Guide

If you are an Author or Nominator of a Celestia Slate XIII Entry, you may rate comments on your Entry.

If you have an eligible Comment, claimed or new, on a Celestia Slate XIII Entry, you may rate Comments on that Entry.

Rating involves reading the new Comments (listed in non-italics below) for an Entry and choosing those that are, in your opinion, "the best". The winners of each Entry will receive a greater weight when voting for Celestia Slate XIV, and will have their comments highlighted in this thread for posterity.

The deadline for Comment Rating is 2022 Feb 07 7PM EST. You may PM me your ratings or use the Google Form.

Comments

Entry 1: The Goddess Within

• daOtterGuy
• armid
• SparklingTwilight
• Scribblestick

Entry 2: Stomachaches

• Bicyclette
• daOtterGuy
• SparklingTwilight
• Scribblestick

Results

Entry 1: The Goddess Within

Winner: Scribblestick

Link

This is an interesting take on Celestia's character, and though I found it annoying at first, I like that you don't really explain what's going on. I picked up enough along the way to piece together the basics, but you left enough shrouded in mystery to keep me reading until the end. And, that ending. Way to twist a knife into one of my favorite series finales ever!

I like the idea of trying to explain why Celestia's character doesn't seem entirely consistent through the series, and I liked your chapter naming convention to explain exactly which instance you were referencing for those of us who haven't seen the middle seasons in a while. I wasn't entirely sold on the concept or execution, and I think that's because seasons 4-8 are kind of a blur for me. I'd say that's more of an audience (i.e. me) issue than a writing issue, though.

A couple technical things:

Celestia supposed that that should have frightened her

I get why you've repeated the word, and I've done so many times, but I've come to realize that it's rarely needed. Replacing both with the word "it" I think works equally as well without the repetition.

a spat with her little friends, Of watching her

Not sure if that's a misplaced capital or accidental comma.

In one moment, the Goddess had finally answered a question that past Celestias had spent a thousand years begging the universe for an answer to.

Ending a sentence with a preposition, like "to," is often clunky, and I try to rephrase the sentence to avoid it. "... a thousand years begging the universe to answer" is more succinct and clearer, IMO.

Overall, enjoyed the read. Hoping to see more soon!

Entry 2: Stomachaches

Winner: SparklingTwilight

Link

Hello! I am writing these comments due to this story's nomination in this group. I assume the below comments are welcome; if not, just let me know via a private message!

Lightning Dust's slide into a disappointing career for herself as a result of bad decisions she made is an interesting topic and your characterization worked well in service of same. Then, you added a larger dimension by having the younger self come back--if not taken in the literal sense, it could be that Lightning Dust is having a conversation with herself--trying to confront her regrets and better understand herself, a dialogue especially evident in the line: "...I’ve always been my own worst enemy, I just didn’t realize it back then. But even if I know it now… it doesn’t change anything!"

A couple word choices by characters in dialogue like Lightning Dust calling herself a "world destroyer" read a bit odd (and I realize that expression comes back in the end, so I suspect this was a very intentional word choice). However, I would have expected different expressions or slang. "World destroyer" particularly seems like an unlikely term (even though I realize it is used in the figurative sense) since in My Little Pony, other ponies and threats come close to actually destroying worlds--so the expression seems both a bit modern 20th Century and emo-ish teen for an older Lightning Dust to use, but obviously others' opinions on the issue will differ and it would make some degree of sense for even adult characters of a show aimed at tweens to use this type of dialogue.

Strongheart's unintentional bumbling (as a result of being out of the loop) gives an amusing comedic backdrop to the necessary conversation between Lightning Dust and Fiddlesticks.

Are there flare guns in the series? (I suspect they are, in which case I have no objection to same, but if not, then it was a bit of a surprise to see one, or at least one that did not have its functions/description detailed at length.)

Chapter 5: I'm surprised a pegasus would not know about the Wonderbolts. Further, I expect Lightning would have mentioned her interest in same over the years to her father (maybe he's extraordinarily forgetful and checked-out with respect to his child's interests?) Or maybe her father was being mean on purpose? The period ending his sentence rather than a question mark suggests this, but a subsequent paragraph indicates his response was due to ignorance, but that seems impossible. His response is more than someone saying "What's a Blue Angel" since the Wonderbolts are supposed to be defenders of Equestria- it's like saying "What's the Queens Guard" in Britain, or "What's a Green Beret" in the US. This statement didn't ring true and it could have worked better if toned down.

“She sounds like a cool mare.”

I am surprised that Lightning Dust #2 is so willing to accept that concept based on such a brief description of Fiddlesticks, but I guess the two Lightning Dusts think alike and #2 is pretty mixed up and humbled at this point--it still seems a bit tender for #2, the younger Lightning Dust to contemplate.

The romantic exchange in Chapter 4 seem a bit mawkish, but I'm not a romance connoisseur, so maybe that's common language for these types of bits.

The bit about Luster Dawn in Chapter 6 is hilarious!

Thank you for sharing the story!

*(Note: I checked out the statistics on up/down votes and saw one made a day before I posted this up. Noting here that I did NOT rate this story down).