Discord's Pet Human

by Thorizard

Trying

Chapter 4: Trying

“Oh please come to the party!” Fluttershy says. “I promise we’ll have so much fun!”

“Come now, Caleb,” Discord says. “You can’t really expect to stay inside all day can you?”

“No,” I grumble. I finally stand up. “It’s not like I can stay here, so yeah I’ll go. I just said I don’t want to go.”

“Oh, how wonderful!” Fluttershy says as if she wants to sing, and I pray she doesn’t.

“You should be excited, my boy! You’ll be able to have wonderful conversations with all of your fellow pet-friends!”

“Oh, gosh. This day is going to be perfect,” I say.

Discord raises his eyebrow at me, then shakes his head and snaps his fingers so that Fluttershy’s front yard rolls away like a rug to reveal a giant apple rising from the ground. “Behold our mode of locomotion.”

“We’re riding in an apple?” is all I can ask. “Can’t we just–”

“Hush now,” Discord interrupts as a roll of duct tape unrolls itself in front of my face and slaps me with the non-sticky end and disappears. “Our ride is inside!”

As he says that, the apple releases steam and laser lights from inside as doors slide apart. I look at Discord to see he’s got his arms crossed and piercings all over his face, not to mention his horns have molded together into a mohawk. I look back at the apple and see the rave within calm down to reveal a giant bat. Well, it’s a car, I think. It’s a black car, but it looks like a bat kind of with the wings on the side and the tiny ears in front, not to mention the fangs underneath the front. Its engine roars as it spirals out of the apple in a burnout, stopping in front of us with its blacked out windows. The driver-side window rolls down to reveal our chauffeur, a tuxedo-wearing Angel Bunny. He nods up at us and pulls his shades down.

“We could just tele–”

“Quiet now, Caleb,” Discord says and opens the door for Fluttershy and me to step inside. It’s a limousine actually. I’ve never been in one before, so this is kind of cool. I sit down next to Fluttershy on the comfy leather seats and start to wonder how Discord is going to fit inside. He closes the door behind us and starts climbing into the passenger-side door. I hear Angel Bunny screaming and shouting in weird bunny noises. I can’t see what’s going on, but there appear to be pots and pans clanging, and it suddenly stops.

Our door opens, and Discord shrinks down to a manageable size and sits next to me. I notice he has a black eye, which makes me smile a little. I guess Angel Bunny doesn't mess around.

I feel the car boost off in every direction but forward, but I can't see out any of the windows to tell where we're going. I look at Fluttershy and she smiles back.

"You're going to have so much fun today with all of our pets, Caleb," she says. "I know that you're a little different from them, but I know you'll just love them anyways! They're all so lovely. Even Angel is nice when he wants to be."

"Oh and that cherub just wants to be nice so often that it kills me," Discord retorts, but I don't think Fluttershy pays any attention to the sarcasm. She just keeps smiling happily.

"I just can't wait ,” I say, letting my eyes roll. At least I think they roll because Discord moves the entire limo around me so that they never seem to move.

“Careful with rolling your eyes like that,” he says. “Someone could get their feelings or internal organs hurt.”

“What the–”

“Let him be,” Fluttershy says, sounding very motherly. “I mean, that’s what I do. I find it easier to just accept what he does and try to enjoy it.”

I open my mouth to say something, but I notice that we’ve stopped. Discord has already teleported outside the car and opened the door. She thanks him and steps out, so I just shake my head and follow. I’m not sure what I would have said anyways.

When I step out of the car, I see a small lake and a lot of grass around it. There are six ponies, six pets of various species, and a draconequus. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I become incredibly thrilled to see my vision filled with curly pink hair.

“Caleb! Oh my gosh, I’m so happy to see you! This is gonna be just the best day ever, and you know why? Cause you get to see all your new pet friends and you can talk to them and they can talk to you and you’ll play all sorts of games and go swimming, running, jumping, flying, hopping, wagging, napping, teething, turtling–”

That’s about where I stop listening and see what everyone else is doing. Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack look like they're setting something up. It looks they might be grilling, but I worry about what ponies would grill. Fluttershy is already talking to the pets, and whenever she turns her back on one, Discord ties a balloon to it or makes its tail disappear or anything else that could be considered magical violation if that exists. Rarity is lying on a couch and mumbling and moaning. Twilight looks like she's overseeing; very princess of her.

Luna told me to let people into my heart to fix it. I don’t see how I’m supposed to let these idiots in, but they did make an effort in their own way for me. It just seemed to mean more when Luna made the effort.

I sigh and give in. “–and I don’t know what Apple Jack is making for lunch, but I hope it’s grilled apples with some caramel sauce – I love caramel sauce! I love apples too, but caramel is better cause I love sugar more than anything and I haven’t even had that much today yet! I can’t wait to start having a ton of sugar because that’s when I really get hyper and everybody has more fun that way!”

“Uh, cool,” is my effort for the day.

“K bye!” she shouts and bounces off in a way that makes it look as if Discord made her do it, but he looks squeamishly at her as she bounces past him.

I walk closer to where everyone is, and just as I get close enough to the grill to smell the delicious apples on them, Rainbow Dash floats in beside me and settles into a lawnchair.

“So how’s it going, Mr. Limelight?” she says smoothly while slipping her sunglasses on.

“It’s alright,” I say. She takes off her sunglasses and breathes on the outside, then shines them with her mane.

“That’s cool man,” she says. “I’m doing pretty alright too. Just chilling and soaking up how awesome this day is.”

“It’s nice,” I say. The weather really is nice now that I take a second to notice it. It’s a little hot, but that just makes the breeze so much more refreshing. There are a few clouds, but they look so perfect that Rainbow must have left them there on purpose. “You did a good job.”

“Oh, yeah. I always do awesome.” She stretches back. “How did you know I do the weather?”

I shrug. “I think I found out while half-ignoring Pinkie.”

“Ignoring, huh? Yeah, Pinkie was hard to deal with for me when I first met her too,” she says. “It’s not healthy to ignore her though. If you do, it only makes her try harder in the long run. If you just act like you’re her friend, then you’ll eventually realize she’s pretty cool too.”

“Isn’t that really fake though?” I ask.

“Eh. I think there’s a difference between faking and trying something new. Like if you think you hate broccoli, you won’t like it when someone makes it good. So you gotta pretend like you like it at first and give it the B.O.D.”

“B.O.D.? And wait, you guys have broccoli?”

“Yeah of course we do! Anyways, the B.O.D. is the benefit of the doubt, man. You just gotta try some things out, and thinking positive about ‘em is the only way to like ‘em at all.”

I wonder if that’s what Luna meant. Maybe, I need to pretend that I like things in order to enjoy them. I guess always thinking how you don’t like somebody isn’t the best way to open up to them.

“Thanks, Rainbow. I’ll try.”

“You got it, Caleb. I gotta help friends when they need me. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be this awesome.”

Right. Awesome. I knew you were cocky, but you’re starting to come off as stupid.

“Oh, Rainbow,” Rarity says from behind us, relaxing on her red couch. “Do remember that your self-confidence is sometimes, oh, overbearing, I must say. Especially for those who don’t know you well.”

“I gotta be loyal to myself, Rarity!” she shouts back, raising her hoof in the air. “If I’m not loyal to me, I can’t really be loyal to anyone!”

“That’s very good, Rainbow dear.” Her demeanor seems as fake as I imagined it, but maybe she’s doing that whole ‘fake being nice to actually be nice’ idea. “I do love your enthusiasm, but you must learn to attempt some form of modesty.”

“Modesty, shmodesty! I’m me, and that’s that!”

Rarity sighs. I feel like she’s probably attempted this talk before, but Rainbow is pretty thick-headed. “How are you doing, Caleb? Has Discord been unbearable as always?”

“Uh,” I start. Well, yes he has, but I guess I should try that fake acceptance thing now. “No, he’s great.”

“There's no need to lie about it, dear," she says. I guess it was hard to not see through that one. "He's the most detestable creature I've ever met. It's only with much trial and forgiveness that I now call him my friend."

"If you don't like him, then why are you his friend?"

"Caleb dear," she says, and her light laugh makes it sound as if she's stuck up on that high-horse. "It is in my nature to be generous, and the greatest generosity I can offer is my friendship."

"Oh." Wow. She might just be cockier than Rainbow Dash. I mean, damn. I knew she was all hoity-toity, but I didn't think she could be that far into the clouds as to see her friendship as a gift; as if her personality is Heaven's grace on Earth– uh, Equestria.

“Are y’all just gonna sit there chattin’, or will somebody get over here to help me plate this lunch?”

The accent in Apple Jack’s voice annoyed me before and it still does, but I’ll try to be open. She might be the best one yet after all.

“On it,” Rainbow shouts and rushes to the side of her orange, cowboy hat-wearing friend.

“Thank you, Rainbow dear,” Rarity says, barely moving. “I’m glad I can count on wonderful friends like you to help when I’m not feeling well.”

“Shut yer piehole and git over here too, Rarity!” she commands. “I need help, and I ain’t got time for yer half-baked excuses.”

“Oh, fine!” Rarity moans and drags herself off the couch toward Apple Jack and the grill. Apple Jack flips apples behind her while Rainbow catches them on plate in the air. Rarity quickly uses her magic to fix the picnic table and plates on top of it to make it look like an expensive steak dinner– I still don’t know if steak is a thing here– rather than grilled apples at a lake. Meanwhile, I look around to see Fluttershy and Discord working together to feed the pets, Pinkie waddling behind a family of ducks, and Twilight making more check marks.

"Hey, Caleb," Apple Jack calls at me, "you like apples, right?"

"Uh, yeah," I say. "Apples are fine.”

“Good! Cause I got a whole lot of em for you to eat, and I cook the best apples in all Equestria!”

“Uh, great,” I say. She’s kind of making a big claim, but it’s hard for me to say that it’s a cocky one. It’s cooking after all. Everyone says they’re the best at it once they have something good. And I can’t really dispute apple-cooking. I’ve had an apple pie once, but I never thought of apples needing to be cooked. Pinkie did say something about honesty with Apple Jack, so I should give her a little benefit of the doubt as Rainbow said.

Rarity finishes setting the table, and the six ponies plus Discord gather around and start eating as soon as they each take a seat.

“Caleb, you should come and eat with us,” Twilight says with a smile on her face after she swallows her first bite.

I don’t know what to say, so I just sit down next to them and start eating. The apples taste so juicy and sweet that I can’t believe it. I can taste the smoke from the grill really caramelized on the apples, and the heat makes the juice flow so quickly almost as if they’re candy skins filled with hot apple cider. By the time I swallow my first bite, all I can see is my plate full of apples. I tear into them as quickly as I can, forgetting anything I feel besides the sweetness exploding across my tongue. Suddenly, I reach for another apple and don’t find any. I already finished the plate and fall back to reality.

I cringe as Discord’s face is right next to mine with his mouth raised weirdly high in a creepy smile next to his pair of tiny eyes as he says, “You like grilled apples, don’t you Caleb?”

“Yeah! Sure! Just move that freaking weird face of yours onto the other side of the table!”

Rainbow laughs so hard that apple juice squirts out of her nose, and the rest of the ponies join in laughing obnoxiously. I can’t even help from laughing with them. Pinkie laughs so hard that she falls over, making everyone worried for a second and then start laughing all over again, and I keep laughing with them.

“Well, look who’s here!” Apple Jack says, and I look over to where she is and see Winona next to her and all six pets around the table. “They must have come over in a fright when they saw Caleb giggling with us!”

Rainbow, Rarity, Apple Jack, and Discord laugh away at the joke. Fluttershy and Twilight lightly laugh and smile at me. Pinkie’s just gone. I guess too much laughing makes her disappear.

Meanwhile, all I can think is that she better watch it with that honesty bullcrap. I'll laugh if something's funny. It's not my fault these idiots are always such losers. I bet she wouldn't be pretending honesty like that if it was just her and me with no friends to have her back. She'd be respectful and shut the heck up.

"It's just a joke, Caleb," Twilight says, floating another apple to my plate. I don't touch it.

"Lighten up, boy!" Discord shouts heartily, strapping a few balloons to my back before they fall like lead weights.

"I'm fine!" I say and get up.

"You can't lie to your friends, partner!" Apple Jack says.

Stop calling yourselves my friends.

They all go quiet. I look back. Everyone's in their chair and either looking at me or at the ground. Even Pinkie's back from who cares where.

Did I say that out loud? I didn't think I was actually talking. I thought I kept that one to myself. Well if I did, I'm not gonna pretend I didn't.

"Enjoy the honesty, Jack" is all I say.

I walk away. I don't know what to think about them, but I guess I'm partially glad that I said it. Now they know how I feel, and maybe they'll finally start treating me with some respect rather than Discord's little pet. I'm a man –not a damn dog– and I deserve to be treated like one!

Author's Note:

Sorry the chapter was so short, but I decided to cut it short or I'd end up with it being too long by combining it with the next one. Besides, it's already been too long since I've posted, and it's time to get the story moving again! The last chapter didn't get a ton of attention, probably cause I posted it at midnight PST, so I won't do that again!
Sorry for not posting for so long. I got a little writer's block, even though I don't believe in writer's block, I guess. And then E3 happened, and I just couldn't not pay attention to the amazing Smash Bros. stuff going on! I can't wait for that new game to come out!
I think I found the way to break my writer's block though. A little light-reading always helps, and I started going back through Eragon. I never did finish that series, but I'm determined to do it now! I always have wanted to write a serious essay about that series, so maybe I'll be able to once I finish it!
Have a great day and God bless!

Comments

[Delta_Escher]

Must.... Upvote.... Twice...

[Iron Sky]

Not the greatest story ever, but it deserves a way better upvote/downvote than it has.

[EnterPonyHere]

Soo can they all read his mind now?

[WarriorSaint]

Read it and-
This has my interest.