Chapter 3
In the skies above the Everfree Forest, a mint-green unicorn trotted over the clouds and peered at the ground before quickly stepping backwards, her heart pounding. She looked down instead at the fluffy white cloud beneath her, willing it to calm her down. It worked and she got to her hooves for another try. She just had to remove the special amulet, fly down to earth, and not look back. Simple, really. But the ground was so far down and she didn’t trust her wings for a minute. They might have healed, considering it had been years since the incident, but then again they might not have.
“Hey, what’s a unicorn doing walking on clouds?” another unicorn asked her, this one pink with a blonde mane.
“I could ask you the same question,” the first unicorn replied, smirking. The pink one growled and lunged at her, causing the black-maned pony to step off the cloud as she back-pedalled. She screamed and hung onto the cloud by her front hooves, remembering the charm that kept her safe only when it was too late. Her amulet flew off her neck and landed on the cloud at the surprised unicorn’s hooves, turning the first one back into her pink-coated self.
“A changeling,” the unicorn gasped, seeing the wings adorning the alicorn’s back. “How dare you impersonate a dead princess?”
“I am the princess,” Vanellope snapped at her, but Taffyta obviously didn’t believe her.
“I’ll just take this back to the king. Wait here and I’ll bring back the guards,” Taffyta ordered her, and trotted off with the amulet in her mouth.
“I never took orders from citizens before and I’m not starting now,” Vanellope declared in a mutter. And she vaulted over the side of the cloud, landed on the unicorn, and grabbed the amulet before leaping back off the cloud in a matter of seconds. Her wings snapped open as much as they would but didn’t help much considering they were little more than a mess of bones with feathers and skin covering them. With that plan becoming an utter failure, Vanellope stopped flailing for long enough to slip the amulet back around her neck. She was probably going to die but if she didn’t, she didn’t want one of the guards or Candy Cloud residents finding her and taking her back to that imposter king. Squinting her eyes closed, she hoped that this wouldn’t hurt too much.
Ralph hadn’t had too much luck in the first few hours of his quest for something great to bring back to Pleasantville. There had been countless manticores and the odd hydra, but they were to be expected in the Everfree Forest. Once he’d stepped out of the confines of the forest, he’d felt free but also miserable. How was he going to find something dangerous outside of the most dangerous part of Equestria?
“Look out!” He looked up too late to dodge the mint-green blur flying towards him and ended up being knocked onto his back with the unicorn on top of him. “Sorry about that,” the unicorn muttered, getting off him and shaking herself off. He stared at her, wondering how a unicorn could suddenly change colours.
“What?” she asked, and then her hoof felt around her neck. “Oh no, my amulet! Where is it?” She searched frantically in the surrounding bushes until Ralph held up the golden amulet with the star amethyst in the middle.
“Looking for this?” he asked, standing and offering it to her on his outstretched hoof.
“Yeah, I was, actually,” she admitted with a sheepish grin as she clipped it back around her neck. “Thanks.”
“What was a unicorn doing so high up?” Ralph wondered, looking up towards the clouds.
“Cloud-walking,” Vanellope responded automatically.
“Really? Because my brother’s a pegasus and he says that usually unicorns know better than to go near the edge of a cloud when the spell’s in effect,” Ralph replied with a smirk.
“Oh yeah? Well what’s a monster doing out of the Everfree Forest?” Vanellope shot back.
“I’m not a monster,” Ralph defended himself. “I fight monsters but I’m not one.”
“So why are you so huge, then?” Vanellope replied, gesturing to his size.
“Why are you so annoying?” Ralph all but growled. And he set off, muttering under his breath about annoying little unicorn brats.
Vanellope watched him go, still slightly frightened from her fall and from almost revealing her true identity to this monster of a stranger. He could be working for the king for all she knew! Now she just had to think of somewhere to go now that she was effectively grounded. She looked at the retreating figure of the stallion that she’d fallen on and wondered where he was going. Now, there was an idea that she could use!
“Hey! Hey, big guy!” she called to him, running after him. Running on the ground was a lot different to running on clouds, and she almost tripped several times.
“What?” he sighed, stopping abruptly so she ran into him. Scowling, she replaced her amulet for what felt like the hundredth time and stepped around to stand in front of him.
“Where are you going?” she asked, grinning at him.
“I don’t know. Anywhere,” he admitted, looking away from her bi-coloured eyes. He felt like he’d fall into them if he looked for too long.
“Well then, I’ll go with you,” she declared. “I don’t really know where to go either. Heck, I haven’t ever set hoof around these parts before.”
“Neither have I,” Ralph agreed. “I’ll take you along with me. It can’t hurt to have a travelling companion, right?”
“That’s right,” Vanellope grinned. “What’s your name, anyway? If I’m gonna be travelling with you, I should know your name.”
“Ralph,” he replied, watching for a spark of recognition. But there was none.
“Well, it’s nice to meet ya, Ralph. I’m Vanellope,” she supplied, and waited for him to recognise her. But he didn’t, he just smiled.
“I’m surprised you haven’t heard of me,” Ralph admitted as they continued down the road, trotting side-by-side.
“Me too,” Vanellope agreed. “I mean, I’m surprised you haven’t heard of me. Have you heard of Candy Cloud? Sugarcube Races?” He looked confused at both names. “They’re in the sky,” she clarified, pointing upwards.
“Oh, well that’s why I’ve never heard of them, then. I’m an earth pony, if that isn’t already obvious,” Ralph pointed out. Vanellope giggled.
“So where are ya from?” she asked, settling into a comfortable gait where she wasn’t lifting her hooves too much. She attempted to copy his stride.
“I’ll tell you if you tell me where you’re from,” he responded, causing her to stumble and fall. This time, when she got up, Ralph repositioned her amulet around her neck and this time clipped it closed firmly and brushed her mane over it. “If that doesn’t keep it on, nothing will.”
“I’d rather not,” she admitted quietly, brushing her front hoof against the ground nervously.
“Why? Are you a criminal or something?” Ralph asked, trotting ahead of her.
“What? No,” she laughed, and galloped to keep up. She could feel her wings attempting to reappear as she hit speed but slowed down so that wouldn’t happen.
They walked in silence, Vanellope marvelling at the feeling of actual dirt beneath her hooves while Ralph enjoyed the sunshine on his back. From time to time, she stole glances at the giant, dark orange pony walking beside and slightly in front of her. His short brown mane looked like it had been freshly washed, and he didn’t smell too bad. Sniffing, she detected the scent of sweat and what smelled undeniably like manticore venom. The winged beings had the ability to come to cloud cities and walk there and had sometimes interrupted races or civilian life.
“Why do you smell of manticore venom?” she asked, stepping away from him after noticing that she’d been close to pressing her nose right against his coat.
“To attract mares,” Ralph replied sarcastically. “No, I had to fight off a few manticores on my way out of the Everfree Forest.”
“Yeah right,” Vanellope snorted. “As if someone like you could fight off those monsters.”
“It’s true,” Ralph confirmed. “I even fought a few hydras. Don’t know what they were doing so far from the swamp, though.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it,” Vanellope laughed, trotting ahead of him. Scowling, Ralph grabbed her by the tail and yanked her back beside him. “Hey!” He laughed and sped up to a quick trot, so Vanellope chased after him and very quickly passed him.
They ran into the next town. Vanellope’s mane and tail streamed behind her and the gem in her amulet sparked a few times in warning. But she didn’t notice, having too much fun. Only when her wings flickered into existence did she slow down and look around nervously. But there was nopony around, considering this was a quiet stretch of road. She’d be okay until they arrived near the next town. So she continued galloping ahead of Ralph, attempting to keep her wings out of sight by tucking them closely to her body. It hurt but it was better than being found out.
Ralph caught up with her when she slowed down as another town came into sight.
“You’re fast,” he commented, panting. “I can outrun a hydra but outrunning you is something else entirely. How’d you get that fast?”
“It’s a secret,” she giggled, not wanting to give any hints as to her true identity. Speaking of secrets... she had to hide her wings somehow, and the amulet had broken due to her speed. Tapping it, she felt her fur ripple as it changed colour from mint green to pink for a moment. And then, as she increased the pressure on the gem, her fur returned to mint-green and her wings disappeared. She sighed in relief that her unicorn disguise was back.
“So, this town’s called Sunset Valley. Fitting,” Ralph commented as Vanellope walked a few steps ahead of him. The sun was setting and the town was set in a valley, so Vanellope could see just how the name was fitting. She smiled at that.
“It looks small,” Vanellope observed as she trotted into the town. She tried not to jolt the amulet’s gem too much just in case her disguise failed again.
“Big enough to put us up for the night, though,” Ralph figured, and brushed past her. Vanellope winced- the amulet no longer hid the feeling of her wings, which meant that somepony would probably feel her wings if they brushed up against her. She shivered at that revelation, which gave her an idea.
“Hey, Ralph?” she called softly to him, trotting to catch up. “Is there some kind of a clothing boutique here? I’m a little bit cold.” She shivered to emphasise her point, and now it was starting to get a little chillier as Celestia’s sun set and Luna’s night began.
“Sure,” Ralph nodded, although his brow furrowed in confusion. What was that shimmering on Vanellope’s sides when she shivered? But he put it down to his eyes playing tricks on him after not having eaten all day. “We’ll get you something warm and then go get something to eat.”
“Sounds good,” Vanellope agreed, her stomach growling as if to back her up. She really had been running fast.
Ralph led Vanellope to a clothing boutique and as she stepped inside, her amulet sparked and her wings were in clear view for just a moment before a good amount of tapping rendered them invisible once more.
“Welcome to the Barnyard Bargains clothing store. How may I help you?” an earth pony clerk asked her. She looked quite country with her straw-yellow mane and pale green hide.
“Hi, I’m just looking for a hooded cloak,” Vanellope replied, looking around. “Is there anything like that around here?”
“Well, sure there is. I’ll be right back,” the clerk replied, and trotted into the back of the store. As soon as she disappeared, the amulet sparked warningly again and this time sent a few sparks of magic into Vanellope. She gasped as her fur rippled alarmingly between pink and mint-green, causing her body to shake. Her wings were back now and there was no getting rid of them. Taking a deep breath, she stood up straight and prepared to face the questions that the clerk would no doubt have for her.
As it turned out, she needn’t have worried because the clerk had the cloak covering her face. Vanellope snickered at the sight but readily accepted the cloak, throwing it over her pathetic-looking wings and leaving the hood down for now. The cloak, she discovered, was the same mint-green colour as her disguise’s fur, and the hood was sewn on with pink string. The same thread held two pockets to her cloak.
“Thank you,” she beamed at the clerk, “I love it.” She withdrew a gem from her mane and threw it onto the counter, much to the amazement of the clerk. “Keep the change, you can use it for your shop.” With another warm smile, Vanellope left the clothing boutique and tried not to shudder as her blue magic streaked along her coat from her amulet. She could only guess at what her coat currently looked like.
“That was quick,” Ralph commented when Vanellope rejoined him in the town square.
“Well, I only wanted a cloak,” Vanellope figured. “Now, where are we headed for food? I’m starving.”
“All that running must’ve tired you out,” Ralph chuckled. “We’ll go to the pizzeria. Do you like mushrooms?”
“Yes,” Vanellope grinned. “I like any kind of pizza so order whatever you like. And get a smaller one for me.” She couldn’t resist a jab at his size, and neither could he on her size.
“Okay, and I’ll get a foal-size one for you,” he decided.
“Hey!” she snapped, mirth gleaming in her eyes. It was good to have a friend.
That night, they slept under the stars. The town did have an inn but there were no beds left, so Ralph had found a spot somewhere out of town and had curled up near a stump.
“How are you not cold?” Vanellope complained as she shivered nearby. Even with her cloak, it was freezing. Then again, she had mainly got the cloak to hide her wings and any strange happenings on her coat.
“I’m used to sleeping in the open,” Ralph replied simply. “You’re a unicorn, don’t you have some kind of fire spell?”
“No, I was never taught before- never mind,” she mumbled, and tried in vain to warm herself up.
“Before what?” Ralph prodded, raising his head a little to look at her curiously.
“I said never mind,” Vanellope snapped, shivering miserably. The amulet still sent sparks of magic jumping along her coat, but it hurt her more than it warmed her. At last, she growled and attempted to throw it off. But it had fused to her skin. She bit her lip to hold back tears and her horn glowed a bright blue as she carefully pried the metal from her skin and stowed the amulet in her cloak. It was no use now, but the strange thing was that her coat remained mint-green. Deciding to puzzle it over in the morning, Vanellope rested her head on her forehooves and slept under Luna’s beautiful night.
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Intriguing so far. I imagine people are not too receptive of crossovers/ponifying?
Either way, your diction is good enough, and characters are set, as can be expected of a crossover. However, the beginning chapter's events come off as a bit abrupt, and the chapter itself is short enough to incite a lack of interest in some readers. Perhaps an addendum could be inserted that explains Ralph and a bit of his backstory and appearance?
Those're just my two cents, anyway. As it stands, there's room for improvement, but it's a comparatively fine read. Maintain a bit of originality and make your characters more fleshed out and more worthy of sympathy, and I think you'll be good.
5120797 Thanks for that. I probably will clean up the first chapter, I wasn't very happy with it either when I posted it but this is an old fic so I didn't really bother
5120892
Anytime.