Casus Foederis

by Walt2012

Formal Luncheon

Casus Foederis
© 2014 by Walter Reimer

Chapter 6.

“Heavens, Reintief,” Mulegan said breathlessly, looking around the banquet hall as silent pudu servitors delivered meals to the assembled dignitaries. The Supreme Patriarch and his sister were on one side of the hall, Yimbombollabu studiously ignoring his guests while Itchykitchyku alternately admired her new jewelry and batted her eyelashes at the Camel Sultan. For his part, Shaykh an-Baykh laughed jovially at his courtiers as he sampled various dishes.

“Isn’t it wonderful that the Ambassador managed to defuse that situation?” the sallow unicorn gushed, glancing over at the senior diplomat’s table where Cross Purposes was still basking in the glow of Unalloyed Adoration (60-D) bestowed on him by the Magitechnical Attache. The others were a bit more restrained in their attempts to gain the Great Pony’s recognition or approval. “And to think, it all could have gone horribly wrong.”

“Quite right, Mister Mulegan,” Reintief said. A pudu set a salad before him, and the earth pony noticed a small white object under one of the lettuce leaves. He moved the salad about with his fork to stir in the dressing, then lowered his forehoof below the table to look at the folded note.

It read, need speek wit yu bar tonite. Reintief folded the note into his napkin, and started eating. A few times he raised the napkin to his lips, eating with quiet, slow decorum. He looked up as the Ambassador got up and rapped on his glass for order.

“Gentlebeings,” Cross Purposes said, “as the representative of the Diarchy of Equestria, I’d like to take this opportunity to – “ He was interrupted by an expertly thrown zucchini muffin that impaled itself on his horn.

“Stupid pony shut up and sit down!” the Patriarch shouted.

Cross Purposes brushed crumbs from his face. Many of the ponies present recognized his expression as a Condescending Smile in the Presence of Inferiors (4-q). “I’d like to take this opportunity to say, in the interest of maintaining harmony and friendly relations between the Kudu and the Camels, that a possible solution to the dispute in the Yodelinda Valley is near at hoof.”

“You interest me, Pony,” Shaykh an-Baykh said. His indolent pose and patronizing smirk suggested that the interest was the same a scientist had for a new variety of fungus.

Yimbombollabu’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“It’s really a very simple solution,” Cross Purposes said grandly, gesturing with a hoof. “I propose that, in exchange for the Sultanates keeping the Valley, the Camels will cede the Mireland to Kuduvania!”

There was a brief silence.

The silence grew until Cross Purposes started to blush in embarrassment, and the unicorn sat down.

Slowly, Shaykh an-Baykh started to clap his forefeet. “I’m glad to see, Yimbombollabu, that you hired a troupe of clowns to entertain us. Does he do tricks?”

The Supreme Patriarch snorted and threw another muffin at the Ambassador, who flinched and barely managed to dodge out of the way. “Stupid ponies. Why you talk like them, hey?”

An-Baykh smiled. “I attended school in Manehattan.”

“Figures,” the Patriarch snorted in disgust. “It no surprise you in league with stupid ponies.”

“Me? In league – with them?” The camel laughed. “We trade with them, you two-horned ignoramus. That’s all. Now, I want to hear from this unicorn why I should trade a beautiful spot like the Valley for the Mireland.” He gave the Ambassador a Speculative Look (56-e) that swiftly changed into the Camel version of a Patronizing Smirk (65-k). “Well? We’re waiting.”

Cross Purposes blinked rapidly for a few moments before saying, “Giving the Mireland to the Kudu will grant them greater access to the Humpback Mountains – “

“Bah!” the Supreme Patriarch sneered. “Yodelinda Valley have all kinds tasty greens and grass. Mireland just bog of mud pits.”

“But – but – but the Humpback Mountains are the Kudu’s ancestral homeland!” Cross Purposes sputtered. “Surely you’d want more access – “

Yimbombollabu waved this away with a hoof. “Is ancestral homeland, sure. But Kudu move many years ago, shove puny Pudu aside. Much nicer land, softer under hooves,” he added smugly.

Reintief’s ears canted forward as he ate.

Later that night, the earth pony and the rest of the Equestrian delegation were ushered aboard the ship that served as the Embassy. Reintief lagged behind the rest of the group, noting that stout iron bars had been bolted into place over all of the portholes. One of the kudu guards sneered at him, “We make sure stupid pony not get ashore tonight.”

Reintief paused and looked the much taller kudu up and down. “Tell me: Does it hurt?”

The kudu frowned as his brain shifted from first to second. “Does what hurt?”

“This.”

The earth pony made his way up the gangway as the kudu writhed on the dock, grasping one hoof and whimpering.

“What was that all about, Reintief?” Mulegan asked.

“What was what, Mister Mulegan?”

“I thought I heard a heavy stomping sound.”

“Ah. That was me, I’m afraid. I had some dirt in one hoof, and I didn’t want to track it aboard ship. Cleanliness is harmonious, you know.”

The sallow unicorn bestowed a Sage Nod (3-g) on his subordinate. “Quite so, Reintief. We’ll make a gentlepony of you yet.”

“I suppose it had to happen sooner or later,” Reintief said.

Later, Reintief noted carefully that the bars on his cabin’s window were, in fact, very strong iron. They were secured to the sides of the ship with six-inch iron screws.

It was a pity that the wood was riddled with dry rot. A bit of judicious work to keep the noise down, and the network of bars swung open a bit like a barn door. The earth pony swung a Cloak, for Nefarious Purposes, Late Night, over his back and started to climb out.

“Psst! Reintief!” The voice was sibilant and accompanied by the droning of wings, and the pony found himself face to face with a Changeling.

“Nice night for a seaside flit, Mandible.”

The portly insectoid harrumphed a bit and crossed his forelegs. “Nuts to that. The Ambassador woke me up to go out and see what the Equestrians are up to, and here I find you breaking out of stir.”

“Just stepping out for a breath of air. And what makes Ambassador Gaster think we’re up to something?”

“You’re ponies. You have to be planning something,” Mandible said. “Besides, His Nibs felt a sudden spike in love coming from the main square today. That wasn’t expected.”

“What was?”

Mandible gave an impression of a Knowing Grin (11-i).

“Never mind. The question was rhetorical, knowing the personalities involved.” Reintief thought for a moment. “If you report back that the Embassy of the Dual Thrones isn’t up to something, the Ambassador won’t believe you, right?”

“Right,” the changeling said, a suspicious tone in his voice.

“Then let’s give him what he wants. That way you can get in good with him.”

Mandible brightened a bit. “That’s rather good of you, Reintief, in a spirit-of-chumship way of course.”

“All right. Care to help draw the guards away from the dock for a moment? You can meet up with me two blocks inland, near the pudu quarter.”

The hovering changeling pointed a perforated hoof at him. “No double-crossing, Reintief.”

“You have my word.”

Large compound eyes regarded the earth pony for a long moment, then Mandible buzzed away. A few minutes later Reintief heard the kudu guards yell, “Stupid pony! Come back!” and he started to climb out of his cabin.