Crowns, Clowns, and the Eternal Sun

by HipsterShiningArmor

I: Jump

I: Jump

When I was twelve years old, I had this absolutely brilliant idea. I was going to sneak out at night, climb onto the roof of Starswirl's Academy for Gifted Unicorns, leap off, and then land in the small pond out back. I'm not sure what demon possessed me into thinking this was ever a good idea, but it must have been one seriously persuasive demon.

For starters, I didn't have wings, so this was less flight practice and more of a daredevil stunt. The building was nine stories high, which, while not a certifiably fatal fall, is big enough to cause some awful repercussions if you mess up. The lading point, if the pond was missed, was inevitably going to be stone, as that was all there was in the backyard of Starswirl's Academy. And even if one did manage to land in the pond, hitting water is not a painless endeavor, especially when the pond was, at most about 6 feet deep. And I was all alone, I didn't tell my sister or anyone else about my little stunt, meaning that if I got seriously injured and damaged my horn in the process, I was probably going to end up bleeding to death.

For the longest time I simply sat on the roof, debating with myself about whether or not I was actually going to do it. I was probably up there for about twenty minutes, but the way it felt, King Re could have returned from his banishment in the time it took for me to get over my conflict of interests. The smarter side of me wanted me to go back to my room; not only what I was doing dangerous, but if I got caught by one of the school staff, I would be severely punished (note: ‘severely punished’ is a politically correct way of saying that the headmistress or one of her cronies would beat the shit out of me,) but my inner dumbass daredevil won out. So I counted to three, moved back to give myself more leverage and then ran off the edge like there was no tomorrow.

For a few seconds, I was airborne. I felt like this was as close as I was ever going to get to experiencing what it’s like to be a Pegasus, and it felt wonderful. Even though it was only for a few seconds, it was a magical few seconds. Real magic, not the Starswirl Academy “you get a D on your test because you don’t know how to turn an apple into an orange,” kind of magic. From that moment onward, I had an affinity, an admiration towards not just Pegasi, but all creatures that could generate lift, be they anything from griffins and winged dragons, to hummingbirds and bumblebees. Even some 1200 years later, I still remember the sensation like it was yesterday.

And then I hit the ground; and all I could feel was pain.

I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream, I didn’t move, I didn’t even do anything really. All I could do was lay there, with my head spinning so violently you’d think it was a dreidel, as I managed to squint my eyes and get my rapidly blurring vision to see just well enough to notice that my left foreleg was essentially bent backwards from the knee down. It also appeared to be broken in a couple other places as well, although my memory fails me as to exactly where that was. I could also feel a liquid beginning to pool around me, and while my vision was way too damaged to be able to make out any details; considering that I missed the pond by at least twelve feet, it was pretty easy to assume that wasn’t water.

I should have died that night. If there is a God, she had no justifiable reason to keep me alive after that awe-inspiring display of idiocy. But somehow the thud I made when I collided with the stone was noisy enough to wake up some ponies; and the next thing I knew I was in the Starswirl Academy hospital, where this fat nurse proceeded get spit and chewed food all over my coat as she yelled at me in incoherent nurse-lingo.

To this day, I can’t pinpoint the exact reason I remember that night so well. I don’t have the slightest clue as to what I was doing a month before that night, or a month after that night (actually, a month after I was probably in the Starswirl Psych Ward because nobody believed me when I told them I wasn’t trying to commit suicide, but I digress,) and yet as far as that one night goes, my memory is nigh impeccable. I could tell you the day it was (24 April, 961AC,) the date of the week (Wednesday,) the weather (about 20®C, partly cloudy, high air pressure,) and, as seen above, all of the little minutiae that any ordinary pony would have forgotten by the next morning. And despite that no defining reason has ever struck with “this particular detail is why that night is indelibly etched in your brain.

Could it be because I discovered my love for flight? Possibly, but it was hardly the only moment I experienced that love. Could it be that this was my first real rebellion against the rigid conformity of Starswirl’s Academy, and Unicorn high-society by extension? Well, I certainly took quantum leaps towards that direction that night, but from the time I was born, I was never Miss Goody Two-Shoes, despite what certain members of the current royal family would have you believe.

I suppose the closest thing I’ve ever come to a real answer regarding this topic of conversation is that 24 April, 961 perfectly exemplified just how lucky I’ve been throughout my life. This was the first of a ridiculous amount of near-death experiences I had. Even at twelve years old, once I regained consciousness and remembered everything that had happened, my thought process was “I should not be alive right now.” And yet, alive I was, and alive I remain to this day (provided you’re reading this at the time of this book’s release and not 3000 years later).

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My birth itself wasn’t that interesting. I was the middle child, the third daughter out of what ended up being five. Apparently I was significantly larger than my two older sisters were at birth, which is hardly surprising considering that, according to an earth pony named Crazy Stats, I’m apparently the sixth tallest pony in the history of Equestria. Fifth was King Re, the psychopath who burned half the country down, so it’s nice to know whose hoofsteps I’m following in.

Anyways, my actual date of birth has been guessed at many times over the years, ranging from fairly accurate to numbers directly removed from somepony’s orifice. For the record, the actual date is Monday, 20 April, 949AC (yes, that April 20. Trust me when I tell you that date will get a lot less funny as you continue reading). Apart from the inevitable weed jokes that will follow, there’s nothing really that spectacular about my birth.

What is interesting is who my parents are. Princess Tau Sunflare, usually just shortened to Princess Sunflare, was the second wife of Midnight March. Yes, I said second wife, more on that later. She is widely recognized as one of the most powerful unicorns to ever exist, and legend has it she even killed an Ursa Major. As someone who spent the first seven years of my life by her side, I can say that, while the even supposedly happened before I was born, I wouldn’t doubt for a second if it was true.

Sunflare was an interesting mare. She could be mean, harsh, or even a bully at times, but she could also be very kind, warm, and welcoming. She certainly wasn’t ‘cold and emotionless,’ even if that was the face she liked to put up around the other nobles. But whenever there was a more passionate situation, whether it was because she was doing something she loved, or if she felt she had to protect someone or something, her true colours began to show themselves, no matter where she was. Besides, it doesn’t matter how rich and powerful you are, taking care of five children is never easy, so she deserves commendation for that alone.

The one thing that confused me about my mother when I was a filly, though, was that she would constantly complain about. And not just complain in the usual “god, this pony gets on my nerves sometimes” kind of way. No, she would say vicious, nasty, hateful things about that stallion directly to our faces, and I didn’t know why. Of course, she wouldn’t say any of that when were in public, or in the rare times when March was actually around, but otherwise she wouldn’t hesitate to casually call our then-King an awful piece of shit.

This confused me to no end at the time. ‘Shouldn’t mommy and daddy love each other?’ I thought. My rationalization when I was a kid was that Sunflare really did love March, she was just often fed up with him and inappropriately vented that frustration towards her children. Looking back, it didn’t make a ton of sense, but it was the least unpleasant justification and you can hardly blame a child for wanting to think that her parents don’t hate each other.

As I grew older, and I began to understand the meaning of the word ‘cynicism,’ my rationalization changed to ‘Sunflare realized she was in a loveless marriage, but doesn’t want to leave because divorce was still frowned upon at that point in Equestrian society, especially among royals, and Sunflare didn’t want to have to go through that.’ This explanation was more plausible then my childhood fantasy justification but it was ultimately still just that, and I eventually learned that the reason Sunflare didn’t leave was a lot more fucked up then anything I possibly could have imagined.

Midnight March, on the other hand, was much easier to paint a picture of. He is, without a doubt, one of the strongest mages, if not the strongest mage, to ever walk the face of Equestria. But that’s the only reason he became king. He didn’t have any connection to past royalty, becoming leader through forged documents and an excessive amount of bullying and intimidation, and as for how well his performance as ruler of Equestria, well…

Okay, I’m not going to keep you in any real suspense as to what I think about my so-called father. I need to get it all off my chest right now, or else every mention of his name will result in me seething with rage. So, for the record, Midnight March was an immature, spoiled, cruel, narcissistic, misogynistic, sex-crazed, power-hungry, glory-obsessed, disrespectful, excessively violent parody of a leader, who wanted to reap all the benefits of being the leader of a nation (namely sex with beautiful mares and the ability to tell others what to do without consequence,) but wished to shirk any and all responsibility that came with that power, and, on top of that, is just an unpleasant pony to be around. Which is all a euphemistic way of saying screw that guy. Perhaps that seems a little bit harsh. It won’t.

But all of that came later. In 949, I was just a foal, a foal born to the King of Equestria and one of the princesses, yes, but still just a foal. I had two older sisters at the time, Phoebe, who was three years older than me, and Jovia, who was one year my senior. Both were there alongside my mother when I was born. March was not, apparently he had more important things to do.

So, for the first year or so of my life, I was the baby of the family. I don’t remember very much from those early days, but I do remember my older sisters being not very nice to me, which usually resulted in them getting whipped by Sunflare for it. But apart from that, nothing major stands out from that time.

Luna was born on 6 June 950, which meant that from this point onward in my life, I know had my own little sister to abuse. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long before I found out that nobody bullies Luna, or at the very least, nobody bullies Luna twice. For example, one day, when baby Luna (or Lulu as I called her,) was innocently playing with a small train, I decided, for a reason only my two-year-old brain could understand, to take the train from her, and quickly ended up with a black eye. Luna and I got in a nasty fight (or, at the very least, as nasty a fight as babies could get in,) and we both punished by our mom. Well, it was mostly me getting punished, actually. From then on, we were basically best friends.

During our early childhood, Luna and I developed a reputation around Midnight March Castle; around all of Bluville for that matter, for being troublemakers. Usually it was for pulling pranks, mostly on either our goody-two shoes older sister Jovia or on Princess Uranium’s bratty son Richie, who was about the same age as Luna. Sometimes; however, it was for full-on fights, which we would not only get into with each other, but also with other ponies, including but not limited to Richie or Terran, another young colt around the castle who had an even more nefarious reputation than my sister or I.

Sunflare was, not surprisingly, initially embarrassed to have such rowdy kids, but eventually got over her premeditated expectations and basically decided that we were who we were. Jovia never really stopped looking down on us, as she was ‘mother’s little angel’ after all; but every once in a while we did get her to have fun with us, so having her as a sister wasn’t a total loss.

Phoebe, on the other hand… Phoebe never really talked to us much. She was always a bit of a loner, she mostly left us alone and we mostly left her alone. Sometimes I would attempt to follow her around to see if she was doing something interesting, but she never was. 95% of the time she was by herself, often doing some seemingly inconsequential activity like taking a walk, buying food, practicing magic, or sometimes just relaxing in her room. I often wondered what her deal was, although obviously never to her face, as she could be kind of scary at times.

And that was my family (my youngest sister, Rio, was born thirteen years after Luna and thus grew up in an entirely different world). For the formative years of my life, I never really questioned this, it just seemed like it was the way it was supposed to be. However, not long before my seventh birthday, my world would be altered forever.

Author's Note:

I think I should probably clarify exactly what this story is. This story is meant to be a memoir/autobiography, written from Princess Celestia's perspective, chronicling her life, from the time she was born right up until the present day in Equestria. Obviously that's a long space of time, so I'm mostly covering the major events.

Comments

[somethingelse logaf]

Hmmmm..... Interesting

[Minecraftian Equine]

You know, I went into this kind of skeptically...
Damn, all doubt gone, this has me hooked. I rather like your personification of Celestia, and your writing style flows well, without any points that feel like you took a huge jump in subject, which is a rather common flaw in any writer.
I didn't see any typos, either, so props for that.
Like and a fav from me, good sir! I look forward to any future chapters.