The Meaning of Life

by aCB

Chapter Four

I was freaking out. I had gotten little sleep the night following the outing, or the hanging-out, or the catastrophe, or whatever you want to call it. I knew that Heartstrings girl was trouble. She made me disobey the princess! That most devilish little book currently sat underneath my mattress, boring into my back and contributing to my insomnia. I didn’t dare remove it from its hiding place, though, as some irrational fear drove me to feel that exposing it to the open air would somehow call a legion of stone-faced soldiers to drag me to the dungeons. Princess Celestia would probably deliver the execution notice herself, tears of disappointment in her eyes. I could forget about being her student, at the very least.

I took a deep breath. Okay, Twilight, you need to calm down. Remember what the princess told you—you need to take control of your anxiety. Such a task sounded ridiculously futile. I turned over restlessly and stared at the orange halo around the curtains. Sunrise. So the princess is awake. A surge of panic spurred my heart into overdrive. Somehow it just made my inevitable doom seem all the more tangible.

I was letting my panic build up again. I closed my eyes. Time to think logically. What would Clover the Clever do in such a situation?

Clover would try to organize her thoughts. She once said, “To digest the events of the past is always inferior to anticipating the events of the future.” Therefore, checklist. Right. I’d have to make this one on my own, as I don’t really want to have to burden Spike’s consciousness about this.

I jumped out of bed and my legs almost gave out from under me. I quickly righted myself, but they remained shaky and weak. I could feel the bags under my eyes drooping in protest, even as my dry eyeballs darted around nervously. My body protested my lack of restful sleep even as my mind protested my lack of meaningful action while lying in bed.

I sat down at the desk and grabbed a piece of parchment and quill in my magic. Across the top I wrote “TOP SECRET”. Below it, I titled the document “Twilight Sparkle’s List of Possible Ways That She’ll Escape a Cruel and Early Death”. That seemed descriptive enough.

After about an hour of brainstorming, I had come up with the following possible courses of action:

1. Beg the princess’s forgiveness.

2. Remove evidence with fire

3. Bury book

4. Present Lyra Heartstring’s horn to the princess on a silver platter

4. Return book at night

By the time I had finished my list, the sun had fully risen, bathing the room in light. As comforting as that would be to most ponies, and even me under most circumstances, it merely caused my dry eyes to cry out in pain at the overdose of happy sunshine. Sighing heavily, I turned my chair so as to have my back turned toward Celestia’s ball of blindness.

I looked back toward the list and thought, even if my mind wasn’t quite up to its usual capacity. Item one was impractical. Even in the off-chance the princess forgave me, I would be getting Lyra into massive trouble. Not that I felt any sort of loyalty to her, in fact I was quite upset. I just… I don’t know why I was trying to protect her. She’s definitely getting a piece of my mind later, in any case.

I couldn’t bring myself to execute the second action, either. As much as I didn’t want to get into trouble, the death of knowledge was something I could not bear to become a part of. Besides, this book contained all the answers I’ve been seeking for so long…

No, no, no! I grabbed my head in my hooves and shook it violently. Princess Celestia said that this book is nothing but trouble! I told her I wouldn’t read it! I’m sure that there’s a book in the regular library about the Meaning of Life that I’ve overlooked. I’m sure somepony else knew the answer. I’m sure that somepony would give me a solid answer instead of that usual self-righteous, vague, optimistic crap.

Yes, I know I’m deluding myself. No, I’m not going to acknowledge that right now.

That leaves “bury book” and “return book”. Both of them involved some risk, as I would have to carry the book out of my room at night and hope nopony saw me. The disadvantage to burying it was that if the princess ever decided to look for this book, she would come to me, and I’d have to explain what happened anyway. That and the whole “destruction of knowledge” argument. I sighed. I guess returning the book was my only option. The only problem was that I’d have to break into the library, which I had no idea how to do. I would have to get Lyra’s help on this. How did she even get it in the first place?

Then again, there was always a fifth option, just keeping the book here and reading it. How bad could it be, really? After all, it’s just a book. It’s not like it can just reach out and grab my sanity. If there were spells, I just wouldn’t cast them. I would just skim through it, find out the Meaning of Life, and then I could figure out what to do with it.

Those are dangerous thoughts you’re having, Twilight Sparkle, a more rational part of my mind told me.

Princess Celestia said that knowledge is a valiant pursuit in itself. Even Clover said, “Knowledge is the food of the soul.”

She also said, “Knowledge becomes evil if the aim be not virtuous.”

Oh, shut up, me. The book’s safely under my mattress for the time being. I can’t do anything about it today…

What about telling the princess?

Shut up! Both Lyra and myself would get into huge trouble! I’ll just go about my day and think on it. Speaking of, what time was it anyway? I shot a glance at the clock. Breakfast would be in half an hour, but I wasn’t hungry. However, something played at the edge of my mind that something was supposed to be happening at breakfast…

I groaned and banged my head against the desk. I had promised the princess that I’d tell her about last night. Ugh. What was there to say? That it was stupid and boring, but I got kissed…

Oh. That had happened. I could feel my face heating up. I had forgotten about that part what with the whole stolen book fiasco. What was up with that crazy mare, anyway? Just bugging the Tartarus out of me and then stealing a kiss at the end like that? Maybe I should just leave that part out of this morning’s report to the princess. No time to really think about it now; it was time to give a “friendship” report.

Wow, what a stupid name. I’m going to have to think up another term in case I’m ever forced to do this again. I shoved my list into my desk drawer and placed the quill in its repository.

“Spike! Breakfast!”

“Ugh,” he replied, covering his head with his blanket.

I didn’t really expect him to go, but I had to ask. At least then he wouldn’t have to hear about my stupid night. I sighed. Time to face the music.

Even walking as slow as I reasonably could, the royal dining room approached entirely too quickly. The guards on either side bowed their heads slightly in greeting as they magically opened both doors. I uttered a guttural “thank you”, far from my usual cheery greeting, but they did not seem to notice. I took a deep breath, and slowly traipsed into the room.

Princess Celestia sat at her usual position at the head of the table, silently sipping her tea. To my surprise, there were no government bureaucrats hurriedly spouting off a report, as was the breakfast norm. Instead, my brother stood at her side, talking quietly. As I entered, he spun around and smiled, while the princess only looked up from her tea.

“Twily!”

“Hey, Shining,” I replied as I took a seat next to the princess.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, kid. How come you never stop by anymore?”

“Well, I’ve been really busy with my research… Not that it’s too much!” I added hastily, abashedly looking toward the princess.

“And you’ve been doing a very good job with it, Twilight,” she remarked.

I blushed slightly.

“You should still come see my new place sometime. I’ve got…”

“Lieutenant,” Celestia interjected, “I believe you were about to see to the security preparations?”

“Oh, yes, of course, your highness. Feel free to say ‘hi’ sometime, sis.” With that, he saluted the princess and left through the door I had come in through.

“What was that about?” I asked, my worry temporarily pushed aside.

“I’ve placed Lieutenant Armor in charge of the security for next week. Equestria is expecting a very important visitor.”

“Really? Who?”

“There’ll be plenty of time to discuss that matter later. In fact, Princess Cadance will be holding a meeting with you concerning your role in the visit.”

“Cadance?”

“Yes. But we’ve other matters to discuss.” A smirk tugged at the corners of her mouth as she set down her teacup. “How was your night?”

I gulped. In my frenzy to decide the fate of the pilfered book, I had completely forgotten to prepare for the princess’ questions concerning Lyra. “Um, just fine.”

“What did you too end up doing?”

“Well, we went to a bar, where there was a talent show, of sorts. Lyra played a song on the lyre; it was very beautiful. Then she took me to the coffee shop where she works, and then we came back. And, uh, nothing else happened. That was it.” I offered a forced smile, hoping against hope that she would be satisfied with the answer. I should have known better.

“That’s all?”

“Yes, princess.”

“Was she a good kisser?”

My heart fell through to my feet. “What?!”

“Something you should remember, my faithful student, is that the front entrance is the most watched area of the castle, and rumors travel quickly.”

“I… She… Did Shining tell you?”

“I believe that he is not aware. I overheard two guards discussing it. Don’t worry,” she said, responding to my dismayed look. “I instructed them that they should not be spreading rumors. I know how jealous older brothers can be.”

“I didn’t really think that it was a date,” I lamented, “And then she just kissed me… Out of nowhere!”

“Do you share any feelings for this mare?”

“No! I… I haven’t thought about it. I’m not really the romantic type, princess.”

“Have you made plans to see her again?”

“No, but I have a suspicion that I will.”

“Then you should decide how you feel about her. If you’re not interested in ‘seeing where it goes’, so they say, you should tell her. It doesn’t mean you still can’t be friends. Did you want some breakfast?”

Oh yeah, that’s what we were here for. I cast a glance down at the ornate, yet empty, plate before me. “I’m not very hungry.”

“Very well. I suspect that the kitchen is quite used to sending food to your room for the many times Spike has missed breakfast, in any case. You can always request that they send some for you later if you change your mind.” She looked at the clock beside the table. “I should go see my chief of staff before the Day Court opens. Is there anything you wish to report about your studies?”

“I…” What should I say? Maybe I should just tell her about the book right away. I mean, it’s not like I had any control over the situation—it was all Lyra’s fault. It’s not like I really cared what happened to her, stupid filly. I could just give the book back right now. The princess did promise me I could read it when I got older. Everything would fall into place for me, like nothing had happened. If Lyra got arrested, that was her own dumb fault. Maybe I should write a pro-vs-con list for both decisions? Lyra would do fine in prison, right? Alone, hungry, having no music to play, crying…

“No, your highness. Nothing today.”

“Oh? That’s most unlike you, Twilight. Then again, I suppose you did have a rather eventful evening. Very well, I’ll take my leave. Will you be in your room for the rest of the day?”

“Probably.”

“Then I’ll send Cadance to discuss the diplomatic matter with you soon. Have a good day, my faithful student.”

“Thank you, princess.”

Princess Celestia and I left through opposite doors. I trudged my way back to my room. Why had I lied to her? I’ve never lied to the princess before. The thought was etching a deep trench of guilt into my psyche. Lyra had a lot to answer for. I mean, I was interested in learning too, even if it wasn’t anything as ridiculous as humans, but I would never break the law to learn. It just seemed so…contradictory to the whole idea of learning. Knowledge was supposed to make ponys’ lives better.

I arrived at my room and threw open the door. I was not at all surprised to see that Spike was still sleeping, his blanket pulled over his head to block out the morning sun.

“Spike, get up! We have to clean for the princess.”

“Huh? The princess is coming?”

“Well, a princess. Princess Cadance is stopping by, and this room’s a mess!”

“Fine, fine,” he grumbled. He sat up slowly, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and looked at the disaster area that was my room—an unmade bed, over a dozen books that needed to be sorted, and a stack of parchment that was in desperate need of filing. “Is that it?”

“It? Don’t you see the mess?” I gestured wildly at the unsorted parchments, “Cadance doesn’t want to see a haphazard pile of books, or an unmade bed! What would she think of me? Besides, I’m way behind schedule do to last night’s debacle, and the books are due to be reshelved!”

“Twilight, I don’t think…”

But I wasn’t listening. I concentrated my magic, and dumped all the books on the floor. With an ecstatic smile that could only come from the joys of organizing, I trotted up to the nearest pile and picked up the book on top.

“’Telekinetic Effects and Applications’. That goes under 531. ‘Intermediate Potions for the Practical Alchemist’ is 663. Isn’t the Dewey Decimal System wonderful?”

“Why can’t we just put them alphabetically? It’d be so much easier.”

“Spike, that’s just silly. Why would a librarian organize their books in such an imprecise way?”

Spike shook his head in reply. He stumbled over to the bookshelf on the other side of my room and lazily started throwing books back on the shelves. I frowned.

“Spike, you have to make sure that they’re put in the proper place.”

“They were already in the proper place. I’m checking all the labels, see?”

“But you have to make sure it’s labeled properly. We could have made a mistake when we did it last time.”

Spike shook his head again and muttered under his breath, but at least he started looking at the books a little more.

“Just be glad you don’t have to do an entire library. It must take them days to reshelve their books every month.”

“Twilight, I don’t think they do this every month.”

“Of course they do!”

I levitated the stack of books from my desk and deposited them on top of the pile. I lifted the first one up and looked at the cover. I froze. Mirror of the Mind, XII. Why wasn’t this under my bed? As my heart once again burst through my ribs, I desperately waved the ancient volume at Spike.

“Spike! Did you take this book out?”

“I’ve never seen that book before in my life. You were the one who just took all the books out, remember?”

“Oh yeah.”

I really needed to calm down; I was starting to lose my mind. The book de-shelving spell I had come up with dropped all the books in the room onto the floor. I needed to be careful of that, as I hadn’t quite figured out what I was going to do about this whole fiasco yet.

Hmm…

Well, just because I haven’t figured out what to do with this yet didn’t mean I couldn’t properly organize it, right? I wonder under which category it would even be classified? In the interest of proper organization, I cracked open the cover and leafed through the yellowed pages, coming to the point where I had stopped earlier.

“What is the Meaning of Life?

“Such a question, indeed, stems from the crying indignation of a mortal species. Why are we here, if we are just going to die? It seems a cruel punishment from whatever gods or incarnations of fate rule this universe. It is a question that has plagued me ever since I starting thinking about philosophy, which is, in essence, trying to come up with a logical structure to the ever-changing miasma of our existence. How can we, as a species, come up with such a varied amount of possibilities, yet not one single concrete fact?

“At first, I thought that the Meaning of Life was something simple, something I alone could solve. I thought that it is the spread of knowledge, the teaching of wisdom to another. It is with this belief that I turned the Great Forum from a place of religious ceremony into a place of secular wisdom, with no weapon other than logic. I gathered followers, the most promising of which was my student, Clover. I suppose that the spread of the forms of wisdom I have founded is the greatest achievement I have borne. But is it the Meaning of Life? Such a conclusion doesn’t seem logically sound. It is not wholly comprehensive enough in its scope.

“I am working on a spell, the most powerful and dangerous spell ever devised by ponykind. I cannot teach myself the Meaning of Life, so logically, it must be taught to me by another. I must learn it from the oldest and wisest being in the universe. It is a spell so dangerous that I have encoded it so only the wisest of unicorns may travel down the same path.

“Here is wisdom. Let him who hath understanding reckon the spell of eternity, for it is a spell forged by ponykind. It is—”

“Am I interrupting something?” a voice called from the doorway. I jumped a foot into the air.

I looked toward the source of the interruption. Cadance was standing there, looking with some bemusement toward the haphazard piles of books that lined my room. I set down Volume XII with some annoyance after my panic subsided. Why is it that the act of finding the answers I’ve been searching for my entire life must always be interrupted? Well, I suppose it’s not Cadance’s fault. I forced a smile on my face.

“Not at all. It’s great to see you Cadance!”

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

We both giggled at the childishness of our ritual, but we exchanged a friendly embrace nonetheless. There was definitely something comforting in not forgetting the childish things, but embracing them in community with trusted others.

“Twilight! It’s been sooo long. How have you been?”

“Oh, just the same as I’ve always been. You know, learning magic from the princess and doing research. How about you?”

“Well, I’ve very busy. Princess Celestia’s decided that I’m old enough to preside over the domestic court. It’s usually nothing exciting, just listening to ponies argue about how much they hate how their spouses leave the toilet seat down or spend all their money. It’s really rather dull.”

I giggled. “Yeah, who needs romance?”

She looked at me slyly. “Oh, I wouldn’t say that. I actually tried to come see you last night, but the princess informed me that you were busy going out with another pony…”

“It wasn’t anything like that! We just… went to a show, and then a coffee shop. It was really rather boring.” I looked up at her desperately, an awkward smile plastered across my face. I could tell she wasn’t buying it. Stupid Princess of Love.

“Oh? Just coffee and a show? Was that your idea or his?”

“Hers.” Damn it!

Cadance raised an eyebrow. “Really? I suppose we now know why the highly desired student of the princess has never had a coltfriend…”

“Cadance! I’m telling you, it wasn’t a date! I mean, yeah, there was this point at the end… but that’s not important! She’s just a crazy filly who’s got some kind of school girl crush or something. I don’t know what’s going on.” I finished my tirade with a blush and a stomp of the hoof.

“Twilight, I’m just joking!” Cadance laughed. “I think it’s great that you’re starting to interact with others more.”

“…wasn’t my choice…”

“Don’t be too hard on her. It can be difficult when you have a crush, especially if it’s on a pony as well-known and unapproachable as you. It must have taken a great deal of fortitude to even muster up the courage to talk to you.”

“Yeah, or craziness.”

“Talking to other ponies doesn’t make you crazy, Twilight.”

“Maybe. But being crazy makes you crazy.”

“How is she crazy?”

“She just… I don’t know.” I racked my brains to come up with a good example. “Did you know she believes in humans? She’s practically obsessed with them!”

“Humans? What’s that?”

“I’m not exactly sure, but they’re these hairless things that walk on their hind legs and make crazy inventions. She says they died out or something. Apparently some of the classical philosophers wrote about them.”

Cadance smiled knowingly. “Well, as I’m sure you know, the classical philosophers liked to exaggerate. As far as being obsessed with something, I think you know exactly how that might feel.”

She took a poignant look at the pile of books surrounding my room, and I responded by giving her an abashed look.

“Anyway,” she continued, “Princess Celestia asked me to tell you about the upcoming diplomatic visit, since she’s really busy this morning.”

“Yes, she mentioned it.”

“What did she say?”

“Just that some important pony was visiting, that you were in charge of it, and you needed my help.”

“Well, almost correct. It’s not a pony; it’s the Dalai Llama.”

I felt panic rising in my chest. Who in Tartarus was the Dalai Llama?! Did the princess tell me about him before? How could I forget? “Oh no, I completely forgot who that is! Hold on a minute, Cadance, I’ve got to do some research real quick.”

Dalai Llama, Dalai Llama… Where would I even find that? Maybe in Unabridged History of Equestria? Why the hay did I have to reshelve now?! It’ll take forever to go through all these!” I shouted and expletive and spun around, ready to leap to my pile of books. However, before my mad dash, Cadance laid her hoof on my shoulder. Only a thought in an instant kept me from batting it away and throwing myself onto my books.

“Twilight, calm down! That’s why Princess Celestia sent me here, so I can explain all of this to you. You probably wouldn’t have come across the Dalai Llama by reading books in the library.”

I looked toward her with shock. “The library’s never failed me before. There has to be a book about him there.”

“There might be. But the library, and all of Equestria really, contains mostly Western books. The Dalai Llama is from the Far East.”

The Far East? Memories of reading atlases came flooding back. “Yes, I know where the Far East is. The Dalai Llama is their ruler?”

“Well, in a manner of speaking. For now, you can think of him as the Far East’s version of Princess Celestia.”

This revelation exploded into a sea of possibilities in my head. I revered the princess above all others. She was wise, and powerful, and compassionate. The idea that there was another in the world like her absolutely blew my mind. I had to know more.

“A version of Princess Celestia!? What does he do if the princess raises the sun? The wind, or the ocean currents, maybe? Is he also immortal? I have to know Cadance!”

I finished my torrent of questions with a shortness of breath, my crazed eyes looking desperately at Cadance for answers. This would cause most ponies to worry for my sanity or their lives, but she was used to my rabid reactions when denied knowledge.

“Calm down, Twilight,” she sagely urged, “I’m not an expert on the Dalai Llama—I’m only telling you what Princess Celestia told me. In fact, I have some research to do, myself. If you want to know more, you should ask her. Or better yet…” A twinkle formed in her eyes as her lips curved into a smile. “Why don’t you ask him when he gets here? The princess wants you to be his guide while I’m busy with court.”

My eyes lit up. “Really? The princess wants me to escort an all-powerful being? Oh my gosh, I have to make a list of questions right away! Do I have time? When is he arriving?”

“In about a month. Knowing the size of your lists, I would advise starting now.”

I leaped to my desk and threw a blank piece of parchment upon it, my quill poised to etch out a massive list.

“I’m kidding. I swear, sometimes I’m afraid you’ll work yourself to death.” She glanced toward my clock. “I’ve got to get to another appointment. We should do lunch sometime.”

“That sounds nice. Out of curiosity, what kind of appointment are you going to?”

Cadance suddenly acted very shifty, scratching the back of her head and furtively looking away towards the wall. “Oh, you know, just another thing…”

“What kind of thing?”

“I’ve, uhm… I’m going to see your brother about the security arrangements for next month. The princess has put him in charge, you know.”

“Really? Wouldn’t that be up to the Captain of the Royal Guard?”

“Normally. I guess my aunt’s got something else in mind. Anyway, good seeing you.”

She quickly retreated from my room, curiously still fidgety. How strange. I only spent a moment in curiosity, however, for I had other things to be doing, and my studying was already behind schedule. Where was that lazy dragon? I scanned the room.

Sleeping, of course.

He couldn’t sleep when we had books to sort! I opened my mouth to wake him, but a feeling coming from the back of my mind prevented me. I cast a glance at the forbidden book sitting on top of the pile.

I suppose we could resume when he woke up.

I spent a few minutes studying the structure and layout of Volume XII. There were only four chapters, and the last one was mostly written in the Classical language. It would take some time to translate it, and I still had studies with the princess to do, after all.

Heh. “Studies with the princess”. What a quaint thought. Learning to levitate, learning to teleport, learning the theory of magic. Those were all well and good, I suppose. Theories and basics were always important in any discipline. After all, the most complex magic and science is always rooted in the most basic ideas formulated by the Classical thinkers, just as the most complex mechanisms is made of an assortment of pulleys and levers and other simple machines. But the scale of magic I was learning before just seems so pointless compared to the arcane secrets inscribed in this tome. I mean, yeah, I can teleport from one place to another a short distance away, but why? Why does magic flow through pony-kind in such a potent way? Who gave us this gift, or was it simple chance? Why am I here? Does it matter if I can teleport, if I don’t know why? What purpose does the travel serve if I don’t know the destination? The answer to these questions stood tantalizingly closer to me than they ever have, and it burned at my curiosity. The gateway to a revolutionary new understanding of magic in life stood before my eyes.

Can you imagine what it’s like, to have something eat at your mind, never to be satisfied, and yet have the answers sitting in front of you years later? I cursed the pile of books that sat a few yards away. I hated the accursed checklist taped to my desk, taunting me with reminders of all the things normal life demanded I accomplish. For the first time, I lamented that I didn’t write in any free time for myself that I could use to study this new subject. Normally such a thing would drive me crazy. After all, a well-organized life left no wasted time to be spent making oneself dumber with feckless entertainment. I looked toward my stupid list for today, made weeks in advance, my eyebrows furrowed in hatred.

7:00 – 8:00 Wake up, morning routine
8:00 – 9:00 Breakfast with Princess Celestia
9:00 – 12:00 Study chp 9 – 15 of Potion Catalysts Reshelve (n. moved forward from previous day’s schedule
12:00 PM – 1:00 Lunch
1:00 – 2:30 Write first five pages of Rough Draft 2 on essay, “The Budding Field of Chemistry”
2:30 – 4:00 Supply outing (see addendum 13 for list of materials needed)
4:00 – 6:00 Free studying
6:00 – 7:00 Dinner
7:00 – 8:00 Practice multiple levitation
8:00 – 8:30 Preparation for lesson with Princess Celestia
8:30 – 9:00 Lesson with Princess Celestia
9:00 – 10:00 Prepare for bed
10:00 – 10:05 Drift into sleep
10:05 – 7:00 AM Sleep (See next day’s schedule for activities hereafter)

It was a pretty lax schedule, typical for a weekend. However, it was the item at four o’clock this afternoon that caused my eyes to light up in excitement. “Free studying”. My lips silently formed the words amidst a smile. There was no way I could have known when I made this schedule a month ago that I would be in such dire need for free study. I really should give Past Twilight a pat on the back. Four o’clock couldn’t come fast enough.

On the other hoof…

There’s nothing that said I couldn’t rearrange the schedule, right? With a mischievous smile, I took out my seldom-used jar of red ink. Dipping a quill in it, I made some quick changes. Reshelving got moved to 4:00 and shortened by an hour. Free study got moved to now and lengthened. Dinner was canceled and replaced by free study. As I participated in the grave sin of schedule modification, my eyes took on a look akin to a daemon, and I grinned with malevolence as I finished murdering my parchment with red ink.

It was done.

I taped my bleeding new schedule back in its proper place, satisfied at the hours of free studying I had squeezed out of an otherwise crowded day. In some respects, I felt the burning nag in the back of my head of the horribly unorthodox and unplanned atrocity I had just committed. On the other hoof, it felt delightful. The open rebellion against my nature was a thoroughly symbolic victory, for it illustrated my willingness to travel new paths, if only to myself. It would be the start of a lifelong fight, pitting my newfound intellectual rebelliousness against my obsessiveness and compulsiveness.

Little could I have guessed, but both sides of myself would win in the end, and I would lose.

Comments

[Emperor]

Twilight at the end gets pretty darn creepy.

At this rate, she'll end up plowing through the combined works of Neightzsche

[aCB]

6352239
Yep! In this story, Starswirl is a parallel of Socrates, and Clover is a parallel of Plato. There's a lot of Western Philosophy (as well as a little Eastern) in this story, and I thought it would be interesting to make that connection.

6352347

Sounds like Twilight logic in the pursuit of reading forbidden knowledge.

Just wait until she thinks she's getting close to figuring it out!

6352464

...as long as Twilight doesn't summon an Elder God down onto Canterlot.

You haven't been reading my story notes, have you?

6352630
This question will be looked at in further chapters. In this universe, Starswirl lived about 2500 years before present, when they spoke the Classical language. The princesses were born 2000 BP, when they spoke old Equestrian (hence Luna's Royal Canterlot dialect). MoM part 12 was put out of print about 500 BP, which is the copy that Twilight got a hold of. (Keep in mind that I wrote this story before the season 4 finale, where it was established that the princesses lived at the same time as Starswirl)

While Twilight did admire Starswirl, she didn't idolize him so much that she's read everything there is to know about him, and humans weren't even mentioned in the previous eleven volumes, which were written before he started going crazy.

6352768
Alright, you've definitely been going through my notes.

Nihilism is one of the main focuses of the story, and in many ways. Twilight's life here follows Nietzsche's own. In fact, in my first draft, the first thing that we can see Twilight do is read Neightzsche's "Also Sprach Zarathustra".

---

I was incredibly thrilled when I saw all your well thought out comments. Really, comments are the only thing that allows me to truly gauge how the readers feel about the story. The like bar and favorites don't really mean too much to me, and I'd rather have one comment like yours than a thousand likes.

In fact, I think I'm going to finish editing the next chapter right now.