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Long amethyst hairs danced freely in the late morning breeze upon the dignified features of a cross-looking mare. The unicorn sauntered across the worn cobblestone road, amongst quaint thatched roof homes both old and new. Her walk found her in an older part of town, one populated by shops and homes that had been in possession of Ponyville's founding families for generations.
Rarity seldom ventured to this isolated neighborhood on the far east side of town. Yet, the few times she had laid eyes on the charming old-world shops adorned with intricate wrought-iron railings and window coverings, she instantly fell in love; her heart yearning for a time where such decadent design created a living fairy-tale world.
The alabaster unicorn sighed longingly as she took her eyes off the passing display windows in an attempt to get her bearings. She made a habit of not visiting Rainbow Dash often. After her unnecessary critiques on the flight suits she so generously stitched for her, Rarity all but shut the pegasus out of her life. Which brought her to question why it was that she was currently going to visit her.
If she remembered correctly, Twilight had told her a couple days prior that nopony had heard from Dash in nearly two weeks, which suited Rarity quite nicely. The librarian had insisted she go and check on their friend for her, as she was getting ready to go on a botany research trip in some exotic corner of Equestria. When asked why any of the others couldn't go, Twilight bluntly replied that Applejack was busy with work and Pinkie Pie might not be the best choice for this situation. Barring the obvious bad idea of sending Fluttershy in to check on her, that left only Rarity.
The haute mare huffed irritably to herself, it wasn't enough that she had to go deal with her brutish friend, but now she was also lost trying to get there. She paused at a sleepy intersection where one empty road ran perpendicular to another and scanned the horizon for the small bell-tower that rose above ex-couple's home. It always seemed strange that they bought that place, though it was not difficult to imagine who persuaded whom to get it.
The building itself was once home to a rather extraordinarily old stallion, no one seemed to remember quite how old though. He was otherwise well known across town for many years and even to this current day for his gentle, albeit reclusive, nature. He had inherited the home after his father's death to a very large and feral pack of timberwolves that had created a war-zone out of the sleepy town. Two other ponies perished in the unusual attack, and it was widely agreed the town ought to have some form of defense. So the grieving stallion built a small bell-tower atop his home as a warning device, agreeing to keep watch over Ponyville's borders each night so that no more families could be fractured by loss like his.
Or so the story went, anyway, Rarity thought to herself.
Fluttershy had essentially turned the tower into a rather large bird's nest, and spent most of her mornings sitting up there with her animal friends, watching the village below slowly wake to the rising sun. Dash didn't much seem to care for it, but the home had a convenient location and was fairly modern considering its origin, so the pegasus agreed to purchase the place from a distant descendant of the original owner himself. The once-happy couple living within that home had served as a beacon of comfort to the residents of the town, just as the bell-tower above it had done so long ago.
Despite her personal distaste for Rainbow, she had to concede that her and Fluttershy were an always-pleasant sight around town. There was something endearing about two greatly different ponies loving each other so intently. Aside from a sort of celebrity status Dash already held, the two of them became somewhat famous around town for being such a cute couple. It gave others a deeply renewed hope for love.
But now.....
Rarity shook the thoughts from her mind; they became a bit too heavy for her. She had left the calm, old-world neighborhood and was currently ascending a small hill on the edge of one of the town's parks. From here she could see the tower a couple blocks away; the sides were covered in grime and bird droppings, and the tarnished bell within had lost its shine. A small frown blemished the beautiful mare's face.
Knock, knock, knock
............
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock
"Yeah hic yeah, I'm coming, cut the racket!" An angry muffled voice rang out from behind the heavy oak door.
The unicorn huffed in distaste for the rude response. She lowered her hoof, which had been halfway to rapping yet again at the entrance to 137 Whistlegrass Lane, home to Rainbow Dash.....and an impending dark secret. The door swung open violently as two bloodshot magenta eyes glared at her behind a filthy, disheveled rainbow mane.
"What." Her partially slurred interrogation came immediately upon laying her eyes on the mare before her.
"Excuse me, but I believe there are better ways to greet a friend." She spoke the word "friend" with the reluctance of an uncouth swear in formal company. The pegasus stared back at her with a look of annoyance and confusion.
"What do hic you want, friend?" Her own tone reflected the similar venomous inflection upon that seemingly accursed word.
"I am here to check up on you, at Twilight's behest mind you, and I would like to sa-" Rarity did not finish her sentence once she had looked past the mangy mare in the doorway and at the disarray she had emerged from.
Bottles, both broken and whole, littered the floor, every square inch of it where there was not trash scattered about. Half of the blinds were tangled, slashed, or missing, and a pungent odor assaulted the unicorn's nostrils as the wind outside pushed out the stale air within.
"Celestia, Rainbow! What in Equestria is going on here?!"
A reply was working its way off of Rainbow's tongue, but never took to the air as the pegasus collapsed without warning. Her heavy body brought her skull down to the floor with it, crushing a bottle which rained flecks of glass across the sticky tile.
"Ugggghhh. Son of a-ow my friggin' head."
Rainbow lifted her leaden eyelids and struggled to focus her blurred vision. It took a few minutes, but soon she found herself on the couch in her living room, with the end-table pulled up beside her. On it was a filled glass of water and a bowl of sliced fruit that couldn't have have come from her own home, as it was far too fresh-looking.
She tried propping herself up on the tattered green upholstery, until her head began to throb at the newly rushing blood that was bulging the veins inside their swollen home. Cursing again quite loudly, Dash brought a hoof up to clutch her aching head, only to find it neatly bandaged.
"Sweet fu-ow, Luna. What happened?"
"I believe I may be able to answer that if, of course, you are willing to answer a few queries of my own."
The hungover mare looked to the sound of the feminine voice echoing from just around the corner of the room. In moments, the alabaster unicorn from before her blackout sauntered into the dimly-lit room, placing a couple small pills among the other remedies on the table next to her.
"Take those and drink." It was spoken with the exhausted, commanding tone of an overworked nurse. Rainbow looked between the mare and the table before her, until finally obliging without a word.
"Thank you, now lie back down, if you would." Rarity had already turned and begun to leave the room when a pained voice called to her.
"Wait, what exactly happened?" The unicorn's vacation was halted as she turned to look over her shoulder at the mare on the couch.
"That's a very good question indeed, Rainbow. I feel I could help you answer that if I had some expository information."
"Some what?"
Rarity sighed audibly.
"Rainbow, what in Celestia's name has been going on around here? I mean, of course, besides your obvious overindulgence in alcohol. What is going on with you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Dash's ears flattened atop her head as she looked down at the floor.
"Oh, you know, the whole passing out drunk in the middle of the day thing? The one where I had to pluck out shards of glass from your bloody face and spend four hours trying to make sure you were ok, even though I didn't want to be here to begin with? Yeah, that thing."
Rarity had practically spat the words at the mare avoiding her gaze. The aggression in her voice lingered in her ears long after the words were spoken, like bright lights burning an afterimage into one's eyes.
".....Has it really been four hours?" Rainbow spoke softly to the worn rug in the center of the floor.
"Yes."
She tried to bury her face in her hooves, but winced at the contact her bandaged areas made as she rested her head in her legs. No sounds but the churning air from the ceiling fan could be heard for a long time. Dash swallowed a bone-dry lump in her throat, slowly shaking her head in clear mortification. Rarity once again sighed heavily.
"Rainbow, darling," the term of endearment sounded alien, "this is no way for any lady to live her life. How long has this been going on?"
The unicorn lifted the distraught mare's head up to look at her azure eyes; they showed nothing but honest compassion.
"Sigh....dammit. Look, I'm fine. I admit, I've gone a little overboard with the cider, but I'm just drowning some temporary stress for my upcoming flight competition."
Rarity stared at her with an immensely nonplussed expression. She took a moment to stare at the other mare to try and find her words, but was interrupted when she questioned her befuddled gaze.
"Rainbow...that tournament was nearly a week ago. Did you even go?"
"W-what? No, today's only the elev-" She looked over at a calendar with pictures of baby animals on it that Fluttershy had bought them a long time ago. Why did she still have that atrocity? "-the twenty eighth...." Her voice was barely a whisper.
Rarity held great hesitation towards trying to say anything, Rainbow was crumbling before her eyes in much a way that Applejack had described to her and Twilight a few days ago when recounting her visit. She was afraid any words she spoke would serve as a catalyst for an impending emotional outburst, either angry or sad.
"Then that means my...my team just went there without me??" It was appearing as if it would be both.
"Rainbow, darling, you were not there for them, they had no choice. I'm sure they missed y-"
"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID MARE! Don't you get it? I'm the one who made the team, not any of those other slackers! And now they think they can just forget about me? After all I've done for it? After all I lost to make this team successful?!"
Rarity attempted to speak through gritted teeth, barely controlling her rage. "Ahem...Rainbow, they attended one event without you, I don't think they-"
"Did you not just hear a word I said?? CAN IT! Ow! My damn head is killing me-"
SMACK.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" Rainbow cradled her swelling cheek in one of her hooves.
"Now listen here, you ungrateful little harpy. I don't know who you are anymore, seems a lot of ponies find themselves saying that to you, but I know for a fact that you aren't anyone I would ever let talk to me like that." A burning hatred was brewing in Dash's eyes as she shook from the shock of the blow. Rarity paid it no mind as she continued with her venomous declaration. "You don't deserve what few friends you have left. I'm glad your team has apparently moved on without you. You made a bad decision trading your love for that foolish dream of yours, and now you have neither." The unicorn chuckled smugly.
"What did you just say?" The pegasus' voice was a calm breeze quickly brewing into a fierce disaster. Rarity read her like an open book, savoring the sting she could see in her eyes.
"I'm saying, dear, that you just lost your place on your own flight team. The same one you spent all of your time on so you could neglect Fluttershy until she finally got fed up and left you. As a matter of fact, and I had promised Twilight I wouldn't divulge this gossip, I hear that Fluttershy has started talking to a cute little barista as of late."
It became hard to discern whether Rainbow was shaking with anger or trembling with anguish.
"Why, sometimes I see them out on the patio of a small cafe here downtown. I believe you are familiar with that establishment, no?"
The storm had been let loose. Using the couch as her launch pad, Rainbow shot towards the smug unicorn, overturning the small table between them. Her outstretched hoof rammed into the smaller mare's nose, collapsing it with a disgusting crunch. A spray of blood erupted from the wound, drops of it splattering on the attacker's own face.
Rarity lay barely moving in a corner of the continually darkening room, sobbing in pain. With her wings flared outward, Dash walked slowly towards the near-unconscious mare; her long shadow loomed wickedly over her in the setting sun. She cracked her neck to each side, and a sadistic smile crept across her muzzle.
"'Not so tough now, are you bitch?" Rarity tried in vain to push herself up off the floor, but a piercing ring in her ears and her growing inability to see contributed to a nauseous feeling that left her barely awake.
"Rahnbuw, w-wh-w-why w-would you do thith?" The mare on the floor could barely speak discernible words as she began to feel her body falling down a deep chasm, stretching her vision to a blur.
"Why?? Because you came to my house and insulted me! You knew damn well what was gonna happen, I saw it in your eyes, that shit-eating grin! Don't pretend like you're some innocent victim here!" The walls of the once quiet home shook from her deafening yelling.
Rarity failed to speak her next sentence, as she passed out from her concussion and dropped her head the short distance to the floor. Rainbow was caught off-guard by the sudden collapse, taking a step back in shock.
"Uh, Rar-Rarity."
There was no reply.
"Oh no. Oooooh crap. Celestia, no! Arggghhh!" The pegasus mare began pounding her head against the wall in frustration, oblivious to the stinging pain it sent in response. "What the hell do I do now??"
"I don't-I don't even know what to say to you right now. Who are you?? Rainbow Dash wouldn't do this; is there a changeling in there underneath all of that hatred?" Twilight was crying, her words interrupted by her sobbing. "Ar-aren't you going to even say anything?" She received no response from the top of Rainbow's head as she hung it dejectedly.
The small, navy-blue room held a suffocating tension. Rainbow and Twilight were sitting next to each other in equally uncomfortable chairs next to an out-cold Rarity. Her rhythmic breathing sounded labored as it rose up from her hospital bed.
"You're very lucky I managed to talk to the police before you did; I'm the only one who could've pulled you out of this as a free mare. Though, I question whether I should have even done that." She shot a hateful look towards the back of Rainbow's head as she averted her gaze.
"Celestia, Rainbow! Say something, already!" There was no response as she shook her head slowly, eyes boring through the floor. Twilight groaned in aggravated frustration and turned her head away from the pegasus and towards the window. Faint moonlight shone upon what little dust floated in the air of the sterile hospital room. Moments later, a tall unicorn mare waked through the door, levitating a clipboard in her pink magic.
"Ok, so which one of you is Rainbow Da-" One look between the two mares and she knew her answer. "Miss Dash, I'm going to need you to leave the room. We expect Miss Rarity should be waking up fairly soon, and it's only wise that you are not here when she does." Years of training allowed her to mask her emotions when she talked to patients and their friends and family, but it was difficult for her not to let a little disgust seep into her voice this time. Without acknowledging the doctor, Rainbow slowly stood up and walked out the door.
"So is Rarity going to be ok?" Twilight spoke with grave concern.
"Oh, certainly!" The doctor instantly brightened up a bit. "We just need to set your friend's nose back into place after the swelling goes down, and of course, after she's recovered a bit more from her concussion. Neither injury should have any lasting effects."
"That's wonderful! Thank you, Doctor...."
"Melody, and don't mention it, it's my job." She laughed warmly, seeing the unicorn in front of her could clearly use a little cheering up. It had the desired effect, as Twilight's stern face began to relax.
"Miss, if I may...Why not press charges against that pegasus? Though your friend will be perfectly fine, I've seen cases like this before where the victim is not so lucky. If improperly attended to, a concussion can cause permanent brain damage, and even death upon subsequent instances. Is she close to you two?" She gestured towards the door.
Twilight didn't speak at first. She kept trying to answer that question herself in her mind, but seeing Rainbow's behavior in the past year, she didn't have an honest answer.
"I-I don't know anymore....."
Doctor Melody more or less picked up the context of the situation and bowed her head in contrition.
"Forgive me, that was rather unprofessional. But then again, I'm not used to having a victim's attacker sit in the same hospital room as them." A look of skepticism adorned her features.
"I'm just hoping that seeing the indisputable results of her misbehavior might bring back.....well....herself." Much as when she had found Rarity laying on Rainbow's floor after she frantically called her over there, Twilight's voice broke and fresh tears spilled across her muzzle. "Rainbow wouldn't do this! I swear this isn't like her....B-but I don't know what I can do to help her!" Doctor Melody closed her eyes before taking in a slow, heavy breath.
"Miss Sparkle, I won't pretend to know the intricacies of this situation, but I know that sometimes you shouldn't help somebody. Sometimes, they have to help themselves, and that's the only way they can really change. They have to want to change, otherwise they're just acting for those around them, wasting their energy on maintaining a facade that will only later collapse on them." Twilight bit her lip and looked at the ground.
"I know." She spoke meekly. "I'm going to figure out a way to help her, one way or the other."
As if in response, a gentle groan rose up from the nearby bed. Twilight and Doctor Melody looked over to see Rarity stirring amidst the sheets, slowly opening her eyes to the dim room.
"Ugh, what in Equestria hap-where am I?" She sat up alarmingly upon taking in her surroundings.
"Miss Rarity, please, I need you to lie back down. You're at Ponyville General Hospital; you'd suffered a minor concussion and broken nose, but there shouldn't be any lasting effects."
"A broken nose?? W-will it look normal after it heals? Is it going to scar?" She began to sit up again in worry.
"Please, Miss, there will be no permanent damage, aesthetic or otherwise." Melody raised a hoof to gently push her back to lie down.
"Oh, Twilight, is that you?" She turned her head, taking notice of her fellow unicorn friend for the first time.
"Yes Rarity, it's me. How do you feel?" Her mouth shifted into a pained smile as she looked down at her bruised friend.
"I should say I have certainly felt better." She let out a small cough and returned Twilight's smile.
"Can I get you anything? Maybe a book or something?"
"I'm afraid she'll need to just rest for the night, Miss Sparkle. But you can certainly bring her whatever you'd like, tomorrow morning." The doctor smiled wearily at her. "Also, I'm afraid we'll need to reset that nose here in a little, so you probably don't want to be here for that." Rarity's eyes went wide.
"You're going to do that...when I'm awake? Will it hurt?" Doctor Melody was brandishing a nervous smile as she turned to show Twilight out of the room.
"You can come back and visit tomorrow when visiting hours open up, at eight. Just come by the front desk and ask for me, and I'll bring you on back and fill you in on her progress. Though she should be discharged later in the afternoon if everything goes as it seems it will." Her practiced, disarming smile calmed Twilight's nerves a little.
"Ok, thank you Doctor." She smiled back. "Goodnight Rarity, I'll see you in the morning!" She waved as she walked out the door.
"Goodbye darling, I'll see you tomorrow." The pale unicorn called back weakly.
The door gently shut behind her as she looked down the hallway towards the waiting room where Dash was sitting quietly. A brief feeling of disgust shot through her as she made her way over.
"Let's go."
Rainbow looked up at her and it appeared as if she finally wanted to say something, but nothing escaped her trembling muzzle. Without a word, the two walked out the double doors, and into the empty moonlit streets. Both mares stared only at their hooves as they clopped against the stone. When their paths were to part ways, Twilight continued on without looking back.
Rainbow stopped and looked up expectantly to the receding sight of her friend's purple figure. She watched until it had disappeared around a corner, then solemnly carried on by herself in the other direction.
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I enjoyed this so first off have a
. If I had to offer a bit of criticism it would be to go through and look at your dialogue again. Most of the time time it's great and then a phrase comes along that just jolts me out of that flow you get into when reading a story you like. Some examples:
and
in all three cases you slip into kind of a formal tone that RD and Fluttershy wouldn't use even given the circumstances.
But don't let m criticism overshadow my first point that I really enjoyed this.
5080051 Haha no, it's actually funny you point that out. It was entirely intentional, but you're right about it being a bit out of character. I wrote the first chapter immediately after reading some other older literature because I wanted to try and capture the tone that it had. But because it disrupts the flow like you said, and is a pain to write, I've slowly been slipping out of doing that with each subsequent chapter...I think
. At the same time, I do also have my own slightly altered personalities I want to convey for them, because when I write this out in my head I do it like when I read a fic myself, I try to make everything less cartoon-ish and a bit more 'relatably realistic fantasy world.' I don't know how to explain it lol. But the end idea is that the mane six in this story are intended to be more adult; to act realistically as opposed to having their personalities manipulated or skewed slightly for situational convenience or humor like in the show.
But with all that said, thank you so much for commenting and offering criticism; I'm going to be limiting that excessive formality to only 3rd person narrative lines from here on. I'm very glad you enjoy the story
(Celestia, I don't know how to be concise
)