The P-Team: The Cider Wars

by NightmareDash

A Strange Visitor

Applejack had just about given up hope. She wanted to tell herself that the P-Team would find her, and they would get this all straightened out, but something about her Element of Honesty nagged at her every time she tried. It was the Apples' last day on Sweet Apple Acres before Flim and Flam took ownership. If anything was to be done, it had to be done soon. As Applejack stared out across the vast orchards once hers to work, she heard the front gate slam. Great, she thought. Those varmints decided to show up early. But it wasn't the brothers who had just arrived. A slender, grey stallion wearing a tie, glasses, and an incessant smile was walking up to her.

"Good afternoon, ma'am. I must say, this is a lovely farm you have here. Allow me to introduce myself. Slick Deal's the name, farm equipment is my game."

He was a fast talker, with a slight Manehatten accent. Obviously a salespony, and just the type Applejack never trusted. But she was too depressed right now to check him out.

"I'm sorry, sir, but the Apple family will be turning this land over to the Flim-Flam Brothers tomorrow. We're in no position to buy anything."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, ma'am. Are you absolutely sure I couldn't interest you in something? Slick Deal has the best prices in Equestria, guaranteed!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Deal, but.... hold on!"

Applejack remembered that just a few days ago, a Ponfucius-spewing Equinese laundromat owner had told her to be kind to salesponies, and that an old plow might hold the answer to her troubles. They sounded like crazy proverbs when she heard them, but maybe...were they a hint from the P-Team? She had to at least try it.

"Can I have a look at your Power Plower '08?"

"Oh, that old thing? That's a piece of garbage! Here, let me show you our latest model. It's got built-in cupholders..."

"No, I just want to see the Power Plower '08, if you don't mind."

"Ma'am, please trust me. Nopony wants that old thing. It's a deathtrap for anypony that uses it! Our newer models are far more..."

"Sir, I would like to see your listing for the Power Plower '08. It's that or nothing. Can I please see it?"

Slick threw in the towel and handed over the catalogue.

"Page 43, bottom left. Your funeral, mare."

Applejack flipped open the catalogue, through harnesses and harvesters, seeds and shovels, until she found the page he had indicated. In the bottom left corner was a faded ad for the 2008 Power Plower, with pen markings across it. It read:

YOU JUST HIRED THE P-TEAM

Applejack looked up at Slick in disbelief, but he only smiled back. Seconds later, there was a bright flash of light, and a much more familiar face appeared in his place.

"Twilight? You're part of the P-Team?"

"Not just that, Applejack. I lead the P-Team. Princess Celestia wanted somepony to be able to help with smaller problems around Equestria, but she couldn't because she's, well, the princess. So she asked me to make it happen. Oh yeah, hang on a sec. It's alright, everypony! She's clear! Sorry about all the secrecy, but there are a certain few someponies who don't exactly love us. This is the team."

Three other ponies stepped out from the orchards.

"Rarity, better known as Gemstone. She uses her magic, sewing skills, and feminine wiles to scam us whatever we need."

"Hello, darling. So nice to see you again!"

" R.D. Dash, team heavyweight and mechanical expert."

"Hey."

" "Crazy Pie" Pinkie. She can fly just about anything, and, today, she's an ENN sports commentator."

"This looks to be a great matchup tonight, folks. The challenger has just stepped into the ring, and is being prepped by her coaches."

"And, of course, I'm Twilight, but everypony calls me Starswirl. I make plans and screen our clients. We use codenames to protect our secret identities."

"I can't believe I never found out about it until now. My best friends are the P-Team. I'll be darned."

"Don't worry: we waive the fees for close friends. Actually, we don't really charge anypony anything. You see, "hire" was just the best word we could think of, even though nopony has to pay us to help them, so..."

Applejack rolled her eyes and Twilight snapped out of the monologue.

"Sorry. Anyway, we already know about Flim and Flam, so let's get inside. I've already got an idea, and I think you'll like it."

Comments

[mbpony 512]

HA, this is just like I imagined what an "A-Team" parody of FIM would be like. GENIUS WORK INDEED.

Please do keep up the good work upon such a great tale as I cannot wait to see "Starswirl's" plan to get the Apple family out of their current situation.