Misfit Six

by Don Quixote

Part 4 - The Outcast

“Why we are we like, walking into the deepest depths of the Everfree Forest?” I demanded. “I can hardly see in the dark. And something keeps howling. And there are spiders.”

“We agreed to work together to find the Alicorn Amulet and save Ponyville,” said Octavia, stepping over tree roots in like, the daintiest way possible. She was one seriously proper mare.

“I know that,” I grumbled. “But the Forest? The Amulet could be like, anywhere. It could be in Ponyville. It could be in the library. We should totally have started looking there.”

“Libraries are lame,” said Vinyl, hopping over a fallen tree.

“Why are you wearing shades in the dark?” I asked. “Also, libraries are not lame. Books are like, the awesomest. You should listen to books on tape since you’re always wearing those huge headphones.”

The Doctor, who was leading our group, turned around and flashed light in our eyes.

“Ah!” I yelled. “Too bright! Put away the wand, Doctor.”

He sighed and put out the light. “For the last time, it’s a sonic screwdriver,” he said. “Not a magic wand. More like a flashlight. Does Equestria have flashlights yet? What year is this, Ms. Lyra?”

“Stop calling me that!” I exclaimed. “Ms. Lyra makes me sound like a frumpy old librarian.”

“I think it fits,” said Vinyl.

“Stop it!” snapped Colgate. As she paused for breath, whatever it was howling in the dark snarled savagely. “You two have been sniping at each other since we entered the Forest,” she continued. “We’re all on edge, but this is no time to fight.”

The Doctor began to fiddle with his screwdriver-thingy. “To answer your question, Lyra,” he said without looking up, “Derpy got a good view of Ponyville from a cloud and saw the effects of the curse—or whatever is sucking the life out of everything—concentrated in the Everfree Forest. Since the Amulet was stolen from Zecora’s home, we’re assuming it’s still in here somewhere, causing the curse to spread outward like ripples in a pond.”

The creature in the dark kept yowling. We walked on, stumbling over roots, blundering through patches of weeds and trembling in like, abject terror. (I’m pretty sure abject is the word I mean. It might be verdant.) I’d describe more, but there really wasn’t much to see.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to the Everfree Forest, but I really hope not. It’s terrifying. The trees are all gnarly and twisty, and they make nasty faces at you. Plus there are monsters. I like monsters in books—in real life, not so much. Did I mention spiders?

These things make the Everfree Forest pretty horrible. With the dark shadow curse of doom sucking the life out of everything, the Forest got like, a million times worse. You couldn’t even see the scary stuff, which made it scarier.

“May we take a rest?” asked Octavia. “I think we are all a little worse for wear.”

Colgate shivered. “Let’s make a fire,” she said. “It’s chilly.”

Derpy and the Doctor began gathering sticks. The rest of us flopped onto the ground. There was a super-awkward silence, broken only by the howling and growling and yowling of whatever monsters were out there.

It was so gloomy that I decided to make some cheerful conversation. “Do you know how humans make fires?” I asked. “They take sticks in their hands and like, rub them together till the friction heats up the wood and makes it burn.” I sighed. “Hands are awesome. I wish I had hands.”

“Give it up already,” said Vinyl. “Humans aren’t real.”

I sat up and glared at her in the dark. “They totally are! Ask Princess Twilight. She went through a magic mirror and became a human with hands. Pinkie Pie told me all about it. It was like, the coolest thing.”

Even though I couldn’t see Vinyl’s face clearly, I was pretty sure she was scowling. “The world’s falling apart,” she said. “We’re tramping across some seriously dangerous turf, and all you can think about are hands? You’ve got issues, Lyra.”

“Stop it!” yelled Colgate. “We’re trying to save the world here, and it’s stressful enough without listening to you argue. Lyra, Vinyl, what’s your problem?”

Right then I made like, a seriously serious mistake. I lost it.

“What’s our problem?” I asked. “Why don’t you tell us about yours, Colgate? Your Cutie Mark like, not good enough for you? What kind of pony gives up her destiny to become a dentist? You don’t even get clients! Nopony trusts a hack who ignores her special talent.”

“Quiet, Lyra,” said the Doctor, dumping a bundle of sticks on the ground. “I’m disappointed in you—all three of you. You should know better.”

“The Doctor is right,” said Octavia in a haughty sort of way. “Vinyl, teasing Lyra is neither considerate nor proper.”

Vinyl stood up and took off her shades. Even in the dark, I could see the fury in her face. “That’s it!” she growled. “I’m having a bad enough day without a lecture from you, Ms. Goody-four-shoes. We’ve heard the rumors, Octy. You’re no saint.”

When Octavia spoke, it was in a quiet voice scarier than any scream. “At least I make an honest living. I am paid for my music. What about you, Vinyl? How much do ponies pay to hear those noises you make?”

The Doctor stamped. “That’s enough!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t ask for any of this. All of this, your blasted curses and evil relics and howling dark forests, are your ruddy problem, not mine. I’ve been dragged into it again, as always, and I’ll be dashed if I sit around listening to you bicker like schoolgirls.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded. “You haven’t been dragged into anything, Doctor. You can leave whenever. Isn’t that like, what you do? You’re here and you’re gone. You were so nice last time we hung out. I thought we were friends. Then you disappeared without like, saying goodbye.”

The Doctor took off his hat. With his eyes burning and mane sticking up everywhere, he looked kind of terrifying. “Friends?” he muttered. “When do I ever have the luxury of friends? I have companions, companions who get lost and need rescuing and make a deuced nuisance of themselves before dying or getting left behind. The number of times I’ve had my hearts broken—”

He stopped, silenced instantly by the soft sound of a stifled sob.

Derpy Hooves, whom we’d all completely forgotten, had dropped to the ground and begun to cry. “I’ll go ahead and say it,” she quavered. “Derpy Hooves, your eyes are weird and you’re kind of stupid and you always mess things up. You’re a ditz and a fool. There. I said it before anypony else could. Are we done? Can we stop telling each other how messed up we are?”

Derpy broke down.

Well, I guess I’ll be honest here. We all broke down, except Vinyl and the Doctor. I think Vinyl might have been crying behind her shades. The Doctor just sat looking at the ground. I guess he’d run out of tears to cry.

Colgate and the Doctor eventually piled up the wood and made a fire, whether with magic or the Doctor’s screwdriver-thingy I didn’t see. We sat round it with our backs to the dark. The fire was like, totally un-cursed, and it was good to see some plain old reds and yellows.

Derpy sniffled and held out a tray. “Anypony want a muffin?”

“Wait, where did those come from?” asked Colgate, gaping.

Derpy almost smiled. “My friend Pinkie Pie told me I should always have muffins on hand in case of Muffin Emergencies.”

“I believe this qualifies,” said the Doctor. He sounded like his old silly self again. “It’s well past noon, I think, around teatime. Anybody—any pony, I mean—want butter with her muffins?”

“Where did you get butter?” demanded Vinyl.

The Doctor shrugged. “Dash it all, I’m allowed to like butter! Don’t ask questions.”

Derpy giggled. The tray was passed round, and we had like, the most delicious snack in the history of history. Those muffins were fantastic. Even the howling in the dark all around us hardly messed up our unexpected picnic.

Once we’d finished, we sat around the fire trying to work up the nerve to keep moving.

I jumped when Octavia blurted out, “Vinyl, those rumors are true.”

Vinyl yanked off her shades and stared wide-eyed at her friend. “Seriously, Octy? I was just being a jerk by bringing them up—not for a sec was I serious. You were really a crook?”

“I was a bodyguard and enforcer,” said Octavia. “The mob in Canterlot hired me when they needed a pony kept safe… or broken. Music was my hobby, a distraction from dirty work. At last I decided to make music my life. I fled the mob and began a new life in Ponyville.”

Vinyl could only stammer. “I—but you—seriously, Octy?”

“I have returned to Canterlot only for important performances, and then only with extreme caution. Neither police nor criminals are quick to forgive and forget. Fortunately, I have found the spotlight to be a very good hiding place for a criminal. Vinyl… I am sorry.”

“Aw, that’s fine,” said Vinyl. “We can still be friends, right? At least you’re making an honest living now. I’m not even doing that. You were right, you know. I’m no great musician, and I don’t get paid much… when I get paid, which isn’t often.”

Vinyl put on her shades. This is just a guess, but I think she might have been hiding a tear or two. “The Scratches earn their living fair and square,” she said. “I guess that makes me the exception. I’ve tried to make it big, like Odyssey and MandoPony and—and you, Octy—but I can’t catch a break. Call me a reject.”

There was an uncomfortable pause, and then I finally pulled together like, enough pluck or nerve or whatever to speak up.

“Well,” I said, “I should confess something too. You know, since we’re all like, awkwardly confessing things. I’m pretty strange.”

Nopony seemed surprised by my confession.

“I like humans,” I went on. “I want to be more like them, even if it means hanging out with books instead of friends. Books are definitely easier to find. Ponyville usually pretends I’m not there, except when it’s laughing at me. I’m like, some kind of super-weird outcast.”

“I can relate,” said Colgate. “I’m a freak, you know. What sort of pony ignores her Cutie Mark and rebels against her destiny? I’ve scandalized Ponyville, but I can’t make myself believe that my fate is dictated by a mark on my rump. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul! I’m also a pathetic malcontent, or so everypony tells me.”

It was Derpy’s turn to pipe up. “I’m not very bright,” she announced. “It’s okay. I’m used to it, and the ponies in Ponyville are so nice to me. Especially Pinkie Pie. She’s nice to everypony! It just hurts to look at myself with my weird eyes and see how foolish I am.”

“How about you, Doctor?” I asked. “Come on, bro, we’re listening.”

The Doctor tugged nervously on his hat’s tassel and declared, “I have nothing to say.”

Vinyl scoffed. “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to talk about my bucking feelings?” she demanded. “Come on, Doc. Out with it.”

“Nothing to say,” he insisted. “I don’t care much for this sort of wibbly-wobbly, feely-weely stuff.”

“We care,” said Derpy. “Please tell us.”

A moment passed, and then the Doctor took off his hat and bowed his head.

“I’m tired,” he said. “That’s all. I’ve lived too long, traveled too much, seen too many people—ponies, dash it all—come and go. Everywhere I go, disaster follows, and I never seem to stop cleaning up the mess. No thanks, no rest, no peace. Just regrets and goodbyes and, occasionally, little flickers of joy that make everything else harder by comparison. Hang it all, I am so, so tired.”

“Don’t worry, Doctor,” said Derpy. “Once we find the Amulet, you can go home and get some rest.”

The Doctor smiled crookedly. “Easier said than done, Derpy. For a daft old exile like me, home is everywhere and home is nowhere.”

“You know, this is almost funny,” said Vinyl. “All six of us have issues. So much for being heroes! We’re just a lousy bunch of misfits.”

Derpy beamed. “Princess Twilight was a misfit once. She told me so. Not until she came to Ponyville did she—”

“Quiet,” said Octavia.

I objected. “Hey, that’s not very—”

“Everypony quiet!” said the Doctor.

There was a second or two of silence, and then some crazed, vicious howling. By now, the sound was familiar.

It was also like, really, really close.

I glanced at the others. Derpy was clinging to the Doctor. Vinyl and Colgate stood with their backs to the fire, staring out into the dark. Octavia listened with her head tilted a little to one side.

“What was that?” asked Colgate.

“That,” I said, “was some crazed, vicious howling.”

“To what sort of creature did it belong?” asked Octavia.

I shrugged. “Beats me. Probably like, a crazed, vicious one.”

Comments

[Mecha G]

I only see five character tags. Who's the sixth?

[Don Quixote]

2880022 I was able to tag only five characters; Colgate is the sixth.

[Don Quixote]

2880125 Well, I could tag only five of the six protagonists. Someone had to be omitted, and it happened to be Colgate. (There was no way on Earth I would cut out Derpy or the Doctor!)

As for Lyra's personality: I wanted each character to have a distinct narrative style. Giving Lyra a ditzy persona was an easy way to distinguish her voice from the others... and it made her fun to write.

[Telly Vision]

''I’ve tried to make it big, like Odyssey and MandoPony''

I see what did there.

[SpaceCommie]

I've been pleasantly surprised by this story, although Lyra is incredibly annoying.

[The Dimension Traveler]

Every time the Doctor gets into one of his 'poor me, I'm so old and pitiable and have seen so much death' moods I want to SMACK HIM!
He's a thrice damned fool who needs to put up or shut up. Everyone sees death sooner or later. Grow up and appreciate the time you had instead of the time you don't YOU OLD FOOL!