Divide et Impera

by Burnt Juice

A Simply Unsimple Simple Mission

The courier's boat docked into Caesars camp on Fortification Hill. He was thinking about Mr. Houses' parting words after he was given the mission. He was told that inside the hill was a special door that held an extra special surprise. Mr. House had refused to give him the details, stating that it just wouldn't be as interesting if the secret was told. All the courier knew was that he needed the platinum chip, which he would be stripped of and given back at the right time, to open this door. How conveniant that an entire military stronghold had been built atop what I need, he thought dryly. Still, if all goes well, it wouldn't be the hardest thing he had to do since his little adventure had begun.

The courier left the boat and stepped onto the dock. The oarsman grunted and began his trip back to Cottonwood. In front of the gate stood two guards. As the courier walked up and the one on the left stated "Hand over your weapons before entering." The guard patted him down, taking every weapon and anything suspicious, including the platinum chip. "You may go." The gate was opened and the courier continued into the fortress.

As the courier walked, he took note of his surroundings. Tents and training dummies were scattered across the scene. Legionnaires and infantry walked around the camp, training. Few people talked, and no one looked particularly happy. Everyone's face displayed hard determination, as they trained to defeat the NCR and whoever else stood against them. There was also an arena where some legion mongrels were tearing apart dummies. On the highest point stood a large tent, obviously Caesar's. The Courier walked up to the guard out front. The gaurd waved him in and the courier proceeded inside.

Caesar's personal guards (or praetorians) lined the carpet leading up to Caesar. He sat in a large chair, covered in wolfskins. Caesar eyed the courier as he approached.

"Ave," he greeted, "I see that you heeded my invitation. A wise desicion indeed."

"I am honored to be in your presence," the courier replied as politely as possible. It took all of his self control to keep himself from ripping Caesar's head off. The courier was well aware of all of the horrible things Caesar has done. Even though he only had about two weeks of memories, the courier has seen towns ransacked, people brutally murdered and crucified. He wanted to end these atrocities. Unfortunately, if he makes a move to attack Caesar he'd have about 10 of his praetorians to deal with, along with an entire camp of angry legion soldiers.

Now the courier realizes that even he himself isn't exactly a nice guy. He has killed and stolen for personal gain, but these are the ways of the wastes. But Caesar brings it to a whole new level. He is the tormenter of all of the people of the wastes. If they are not allied with him, they end up on a cross.

Oblivious to the courier's malicious thoughts, Caesar continued, "Though you have done some very impressive things out in the world beyond, I need you to do something for me before you can truly join the legion. There is an old weather station, near the edge of the camp. I have reason to believe there is something valuable inside, something to do with Mr. House. In the weather station is a large door with the Lucky 38 insignia on it. No matter what we try to do, we are unable to get through the door. But luckily, the key to opening it lies in the poker chip that you have so conveniantly brought forth to me. I want you to use that chip to unlock the doors and destroy whatever is inside. You will recieve all of your equipment when you go into the weather station. Report back when you are finished."

"Yes sir," The courier said before exiting the tent. What an asshole.

The courier walked through the camp to the weather station. All the while he thought some particularly spiteful things about Caesar, especially after meeting him in person. But what really stuck out to him was the fact that Caesar wanted to destroy everything in the weather tower, even when he has no idea what it is. What an idiot, the courier thought critically. There could be an entire army of robots, or something badass like that, just waiting to follow the commands of anyone that powers them on and clicks something on a console. Well whatever he says... I am not going to do.

The courier reached the weather tower. As he walked in, he was given back his equipment. None of the soldiers inside had very interesting to say. They would only grunt and say fulfill your task and you will not be killed. Well that's inspiring. The courier found where the platinum chip unlocked the lower, more intersting levels of the weather station. As Caesar predicted and the courier was told, the doors opened and the radiation-filled basement was accessable.

"Well this is going to suck," the courier muttered as he stepped into the radiation. He realized this wouldn't just be a trial of strength, but of speed. He had to get in and out before he absorbs too much radiation. He did not want to deal with those... side effects. At the bottom of the stairs was a large computer screen with Mr. Houses easily identifiable pixel face plastered across the whole screen.

"It appears that all is going to plan," House observed, "now I need you to find a terminal in one of these rooms. Upload the data onto it and you will be done. Unfortunately I have no power over the securitrons due to glitches, so you will have to do some fighting."

Of course, thought the courier, it just wouldn't any fun without something shooting at me. Meanwhile, Mr. House explained how the data stored on the platinum chip will raise a robot army, capable of defending New Vegas and the surrounding areas. The courier wasn't really listening. He heard "terminal" and "upload," which is all that he needed to know about in order to fulfill his task. When House was finished, the courier was dismissed to find the elusive terminal. And not a moment too soon, his radiation levels were already becoming higher than comfortable.

He ran down hallways, dispatching securitrons and turrets that blocked his path. All the while his radiation level kept steadily rising. "Where is that damn terminal!" He shouted in frustration as he destroyed yet another annoying robot. He had already used up two stimpacks and a rad away.

And then he spotted it. Sort of. There was a terminal... next to a door that it obviously opened. The courier ran over to it, happy to finally find his objective. The computer then decided to be a killjoy by displaying on its screen "terminal locked, Passcode required." "A'wwww Crap!" whined the courier as he began to hack it. At least I get xp.

After about two and a half minutes of vigorous hacking, the screen displayed the wonderful "Terminal Unlocked" screen. The courier clicked "unlock door" and proceeded through the newly opened door. Inside was a fairly normal looking post-war office room, with a large computer on the back wall. Chairs and desks lay overturned and the floor was littered with ancient papers. There was even a skeleton sitting on the chair in front of the computer. But there was also a strange frame in the middle of the room. It looked like a titanium door frame. It was connected to the computer terminal with many wires, which the floor was also littered in. There was also, curiously enough, no radiation in the room. The courier was overjoyed at being out of the hot RADS and took no notice of the frame.

"Move it brainless!" The courier exclaimed happily as he through the skeleton out of the chair. With his newfound office chair, the courier moved to the computer. A slot greedily ate the platinum chip as the courier fed it into the computer. The terminal burst to life displaying words and code quickly across the screen. The computer moved on its own through numerous files and folders until it stopped. In bold letters the screen said "COMMENCE PROJECT EQUESTRIA?" below it was a YES and a NO button. Mr. House sure has strange names for robot invasion protocalls, the courier thought as he clicked the yes button. "I mean what the hell is an Equestria?" The courier thought aloud ,"Is it some some sort of-"

The courier was cut short as the frame in the middle of the room began buzzing very loudly. The courier moved in closer to inspect it. "What the- AHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" The courier was cut short yet again by the rude machine as it began to glow and a liquidy looking substance covered the area inside the frame. But what really cut him off was the machine sucking him into it against his will. The courier was powerless against its extreme sucking power and was thrown into it. He disappeared as soon as he passed through the frame.

The machine began to shake and spark. The liquid substance fell out of the frame and pooled on the ground. As soon as it reached the wires everything went to hell. A chemical reaction formed between it and the copper in the wires, resulting in a massive explosion capable of engulfing all of Fortification Hill... which is exactly what it did.

The explosion could be seen for hundreds of miles throughout the wastes. Onlookers watched as a huge mushroom cloud burst into sky. Those unfortanate enough to be too close, where blinded by the flash. Onlookers who retained their sight gasped as they looked upon the aftermath when the dust settled (which was quite a while considering it blew about 100 tons of dust and dirt into the air). Where the Fort once stood now stood... absolutely nothing. Nothing was there to even suggest that an island was once there. Water had filled the massive hole that was left in its place. After an entire 3 minutes of silence, everyone just went back to doing whatever they were doing. Except for the people that realized that the vast majority of the legion army in Arizona just violently exploded. They began to cheer, celebrate, and plan the largest parties that the western wastes had ever seen!

But few people asked themselves... WTF JUST HAPPENED!?! Due to the fact that the entire society had been born out of the ashes of many very large explosions, people didn't really question one more. They mostly rejoiced in fact that they can live their lives for awhile longer without the constant threat of slavery and big red meanies crucifying them. But some people spent their entire lives trying to figure out what happened. They all died with their heads filled with questions and conspiracy theories, but then what much fewer people asked was what happened to those on the hill? They also died with their heads filled with questions and conspiracy theories. But this isn't about them, this is about the much more interesting things that happened to those that were in the explosion and who woke up in another world, as another species, confused as hell.

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The courier awoke in a mass of broken tents. He tried to stand but was held down by the tents. He pushed them off forcefully. The posts went flying, dragging the fabric making it up. With nothing else holding him down the courier attempted to stand up yet again. He promptly french kissed the ground. He spat out dirt and rocks that had found their way into his open mouth. His mouth felt very... strange. He licked the inside of his mouth to find that all of his teeth were molars. ummmm what happened to my mouth... Oh crap, did floating brains kidnap me and experiment on me again!? That was quite the dreadful thought for the courier. Something about having your parts of your body removed was very disturbing and not the kind of thing that you want to relive, despite its perks. That was when the courier took a serious look at his body. His very first thought was Oh Shit.

One screaming frenzy, crying frenzy, shaking frenzy, and failed attempt to walk (off a cliff) later... the courier finally got ahold of himself. He was now a dark blue... animal thing with jet black hair. He took a serious look around to see what was around him. He still had the gun he had equipped back in his world, Maria. The gun he got after pickpocketing it off of Benny and using it to blow his brains onto the walls in the Tops Casino. Though how he would use it with hooves he had no idea. He went back to thinking about killing Benny. Good times, good times. After quickly reminiscing about his happy, violent life as a bipedal species he noticed he was in a large shadow. Looking up, he noticed the last thing he would have expected. The entire Fortification Hill had be transported into... wherever this was. How did this happen! The last thing he remembered was being sucked into that machine. He assumed that in order to be transported here, whatever went through had to actually fit through the frame. He could not fathom how an entire fort got through. Then he remembered he was in a completely different body and decided nothing made sense anymore. But the hill wasn't the only thing that came alongside him into this strange world. Everything on the hill was also there. The structures, which were mostly destroyed or at odd angles, and of course the inhabitants of the structures, Caesar's Legion. Or Caesar's Creatures was more like it. They were whatever he was now. They lay unconscious on and near the hill, with weapons and armor still with them. But some of them had wings or horns, which was even stranger (if that's possible). Their coats were all different shades of red and their hair (manes? [going through all the cliches of crossovers here]) ranged from black to white.

The courier took his eyes off of the hill and looked at the world in which it landed.

He was blown away.

GREEN! GREEN EVERYWHERE!

The courier had never seen so much green in his entire life. The ground was green, the foilage was green, everything else was green... more or less. This was quite astounding, a major contrast to the wasteland and all of its dead yellow coloration. The landscape was beautiful. Grass and trees swayed in the wind. Woods, mountains, hills and fields filled the view. Something caught his eye in the distance, on the mountain. All the he could make out was walls, but it looked like some sort of civilization.

The courier had no idea what to make of it. For all he knew they could be tribalistic assholes that will attack anyone on sight. He decided to make his way to this mountain city, but to remain hidden through his journey.

Before setting off, he sent a backwards glance at Caesar and the rest of his legion. No doubt they would wake soon. The courier felt saddened for whoever, or whatever came in their path when they did regain conciousness.

Without further ado, the courier began his journey through Equestria. He walked off into the eve of the morning, with a solemn expression on his new face. It soon changed to frustated expression as he fell face forward onto the ground. Ain't walking a bitch?

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The sun was already setting in the horizen when Caesar awoke. He felt strange. He dismissed the thought with simply being knocked unconcious for no apparent reason. He felt something under him, something very foreign, yet slightly familiar. He poked his head up and looked at the ground. It was... green. Grass!Grass was a rare sight in the wasteland and even then, it was sickly and sparse. There wasn't grass like this in Zion and that was the most untouched natural environment he had ever been in. But what happened. Where am I? The last thing Caesar remembered was sitting in his chair in his tent. He had sent the courier off to inspect the weather tower. Could that be it? No that makes no sense! He was more confused than he had ever remembered being in recent years, that is, until he looked behind him. Fortification Hill! Surrounded by grass! HOW!? Then he saw what lay upon his Fort. Four legged creatures, some sporting horns and wings. Horses!He recongnized them from some books he had red about the original Caesar and his legion. Horses were used as mounts and to pull chariots. But to his knowledge, horses had gone extinct after the Great War. Also these horses were considerably smaller than they appeared in the books.

Oh and they had guns. And legion armor. And one of them had a legion banner in his mouth.

Caesar was close to passing out from shock and awe, but pure curiousity kept him on his feet, metaphorically. He attempted to get up in order to get a closer look. He then fell down. "Dammit!" he yelped as he contacted the ground. He looked down at his feet to see if something was wrapped around them.

Only to see hooves. Two pairs of hooves. On his body. Which was not his body.

"Ahhh, fuck!" He jumped in surprise. The body he looked at did likewise. He lifted the hoof slowly. And smacked it against a rock. He felt the pain jolt through his leg. He stared for a few seconds, or minutes, or hours, he wasn't worried about the time. All he saw was a hoof and a rock. "I'm...I'm... a horse?" He whispered. That then explained the legion clad equines, they were his soldiers. This did not explain the hill, but he was not concerned with it at the moment.

He heard groans from the hill. His army was awakening. He prepared for the inevitable onslaught of screaming, crying, confusion, and overall chaos. He waited with his hooves pressed against his ears and his eyes closed. Nothing happened. A minute passed, then another, then another. He looked at the hill. The soldier horses were staring at each other, wide-eyed, with jaws dropped. Huh, maybe they won't scream and flip out. I have raised fine soldiers, that can't even be fazed with having their natural bodies taken away. He felt an overwhelming feeling of pride in his troops.

Then someone yelled, "HOLY SHIT! WE'RE FUCKING ANIMALS!"

The silence ended, and chaos and yelling filled the evening air.

The sense of pride was lost.