"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

(But not in that way you pervos).

"Seeing as of how you are BEST AT PONIES, tell us how to write sexy clopfic stories so that we can inflict our alarmingly specific fetishes upon the featured box! Surely you know how to do this on account of your secret side-account that's like nothing but LyraBon smut or something."

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

(Even though I don't want to).

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