will try her best to fight down any resurfacing, unwarranted feelings.
6165609 Thank you for commenting on my story! Really, thank you for the compliment, but what I am more thankful for is that you commented on my usage of first-person in this story, as you have just now allowed me to reply to you and give you the details of my thought process of why I decided to use first-person perspective without creating a hassle for people to see my reasoning.
I am pleased, and I hope that you will be pleased as well, to know that I thoroughly thought out the implications, complications, ramifications, etc. whatever other –cations there are (!) between first person POV and third person POV.
The first thing I had thought of was: well, if I consider that if I were to read a story about RD blind (namely, Shut the Blinds), and it was in third-person omniscient (or not, depending), sure, I would be able to convey enough sympathy to be felt by people reading the story, but that sympathy only goes insofar as third-person perspective goes, which is generally observant, not introspective.
With that considered first-person POV takes into account the character’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, everything about her that seems to come into being. Personally, I feel I have already been lacking on conveying every conceivable conscientious culmination of her character (how do you like that alliteration!? (; ).
Of course, writing this story in first person has major limitations, especially with RD being blind… when writing this, I came to realized just how imperative, innate, and indicative having your sense of sight is to anything, anything at all… whether it be survival, or story-telling! I found myself being very restricted in what I could and couldn’t do, what, with writing in first-person. That is a major drawback. However, as I stated earlier, I decided to do this to convey more emotion and depth to her character than could be otherwise possible. Not only does writing in first-person convey more emotion, but it also subtlety, as an underlying characteristic of the story itself, brings in the person reading to understand: ‘Wow, okay, so she can’t see… which means she needs to rely on her senses of touch, taste, smell, and hearing.’ This also incites a very provocative challenge… this is difficult! I will not understate the harshness and difficulty of writing this in first-person, knowing I cannot dare to even imply that she can actually see anything as she is blind.
With that considered third-person POV would have made the writing of this considerably and immeasurably easier. I didn’t want that. I really didn’t. A third-person POV would be easier simply because I would be able to describe a situation or event as an observer, especially with visuals, and could describe things much easier than Rainbow can in her state of being. Honestly, third-person, in the case of this story, isn’t even needed as these ponies’ feelings are readily apparently, when they come to Rainbow. In instance of feelings being clear, if there are any feelings that are not clear, Rainbow will of course contemplate the potential feelings of this other pony, and, considering her blindness, seems to be increasingly accurate as her hearing becomes more attuned to each pony. Think about it… people don’t listen well, do they? Oftentimes people fail to listen. Sure, a person can hear someone all they want to, but what if someone really heard someone? That’s what Rainbow Dash is, although it is undoubtedly helpful, forced to do. She is forced to listen.
Finally, as I said, it is very difficult to write in first-person as though I am blind… descriptions are hard to detail, as RD only has her other senses to rely on to sense what object is what, or which pony is who. It is to this that I am frustrated, and that I struggle, because I want to describe objects in as much detail as her senses will allow, as it will emphasis the hypersensitivity of her other senses in order to compensate for the loss of sight, because such detail can be breathtakingly beautiful and marvelous… need I say more expect to read the FimFiction story “Tea” and you will see the grand and grandiose beauty words can portray… However, I feel that perhaps I should do the minimal amount of detail I can, so as to keep the story-telling itself simple, to allow more focus on emotions, characterization, and such. Simply read the FiMFiction story “Dreams of Loss” to see how simplicity can be as magnificent and as perfectionist as a story such as the FiMfiction story “A Lot Like You”.
Those are my thoughts/writing process on the story, about perspective… again, thank you so very much for allowing me the opportunity to share my thoughts. I hope everypony who is interested in the development of story reads this, as I want you to be insouciant that I have thought this story out to the very depths of darkness!
Love,
RepentInReprise.
6165608 I know this may be rhetorical, but... you meant "you're" right? No, I'm not correcting your grammer (hur hur) xD... I'm asking because, uh... as you know, Yuri... xD is an actual word/thing! So... do I capture "Yuri Twilight" pretty well as well? (; xD
6165608 Oh, and I do apologize, no... that is, unfortunately for you (and anyone else who watches the Dr. House show), not a reference :( honestly, I looked up the name of the Dr. who treated Rainbow for her broken wing in "Read It and Weep!" as I wanted to use him as the character, and his name came up as "Dr. Horse" xD... so I was like, "Okay, then! Sure! Why not?" I had thought about using Dr. Weathervane (From FuzzyVeeVee's story Murky Number Seven [Fuzzy, if you're reading this... HAI! I LUV U! <3333 I considered using your character! xD], but then I thought of the paradoxes/nonsensicality that would occur, given that, indeed, the Fallout: Equestria universe is an alternate universe; or, one could say it's the same universe, with everything going terribly wrong xD. In either case, I actually have not completely read his story (I'm SORRY FUZZY! >.<), I'm on chapter 13, so I might be missing any vital information that could be used towards Weathervane's character, and, whether Weathervane's character would even make sense during this time period!
Wow I really liked that part in the beginning where you talk about the sun. Almost exactly like in Daredevil where somebody asks him what everything looks like to him and he says he sees the whole world on fire. Um also I think Twilight is a lot different now. I mean sure the moment was traumatizing and all but I kind of don't see Twilight licking some ponies ear or doing stuff like that, but apart from all that I really like the story and the messages you've put in.