Lovelorn

by Lionspaw

Applejack's Secret

Applejack had never willingly lied, either to herself or to anypony else, for as long as she had been lying now. It was over four years ago that she started lying, though at first it was to herself. Now she lies by omission every day, to everypony. But she has to. The consequences of telling her secret to anypony would be devastating to everyone. But it would be especially devastating to two of her friends. For that reason, she couldn't...wouldn't...willingly or unwillingly, tell them.

Applejack steeled herself as she knocked on the door. She knew it would be a disappointment when he opened the door and realized that she wasn't the one he was waiting on, but she hoped it wouldn't show on her face. It was his day and he didn't need it ruined by her.

When the door was opened, his bright eyes faded slightly when he realized Applejack wasn't who he thought she was. “Oh, hi, Applejack. Come on in.”

“Thank you kindly...” she started, but he had already turned back towards the door, waiting on another to come in. Applejack swallowed to quickly get rid of the slight dampness to her eyes and shook her head. She knew that was the reaction she'd get. No use getting worked up about it.

As Applejack looked around Sugarcube corner, she knew Pinkie had decorated. It was decked out in the guest of honor's favorite colors and had his favorite snacks piled up on several tables. Applejack smiled slightly as she saw a table piled with presents and hidden behind the huge pile was a note written in Twilight's distinctive writing, “Please, NO presents.” Of course nopony paid any attention.

As the afternoon got later and the bell over Sugarcube Corner's door kept ringing as more and more pony's showed up, Applejack started getting angry. Not only was the one pony he was waiting on late, but it looked like she wasn't going to show at all. When the bell rang again, Applejack looked up to see a smile light up his face. “Finally,” she mumbled. Unwilling to watch, but unable to look away, Applejack watched the interaction between the two, seething slightly as the new arrival brushed the guest of honor's advances off.

“Where does he get off?” a voice asked behind Applejack.

She turned to see a unicorn stallion also staring at the couple. “What do you mean?”

“Anypony can see that she's too far above him, yet he insists on following her around like a little lost puppy. Doesn't he realize he'll never be good enough for her?”

Applejack bit her tongue to keep from snapping at the young stallion. Instead, she replied, “Well, I guess hope springs eternal or something, right?”

The young stallion sniffed and shrugged his shoulders. “I guess, but I wish she would just turn him down already...” He walked away, leaving Applejack to think distinctly uncharitable thoughts.

“He's a hero, you know,” she mumbled.

“Who's a hero?”

Applejack jumped and stared into the green eyes of the one she had just been talking about. “Uhhh...are you enjoying yourself?” she asked to changed the subject, but cringed inside when she heard his response.

“I am now that Rarity is here...”

“Well of course you are, Sugarcube. I haven't said 'hi' to her yet. I'm gonna go do that.”

“Oh...okay. Talk to you later, Applejack.”

“Mmmhmmm.” Applejack wandered over towards Rarity and said a quick hello. Then zoned out as she started talking about her latest creation.

“Applejack, are you even listening to me?” Rarity's voice broke into her thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, sorry, Rarity. I was just....thinking.”

“I noticed. What is on your mind that you wouldn't even be paying attention to the the gift I got our esteemed guest of honor.”

Applejack's temper flared slightly. “Rarity, you know we weren't supposed to give him gifts...”

“I know. But it is so small and he was SO appreciative...”

Sighing, she asked, “Okay, I'll bite. What did you give him?”

“A small collection of gemstones, all his own.”

Applejack shook her head. “I hope this isn't going to turn out like last time.”

“Oh, it won't. I'm sure he'll be fine....Hello, Pin Point!” Rarity walked off to talk to the same stallion that Applejack had been talking to earlier.

“How long?”

Applejack sighed and turned towards Fluttershy. “How did you know?”

Fluttershy smiled shyly and said, “I've noticed the way you stare at him.”

“Since we met, basically.” When Fluttershy raised her eyebrows, Applejack asked, “Can we go somewhere else to talk about this? I don't want to ruin the party.”

“Sure.”

***

A short time later, Applejack and Fluttershy were in the grassy commons across from Sugarcube Corner. “It all started when they came to Ponyville. I knew Twilight was uncomfortable, so I wanted to make her as comfortable as possible. But I was drawn to Spike. He seemed so sweet, and caring. Plus he praised my food so much...” Applejack coughed, “I didn't intend to fall in love with him. I just started making excuses to spend time with him, first at Twilight's party and then later, but I noticed that he split his time between helping Twilight and doting on Rarity, that I knew nothing would happen. But as time went on, and the more I got to know him...” Applejack stopped and swallowed. “It seems silly, doesn't it?”

“Not at all,” Fluttershy encouraged.

“Well, I knew how he felt about Rarity. And I knew that Rarity hadn't made her decision about Spike yet. So I've kept my mouth shut.”

“Have you thought about telling him how you feel?”

“Of course! But that'll only lead him to feeling sorry for me and then our friendship being strained. No...it's best I keep my secret...no matter the cost.”

“Oh, Applejack.” Fluttershy hugged her, allowing Applejack to finally cry out her frustration. “Feel better?”

“A little,” Applejack admitted sheepishly. “I've been hiding that secret for so long....”

Fluttershy smiled. “Now you don't have to hide it from me anymore. I still think you should tell him though. And Rarity.”

Applejack shook her head. “No, Fluttershy. I'm not going to burden them with this.”

Fluttershy nodded sadly. “Okay, Applejack.”

“We'd better get back to the party.”

“Yeah.”

As the pair walked away, Rarity stepped out from behind the tree. She wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffed a little. “Applejack, wait.”

Shocked, Applejack turned around. “Rarity, wha...how much did you hear?”

“All of it. I was wondering why you and Fluttershy had left Spike's party.”

“So you eavesdropped?” Applejack asked, her temper rising up again.

“Not intentionally, no.”

“Well, then what?”

“Once you started your story, I couldn't leave without you seeing me and I didn't want you to think I'd been spying on you.”

“So you spied on me?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess so, yes.”

“So why say anything now?” Fluttershy asked, also a little angry at Rarity.

“Because...I well...I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I never knew...”

“I didn't want you to know!” Applejack stormed.

“I...you what?”

“I didn't want you to get hurt either! And now...” Without warning, tears sprang to Applejack's eyes and she dashed them away angrily. “Now you're hurt and I'm hurt....now we only need Spike to have overheard my confession to make it worse.”

“What confession?” The three ponies turned to stare at the dragon they had just been talking about. “What confession?” he asked again, more insistently.

“The...uh...confession that it was Applejack's idea to give the gemstones, not mine. I took the idea as my own and Applejack, well, she is too kind to raise a fuss...hehe.” Rarity's nervous laughter made Spike raise his eyebrow.

“Is that true, Applejack?”

“Uh...nice weather we're having, huh?”

“Applejack?”

“Just drop it, Spike. This is not a conversation that I'd like to have right now.”

Spike's shoulder's dropped and he scuffed the ground with his feet. “I just want to help...”

Applejack could've kicked herself. Here she was, trying to keep him from feeling pity, sadness, or anything like that so she hurt his feelings instead. Nice job, AJ. “I know you are, Sugarcube. But this is something I have to deal with on my own...”

“But you told Rarity and Fluttershy!”

“I...” Applejack looked around for the aforementioned ponies so they could help her, but they were already walking back towards Sugarcube Corner. “Nuts! Traitors,” she mumbled under her breath.

“You what? You think they're better friends than I am? Is that it? I'm not important enough because I never carried an Element of Harmony?” Spike asked, tears starting to form in his eyes.

“No, Spike! I'd never think that!”

“Then tell me! What is so important that you'd leave my party?”

Applejack panicked. There was no way out of telling him. No way short of lying. Her head snapped up as she realized something.

“You know what, Spike. I'm tired of lying.”

“You've been lying?” Spike asked, slightly confused by the abrupt change of conversation.

Applejack nodded. “In a way. I've been not telling someone I care about how I feel. And I'm sick and tired of it.”

“Huh?”

Applejack smiled and pointed to the park bench. “Let's sit.”

“But I thought...” Spike sighed and recognized stubborn Applejack when he saw her.

Once they were seated, Applejack tilted her head back to look at the stars that had just started to come out. “I'm in love, Spike.”

“You are? That's great, Applejack! Who is the lucky colt?”

Applejack sighed. “It's not that simple. He...he doesn't know how I feel about him. And he's in love with somepony else.”

“Oh...why don't you tell him then?”

“Well, I don't want to make things more difficult for him.”

“Is he married?”

“No...”

“Actively dating this other pony?”

“No, but...”

“So tell him...”

“Even if it changes things between us?”

“Isn't it better thank keeping things hidden?”

Applejack nodded and turned towards spike. She took his claw into her front hooves and looked down at him. “I...I love you, Spike.” Tears came to her eyes again, as her voice caught in her throat and she saw nothing but shock register with him.

“I....I...me?”

“Yeah. You.” Applejack began to feel uncomfortable holding Spike's claw so she put it down slowly. She swallowed heavily and smiled. “I know it's a lot to take in,” she said, facing forward again and looking back up at the stars. “I'd understand if you need to go think for a bit and not see me for a while.” She choked back the tears when she felt him get up.

“Applejack...I...”

“It's okay, Spike.” She looked down a little, just enough to see him shuffling away. She couldn't stop the tears from falling anymore, but kept her face turned away...just in case he turned back.

***

Applejack sat and watched the party continue well into the night. She liked that the huge burden was now lifted from her shoulders but hated that it had to be put on Spike's. She didn't know when she fell asleep, but suddenly, she felt herself lifted up onto somepony's back.

“How long has she been here? She looks so cold.”

“Eeyup! It's been a few hours.”

“Will she be alright, Big Mac?”

“Eeyup.”

“You'll get her home safe?”

“Eeyup.”

Applejack stirred. “I can walk myself.” She pushed herself off of her brother's back started walking home.

“Applejack!” Twilight called, running after her.

“Yes, Twilight?”

“Are you okay?”

Applejack sighed. “Depends. If you're talking about my health or sanity...yes.”

Twilight looked confused, but didn't press the issue. “Okay. We can talk later, okay?”

“Eeyup.”

Twilight smiled slightly and watched as Big Mac and Applejack walked back to the farm.

Applejack was not in a talking mood on the walk back, so she refused to look at Big Mac until he trotted ahead and blocked the road.

“Alright, AJ. Talk.”

“Nothing to talk about, Big Mac. I confessed my love and was rejected. End of story.”

Big Mac nodded. He was familiar with heartache. “Who do I need to buck?” he asked, half jokingly.

Applejack smiled. “No one, big brother. I just need some time. That's all.” Saying those words felt wrong, but she knew, from watching Big Mac go through his own heart break, that it would take time.

Before they got halfway to the farm, Twilight crashed in front of them. “Applejack! Help. Spike is missing!”

“Missing!?!”

“He left the party and no one has seen him in a few hours.”

They started to gallop off, but Applejack turned towards Big Mac. “Get on home, Big Mac. I'll be home as soon as I can.”

Big Mac nodded and continued home while Applejack and Twilight headed towards town to gather the rest of their friends.

***

“Spike! Spike! Where are you?”

Applejack listened as her closest friends called for Spike. She just couldn't bring herself to add her voice to theirs. She was the reason he was missing. She was the reason he'd run off. And she couldn't bring herself to be the reason why he didn't want to respond. So she just ran around aimlessly looking into caves and other areas where he might have hidden himself.

Suddenly she heard Big Mac yell. What the hay...I thought he went back home. She ran towards his voice but stopped behind a boulder when she heard him say, “I found him on our front porch...”

“Mmmm?” Spike mumbled as he was roused from sleep.

“Spike?” Twilight asked gently.

“Twi...Twilight?”

“Are you okay?”

“Where am I?”

“Big Mac found you on his front porch. What were you doing there?”

“Wai...uh...nothing.” Twilight raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything as he jumped down from Big Mac's back. “I'll see you at home, Twilight.”

Twilight huffed, half in confusion and half in anger over the fact that her friends were keeping things from her. “Does anypony know what in the wide, wide world of Equestria is going on here? Anypony?”

When nopony answered, Applejack stepped from behind the boulder. “It's my fault, Twi. Well...at least...I don't really know why he was at my house, but he ran off because of me.”

“What do you mean, Applejack?”

So Applejack told them the whole story and made them Pinkie Promise to not say a word. “I just need time,” she claimed, after she was done.

“Okay, Applejack. We understand. Don't we girls.”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“Yup.”

“Of course!”

“Yes.”

“Eeyup!”

After a startled look at Big Mac, everyone started laughing.

***

A few days later, Applejack reluctantly approached the Golden Oaks Library. She didn't want to make things harder on Spike, but she had to see if Twilight had any books about unusual pests. Something was rustling inside the walls of the barn and it wasn't the usual critters. “Twilight, you here?” she asked, poking her head around the door.

“Applejack?”

Applejack froze. “Spike. I...I'm sorry. I was looking for Twilight. Is she here?”

“No, she's helping Fluttershy with something. I'm glad you came by though. I wanted to talk to you. You know...about what happened on my birthday.”

Applejack glanced over at Spike and saw him blushing and twiddling his claws. She coughed, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat and huskily tried to reassure him, “Hey now. It's okay. I....I understand. Tell Twi I'll be back later.”

“Holy guacamole, Applejack!” Spike yelled. “I knew you were stubborn, but I didn't know you were so stubborn that you would refuse to listen to me.”

Applejack stopped backing out of the door. “Huh?”

Spike rolled his eyes and walked over to Applejack. “I've been trying to see you ever since my birthday, but every time I stop by, Big Mac tells me you're too busy to talk..or that you've just run into town, or some other excuse. Were you serious when you said you loved me?”

Applejack glared. “Of course I was serious. I wouldn't lie to you!”

Spike nodded. “You know,” he said conversationally, “my crush on Rarity? When Applejack nodded slowly, he continued, “It's been over for some time.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Spike put his free claw behind his head and blushed again, “I pretended to still have a crush on her because I wasn't sure how she felt and I didn't want to hurt her.” Spike smiled a shy smile and grabbed Applejack's hoof with his claw. “After the other night, I finally asked her how she felt about me. She told me that she has always had a soft spot for me, but that she would never be able to love me. It was then that I finally let go of the thought of Rarity. I'd like to see what could become of...this.” He gestured to her hoof in his claw.

Applejack stared at Spike, looking closely to make sure what he was saying was the truth. Satisfied with whatever she saw, she pulled Spike into a hug and whispered, “I'd like that too.”

“Then will you do me the great honor of going to dinner with me tomorrow night?”

“Of course I would, Darlin'”

Author's Note:

I don't write southern accents well. I hope that Applejack's voice comes through with the action and dialog even without the "twang" added. The only exception I made was the end nickname she used, since it's a nickname and little different.

Comments

[Lionspaw]

I would appreciate any constructive criticism. Especially if it applies to why you dislike my story. No worries if you just don't care for the parings I'm doing. --Lionspaw