Got a little something special for you down below. It is an excerpt of book 3 of s series I called "The Godling Story". Not a very imaginative title but I could never come up with something better for it, and at least it's to the point. Long story short, it is about a divine immortal descendent, a student god called a "godling" who flees from the heavens and hides among mortals. While there, at the request of a deceased mother who guided this entity to this hidden world, he must, in turn, rescue the mother's daughter Selendria from slavery both physically and mentally.

But the excerpt below is quite a bit past that. This one emphasizes the backstory of one of the friends of the journey named "Azmellia" who is a fairy, although is currently in a young human female guise. This chapter is about the relationship between mortlals and immortals which includes both the wonder and the tragedy. Fairy's, who are nature spirits with eternal child-like maturity, are nonetheless a natural immortal who has a wisdom, experience, and knowledge of the ages well past mortal kin. It makes an interesting contrast, I think.

Anyway, take a look below if you have the time and inclination. Since this story is not MLP related, and in fact written in the early part of last decade well before I even seen the show, I didn't know where else to post this story so I offer part of it here.

Sitting in the corner of one of the two beds within the inn at Fort Dramon, Selendria put both palms next to her mouth and blew out her mouth to make fart sounds. As intended, Azmellia rolled backwards and laughing her head off, she sitting on the same bed. Cassy casually observed from the other bed closer to the door and Astrid winced in disgust at these antics.

“You two are so immature and unladylike,” Astrid complained.

Azmellia and Selendria simply ignored that comment. Selendria blew another fart sound from her hands and Azmellia's laughter doubled in intensity.

Astrid narrowed her eyes at the two. “Is this really something the two of you are going to find entertaining for all of eternity? Grow up, you two!”

That comment caused Selendria to look at Astrid and blink in confusion. “Eternity? What do you mean?”

“Well? Aren't the two of you going to last for eternity? You're both immortal, you know, but you both continue to act like children.” Astrid said in a huffy tone, her hands jammed to her hips.

Selendria blinked. “When did I ever say I was immortal? As far as I know, that isn't true. I'm going to grow up, grow old and die just like you.”

It was Astrid's turn to blink in confusion. “But . . . those rain clouds . . . all those miracles you performed . . . are you really telling me you don't have the lifespan of a goddess?”

Selendria shook her head. “Not that I know of.”

“Selendria's been youthened from her actual age when we first met her,” Cassy commented. “Her actual age is around my age, about seventeen. Based on what I could tell she was a true seventeen-year-old and born seventeen years ago. At least up to that point she aged normally. Now if it was going to slow down afterwards is anyone's best guess.”

“Okay then, so . . .” Astrid looked like she was processing this information “ . . . we can all agree upon the fact that at least Azmellia is a true and confirmed immortal, correct?”

“Correct,” Cassy confirmed with a nod.

“I've been meaning to ask you something about that,” Astrid said as she peered sharply at Azmellia who was, meanwhile, picking herself up in a sitting position on the bed and looking back at Astrid. “As an immortal, you've had both mortal and immortal friends, correct?”

Azmellia nodded. “Correct.”

Astrid narrowed her eyes as she asked “How can you stand that? How can you stand living so long and having lost your friends so long ago? Also, how can you act so casual around the rest of us,” Astrid gestured between herself, Selendria and Cassy “knowing that someday we'll die and you'll have to spend all the rest of eternity missing us? I don't know how you can get along with anyone knowing full well you will eventually lose them forever. I don't think I could endure that in your place. It would be psychological torture for me.”

“I think you're jealous,” Azmellia observed coyly.

“No, I'm not!” Astrid spat in a huffy tone.

“Most mortals I've encountered are afraid of their own deaths deep down.” Azmellia went on. “Some of them asked me those same questions because they wanted to find a reason not to feel so jealous of me and my advantages. I'll never grow old, I'll never grow wrinkled and I'll never die besides being shot in the head or something like that. I'll never develop stiff bones, I'll never start losing my memories or mental faculties. Mortals who realize that these things can and will happen to them look upon me and my kind with some bitterness and envy. There are a few out there, though, with enough imagination, wisdom, and insight to tell how much of a burden true immortality can be. Personally, I've rarely considered it a burden but that's because of my attitude towards it. Born and raised among other immortals, those of my kind, we have a certain way of looking at life that keeps it from growing dull even after so many years. One thing in particular immortals do is not bother to keep track of time. There is no point because there is no rush. No ending. No time limit whatsoever. Most of my kind have no idea how old they are. The years simply pass one after another. We usually don't regard one particular year as any more special than the next or the one before. Rather it is specific memories within that year we hold on to but for the life of us don't ask us precisely when it occurred. When the cataclysm happened in this world I simply remember the fact that it happened, not how long ago it happened.”

“The cataclysm?” Astrid reflected. “Oh, that's right! You are all from the future.”

Azmellia shrugged. “Which is meaningless for me. This moment right now is not any more real or less real than any other year of my existence. I cherish it all as my culture raised me to. We put no emphasis or value on any one specific moment of time. It never matters to us when it occurred, only the fact that it did.” Azmellia looked elsewhere, a glazed look in her eyes. “My memories are not perfect. It moves chaotically like flowing, rippling water. I'm not thinking about every single moment of my life at ever single moment. My memories rush back to me whenever I encounter something that reminds me of something I encountered before. Rarely do I do nothing else but dwell on the past. I'm too busy enjoying the present. I also have no concern about the future either. The future will come in its own time. In a way. to me, the future does not exist and it never will. For me, there is only the present and sometimes I look back upon the past. The future in and of itself seems to me like a fictional concept mortals invented to put meaning and structure into their limited lifespans, but as an immortal I never have to worry about things like that so I just pretend the future does not exist at all. If it's never right here in front of me, why bother ever caring about it?” Azmellia shrugged casually. “It took awhile but I eventually learned there were some very fundamental differences between mortals and immortals.

“Long ago I was born from a sunflower, a fairy. I was immortal but, for the longest time, that was meaningless to me. I never encountered a mortal before so at first I thought everyone was naturally immortal. Even the concept of a limited lifespan was completely foreign to me. Me equals forever. That's all I knew. We fairy's don't often play with philosophy either so it rarely occurs to us that life can possibly be different. We only know what we personally encounter. Until then any other concept does not exist for us. There were stories, however.

“One of those stories entailed cautionary tales about the existence of mortals. For awhile I considered it a myth but it still fascinated me. Most of the tales I heard of mortals were not good. Tales like beings that struggled for food and killed each other in order to make sure that others don't kill them first. Tales of eating each other. Tales of eating as a necessity. It was as if mortals were naturally designed to kill each other, that they simply could not help it else they would themselves die off. This concept confused me. It was like an inherent flaw in their existence. Why would any being create others with such inherent difficulties? It did not make sense to me. It was so totally foreign to anything I had ever known up to that point that it would have been easier to simply set the entire concept aside . . . but I couldn't. After hearing of the existence of mortals I had to know if they really existed or not. If they were really as horrible as we heard, or not. I had already known at that point that not every tale and story we tell each other is absolutely true. Often such stories are distorted over time and, as immortals, we have a great deal of time to distort our stories. Eventually, even the ones who personally had the experience start to remember it incorrectly. Their own emotions and other experiences warp and distort those memories until eventually the only thing they remember is the version that each fairy finds the most comforting version to remember. I wasn't satisfied with that. I wanted the absolute truth.

“So many times my has told me that no good can come from associating with mortals. They pointed out that there are so many inherent differences physically, psychologically, perhaps a few other dozen things that it causes us not to get along. We simply see and treat life so differently that it often strays to violence over time and the violence itself is almost always evoked by the mortals themselves. For most of my kind, that seems like an unnecessary risk. Why bother tampering with paradise? For my kind life is a paradise. It's so good we're content to spend all of eternity doing the same things over and over again. It's good enough to never grow bored of it. Even if we do the same things over and over again we forget the fact we did it before just enough so that the umpteenth time we do it again still feels new to us. It's not as if we're completely stuck in a loop. Our chaotic nature strays us into many various activities and in no particular order. We simply do whatever we want to do at every second of ever day. No planning, just raw impulse.

“Whatever else we are, we are also curious creatures. When a concept gets stuck in our heads it's hard to shake loose until that urge is satisfied. To do that it requires personal experience. Eventually, the rest of my kind simply knew I would never stop pinning to know about mortals until I personally encountered at least some of them. So it was with great reluctance that my closest friends led me to some of them. They knew where the portals were that linked our two worlds. They even knew when those portals would appear or what conditions were necessary to evoke them. Rarely is a portal between our two worlds totally stable. If you ever encounter one that is stable then it's definitely not a natural phenomenon but active effort on behalf from a powerful spell-caster.

“More often than not it is we who stray into your world rather than the other way around. It takes a very special heart and soul for the reverse to occur. It is said my kind is created by the faith and belief of mortals and yet we are not born within their world. We're associated with them only distantly. It's quite a paradox. We need mortals to believe in us to create our existence and yet we, in turn, need not believe in mortals. Some of my kind humorously call it 'Human-tales' or 'Elven-tales' or whatever that mortal species happens to be. There's also a 'cat-tales' and 'monkey-tales', made more appropriate by the fact they actually have tails. Fairy-tales are not a myth to us. We are the fairies! It's everything else that needs to prove it's existence to us.

“With the help of my friends I strayed into the mortal world for the first time but they told me that on rare occasions some special mortals find their own way into our world. It is said that in their hearts they are part fairy when they do this. Normally we are invisible to most but those who believe in us can see us. They told me this is particularly common among the youngest of mortal kind because their hearts remain pure, closer to the edge of creation and not yet corrupted by hopelessness and despair. Of all the mortals in existence, it is their children that have the easiest time spotting us. From their imagination and belief we flair to life in their eyes. At times, they can even see our aura's, our fairy fires. When the heart still believes in magic it becomes something greater than a mere figment of their imagination. It becomes something real, a tangible force as capable of moving their world as any other force in existence.”

“One day I encountered such an entity.” Azmellia hugged herself, bitter/sweet glisten in her eyes. “Her name was Angelica. She wore a white dress on the first day I encountered her. She had long golden curls to her hair. She sang as she playfully danced in the meadow. I looked upon her and saw nothing else but a kindred spirit. She was large compared to me. There was no denying that. It was difficult for my friends to convince me that she was among the smallest of her kind until I later saw her parents. My kind told me many of the mortals were giants. I did not appreciate the scope of their warnings until that day, but deep down . . . I knew . . . Angelica was a fairy at heart. She was someone I could easily imagine as a friend. She scooped up flowers and collected them. She appreciated the sights, the sounds and the smells of nature all around her. When she twirled in her white dress it resembled a flower to me, the edges of the dress like flower petals which spread from her legs with the centrifugal force of her spin. I wanted to meet her.

“But my friends cautioned me otherwise. They told me that this species only resembles us when they are young. They told me that nothing about this species was permanent, that they will change while we do not. They warned me again nothing good can come from associating with mortals, that it was downright dangerous to do so. I did not care. I knew this young girl would accept me. I knew I had a chance to meet a friend, and any day we meet a new friend is a very good day for us indeed. Friendship opens up many doors for happy memories to come. It is an opportunity for a new playmate, both opponent and ally at the same time. I lived my existence trying to do everything I could to increase my happiness. At the same time, I like to evoke it in others. I saw this human girl and I knew we were compatible.

“As a fairy I am eternally a curious and playful creature; as well we are impulsive and compulsive to the greatest extreme. We act on our emotions instantly, period. No thought on why or if it's wise until we stumble upon expected consequences but we never consider that a possibility initially. We simply do what we feel like doing. There is no other barrier to our actions so despite my friend's warnings I moved closer to this kindred spirit whom I was so powerfully drawn to. While my friends complained quietly in the background I ignored them. I needed no other excuse then to know that this was simply something I wanted to do at that moment.

“I was not surprised that Angelica could see me. In fact, I expected it. Like me, she treated me as if we were friends for a long time right from the start. We made brief introductions then skipped to the part we both knew were important, the playing part. We played with each other as if we had done it for years.

“My friends never revealed themselves. Part of me was surprised and disappointed at that. I knew they must have still been observing quietly. Even when I told Angelica that my friends were out there in hiding they still chose not to reveal themselves. This was a new experience for me. Fairies that actually don't want to play? I would have considered it ludicrous had I not seen it with my very own eyes as I did that day. This dampened my spirit a bit but I had a new friend to distract me that day. My other friends chose not to join me. I almost felt betrayed, but Angelic was there. Since Angelic was there all was right with the world at that moment. I had a new friend to explore.

“She told me of many fascinating things like large wooden squares they all lived in or square boxes on wheels pulled by large beasts they called horses. The horses, too, were mortal in existence and lived a considerably more simple life than my new friend. Too simple for my taste. Now don't get me wrong. I cherish animals, especially the young and playful kind. There were some games they could not play, though, not like a human could. Angelica, like the rest of her kind, were capable of complex thoughts and emotions which was perfectly fine to me. At least . . . that's what I thought at the time.

“Later I realized that the human species were considerably more complex than even I was. They were capable of a greater range of emotions than I was, most of it bad. It took awhile but I learned they were a little too complex for my tastes. My friends were right, it was only the children that could associate with us and even then they eventually grow up and move on to other things. Their interests change. They were capable of change! To us that was horrifying! For us, we play and play all day and we do it forever. No growth is required beyond that point because that in itself is perfection. In our perspective humans actually lose their perfection with age, souring like a sweet and bright colorful fruit that slowly darkens and rots with age.

“Speaking of things, there was another thing unique to Angelica in her earlier age compared to later and that was a certain kind of thing and that thing was a doll. I had not seen an object like that before but I was delighted! There were many practical things mankind had invented but to me this one is special because it's only purpose is to have fun. It's only purpose is to believe that even a simple bag of cloth and wool can be transformed into a living being through the power of belief alone. There was magic in that belief. Even I heard the dolls soul but her name escapes me at this moment. I'm sure it will come back to me later.

“You speak of mortal friends I once had and lost. Angelica was the first. I cherished every friend I ever had but I had to learn over time that each of them was temporary. Each was like a sweet and delicious fruit. I enjoyed every second I ever had with all of them, you two included. I'm well aware that you both share a temporary existence and deep down that concept stings me. My only comfort is the knowledge that I'll make new friends in the future and then, eventually, lose them too if they are mortal.”

“I thought you said you did not believe in the existence of the future.” Astrid reminded.

“Until I met mortals, I didn't,” Azmellia said. “Living among them long enough taught me why they believe in that mythical concept. The key element in my belief in the future is the knowledge that things around me can change. If you exist in a world where nothing changes and you have no evidence that it ever will change then a concept like the future becomes meaningless. If the future can't give you anything you don't already have today then why care about it? It was mortals that taught me otherwise. In a world where things can change it is wise to plan ahead. It is necessary to anticipate change because when things change it might be for the worse. To prepare for that you have to see it coming. You have to realize it could come. If tomorrow can be different then today then maybe that will be a bad thing. Normally mind kind enjoys surprises but that's because it's always a good thing. In a world where surprises can be a bad thing we quickly learn to be cautious and the game is no longer fun. That is the point where most of my kind gives up. We don't like being in a world where taking a risk can possibly result in something bad. Bad things comes with it unhappiness, the antithesis of our immortal existence. It is literally against our nature to be unhappy so we generally avoid anything that has even the remote possibility of being unhappy. While that may sound strange to you, it is not only possible but almost always true back in our own world. It is not to say there aren't any risks back in my home world but risks almost always can't result in anything bad so up there we can afford to be brave and impulsive. It nearly always means we will discover something good.

“As distressing as that concept was about tomorrow being a bad thing it also brought with it a sense of hope that my kind rarely sticks around long enough to notice. If today sucks then tomorrow might be better. Never give up. Exploring time was like exploring the meadow. You'll never know what you'll find until you look. You'll never notice what you find until you pay attention. Mortal existence radically altered my way of thinking, broadened my perspective on what was possible in life.

“For the longest time, change in itself felt like a sad thing because it always meant you had to lose something. As you change from one form to another, one mode of thinking to another, you abandon what you used to be. It forces us fairies to have to reacquaint ourselves to you each time as if you become a complete stranger with each shift in form and personality. At the same time, we are sad that the form and personality we originally acquainted ourselves with is just simply gone, as if the former version of you died. We're not accustomed to losing anything so it's very difficult for my kind to adjust to those kinds of changes.

“The first thing to go wrong with my relationship with Angelica started on the first day I knew her. It wasn't just she that could change. I learned that the environment could as well. It slowly started to darken, the same area losing its light. When I noticed that it fascinated me. Angelica was the first to point out the sun, the great big ball of fire in the sky. This was new to me too. Angelica was fascinated that I was fascinated. It caused her to wonder if we had daylight back in Faerie. I told her of course we did, but the light was sourceless and unchanging. Light simply existed there, not stemming from any source but was simply there seemingly for no reason. There was also an eternal night in other areas of Faerie. Night, but not necessarily darkness. Here our own lights shone in the darkness as well as that of many plants, bugs and nature spirits. In Faerie, we, in a way, choose if it was night or day simply by flying to a place where it was always night or day. In the mortal realm, however, light shifted beyond the control of anyone. At first, I was fascinated because it was so different from what I was used to but that evoked something else, something bad.

“Angelica's parents called her back because it was getting dark. Apparently darkness brought with it the possibility of other bad things as well but I did not know that at the time. Where I come from the night is nothing to fear. Any stranger you encounter is a potential friend and nothing more. There were no risks in Faerie quite like that of the mortal plane, I remind you. Bad things exist there but are generally stuck to some dark and cruel area which also meant everywhere else was totally safe. On the mortal plane, however, the elder member of this girls species called her back and to my unpleasant surprise, she obeyed. It meant an end to our fun and games. I did not want this. I was still in the mood to play. I just met her and did not want to stop exploring every nuance about her. Everything we had in common kept our friendship alive and everything we had different was a fascinating concept for us to explore. To me, she was like a new species of fairy. An entire species because to me she was the first. She had a special kind of magic about her. She could not cast spells but somehow I felt more real around her as if my existence gained a greater definition because of her. Perhaps she was the cause of my existence completely, that she was the child's first laugh that caused me to be born. My friends pointed out the illogic in that later. I existed way before Angelica was ever born. I never could dismiss that possibility, though. Somehow that felt right. Maybe it was the soul of Angelica from another life that caused my birth and I met her reincarnation which, by the way, was yet another concept I would be introduced to considerably later.

“I tried to convince Angelica to stay. I could give no other excuse other than the fact we wanted this. To me, that was a convincing argument. In any court of law in Faerie, that was usually enough of a reason for anything. 'Why did you do this thing?' one would ask and inevitably the response would frequently be 'Because I felt like it,' and the other side would have to go like, 'Oh, yeah. Of course,' as if that excuse should have been utterly obvious. Not here, though. Merely wanting something did not ensure success. Angelica actually agreed with me that she did not want to stop playing but she also said it was getting dark and her mother called her back. I asked, 'So' and she said 'So . . . it's my mother. I have to obey her or I'll get grounded.' My head reeled upon hearing that. Not only was that the first time I heard the word 'grounded' and at the time I thought it meant something else entirely, but that was also the first time I experienced the concept of rules and consequences. Where I come from we do whatever we want whenever we want with no exceptions. Well . . .” Azmellia hugged her knees close to her chest as she looked up and squinted her eyes “. . . that's not exactly true. There are rules and laws in a few places, especially in powerful and royal fairy courts. Although deeply magical and powerful they were the closest thing to human beings I have ever seen until I met actual humans simply because they had rules and laws at all. Also, they kind of resembled humans a bit. Closer to elven to tell you the truth whom I heard had a fey heritage which is why they are generally more comfortable in nature. These royal fairy beings were quite obviously taller than most of our kind almost as if size had something to do with the scope of their magical power. I've been assured that was not true, but . . .” Azmellia shrugged “. . . I only knew what I saw.”

“You actually saw them?” Astrid asked with deep fascination. For her, it was a dream come true to receive any confirmation of this. Part of her own spirit was so enchanted by this concept it was almost romantic for her.

Azmellia nodded. “Yep. There were ceremonies after all. The birth of a new fairy among other things. At times, there were other forms of announcements. Royal decrees sometimes. Just this and that. I rarely felt deeply affected most of the time nor did I envy them. I enjoyed my own life and was anxious to get back to it. Whatever I did in the royal courts was simply another activity to do. It often resulted in parties and I'm all for that.

“But . . . I digress.” Azmellia looked down with a sigh. “My first experience with a mortal started out so well and ended in tragedy. Play time suspended. Desire unfulfilled, or rather to say incomplete. I was not accustomed to that at all. I was not accustomed to limits of any kind. I found it horrifying that this girl had to live like that. For a moment, I was tempted to ask her to defy her mother's orders and follow me back to Faerie. There, in a land full of magic and wonder, she could be a child forever. She could experience existence with no rules or limitations. She would not have to eat anything unless she wanted to. She would not have to sleep unless she wanted to.”

“Wait a second! Are you telling me that any human going to your world basically becomes a fairy?” Astrid asked with shock and hope.

“Kind of.” Azmellia rested her head on her knees. “The only difference is they become fully mortal again when they return to their own world and eat their own food. Me, on the other hand, remain a fairy and immortal in both worlds. Only a true born fairy is really a fairy. Some have changed into things resembling us. Some of those beings are the most powerful beings in our entire world. Don't ask me why. I heard of other kinds of transformations of mortals visiting our world too. Some become bugs, flowers, trees . . . even a river or the sky. A rock. Pretty much anything. Our world is amiss of so much magic and possibilities that the details are endless.”

“Oh.” Astrid pouted. “Immortality is one thing but I have no wish to become a rock.”

“I suppose I don't blame you,” Azmellia said listlessly. “You are used to more complex thoughts and emotions so I doubt you'd have the patience for existence as a rock. They think and talk so much more slowly than the rest of us. My kind rarely has the attention span necessary to hear even one word from a rock.”

“Does your kind speaks to rocks regularly or is it something all rocks can do in your world?” Astrid checked.

Azmellia shrugged. “A little of this, a little of that. I can't declare anything as absolute in my world. Exceptions exist for everything. That's its nature. Faerie is fun, magical and chaotic. At times dark and scary too in some places. I avoid those places. Anything and everything is possible in Faerie. That's why nothing entirely shocks us up there. We're always accustomed to the possibility that anything can happen. If we saw something pop out of thin air for the first time we almost shrug it off as a typical day. The only difference is, if it's truly new to us, we're typically driven to explore it. Since it can't possibly be anything bad, or rarely more accurately to say, there is no reason to hinder our impulses. We say go for it, man!”

Azmellia lifted her head up again as she continued. “But the mortal world was different. When my friend told me 'See you here tomorrow, okay?' I was left thinking 'Why bother with tomorrow? What the heck is a tomorrow? Why not simply continue playing for as long as we feel like it?' Now I thought that but instead simply said, 'Okay, I'll be here again at first light.' After all, I did not want to ruin the possibility of seeing her later. Maybe then she'll explain a few concepts I found disturbing about her and her kind.

“After that, I retreated back to my friends and demanded an explanation why they did not join me in playing with her. They simply responded that they chose not to associate with mortals at any cost and they still believed I was making a mistake in breaking that . . . um . . . I can't say rule because we rarely had any rules beyond various games we played. It was, um . . . more like it was taboo. Frowned upon in my society. I didn't care, though. I made a new friend and was determined to play with her again.”

“But you did enjoy your first experience while it lasted?” Astrid asked with hope in her voice, not wanting to believe this story ended badly because if it did it could damage her own chances to befriend this fairy. Because Azmellia was here in front of her the last thing she expected to hear was, “No! My experience was horrible and I never wanted to see mortals again! I promised myself I would never associate with mortals again and I kept that promise ever since. That's why I'm just a figment of your imagination right now but it's over. Buh-bye!” then fade away into nothing.

“Of course I enjoyed it! I just explained that to you.” Azmellia responded. “In her, I found a friend, a kindred spirit of nature that I almost felt belonged in my world. She was similar yet so different at the same time. It fascinated me. Just as strongly I fascinated her, probably for very similar reasons. Sometimes you just meet someone you naturally understand. Everything clicks into place so naturally and so easily.

“When she left I felt as if part of my soul was carried with her. As strongly as I felt real around her that feeling diminished a bit after she left. It was as if I had brighter colors for a moment then it drained to . . . back to normal, really, but it almost felt like less color then before as if she drained me somehow. Maybe I was just not accustomed to the shock of the increase then sudden withdrawal. I started to understand then what my kind meant when they said it was mortal kind laughter and imagination and belief that created us. Those words had no meaning for me until I had my first experience with a mortal. I doubt I would have felt this way had I met a mortal I could not associate with. A child really was my best hope for an instant connection. I did not know it then for sure but future encounters seem to reinforce this fact over and over again. adults can rarely see me even when they try to. They should be able to see me if they really believed, but rarely is that true.”

“Wait a second. I can see you and I'm an adult!” Cassy objected. “Well . . . close to adult at any rate. Devalin has got to be in his mid-thirties at least. He's been able to see you for quite awhile, even when he wishes he could not.”

Azmellia shook her head. “That's something different. You're getting ahead of the story here. Basically I'm not trying to hide myself from you all. If I did few among you would be able to see me. I highly suspect Selendria would be able to.” Azmellia grinned at Selendria.

“Thank you for saying that but . . . why would that be so?” Selendria asked with a blink but also a grateful smile.

“Because you have not lost your child-like innocence. To you, there is magic in the world.” Azmellia explained. “Your mind isn't tainted by too much doubt and apathy. Your optimism opens a window from your heart that reveals forms like me even if we try to hide ourselves among mortal kind. In fact, for you, it's gone beyond that. Not only do you believe in magic you are magic. That makes us related in more ways than you think.”

“Thank you, I guess,” Selendria said with a sheepish grin. “That makes me happy to hear that.”

“But not me?” Astrid asked with a frown.

“I, ah . . . I don't know.” Azmellia responded honestly. “With you I have greater doubt that you can see me if I choose to hide but even then I can't totally be confident in that. You believed in the existence of my kind even before you met me. I sense you grew up in an environment that's very strict and has lots of rules. Generally speaking, people who grow up in that kind of environment very rarely can see us but in you, you never lost some of that belief. It's beyond belief, in fact. I think it's a choice in your case. It's as if you struggled to maintain your child-like innocence in some small way. I get the weird feeling you don't tell your parents about this as if you sense they would not approve.”

“Not that I could anyway. My parents are dead.” Astrid said with a deepening frown. “But . . .” the frown faded “. . . back when my mother was alive and I was probably around three years old it was my mother who tried to convince me of the existence of fairies. She told me such enchanting stories. I deeply wanted to be part of that ever since.” Astrid smiled brightly at Azmellia. “And now you're here! I think my mother would greatly approve! My father . . . eh . . . not so much. He was all about business. He isn't the cause of why we are rich but certainly a man who kept the fortunes coming.”

“I'm delighted to hear that,” Azmellia said with a smile, her eyes started to get glazed with memory. “Hearing of adults trying to keep the fantasy alive always makes me smile. It is a reminder that at least some small part of their own child-like wonder endures enough to believe anything is possible, even the existence of my kind.”

“Well, we do live in a magical world.” Astrid reminded. “Maybe not as steeped in magic as your world but still . . . no one is shocked at the mere existence of wizards. Personally meeting one,” Astrid shrugged “we're rare enough that a single peasant could go an entire lifetime without meeting a single one yet still he or she would believe we exist. Stories would abound that they had a cousin who had an uncle who's grandfather met a wizard once. It's,” she shrugged again “complicated but we're nowhere near the status of mythical. Fairies are at that status but since magic is confirmed to exist then I chose to believe that which I could not see as well. Magic makes anything possible, including opening portals to worlds like yours. It does not have to be hand-crafted either. Portals happen on their own from time to time.”

“As long as at least one side of the portal is magical, that's true,” Azmellia said. “Far more frequent if both sides are magical to some degree. Right now this world is magical. Not as much as my world, I agree, but still heavily steeped in it. Certain places are particularly magical and when the stars align and the hopes and dreams of mankind are just right there is a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.”

“Did you remain friends with Angelica?” Selendria asked in trepidation.

Azmellia glanced at Selendria then looked elsewhere, her eyes glazed in bitter/sweet memories. “That kind of depends on your definition of the word. Largely I'd say no. Our relationship ended rather badly actually but that was also a long time ago. Who knows how many times I met her reincarnation again, if ever. I lost track of her family too. I may not look it or act like it but I'm very old, Selendria. Ancient by the standards of your people. A great deal of time has passed. Entire kingdoms have risen and fallen during my time among you.”

“In that case, why didn't you simply return to your own people?” Astrid asked Azmellia. “That way you can regain the sense of permanence you lost while among us.”

It was Astrid's turn to be glanced at by Azmellia for a moment then she looked back forward again. “To answer that question I guess I should finish the rest of my story. As I said before, it is the children of any mortal race we have the most in common with. Animals, humanoids, even dragons or elementals. They are all of them something unique that they never quite maintain in adulthood. I once befriended a red dragon. They are among the cruelest and vicious of their kind and those instincts are quite prevalent even when they are young but even for them . . . when they are young . . . the world is new to them and they become the by-product of their experiences. As an experiment, I once tried to teach it to be good.”

“Oh please tell me you succeeded!” Selendria asked with desperate hope, feeling herself on the verge of great amusement if the response was positive.

“Well,” Azmellia sighed “I'd like to think the answer is yes. Greater, at least, than he otherwise would have been but after awhile I got tired of the attempt to be eaten so many times. I was barely a morsel to such a giant beast even as a hatchling but eh . . . he kept trying anyway. I guess some instincts are really hard to defy.”

“Darn.” Selendria frowned as she looked down. “I wish I could believe you made a new family of kind red dragons.”

“That would be nice, wouldn't it?” Azmellia asked with a grin to Selendria. “Like I said, once an idea gets stuck in my head it's hard to let go of. Largely that's why I hang around Mr. Paladin. He may deny it all he wants but I think part of him not only wants me but needs me.”

“I feel the same way too.” Cassy agreed.

“Me too.” Selendria chimed in.

“Then your friendship with Angelica did fade over time?” Astrid asked with a small sad frown to Azmellia, wanting the fairy to return to that subject because she wanted to hear how that tale ended. She listened to it this far and by then she was emotionally invested in the story.

Azmellia nodded. “Yeah but . . . for awhile at least it did not go completely south. Time used to be meaningless for me until I noticed how much it affected her.” Azmellia gestured to herself for a brief moment when she said the word “me”. “It was quite a shock for me. For me, a few years was nothing, barely something to sneeze at but, for her, she changed rapidly. My friends and the rest of my kind, my wise elders, kept warning me this would happen. They kept encouraging me to end the relationship while it remained at it's sweetest point, but no . . . I kept on going. Part of the reason was selfish. I wanted to keep playing with my new friend forever. I wanted us to keep having fun together forever and ever. I was invested in this relationship because of the joy I drew out of it. I felt no guilt over this because I knew she experienced the same. If I became convinced that the friendship was only one sided then I might have listened to my people and quietly let the relationship go, but no. She still reached out to me. For the sake of the joy we shared and out of some curious sense of loyalty I continued to play with her, but . . .” joy faded in Azmellia's eyes as she slowly looked down “. . . what she considered to be fun gradually shifted. Her outfits changed. Her interests changed. It was a sad day for me when I discovered she lost her joy for her doll. At first, she offered it to me. I refused because I knew it was hers. It was her special toy, or at least it should have been. I was loyal to her. Why wasn't she loyal to her doll? It did not make sense to me. Later on, she told me she lost it entirely. Pain stabbed my heart as if a dear friend had died but part of me was even more shocked to notice that she absorbed this news casually and indifferently. The only reason it hurt her was noticing how the news hurt me. It started to make me wonder if she ever really cared for the thing. That thought invited other darker thoughts as well. What if she did not really care for me either? What if she was merely using me somehow? Her joy over her doll seemed so genuine back when she was a child just as her joy of hanging around me. If I could be fooled into thinking she cared for her doll and it turned out not to be true all along then was it possible she didn't care for me either? That was a very disturbing thought.”

“Having lived so long among our kind, I hope you know the answer to that question better now.” Cassy broached.

“Yes, I do now,” Azmellia confirmed to Cassy. “I'm simply telling you my frame of mind at the time.”

Cassy nodded in acceptance and said “Okay.”

Azmellia's gaze shifted back forward at nothing but her distant memories. “As she continued to grow up she talked about many other things I steadily grew bored at listening too. I like boys, don't get me wrong, the but the sheer frequency in which she talked about them started to weigh heavily on me and she also started talking about them in such a way that also confused me. She was more attentive to certain parts of them, for example. I personally asked myself, 'Why? Why are you so fascinated with their eyes or butt all of the sudden?' It was amusing for a moment but I quickly tired of hearing of it. It was like a game to her that she just would not stop playing. I like games but I also like more variety in my life. Doing the same thing over and over and over and over again started driving me mad. Not angry, exactly. Just crazy. Well, maybe a little angry too. Or, wait! I take that back. More like frustrated and bored. I said bored before, didn't I?”

“Yes, you did,” Astrid answered with a bit of a droll look in her eyes.

Azmellia nodded. “So yeah, I was bored with the subject and struggled to understand why she wasn't. There were a few others subjects she spoke about. School, mostly, but gradually even that subject shifted back to boys more and more. The other thing that confused me was why she regarded her life as so meaningless without them.” Azmellia laid her head on her knees again. “I like boys. I really do, but I could also spend an eternity without them if I had to. My existence isn't defined by their presence or not. I could take it either except, eventually, I would grow bored with only girls in my presence. Variety, like I said. I wish we all had a third or a fourth gender just to keep things more interesting. On very rare occasions I had the privilege of meeting a mortal who had both or neither gender. Does that count as a third or fourth? Anyway,” Azmellia went on before anyone had a chance to answer that question “so she kept on talking about boys and eventually it dawned on me how she regarded them as absolutely necessary to her existence. It was as if she was afraid she would disappear if they did not pay attention to her.”

“A lot of women feel like that as they grow up,” Cassy said wistfully.

“Excuse me, but is this my story or yours?” Azmellia asked Cassy, a bit miffed by that comment.

“Sorry for interrupting. Continue. I just thought you wanted some continuity to your story. I tried to explain to you why this attitude is perfectly normal for most of us.”

“Beh!” Azmellia stuck her tongue out at Cassy. “I don't need to be reminded of that. This experience was repeated plenty of times since then. I'm not stupid. Having noticed some of the dumb laws mortals pass amongst themselves which tend to be especially restrictive for women. This caused me to realize why my first mortal friend might have felt that way but,” she looked back forward “that's too simplistic of an explanation. She didn't just talk about boys because she felt she had to in order to survive in life, Angelica actually wanted to keep talking about that over and over again. It started to annoy me, too, how critical she had gotten over tiny little differences in appearance. I kept trying to tell her I met so many species that can change their appearance at a whim. Why does it matter? She told me, 'Because my species can't do that.' It was hard for me to accept that as an explanation except for the fact that I knew that was true. Indeed, her species could not shape-change at a whim. I accepted that part but what still baffled me was why bother caring about such tiny details they could control so much or even the details they could not control. That confused me all the more. She wanted to change her hair style? Fine. She wanted to paint her nails? Fine. She wanted to wear all kinds of different colors and styles of clothing? Fine. The drive for variety I can understand. Why, then, is it such a big deal about the color of his skin or the size of his penis? Why care about if he has one arm or two? Well,” Azmellia thought on that again “two arms could lift more weight than one I suppose. I guess that much makes sense.

“Beyond mere physical details I noticed she gravitated to whatever man she thought could give her the best survival chances in life and that made sense to me too. In a world where you can die, it is reasonable to be cautious. There is also the fate of a baby to consider.”

“Angelica once told me how fragile a newborn baby can be. Part of me didn't believe her and the other part . . . well, let's just say she ignited my curiosity once again and I would not let that rest until I seen one. A baby, that is. I encouraged her to create one right then and there. She told me it wasn't that simple and for a brief moment I sensed her thinking 'I'll explain it to you when you are older' but then it quickly occurred to her that I would never grow up like she did. For some reason, that made her feel sad. I felt the same way in reverse. I was sad that she grew up and abandoned the values she once held dear.

“But then . . . one day . . . the miracle did happen. By then I learned something of the biological process of birth of mortal kind. It was strange to me. Very different.”

“Oh, so Messiahlantha didn't have to do that little song and dance for you explaining this?” Cassy asked in amusement.

“I wasn't laughing so much at what he said so much as his presentation,” Azmellia said with a grin to Cassy. “Yes, I did find the things he said funny too but I knew where babies come from among mortals a long-long time ago. I seen it over and over again so many times. Often they are not even aware of my presence. Despite the women's pain, I often find the process quite enchanting because I know the value of what is coming.” Azmellia looked elsewhere. “But for every experience like that, it keeps reminding me of the first time I beheld a human baby. I did not often venture far beyond the portals from Faerie, you see. If I had and roamed among human towns I would have seen this a lot sooner but I was not that brave yet. I kept close to my world just in case. It opened and closed rather chaotically. I did not want to get stuck in the mortal world, at least not for too long, so I kept close to the magical sights where such portals do open.

“One day Angelica, my dear friend, returned to me a full grown woman. I was shocked by the jump in differences in her. I did not think that much time had passed. In fact, I did not even recognize her at first. She also came with a strange man who turned out to be a pleasant fellow. It's not the first time I have seen a human male but it was the first time I saw this particular one. It was also a relief to notice how Angelica stopped obsessing over boys so much because she found the one she loved. She married him. I eventually realized that was all she ever wanted. Not just anyone but simply one man to love and take care of her. I enjoyed the company of boys too. Many of my dear friends were boys, but between these two there was something different in their eyes. The way they looked at each other. They way they held each other. It was on the level of need. They each needed food, air, shelter, water and, for some reason, they needed each other. It was as if they would suffer without each others company. I found such dependency disturbing because what happens if the other person dies? It might be a circumstance you can't control and yet it seemed like they needed each other so much that the other would kill themselves just to remain with the other if their spouse died.

“There was a third among their company too. This one was a boy. An infant boy named Daniel. They told me he was born a few months ago. At first, I had no idea what they were talking about since my kind hardly keeps track of time. Angelica had been with me for so many of her years that she was wise enough to understand the source of my confusion. She instead clarified what season it was, in this case, summer. It was the month of Reshami. She even said the moon was in its third quarter.”

“Wow. You remembered that?” Cassy asked in astonishment. “This must have been such a long time ago.”

Azmellia shrugged. “I don't know. I get the feeling we measure time differently. What may seem like such a long time ago to you feels like only yesterday to me sometimes. In other times, the memories feel more distant. I think it depends on my mood at the time. Right now these memories feel real close so hush up and let me finish.”

“Sorry.”

Azmellia's eyes glazed again. “Daniel was . . . special, at least to me. No.” Azmellia cocked her head to the side slightly. “Not just to me. Clearly I was not the only one cherishing him at the time. He clearly meant a lot to his parents as well. There was a part of me that definitely underestimated that at the time but on some level, I knew. It was difficult for me to fully appreciate their feelings when I had my own to recover from. For me, it felt like meeting a new species yet again, this one with a curious mindset. You see,” she tapped her head “I could read thoughts and emotions when I arm the power. I did so at that moment without realizing it. His mind enchanted me. I never sensed a mind before that beheld everything around him with absolutely no judgment. To him, I was not an anomaly so much as just another random part of his environment.”

“That's fascinating!” Selendria marveled. “The mind an infant have often baffled even our own kind. We're often left wondering what they're thinking at a time before they could even think in words, and we do not remember it ourselves.”

“It was . . . different.” Azmellia agreed. “I used to think a human child was innocent until I beheld his mind for the first time. To him, even the concept of bad stuff doesn't exist. Most children know right from wrong on some level by the time they can walk and talk but for him . . . Daniel . . . evil does not exist at all. There was nothing in the world to be afraid of. Emotionally I sensed mild fascination from him sometimes but it kept shifting depending on his needs at the time and even then he did not consciously understand what was wrong with him. If he needed to burp, for example, me reading his mind would offer his parents no valuable insight because the infant did not understand precisely what was wrong with him, only that something was.”

“That reminds me. Excuse me for interrupting again but I need to ask something first.” Cassy sat up more. “Angelica's new husband . . . could he see you? He was an adult, wasn't he?”

“Yes, he could see me, but I was not trying to hide from him,” Azmellia explained to Cassy. “If I did . . . well, let's just call this an unproven theory. I never tried to hide from him. Not during a moment when he was looking me at any rate. His wife told him of my existence and I supposed that helped him to accept me. I think he trusted her yet still I could tell I was the first fairy he ever beheld. I was fascinating to him but not shocking. Again, his wife must have sufficiently prepared him for the encounter. He knew what to expect. It's just that he had not seen me before or my kind. Does that make sense?”

“Yes. I can grasp this.” Cassy confirmed with a nod.

Azmellia looked away again, her eyes slowly growing a little more sad yet fond at the same time. “I beheld something precious, something I never encountered before. Not even close. I was even at various flowers as it gave birth to new fairies. It's not the same. There were thoughts in the heads of every fairy ever born, at least those that I had encountered. There is much they don't know and that's their drive to explore but from the second they are born a fairy knows how to walk, talk and fly and play. They instinctually know how to use their own personal magical abilities as well.”

“Is that why you keep forgetting what spells you possesses?” Cassy jested.

“Chalk me up as an idiot, I guess,” Azmellia said with a grin. “We possess the knowledge but not always smart about it. In fact, I'd almost like to say a newborn fairy can use their abilities better than the elders because the knowledge is right there at the forefront of their minds, unclouded by any other memory. They don't confuse it with any other spell because they never heard of those other spells before. They simply know their own . . . at least at first. Later as their experience grows things get muddled and mucked up by confusing their own innate memories with others they gathered throughout life. None of us condemn this. It's just another potential source of amusement and we find it wherever we can.

“The point is, this was different. A fairy's mind is not totally blank even from birth. His was. Until that moment I did not know a mind could possibly be so empty yet pure at the same time. I sensed no malevolence in him or spite. He was not noble either. He was nothing. Nothing but a blank slate but there was something strangely attractive about that. Behind that, I sensed the potential of infinity. It's as close to Ao I ever felt. That's the attraction.” Azmellia waved her arm between herself and the wall in front of her, indicating the distant infant in the past. “There was this feeling like he could grow up to be anything. Anything I . . .

“. . . for a brief moment I was startled by a new thought. I beheld something extremely precious in front of me and I also knew it did not take long to shatter this. Somehow I knew. There were no thoughts in his head but that would quickly change. Even at that moment I could sense memories starting to form in his head. There were brief echoes of the image of me within his mind. Since he did not know how to judge it the memory blew away as if on the wind. Everything he observed was no more or less important than anything else except maybe his mother and, more distantly I was surprised to notice, his father. For some reason, he was closer to his mother at the time. I did not understand why at the time but thoughts of her face floated in his mind the most, especially when some need arose. Without a need, however, he was stuck in observation mode or at least from what I could tell.

“They asked me what I thought of him. It was difficult for me to put into words and, in the end, I had to settle for telling them that. They seemed pleased with my description for some reason and even seemed to half-expect it. Privately I wondered and was even annoyed by the thought of why were they expecting confusion? Isn't confusion the lack of a definition? Why would that answer satisfy them? I wondered that until they told me they basically felt the same way. It was then I knew why they felt that way. They were pleased we could all feel so alike, even across vastly different species.

“For a brief moment I felt kindred to them too, but that quickly passed. Since I had my mind detection armed at the time I sensed their thoughts as well, but it took me awhile to notice it because of my distraction and fascination with the baby. Between the two, my mind was most attracted to observe Angelica's thoughts for obvious reasons. When I sensed the very definite change in her I lamented. More than ever she seemed so different from the girl I first met her as. It made me feel like my old friend had died and was gradually replaced by this stranger. I could make friends with her too just like I did the first time but I sensed we had considerably less in common than we did the first time which meant, in turn, things would not be the same and for a fairy that often means it's a bad thing because we don't change. Instead, we get left behind as these humans outgrow us.

“Then, suddenly, I realized at that moment I basically was like the doll she had abandoned. She still had fond memories of the doll, especially if I mentioned it, but she cherished those memories from a distance.

“The good news was she found the doll again. She gave it to her son, feeling somewhat uncertain he would find value in the doll as much as she once did given the dolls obviously feminine appearance. I thought to myself if he obsesses over girls half as much as she once did for boys he would cherish that doll very much indeed, but the bottom line was his future was very much uncertain.

“Everything about him was uncertain and that mystery tantalized me. Between me and Angelica, though, I sensed our relationship has taken a very definite turn. Once she regarded me as the most precious thing in the world. Once she felt like the luckiest girl in the world for discovering me and developing our friendship. It was very special to her, just like her interest in her doll but, over the years, I sensed how emotionally she put that doll away. In her mind it was sitting on the self, slowly gathering dust. Even after losing it in her mind it was still sitting on a shelf, untouched and only distantly loved. On that day, I finally realized that in a way I, too, was the doll. I was something she put on the self in her mind, slowly gathering dust. Whenever her mind turned to it it was with a fond grin but only for a moment. She would quickly turn her mind to something else again.”

Selendria was sniffing at this point, tears in her eyes.

“My heart started to ache. You once asked me if I missed my old friends after their death. I tell you now I did not have to wait that long to experience such emotional loss. She once filled me with something special too. As her heart once sung as we played in the meadow, giggling constantly, I felt more real than I ever had before but gradually, as she changed and I didn't . . . a part of that special love and light we shared together gradually died.

“I felt my soul turning a little more gray, losing its color. It didn't affect my magic yet but that's how it felt. Deep down I started to wonder if this was what my people were warning me against. Maybe it was not something they could explain, not something they could accurately put into words. It was probably something very few of my kind had ever encountered so they are recounting something they heard of only distantly and as I said before stories can get distorted over time. Maybe they had no accurate idea how mortals were dangerous to us, there was simply an instinct that it was wise to avoid them.

“Deep down I started to grow afraid that I was learning first hand what the danger precisely was. What if Angelica was the girl that caused my existence in the first place? It may have been in another life but that would certainly help to explain our innate, almost spiritual connection, at least at first, but then she changed and I didn't.

“I became a once cherished doll that she put away and rarely looked back. In her mind, instead, there was her new husband and baby boy. Those two thoughts dominated her mind the most. It clearly was the basis of her new value system. Everything in her life started from those two points now as if they were critical support columns of her new mental home and I was just a fixture on the wall, more of an afterthought than anything else. In the background, I could sense the columns of her parents too but those two seemed more shaded now. Where once they were bright white marbles they now existed in a shaded part of her new home as if they were part of her life, a critical part even, but more distant and less valuable somehow. More like a memory of something that was once valuable but then she grew up. She did not need them anymore because she was now a strong and independent woman so it was almost as if she loved them a little bit less simply because their presence was no longer as critical. Instead of them, it was now her husband and son she could no longer live without. Those were the only two losses she could not tolerate, the only two that would drive her insane to lose.

“Not me.”

Azmellia looked down sadly. “My people warned me of this, time and time again. When we develop friendship with another it is an eternal commitment. Well, not commitment precisely. That implies obligation. More like a privilege. Yeah, that's the right word. We were privileged to make new friends but when we do it is with the understanding that it will and should last forever. Completely and utterly forever. At least that is how it works within our society. Among fellow immortals, there are no goodbyes. No loss, no pain, only gain over time. Our eternity is spent collecting more and more and more friends. The pattern simply never stops, and while that occurs the friends you already made remain with you. The social circle never stops building upward. That's one of the reasons we can endure eternity with a happy smile forever plastered on our faces. We can do this because we live our lives knowing that things can only get better from here on, not worse. We can enjoy the moment utterly and with something to look forward to at the same time. We never have to suffer the loss of friends and we never break a tie of friendship deliberately. If ever a fellow fairy friend does something to betray us we almost always suspect either a misunderstanding or some kind of magical compulsion. The fey world is very infamous for magical mental and emotional influences. All fairies seek to increase their happiness. Friendship is the most obvious path to happiness. If there were ever a point where one individual happened to befriend every fairy in existence then he or she would spend their time looking forward to the next one being born then start the process all over again with that individual and at the same time look forward to introducing that fairy to all the other friends he or she has made so far. That's another great thing about being a fairy. Eventually, one must be born. As the mortal cycle continues, so do we, yet their deaths do not affect us. We live on, often oblivious to the ones that created us.

“But . . . apparently that was not true with mortals. Their value system was completely different, or at least different enough to hurt. Nothing is permanent with them. To us, that is a horrifying flaw. It means we can't count on you for anything. Any promise you make might be broken later because your underlining values might change. There is no threat of that with a fairy. A promise is a promise and will be held for eternity if necessary. We find comfort in that. As fellow immortals, we face the reality of a great deal of time in existence and one way to pass the time is to make promises we can forever count on. When we make them we keep them. That's the deal. At one time it felt like Angelica made that promise to me. When she was child-like she was the most akin to a fairy. Back then a promise of friendship meant eternity. She meant it too, at the time, because she did not know any better. Not even she could predict how much she would change over time. It just happened and we both looked at each other sadly as we each sensed the gap between us steadily growing further apart.”

Azmellia sighed and looked down in the present, gazing down the length of her legs from her knees to her feet on the bed.

“Later on, it occurred to me I could have prevented this,” Azmellia said after a long moment of silence which none of the other girls interrupted except a quiet whimper from Selendria and just a tiny bit from Astrid as well. “The idea occurred to me from the first day I met her but since then it had been abandoned and forgotten until that day when I first met Daniel. Before all this happened, before she had changed, I could have taken her to a world where change wasn't necessary. Immortals don't need to breed to keep their species alive because each individual never dies. In our world we don't need to eat, sleep or breath either. If we chose to eat food there then we would never run out of it as well. Flowers and fruit simply regenerate within seconds, quickly replaced as if it had never been eaten. Water never runs out. I'm not sure what to say about oxygen. Not sure if it exists in the first place but if it does then it, too, never runs out.

“If you put all this in perspective you can see why that raises a wholly different culture with a vastly different value system. In a world without physical needs, it's our emotional needs we pay the most attention to. Friendship is truly more valuable than any gold on this entire planet put together, and that's true with each individual case. With each new friend we make it's again beyond the value of this entire world's gold because it means another door opened to cause happiness forever.

“I found myself returning to those original thoughts I had, the temptation when her mother first called her away from me. For a moment, I was tempted to charm her and force her back into my world. From there, surely, her values would quickly shift to become compatible with my world if they weren't before. Her spirit was ready back then. In essence, she would have been willing. At first, it might hurt to say goodbye to her mortal life and all who dwelled within it, like her parents, but what she would have gained in return far outclassed any sense of loss. From that moment on any choice she made was eternal and in our world it largely got better and better if you simply know where the bad places are and avoid them.

“I could have preserved my old friend. I lost her because I didn't give in to that temptation. It was my fault. I was the one to blame. When I realized the friend that I knew died it also occurred to me that I assisted that death by doing nothing to preserve the innocent girl that she was.”

“Oh no! You didn't!” Cassy realized something in shock.

“For the first time in my existence, I knew regret.” Azmellia went on, heedless of what Cassy said. “In the long run that concept might not be a big deal to you mortals but for immortals like me who never die it's like gaining a scar that never heals. It makes eternity a burden. If you gain a sense of pain that never goes away it can considerably diminish joy considering how long it will last. Even if the pain was just a tiny bit, that tiny bit really stings when you measure it against eternity. Every day from that moment on could be spent dwelling on what could have been, a better reality than the one we're living now. The consequences of my inaction deeply affected another person's eternal destiny as well. That's why the pain was doubled. It was the knowledge that not only do I suffer but my friend as well. She seemed in love and content but that was only because she could not measure it to a far better reality. In Faerie, any progress made is truly permanent. Everything always builds, getting better and better with no chance for loss and sacrifice. Some might see it as a game where you can't possibly lose and in that context it's no fun but I saw it as life getting better and better with the addition of each friend because every single one of them never ends in loss or tragedy. Next to eternal happiness, who cares if the game is rigged so you always win? The point is to enjoy the winning nevertheless. It is possible for joy to be great enough to never tire of it. It may be hard for any of you to imagine because nothing in your world is permanent, but in my world it's true.

“But then, as I looked down at the infant Daniel, I realized I was again faced with that same choice I had with Angelica so many years ago.”

“Oh no!” Cassy covered her face and for a moment tried to blank her mind from hearing anything else.

“And I was not going to make the same mistake again!” Azmellia cried out in determination. “Far too much was at stake here, more than anything his parents could imagine. They never lived in my world so they did not know what they were missing out on. I have. I've been to both sides, at least a bit. I learned enough to know that in the mortal world it is world of loss and sacrifice. Triumph and gain too. I was not oblivious to that fact but, in the end, there was always more loss than gain because every single person in your world dies. That inevitably means you have to say goodbye to everyone without exception, even if you encounter another immortal. Unless you are immortal too you'll have to say goodbye to that other immortal because you will die and because of that that other immortal has to suffer the burden of your loss forever on, another scar that does not heal. Well, I had enough of this world of pain and loss! I would not watch another innocent soul suffer the same fate that Angelica did.”

“What?” Astrid asked in confusion since Azmellia's story was taking a bizarre and illogical twist. If Azmellia grew fed up with the mortal world why would she be here now?

“Patience.” Azmellia cautioned. “Everything will be explained in a moment.” Astrid sighed, sat down on the same bed as Cassy except at the foot of it and gathered her dress to hug it tightly. She carefully observed Azmellia with worry.

Azmellia, meanwhile, sank her mind back through the wheels of time again. When she recalled her memories it was not from the present perspective. She remembered clearly how she felt back then so the motivation for each action became crystal clear as well. All the wisdom she gained since then was temporarily forgotten as she sank her mind back to that time period. For some intents and purposes, she was the fairy from back then all over again except she could at any time return her mind back to the present in an instant and would as soon as her story was concluded.

“Fairies act on impulse. There is no filter, least of all back then before I was more accustomed to the mortal world and its rules. None of us are concerned with issues like rules, ethics and courtesy because we all innately avoid anything we would actually complain about. Pain, deliberate betrayal, bitterness, viciousness, these things were foreign to my kind. The only emotions left are the ones we would never complain about, at least not for long. Countless times we would giggle at each other and say to each other 'Okay! You got me with that prank! I'm gonna get you back good for that one!' That's as evil as my society ever really gets unless you go to the unseelie courts. Where I come from pranks are as vicious an attack as you'll ever suffer, and we generally take it in good humor. I don't know how you would define our ego's but any humiliation we suffer due to someone else's prank is something we very quickly recover from. It's like the fruit we pick from the forest. It all regenerates in seconds. For the briefest of time, there was indeed a true loss but it quickly recovers and when it does we're as happy as we have ever been, maybe even happier because the one who pranked us inspires us to counter it. Now we got something to do, something to look forward to and strive for. Something to plan on as far as a fairy possibly can. Something else you should know about an immortal fairy; when we promise to prank our friends back it can take thousands or even millions of years in the making and planning. To us, it does not really matter. We're simply waiting long enough for our friends to forget our promise of revenge. That way they'll be that much more off guard when it finally hits them. In the meantime, we're planning a prank on thousands of our other friends at the same time. We're sculpting each event like a form of art. We spend a great deal of time and energy into our pranks, but only when we feel up to it. Time is eternal. There is plenty of room for random whimsy. The only emotion truly forbidden to us is boredom. Just do something. That's the fairy way of life.

“So . . . at last . . . I did it. I spat a sleep spell at Angelica and her husband. Instantly they were knocked out. The only obstacle I had left was carrying Daniel. Even as an infant at that size it was quite a chore for a fairy, a task nigh impossible without a little bit of magical assistance. I cast what I could to lighten his weight then proceeded to carry him off to fairy land.

“The moment he lost sight of his mother Daniel proceeded to cry. Images of his mother's face kept flashing in his mind and along with it I sensed fear. That's as clear as his objection could get at that age. He did not think in words, could not articulate his objection in any other way. Since I was reading his mind the message was clear, but I also knew he did not know what he was missing out on. He could not know what he was gaining in return. I vowed to show him. In the end, I knew, this would all be worth it.

“I had not anticipated so much objection from my own people. I knew they felt somewhat paranoid around mortals but I saw them play pranks on them all the time. Heard stories of it too. It became unclear to me where the line was. Just how far was too far?

“The elders definitely objected to my actions. They told me to return the child immediately. They probably would have done it themselves if they knew where to deliver him too, but Faerie has portals to an infinite number of other realms and our land itself has no end. As a non-physical dimension, it can literally go on forever in ever single direction, including up. They could not borrow the knowledge from my mind either because I was being uncooperative. I lost something precious by letting Angelica's childhood go by not taking her to this realm. I was not going to make the same mistake with her son. There was even a part of me that was tempted to kidnap all children of the entire mortal realm and bring them here where they could literally be happy forever. Faerie could support them too. It was an infinite dimension with infinite water and food. There was no sickness here, no sorrow, no loss. It was a land where children could be a child forever.

“I kidnapped Daniel again, this time from the clutches of my own village. It became clear to me after awhile that none of the elders understood me or what was at stake here. They were going to sacrifice Daniels eternal happiness and return him to a land where sorrow was not only possible but downright inevitable.

“My friends followed me out of the village. They understood my point of view . . . to a point. I could tell they felt cautious and scared. We had always trusted the elders decisions before. It was based on wisdom, experience and time. Despite that, I felt determined that this time I was right. Just one person's eternal happiness I considered to be worth the fate of an entire mortal world because, logically, if you add up all the years of every single mortal that ever did and ever would exist in a single world and put it all together it doesn't even come close to the value of true infinity because even the world itself would eventually perish. The mere fact there was an ending at all to this existence meant it was vastly inferior compared to even one story that truly never ends. That's how meaningful eternity can be. It is literally worth sacrificing an entire world if necessary but, in this case, it was not necessary . . . thankfully. All I had to do was take away the most precious thing of only two people. That's all. Even they will recover from this when they grow old, die, then be reborn. From what I seen it would not even take that long so the blow they suffered they would soon recover from. All I had to do was wait for their life to perish all on its own. My actions were worth it because the pain of the action would go away eventually and the joy Daniel gains in return is immeasurable; therefore, the benefit of this action far outlasted the cost.

“That, at least, was a young fairies logic.”

Azmellia was silent for a moment as she hugged her knees and lightly rocked back and forth. She gathered her memories again, then resumed.

“I'll admit, not everything had proceeded according to plan and I did not have much of a plan . . . more like an impulse. I knew why I did what I did but the exact best path to take to fulfill that goal was unclear to me. Certainly I had imagined the results considerably better than how things turned out. Daniel continued to cry. Images of his mother kept floating in his mind, sometimes other things too. Her breasts, I think. The reason confused me then but I assure you I'm no longer confused on that point today. Anyway, his sorrow was considerably more consistent than I had anticipated but indeed not totally constant. There were even times he did seem a bit amused. I was not the only one to attempt antics around him.

“Once my friends warmed up to him and realized he was harmless they played with him too. Somehow they could not help it. Daniel was like a magnet to them. Even when they were afraid of him they kept peering at him from the distance, hidden among the leaves of the forest around us. gradually they grew closer, unable to take their eyes off of him. Once an idea gets trapped in our heads,” Azmellia tapped her head three times for emphasis “it's very hard to let go. We are naturally curious creatures and we can't abandon an idea once it gets a hold of us. To do otherwise is to suffer an eternity wondering what could have been. That idea is unbearable to us.

“Rejecting mortals from a distance is one thing. That they can tolerate because they had not experienced anything meaningful enough to intensify their curiosity, at least not usually, but to reject an infant right in front of them was something they could not do. They had to know what he felt like if they touched him. They had to know what he smelled like. There was something very definitely infectious about his laughter. It even occurred to us that a new fairy may have been born because of it, but more than likely his very first true laugh occurred quite awhile ago. Still . . . it was so meaningful to us. It became akin to something like a drug. We gained a very intense emotional high whenever we heard his laughter. He quickly became the target of a brand new sport. Contests began. Things like who could make him laugh the hardest, the longest, the fastest. No matter who inspired it we would all win. Every single one of us within earshot of that laughter gained that emotional high.

“Some of us began to worry that may be linked to the reason we were warned to avoid mortals. He was a brand new factor in our environment and it was clear to us he deeply affected us better than most other things we have encountered. Mortals are not the only ones that can get trapped in a single mindset, looping one set of actions over and over again because it simply feels just that good. We knew that but . . . how could we reject him? Tickling him, dancing in front of him, spinning a light show, spraying colorful sparkles . . . all aimed with the exclusive purpose of entertaining him. His happiness made us happy in ways we had not experienced before. Slowly he became addicted to this too. His hunger pangs were forgotten. In Faerie such limitations are unnecessary. When physical needs diminish it changes the entire mindset. With safety and physical needs totally secure, it's now emotional happiness that becomes the top priority.

“But in time, I learned there was another problem, one I had completely not anticipated. Angelica had actually followed me, chased me really, all the way to my home plane of Faerie. She and a team of other adventurers I had not recognized. Clearly they were the skilled and cautious ones. It was also the first time I had seen mortal magic at work. I spotted one or two elves among them as well. Not the first time I had seen their race but . . . well, let's just say that's the first time I had seen them mortal and alive.

“I had once thought of Angelica as a fairy at heart but when the day finally came when she set foot into my own world she was clearly out of her element. It caused me to reassess my earlier evaluation of her. In any case, her objective was clear and she was dead set on that goal. I was confused at her determination. Can't she just make another child? That was something we could not do. She had the power to create life as often as she wanted, or at least as long as she remains fertile and alive. Why, then, fight this hard to reclaim a single child?

“My world is a playground to natives like me. Things that could harm mortals we're often immune to, or at least highly resistant to. I suppose 'harm' is an ambiguous term here as well. If some creature did manage to charm any one of us it only forces us to regard that person temporarily as a friend. Rarely do we consider that a problem. We're often so eager to make friends permanently that we consider such magic as a harmless prank, something to laugh about later on when the magic wears off. There are some among the fey lands that can take off their heads and limbs and juggle them harmlessly. Those that can do that think that everyone else can as well so when they attempt to do that to mortals they don't realize they could actually cause serious harm. It isn't a matter of intentional malice, it's just a matter of dangerous ignorance on either side. That ignorance can cause harm because mortals are so very different from us. We're not used to their company either. Their about as alien and rare in our world as we are to theirs. Their limited lifespans is another reason we often overlook them. By the time we finally notice evidence of their presence some may seek it out only to find, to their unpleasant surprise, that oh shoot . . . they're dead already. Seems like all we had to do was turn around and you're already gone. That's no fun. Playing with a corpse is only fun to the most perverse and morbid among us, more typically among those of the unseelie courts.

“Still, their presence put a damper on our spirits. There was a new factor to weigh in this equation. The effort of the mortals and Angelica, in particular, was a testament to how unhappy our actions have been to her. Unhappiness kills our joy faster than anything else. It forces us in a mood we rarely assume on our own, that of serious contemplation. We had to weigh our options again. We did not like this. We had considered the matter already settled until they came along. Knowing they wanted the child back that badly made us feel guilty.

“We also had to consider the dangers the mortals suffered by exploring our world in their effort to find the child. So far they kept on venturing into the mostly harmless realms where members of the seelie like me dwelled. It was, after all, the most logical place to search. Still, if they kept on searching they might accidentally stumble into the not-so-nice realms of Faerie. There are some among those realms with abilities that merely stun immortals like us but to mortals . . . those same abilities can be downright deadly. If they knew that they might use those abilities excessively but I was even more afraid that the members of unseelie would prolong their suffering as long as they could. That's what they do. The honor of having true mortals among us was a rare treat indeed and the darker of my kind would likely prolong that honor as painfully and as horribly long as they could.

“And one among the mortals was a very dear friend of mine. I could not let that idea go peacefully. I could not relax knowing she remained in potential danger. Danger exists in her world too but at least she grew up there. At least she was moderately prepared for it. At least she had some idea how to handle it. This realm was something totally different. If nothing else, her immune system was totally foreign to any disease which may exist in my realm. As such she could easily catch and be severely affected by foreign containments from my realm.

“That's not something we normally think about. Nobody dies among immortal kind but for them . . . it was impossible for us to predict how many ways they could possibly die here. We only knew that they could die and that concept already made us nervous. It caused us to take a more careful look around our own environment and we almost made a game out of trying to predict how many possible ways they could die based on what was currently in the environment. It was a game of sorts but we drew no joy out of it. Instead, it made us feel even more nervous. We started to feel fear as if we were mortals ourselves because now we imagined it.” Azmellia pointed at her head. “It caused us to think about what death might be like . . . to know that it was possible to simply end. End. There was such morbid and terrible finality to it that it was difficult to wrap our minds around the concept but the presence of the adventuring mortals forced us to consider it.

“And so we talked amongst ourselves again. Our previous plans started to crack and fall apart. We weighed the pros and cons again. I was among the main ones to argue for keeping Daniel among us. Over and over again I reminded the group of the sheer enormity of time at stake here for Daniel and all of those years would be exclusively positive. I reminded them how it was worth the fate of an entire mortal world just to keep him here. Right now, instead of that, we were only dealing with a small handful of mortal adventurers plus Angelica. The absolute worst that could happen to any of them was to die, a fate they could not avoid anyway. Age alone could have ensured that eventually.

“They could agree with me in concept when there was nothing truly at stake right in front of them. Apparently it was one thing to know that mortals suffered from a distance and quite another to see them suffer before our very eyes. I could see their resolve shatter. One by one, doubt grew in their minds as each of them gave me a very serious look as if to ask, “Azmellia, are you absolutely sure we're doing the right thing?” Since their resolve began to falter it was only my own that kept them going. It was as if they looked to me for inspiration, to remind them somehow why this was all worth it but I was not accustomed to being such a leader. I've led games before but this was different. Thoughts of Angelica suffering kept tugging at the back of my mind over and over again as well. They did not know how desperate I was to find strength in their resolve to help inspire my own. Instead, I got the opposite. That, and Daniel was crying again. It's as if he sensed all of our misery. That and the fact none of us were actively trying to entertain him anymore. Maybe he really did grow addicted to that. I don't know. I grew too depressed to seriously contemplate it.

“I tell you now the fastest way to cause a fairy to give up their cause is to ruin their fun first. If you reverse their fun into unhappiness it's like a bitter taste in our mouths. We can't spit it out fast enough because we're so unaccustomed to it. One by one, my friends finally abandoned me. They told me this game was no fun anymore. Since I was the only one who wanted to play it they left me to do so. They said when I, too, tire of this game I knew where to find them. In the meantime, they left to resolve themselves to play something they really did consider fun. They were all anxious to put this awful experience behind them and quite probably not put any effort to recall these memories ever again. Who, after all, wants to remember an awful taste in their mouths? Figuratively speaking, of course.

“So, in the end, I was all alone. Just me and Daniel. I looked at him. I looked at him real hard, trying to imagine how grateful he might be if I kept my resolve and protected his future in this realm. My mind spun with all the games we could play. In time, he may develop his own magic and slowly transform into a fairy himself. At that point, he would be entitled to all the joys we eternally share in. He barely misses his parents anymore. All he ever thinks about was his mother and even then she was just a face to him. A face and a voice perhaps. It would not take him long to forget about her entirely. At that point, there would be no pain at all due to her absence. He could even grow up believing he was conceived in this realm in the first place. Really there would be no harm in allowing him to think that. Only I would know the truth and I would protect it for his sake, for his happiness, for his safety, for his eternal future. Every moment of laughter, every moment of pure joy I felt would wash away my sin slowly but surely. If I deserved any harm due to my actions I knew I would make up for it through him. Infinite right actions easily can cleanse a single wrong action, even one as severe as this one. I tried to convince myself of that. I tried so hard.

“But there were other circumstances present here even I could not ignore. Angelica was still out there. Her and those nameless adventurers. None of them deserved this. I had no idea what kind of payment they must have received for this mission. I could not imagine it high enough to warrant this much determination. It began to occur to me that at least one of them might have been related to Angelica personally. That meant the whole group could have had a personal stake in this, not merely a mercenary job. One thing was for sure, though, they showed no signs of giving up. It felt like years they kept up this pursuit but, in truth, I have no idea how long it actually was. True signs of the passage of time in the realm of Faerie is rare indeed. Even daylight or night remains fixed. The seasons don't change. There is no moon or its various phases, at least not universal to all of Faerie.

“Daniel, too, was not growing up. I thought that at the very least he would. I thought he would age to maybe a young child then remain suspended there for the rest of eternity. If I had to guess the most appropriate age in this realm for a human child my first guess would be around six or seven in human years. That is the age range where children would find my world the most appealing. Before that they don't understand it all and after that their interests grow too mature for it. That, at least, seems correct for the realms of Faerie that I was aware of. Given the infinite space of Faerie and the sheer variety of magic due to the realms natural chaos I could believe that other areas of Faerie might be more appropriate to other age ranges. That's just a theory. All I knew was this one.

“Angelica's desperate voice called out. It haunted me. Although it tore me up inside I could not keep myself too far from her just in case she came into severe danger they could not handle. I was careful not to leave too many tracks either. Having observed them long enough from invisibility I eventually noticed a pattern to what they were looking for. If I could hide evidence of those things I would remain completely unknown as far as location to them. They only thing I could not elude effectively was some of their divination magic. They had a wizard among them and apparently one of the types of spells she could cast gathered information. I had no effective defense against that but I could not bring myself to neutralize her either. Despite everything they tried to do and knowing why they were here, I could not bring myself to harm them. I'm simply not that kind of fairy nor would I invite those who would commit such acts. Not on purpose, at any rate. Life can be so unpredictable you never know what tomorrow will bring.

“Daniel responded to his mother's cries as well. As he cried back I had to increase our distance between him and his mother, but that also meant I kept an eye on them a little less. I did not like the idea I was less prepared to respond to any immediate danger they might encounter but if I wanted to keep the child from them I had to increase the distance. The fact there was only me playing this game made it that much more of a burden. Since there was only one of me I could do only one thing at a time. Either that's taking care of the baby or keeping an eye on them. I could not do both, not with the increased distance.

“I started to wonder, again, if this was all worth it. I started to wonder if maybe they were not aging either, my dogmatic pursuers. If that was true they could keep this up forever and maybe they really would do so. Since Daniel was not aging it was reasonable to assume they weren't either. It was hard to tell how much time was passing in the mortal realm as well. Was it going faster or slower compared to my world? They didn't seem to care. They kept on going for as long as necessary. It's a good thing I did not need to rest. It was a horrifying thought of them closing in on me while I could not avoid going to sleep which also left me open to other dangers as well as Daniel. Still, it weighed on my soul the fact I had to keep on going without end.

“I contemplated other options, things like raising some help to not harm or kill them but merely distract them while I increase my distance from them. I considered faster modes of transportation, methods that could fly faster or teleport across vast distances. There were other portals in Faerie too, not all of them leading outside of the realm. Not being sure where they go made it too strong of a risk. A native of the realm can only know so much considering the world has no end in every direction. The further I go the further I'm out of my own element as well. At that point, we would all be in that much greater danger.

“Eventually, it came to the point where even I could not take it anymore. I could not endure this tireless dogmatic pursuit. I could not endure the fear of the dangers I, Daniel or any of the others might encounter. Most of all I was tired of causing my old friend pain. I never enjoyed that, not in the slightest. For so long I held on to the belief that it was all worth it for Daniel's eternal happiness but if this is all I have to look forward to instead then finally the cost outweighed the gain. Since he was not growing up anyway it made my efforts a moot point. I enjoyed him as an infant but there was only so long I could endure that state. I wanted a more interactive playmate eventually, not someone I had to take care off all the time. That's too much responsibility for a single fairy to indefinitely endure. I think what I accomplished up to that point was a heroic effort in and of itself. Maybe humans can endure this better but I couldn't.

“Despite my fallen resolve it was still very hard to let Daniel go. I was caught between two points of regret. Regret that I had to betray my friend to secure Daniel's eternal happiness or forsake Daniel's eternal happiness for the sake of my friend. Because one side of it should have ended it seemed securing Daniel's future in Faerie was the most logical choice at first until they came along and never stopped pursuing me. I gave up perhaps years of fun for his sake. It was just too painful for me to keep up forever. It was not a fate he deserved either, to forever remain on the run or forever remain an infant, whichever the case might be. He was cute when he was so young and defenseless but that was also nerve-wracking because it meant I had to make up the difference in terms of strength, and I was just a tiny fairy. Even among humans it's considered unusual for this vulnerable state to last for so long. He was supposed to grow up enough to start being able to look after himself, but that was not happening. The mistakes, the oversights, the flaws, the pain were all piling up around me. A fairy can only endure so much of that before even the toughest resolve has to eventually crack.

“And so . . . with the greatest of reluctance . . . I set him on the path in the way of theirs. The lighting of the area was early twilight. It was a barren forest because of the permanent snowfall. Pure, white, innocent snow. Not all that cold, actually. Not compared to snowy realms in the mortal world. This place was not meant to harm anyone. No one dies of the cold or sickness in the land of Faerie, at least not the area I abandoned Daniel too. If it could have harmed him I would not consider leaving him there. This area was a snowy wonderland of the most delightful sort. The snow actually sparkled in many places depending on the angle of the light, cool crisp colors. Snowballs were ready to be scooped up and thrown. Certain white flowers bloomed and faintly glowing in some places. My kind normally liked to play in areas like that all the time, but on that day, it was abandoned. Where it was normally filled with giggle and laughter, on that day it was eerily quiet. I noticed this. It seemed so appropriate for the occasion even though I knew it was also so out of place for this area normally. For once . . . the area felt sad, lonely and forlorn. I could literally hear the quiet whisper of the wind in the otherwise empty snowy forest. Normally those kinds of noises would be masked by the laughter of delight. On that day, such things seemed like only a memory at best. I could almost hear the echo of such laughter as if it were something that was there a long-long time ago.

“At that point, instead of laughter, the forest was filled with a babies desperate cry. I cried too, a sensation I was not used to. Each of his hands were able to surround each of my own. Even a baby was a giant compared to us. I looked into his eyes and his mind. He recognized me. In fact he only recognized me. It's been awhile since he thought of his mother, likely because of the time that had passed. Instead, he thought of me. Not just my face either but my whole body, light and all. That was because, for him, my entire body was visible whenever I flew into view. He did not have to look down at his mother's feet as if he were standing on an a mile high cliff. Not for me. I am five inches tall in my true form. That is a scope a baby can view in entirety in one glance. As a result, he memorized my entire body, not just my face. He looked at me now as if I were his mother. I'm sure Angelica would be devastated to know that, but I was flattered. After that long he started to feel like my child to me too. I looked after him, cared for him for so long. Time had never felt so long to me before. I never experienced mere seconds crawling like that before. Maybe that was my first true taste of mortal existence.

“It was so painful to me that I could not explain to him why I had to abandon him. He still could not speak, not even think in words. I didn't know then if that was unusual for mortal humans or not after this long, but even then I suspected it was a sign something was wrong. Despite all we had been through I could not have faith that he would remember me either. I could not claim to understand how mortal minds work, especially for such a young and developing age, but somehow I had an instinct that remembering me would be difficult for him later in life, especially on a conscious level. Legends like that abound in my world, often describing that mortal memories of our world very frequently fade like a dream after they leave it. It could even be considered a sort of mercy since, if they could remember our world clearly, their longing to return to it might be too great for them to fully enjoy their own world instead. Memories of my kind and my realm tend to survive more on a spiritual and unconscious level. More than anything it is a feeling, that special child-like wonder, that best represents my world and my kind. Whenever he feels that he is the closest to remembering me and this place. Hoping beyond hope, I had prayed desperately that somehow that feeling would survive in him far into adulthood. I prayed that he would always look upon his world, wherever he may be, with a sense of wonder and delight. That was the entire reason I brought him here in the first place. I wanted to protect his innocence but then I could only hope I left a deep enough impression to cause that feeling for the rest of his life, even if it was on an unconscious level. If it can at least hold on that level . . . that's enough. That was my desperate wish for him.

“I kissed him on the cheek, saying my own goodbye. Tears stained my otherwise sparkling cheeks. He would not let me go so I had to transform into light so that he could no longer grasp me. Immediately he complained, crying into the twilight sky because, for him, his mother was abandoning him. He did not want me out of his sight. Because of that, I flew back into his sight, a ball of pure white light. He simmered down, quietly observing me, even smiling a little. He liked me in my light form. He liked the light in general but particularly me in that form. I created other dancing lights about him. The weird thing was he somehow noticed which one was me every time. I cannot explain it. Even my own kind can have trouble telling the difference sometimes. It is one of the key elements in how we prank each other. Not Daniel. He often looked straight at the source of the other dancing lights, knowing instinctually which one was his 'mother'. When I noticed that my bond deepened with him. It was a kind of connection I never had with anyone else before, not even his true mother.

“It tore at my heart, but I had to go. I could hear the others catching up because I did not leave him far ahead of them. I even prepared a small trail to this place well ahead of time in order to ensure they found this place. I did that to make sure they were the next to discover him, not some other random creature. I would not risk him to anything that did not care for him. He wanted me to stay, but I had to go. It was one of the hardest things I had to do.

“I turned invisible but that did not help. He continued to stare right at me. He seemed a little amused that I even attempted to hide from him. In a way I guess it was a game of peek-a-boo to him but it was a useless effort. I could not hide from him, not in that fashion. At least at that point, he believed in me with all of his tiny infant heart. I had to resort to another strategy. I had to fly away.

“Again he complained. He wailed into the twilight air. I felt like a magnet being pulled back toward him or as if gravity shifted towards him. It was extremely hard to ignore that wail. It took enormous willpower to resist that pull. My only consolation is the fact that the hunting party was probably close enough to hear it too, the elves of the party if no one else because they had a very keen sense of hearing. This place has a special kind of magic about it as well. It would not surprise me if his mother heard him as well despite being only human, his voice carried across miles of distance if necessary. As a non-physical plane of existence which could only simulate a physical plane of existence it often responded to sentient beings mental and emotional state even if such beings are unaware of it. Changes can visibly occur because of it. Sometimes subtle, sometimes overt. On that day, I think that was why we were alone. I think that was why the area seemed sad and lonely. It was as if the area anticipated what would happen within it. Faerie is filled with special memories like that all the time. It's downright common in fact.

“I hid among the snow-covered trees of the forest. I turned back into physical form because it was pointless to hide in a ball of light form. I would stand out far too well. As an additional precaution, I also turned invisible but I knew from experience such defenses are not always foolproof, hence the reason for hiding among the branches of the trees. Every second I spent there watching Daniel all alone on the snowy field, crying desperately, tore me in two. I found myself anxiously looking forward to the hunting parties arrival for once. When I did finally spot them I noticed their hurried pace. As I suspected the babies cries must have hurried their pace. Angelica was in the lead. No shocker there. For a moment I feared she collapsed onto her child until I saw her scoop him up in a hurry. His cries silenced immediately but even from a distance I sensed confusion from him as if he were trying to place who this stranger was. Familiar, somehow, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

“The rest of her party caught up to her. Unlike her, they were much more cautious for danger in the surrounding area. They kept peering about them. They organized themselves in a hexagonal pattern with almost military precision, keeping Angelica and her baby in the center once they caught up. Curiously they seemed even more afraid now that they caught up to their main prize. Their concern was, perhaps, because they now had to look after the child as well. They also might have suspected an ambush. It made me wonder if they had indeed endured several along their way through Faerie. If so my sympathy only deepened for them.

“It was a tearful reunion for the mother and also for me. My memories of the moment were bitter/sweet. I hoped in some way this helped her to forgive me for all the pain I had caused. Since none of them aged no permanent loss was caused unless an enormous amount of time passed back in the mortal realm. I could not be sure but it was possible.

“Considering the intensity of that emotional moment it seemed callous of the other adventuring party to encourage her to move so quickly out of the area. At first, they could not get her to respond to them but they were insistent. They wanted to leave the area as soon as possible. They looked very afraid. Part of me hated them for rushing her but concern grew as well. What if they had a very valid reason for their concern? What had they encountered along the way that I was unaware of? Maybe that encounter was truly hostile. I could not be certain but my memories of this place indicated it was usually safe. The presence of mortals here was unusual though and who knows what other entities they might have attracted along their way here.

“I think I distinctly heard Angelica say to them, 'Okay, give us a moment.' She used that time to emotionally recover then she proceeded to stand up. Whatever caused them to be afraid was something she was not oblivious to as well.

“But then, once she was standing, she searched the forest with a searching gaze. I had the distinct feeling she was specifically searching for me. I could not be totally certain why. It was probably not a good thing. I think she just wanted to yell at me, get something off her chest. Maybe she also had a question, like why did I take him in the first place? Why her child? Why give him back? Why wait this long to return him? Why return him at all? These are all just theories. I often contemplated it before and ever since that particular moment. The truth is I did not have the courage to reveal myself. Part of me wanted to. I had things I wanted to say to her as well, things I wanted to explain and apologize for. I also had questions of my own, like why were they so concerned all of the sudden? Were they afraid of me or something else? If anything else dared to threaten them I was tempted to follow them and even led them straight back to the portal leading to their own realm just to make sure they were safe from any further danger. It probably was not necessary. These adventurers looked quite professional. Most likely it meant they kept track of their journey and how to get back. If nothing else the divination magic they had would provide a clue as long as their wizard remained alive. Speaking of which, they seemed to suffer no permanent casualties so far. That much at least was good news. Still, I owed them. A part of me wanted to help yet another was afraid I'd be attacked on sight. Whatever the case, I just could not move.

“So instead I just stared back at them, at Angelica in particular. If I could not reveal myself and speak with her I simply desperately willed my apology across the very air between us. I can read minds, not project my thoughts. I could not tell her anything I wanted no matter how much I wanted to. The air was still silent, only distantly disturbed by the rustle of the wind through snowy branches or any noise they made, mostly the crinkle of leather armor. Some part of me even hoped that it was so quiet in the area that they could actually hear me thinking, hear my apology.

“Everything I worked for, fought for, longed and hoped for was dashed away before me on that particular time. What did I have left to hope for? Was there anything I could salvage from this situation? Was there any hope of recovering something precious we lost between us? If she had been a fellow fairy I would be less concerned but human hearts was still something of a mystery to me. I was not certain if their capacity to forgive was as great as ours. We fairies are not accustomed to losing anything, especially on a permanent basis. I already knew she was mortal and I'd lose her eventually anyway but at that moment I was not really prepared to say goodbye. Not yet. Not after everything we have been through.

“Her searching gaze continued for a few moments longer. All around her the adventurers were barely patient with her, clearly wanting to get a move on as soon as possible. Several of them even asked her if she was done yet. She just kept searching, then finally gave up. She turned about and nodded to them to signal she was ready to proceed. Away they went. I clung to a branch of a snow covered tree, steadily watching them go. My eyes lingered on them, treasuring every moment that they were still in sight, especially Angelica. With her back turned to me I could no longer see her son. She clutched him somewhere at the front of her chest and desperately holding on. She finally had her prize. As she proceeded I was stunned to realize how desperately mortals fight to reclaim their children, or at the very least how hard this particular group had fought. I way . . . way underestimated their determination in the beginning. If I had known they would struggle this hard I might not have kidnapped him in the first place because this all started with a certain element of risk. Risk like my friendship with her. Could it endure? I did not know. Only time . . . could tell.”

Azmellia paused again as she twisted her face to her side, her right cheek against her knees which she clung tightly to her chest. She looked wistful to those who could see her eyes. Distant and part empty.

“Well?” Astrid prompted after awhile. From her position she could not see Azmellia's eyes so she was only left with the silence. She felt like this story was in a cliff-hanger of sorts so she could not let it go now. “What happened next?”

“What happened next?” Azmellia reflected, returning her chin to her knees instead of her right cheek. “Six years had passed. Not something a fairy would typically normally know, particularly given there can be time differentials between my world and yours. I only know this because I investigated as I proceeded. I knew by then how much those years could mean to you mortals so I needed a frame of reference how much things could have changed before I ventured back. I did this largely because I was afraid. That fear made me feel cautious and that caution urged me to gather as much information as I could before proceeding as if that knowledge would somehow make my journey safer. Plans. Rarely are they elaborate or detailed among my kind. Detailed pranks are as far as we usually go, and they can be quite intricate. Beyond that, we're usually too carefree to give a damn what else happens so we hardly ever plan the course of our lives. We're always open to new experiences because such experiences are very rarely bad where we come from. There is no need for courage where we come from because there is hardly anything to be afraid of. Just avoid the bad places and you'll be fine. That's one of our few cardinal rules. But . . .” Azmellia sighed “. . . life in the mortal realm is a great deal more complicated than that, something I was only beginning to understand. Even then there was a part of me that kind of felt like a mortal expert because it seemed to me that no one else among my kind tried as hard to understand mortal kind to the degree in which I did, not even the great wise elders. It taught me that fairies know fear after all, even the happiest and carefree ones. As long as they stay in their realm they don't have a care in the world, but thoughts of visiting the mortal plane can downright terrify some of them. They just don't like dealing with that much ignorance and uncertainty and they're fairly certain that, of all things, bad things could happen in the mortal plane but there was no way to predict when or where it would occur. As a result, they can't just limit themselves to any one particular place then breath in relief and say to themselves 'Ah! Now I'm totally safe! I'll just stay here to make sure that safety remains this way.' It turns out we only like surprises if it's guaranteed to only be the good kind. The moment the possibility of bad surprises exist we immediately and innately back off. Many of my kind can turn invisible. Now I know why. On the whole, we're actually quite a cowardly species because there was no reason to develop courage in the first place.

“Unlike the others, however, I had a motive to return. I had an idea clinging to my mind and it would not let go. Even more terrifying about that thought was the idea if I wait to long it could become too late to act on my desires. I may be immortal but those I knew on the mortal plane were not. Even the passage of a single day, a single second even, presented the possibility that any of my friends back on the mortal plane might have died and it's too late to ever say goodbye to them. Such thoughts drove me crazy with worry. I did not want to go on like this without saying my peace, saying what I needed to say. At the same time, I needed some time to pass in order to increase the odds that everyone back in the mortal plane had a chance to cool off some. That increased the odds that they were no longer as mad at me. If they were no longer mad at me they might be more willing to listen. I was determined not to use tricks this time either. I wanted to be totally sincere without anything like charm magic clouding their judgment. Charm magic is temporary, after all. I did not want a temporary solution, I wanted a permanent solution even knowing I would have to work harder for it. Immortals usually strive for long-ranged benefits naturally. They do this because they have to. It's a selfish thing. They do this because they have to face those consequences ongoing. To minimize the impact they're willing to work harder now to ensure a better future later. What is 'time' to them anyway? It's like a currency that never runs out for them. In all things, immortals are the most willing to devote time to a project because that is something they have in abundance. That and the fact it simply gives them something to do. An eternity of boredom is unbearable for any being.

“For awhile I struggled to return to normal life in my realm. I played with my friends, I did my normal things, but for me it was never quite the same and they noticed it. They said I changed. I realized that was quite a shock to them. Hardly any fairy changes. Not internally or externally. We gather memories as we go on, true, but we don't often act upon them. Not like I'm doing now. It is the present that ceases our attention. The present we almost always exist and act upon. Not me. Not anymore. I was a fairy with regrets now. I was a fairy whose joy was noticeably not as intense as the others anymore or even when compared to my own past self. Some of my innocence died which was ironic considering the reason it diminished was in an effort to protect someone else's. They tried to tell me they understood and forgave me. I believed them. A good fairy rarely holds on to a grudge because it's a barrier in the way of friendship and happiness. A bad fairy is something else entirely. It seems unfair to even try to compare the two.

“I understood what they said and to a point I accepted it. I understood that they understood my motives very clearly and forgave me because, in the end, my intentions were noble. They expressed disappointment on how things turned out. Once, they were delighted at the thought of having an eternal human companion among their kind even though they knew they could not ask such a being many questions about the mortal realm because, largely, such a child would only know our world instead but that was precisely why our plan could have worked. Daniel would have been an extremely happy child, more so than any other child on the mortal plane. That part of our plan was foolproof. It definitely would have succeeded. What we did not count on was the determination of his parents to reclaim him, the mother in particular. My friend. We learned something from that experience, something my friends did not dare wish to repeat ever again. As far as they were concerned they washed their hands of the whole affair and merrily moved on.

“I was not so fortunate because I was more emotionally invested in the affair.

“I kept thinking of Angelica and the early years we spent together. Part of me wondered why I missed her that much, that version of her. It was not the first time I made a friend nor was it the last, but it was the first time I actually lost a friendship. Maybe that's why it stung so much and perhaps it was also because of the sheer intensity of the relationship. No matter what anyone else said I felt certain that at one time we shared an extremely special bond, something that no other being could possibly replace. Not even her own son, Daniel. I found him special too but for some reason in a different way. The love is just as intense but different as well. You follow me?”

“Yes, of course,” Selendria confirmed.

“I understand as well.” Astrid agreed. “Well,” she squinted “I'm not sure about love but . . . yes, well I suppose I do love my mother even though she passed away. I love my grandfather too but it feels very different. I felt more emotional around my mother and yet I felt safer around my grandfather. I guess everyone gets a different kind of love depending who they are or how they treat us. As well I suspect the nature of our relationship with others can change for even a single being over time. If my grandfather suddenly became violent or stupid I suppose my feelings for him would change accordingly.”

Azmellia was silent for a moment, then asked Cassy “Do you feel the same way?”

“About what?” Cassy asked.

“About love. Do you feel differently about each individual you love and does the nature of your love change with each person over time?”

“Well, I . . . yes, actually.” Cassy said with a nod. “You know, it's not just the fact that the other person can change. We change as well. I don't know how to describe my love for anyone when I was an infant. Maybe my brain was not developed enough to be capable of that emotion yet. The information you gave into Daniel's mind at that age I personally found very insightful, a glimpse into something that perhaps I had lost. A glimpse into something that maybe everyone has and loses. Consciously I could only organize my perception of the world once I had a frame of reference to apply to it. Why bother loving or hating anything before you have a reason to? At one time we had no definitions of any kind in our mind. Not for anything. We can't judge anything or compare it to anything if we had no knowledge at all. It's only later on when we started accumulating knowledge that we first developed opinions and judgments, at least on a conscious level. On an unconscious level, we had instincts from our very earliest points of our lives. Instincts to breathe or seek our mother's milk. That sort of thing. Love, I think, is a very advanced emotion. Something that requires great meaning and definition before it can bear fruit. Why would it exist without a motive?

“At the same time it's complexity gives it room for many types of love. That's necessary because, as Astrid said, we can be treated in many different kinds of ways so we need to be capable of that broad range of that emotion. Because things keep on changing, internally and externally, we're required to keep on adapting it. The nature of mortal plane is change and change encourages growth. That might have mystified you then but I hope you understand that now.”

“Yes, I do,” Azmellia confirmed. “I would not be here for as long as I have if I did not understand that, but there were other reasons I exist here which will be made clear to you shortly.

“Now, if I may continue?”

“Please do.” Cassy encouraged.

Azmellia looked forward again, once again spinning her mind back in time. It took her twenty seconds to do this, during which time she remained quiet as she regathered her thoughts.

“Attachments are not a mystery to my kind. We can understand that much at least. Where we usually differ is what we attach ourselves too. My kind was not clear to me exactly what the risks were in involving myself with mortals. I suspect it was because they were not exactly sure what the risks were other than bad stuff exists in the mortal realm. Mortals have a level of unpredictability about them that makes us uncomfortable. We can't look at a human and say to ourselves, 'Ah-ha! Now he's definitely evil! Make sure to avoid him at all costs!' or 'Oh wow! A human! They are always friendly! Let's make him a friend as soon as possible!' No! As a species, you are too varied. We don't know how to treat your kind. We don't know how to automatically judge any of you. That degree of uncertainty leaves room for doubt and fear, a concept we would rather avoid simply because we can. Because we can exist in a realm full of guarantees and near absolute certainty about anything we feel comfortable in putting our trust in, there is rarely any reason for us to stick our necks out and take a true risk. Of all things, it is curiosity that can be the greatest motive for us to take that risk, as I have. That and ignorance. If we don't even know enough about you like why we should fear you more then again we sometimes react with less caution than we otherwise would have. Curiosity and fear are our two balancing forces. I'd like to think curiosity wins more often than not, and usually that's true until we realize that true danger might exist. In that case, it's usually fear that wins out because we exist in a realm full of security and safety. We're sheltered in our own way. We don't know how to handle danger.

“I'd like to propose there is another emotion vastly related to curiosity but needs another component to more fully evolve; adventure. An adventures spirit requires bravery. Curiosity drives us to explore whatever seems safe because we want to know what we don't know but not to the extent that the curiosity could permanently end us. If we die it prevents us from learning anything else, normally an intolerable thought. Since we have so much time to risk it drives us to be even more cautious but . . . occasionally . . . there are some with true courage too. When those two emotions mix it becomes something else, a hybrid emotion called the adventures spirit. I guess I had that and if so it's a very rare quality, I discovered, among my own kind. I did not know that until I noticed how my people limit themselves and why they chose to do so. During a time when I only knew what they knew, the playfulness and safety of our own realm, I could not distinguish myself apart from any of my people. I had those adventures qualities within me but they did not stand out until we faced an element of true risk. It was at that point I noticed some backed off, some earlier than others but a few go all the way. It's funny to notice that because there was no way to notice that before. Every coward I've ever known in Faerie claimed to be brave at first. For awhile there was no reason to depute that claim. We did not even know what true courage meant. For us, it usually meant a willingness to explore anything. That was what adventure meant to us at the time. Later on, I heard the definition of 'adventure' get modified to 'willingness to explore anything as long as the perceived danger is not too great'.” Azmellia shook her head. “No. That's not an adventure. That's not courage. Not as I define it now. That's simple curiosity and nothing but. Curiosity by itself has its limits. Its true enemy is fear and only courage overcomes that. Only an adventurer says to him or herself, 'My curiosity is greater than my fear. I'm aware of the risks but I won't let it stop me.' Risks exist within our realm. Believe me, true danger exists there even for us immortals. Those who can't die can lose something else instead, like our sanity, and there are elements there that specifically try to tax that. Realms like that most of my kind adamantly avoid. Not even a dare can prompt them in there. Most who try to dare others into those dangerous realms claim 'Well I would but it's against the elders laws.' That's just an excuse. What they really mean is, 'No! I don't want to go! It's too dangerous there. I could get hurt.' That's a very valid point! Those who ignore the risks involved can get hurt. No one said the life of an adventurer is a safe business.

“Ignorance can also support curiosity too without having to lean on courage. Courage is only involved when the risk is perceived and summarily ignored. Curiosity without knowledge of the danger involved is just simple curiosity. Some call it simply being stupid but ignorant is a more accurate term because the smartest person in the world who attempts to solve a problem can make a mistake when he or she is missing some of the facts involved. In the beginning, that's how my relationship with mortals started. I thought about that a lot and eventually realized I really would not have satisfied my curiosity if I knew the potential consequences in advance. It was only after I got invested that I then proceeded ahead with the relationship while simultaneously being aware of the risks involved. Only then could I be considered a true adventurer, but it was ignorance that got me started in the first place. The old Azmellia would have balked at all the bad stuff that would happen to her if she pursued that curiosity. Warned in advance, she would have said, 'Uh-huh. Thanks for the warning and no thank you!' But, later on, she got more emotionally invested. By then it was too late to back off so each step prompted her to the next. She almost became trapped in that pattern, unable to resist the next step even if part of her dreaded it.

“For me, back then, it was returning to Angelica and apologizing. This might sound selfish but, more than anything, what I really wanted was to get back to the parts that were fun. I realized then that Angelica grew too old for some childish games but maybe we can find room somewhere to play together in the middle ground. Cards, perhaps. Then there was Daniel to consider. If she could be assured I would not kidnap him again then I can give him all the fun she used to enjoy.”

“Yeah, right,” Astrid said under her breath skeptically with a roll of her eyes.

“I'm just making my thoughts and motivations back then clear. Pay attention.” Azmellia sternly encouraged Astrid, narrow eyes shifting to the other girl. “Or if you wish to finish my story yourself somehow, be my guest.”

“Sorry,” Astrid mumbled. “Continue.”

Looking back forward, Azmellia resumed. “Well, it . . .” Azmellia sighed. “I know it might sound so ridiculous to you now. It does to me too but that's only because of what I learned about mortals since then. Back then I did not know what to expect so there was little to stop me from trying. Well, maybe I should not say that. My village discouraged it. My elders discouraged it. They all told me to leave well enough alone. They said I meddled too far and already it has shown consequences. They said they were lucky the mortals did not retaliate more violently as well they could have. They said I messed with affairs I did not understand which had consequences I did not understand. Some of them even admitted their own ignorance, that there could be consequences even they did not understand. All they assured me was there is always consequences, as it is the nature of the mortal realm to have consequences. They said that is what defined their world as different from ours. They said that was, in fact, a key element of the differences. They said that they were mortals and I was a fairy. They said just concentrate on being a fairy. Be happy, go play, but don't cross the line again. Do not venture into the mortal world again. Abandon all regrets and curiosity. Cherish what I gained but leave the rest behind.”

Azmellia crossed her arms, sitting up enough to do so. She almost looked like she was pouting but also looked thoughtful.

“When did I become so defiant?” Azmellia asked aloud, sounding both curious and annoyed at the same time. “I recall a time when I had great respect for my elders. I recall a time I wholeheartedly believed every word they said. Where I come from usually no one 'grows-up' enough to challenge elder authority. We simply remain children. Ignorant, happy, blissful . . . forever. I clearly remember when I used to respect them. Even when they said they did not know something I used to think, 'Well, if they don't know the answer then the answer does not exist because they know everything! Everything worth knowing. They are billions of years older than me!' Well, more like beyond count. We did not measure years at all. We simply know who is older based on the knowledge they have accumulated. Naturally the elderly knew more. It's as simple as that.

“In fairy society, there is hardly any true laws. Those laws that exist are usually created and enforced by the god-like members of our royal seelie court, otherwise, we're too chaotic for that. When I say laws I mean the kind of rules people actually punish others for breaking the rule. Normally you can't be that strict with a fairy unless it's really-really important that they obey that rule. Even then it has to come from an authority powerful enough to enforce that law or it means nothing. Our elders in our village, like any other, generally are stronger than the rest of us but not at the level of the royal courts. I have seen our elders bend trees apart using their magic stretching all across the horizon just to get a better view of something in the distance, for example. It's both their knowledge and their power that we respect. Respect is a very key term here. It is because of that respect we generally obey any advice they give but when you get down to it that's really all it is, advice. They give us a suggestion based on their knowledge and wisdom then leave it up to us to follow it or not. When they feel it's important they'll strongly encourage it more than once if they feel it's necessary but no fairy imprisons another or locks down their minds or hearts. That's against our nature. We value freedom too much to feel comfortable in impinging it upon others. At the most we might enslave someone else's emotions temporarily for the purposes of self-defense and sometimes for a harmless gag. Actually, I should say we do that often.” Azmellia shook her head to clear it.

“Anyway, when it comes to a serious decision, the elders leave it up to us to decide if their advice is wise to follow or not. I noticed a very active attempt on me not just by one, but several and they each did it several times. This implied a very grave concern on their part. It was the strongest authority they usually exercise. I found it sad and surprising that they had to apply so much attention towards me in that manner. I was such a good girl. I loved and respected them so much. Never before did I think that I would deserve such focused attention before. Besides being sad and surprised, to be honest, it also made me scared. I had my own doubts to wrestle with, after all. They were only increasing the pressure.

“But in the end, when you get down to it, going back was simply something I had to do. The urge was a splinter in my mind that time only made worse, not better. We're not used to time limits of any kind unless it's built within a harmless game but, in this case, I knew that I did indeed have a serious time limit on my hands, something I could not joke about. Things were changing in the mortal realm and very rapidly as I have observed. There was no telling what I was missing until I go back and check. The worse case scenario, I had then imagined, was being too late to resolve any of my regrets. It meant I had to live with those regrets for the rest of eternity without any way to solve the problem either. As I said before even a tiny bit of pain can seem quite significant if it had the potential to last a very long time. Pain is not just physical. It can be emotional, spiritual and mental as well. I had to take that into account.

“So it was with great fear and regret that I rejected my elder's advice and ventured back into the mortal realm. This required so much courage. This was when I was a true adventurer, willing to risk everything merely for the chance to say goodbye at the least, revive a dearly cherished friendship at the most with the potential to expand onto others. All the imagination in the world could not satisfy me enough. Indeed, there were some who read my mind and created illusions of Angelica in front of me as a target for me to apologize to. Sometimes those illusions forgave me, other times they did not. They tried to give me a realistic variety of possible scenarios based on what they did know. It's . . .” Azmellia sighed as she shook her head “. . . just not the same. I wasn't playing with theoretical concepts here. A real woman with real feelings was hurt. I just could not let that go no matter how hard they tried to because it was her feelings that really mattered to me. I cared for her. Loved her, even, in my own way. I knew I would not find peace until this issue was fully resolved.

“Six years later the elders suddenly flipped their advice on me. They actually encouraged me to go because they finally realized I was unable to let this issue go. The funny thing was I had already been planning on defying them. I gathered information discreetly, or at least I thought I did. Maybe I did not cover my tracks well enough. I should have remembered that I'm not the only mind reader in the village and the elders were not fools. They caused and evaded so many pranks in their time that they could sense mischief when it was coming better than most of us. Some were too regal to cause pranks anymore, others were not, but either way then saw it coming. When they finally gave me their blessings I felt like such an idiot. How did I ever think they would not notice? Mazwella in particular. She had the ability to accurately predict the future. It's broken visions and open to interpretation but, in any case, it's never wrong. If she sees it then it will happen no matter what as if the visions were some fixed point of every possible reality nailed to the sky. That's how it's always been. Even when we try to defy her visions it only somehow ends up causing it or we failed to anticipate some random anomaly that she didn't warn us about that ends up causing the visions she spoke of. It's broken visions, after all, and never enough to prevent it. All we can really do is brace for the impact as best we can. Well, if they are bad visions. Mazwella sees good fortunes too.

“It was also touching and surprising for me that I suddenly gained their blessings. Behind it, I also sensed they were holding something back. Maybe something good,” Azmellia pursed her lips as her head shifted left, “maybe something bad.” she had the same expression but her head shifted right then returned to the middle. “I did not know, but I felt it none the less. I suspected something about Mazwella's visions was indeed behind this. There was something meaningful in their eyes when the elders sent me off. Whatever that secret was the rest of the village was ignorant of this. They sent me off with a celebration. For them, it seemed heartfelt with no deception and no secrets coloring it. Those who knew me and cared for me just wanted me to get better. That was . . .” Azmellia sniffed happily “. . . very special to me. It really made me so happy. I just needed that support, you know? It made me feel safer and loved.”

Azmellia looked down, her thoughts progressing to another subject.

“Then, one day, I finally returned to the mortal plane. I was more prepared at the time then I had ever been before, or so I thought. For example, there was no appointment this time. I could not expect Angelica to be at the portal at the appointed time. It was still there, I was pleased to notice. Apparently the mortals could do nothing to stop it even if they had some objection to it. One incident was apparently not enough to cause them to go overboard with powerful spells or wall up the entire area around the portal. What would that accomplish anyway? As a ball of light, I can pass through solid matter, including the ground beneath. They would have to surround the entire area with a force field to hold me back and powerful magic like that is difficult to make permanent. In any case, they didn't, and I proceeded past the portal unimpeded.”

Azmellia waved a finger in front of her at no one in particular.

“What Angelica did do was move away from the portal a vast distance. Well, vast as I come to know the term at the time. Really it was nothing other than the other side of town. Maybe the portal was not the real reason she moved. Perhaps her old house burned down. I don't know, but I do know she no longer dwelled where she originally did before.”

“Because she got married. Duh.” Astrid pointed out.

Azmellia paused, then looked at Astrid in approval. “You know, I think you're right! Her original house was still standing as far as I could tell. Come to think of it I saw it as I flew over the town across the night sky. She did not leave for that reason. It had to be something else. If it was her husbands dwelling that would make sense.”

Astrid waved Azmellia on with an impatient gesture. “Go on.”

“And if she moved to get away from the portal she probably would have moved considerably further than that.” Cassy pointed out. “But like you, she had connections in that town. She had roots. She could not simply abandon them just because of you.”

“Also maybe she wasn't really all that afraid of you,” Selendria added with hope in her voice. “Maybe . . . she forgave you?” That last question sounded positively squeamish with desperate hope.

“Shhh! Just let her finish.” Astrid hissed at Selendria then nodded encouragingly at Azmellia. “Go on.” she bade again.

“Well,” Azmellia said as she sank her mind back to that time period again “at least I knew where she lived. I did some reconnaissance of my own in various ways, short of going there myself. Really, it was actually the first time I got a good look at a human town. Well, not just human. There were a few other races that dwelled in there. It was a big town!”

“Get to the point!” Astrid demanded.

“Alright! Sheesh! Crack that whip, why don't ya?” Azmellia said with a squint in her eyes towards Astrid then looked back forward.

“Finally, I flew up to a window at the corner of her new dwelling. The curtains were spread wide open but there was a glass window in the way. Hardly an obstacle for me, not if I were really determined to get in. I'm not a vampire either. I did not have to be invited to come in. It's just polite. Since I got this close I figured I could do some further scouting first to get a better handle on the situation, find out what's what sort to speak. My sources told me she lived here along with her husband and now six-year-old son. Why it never occurred to me after thousands of years that she lived here because of her husband . . . well, what can I say? I'm an idiot.” Azmellia briefly knocked the side of her head. “Anyhoo, I flew up to the window and turned invisible. As an additional precaution, I flew below the line of sight for anyone beyond the window. That also meant I could not see anyone beyond it either, at least not at first. Carefully I peaked up beyond the lower edge of the window, and I saw . . .”

Azmellia paused for suspense, then resumed.

“I saw Daniel,” Azmellia said with a warm voice. “The yellow windows distorted him a bit. I knew that was because of the windows, but my heart still skipped a beat when I saw him veering some small wooden toy wagon back and forth along the wooden floor. He made sound effects for it too, not all of it entirely appropriate for a horse drawn wagon. Some of the sounds I did not even recognize nor did I know human vocal cords could make such sounds. I was not overly impressed, especially when measuring against the illusionary magic fairies can conjure for all kinds of wild and crazy sounds. I had to remind myself this is a reduced scope. None of these people were naturally magical, none that I had met at any rate. You, for example,” Azmellia looked at Selendria for a moment “are among the rare exceptions.” Snapping her gaze back forward, Azmellia resumed. Her eyes started to glaze with tears.

“There he was! That special little boy! He took such joy out of something so primitive. It was not even a real wagon, just a small imitation of one. I did not need to read his mind to know that for him it was something far greater. For him, it was a tool to spark his imagination. In his mind, I'm sure it was the size of a real wagon but more important than that was the places it took him too. In his mind, there are less restraints. Perhaps that wagon was flying in the sky, pulled by a pair of spectral phantom steeds. Oh, the view he must have seen!

“There it is! This was candy to my kind! The kind of wonder, innocence and warmth of spirit that feeds our souls. This is the kind of things that caused our existence, which invigorates and fuels us.” Azmellia grew even tearier eyed. “And that's all I wanted! All I ever wanted for him. For him, at least at that age, he was perfect. He was everything I had hoped he would be. Not just alive but happy! Thriving! And with so little, too. No meadows, no magic, no flying through the sky . . . just a kid with a simple toy.

“As I stared at him he reminded me where real magic comes from. It starts right here,” Azmellia pounded her chest “in the heart. It is the simple concept that anything can be done if you just believe. It comes from emotions charged with hopes and dreams. We are those hopes and dreams, us fairy kind. We were born from children like him and it is our job, in return, to share that joy right back at them. I did my best to do exactly that. A little foolishness and ignorance here and there, but I was learning. When I stared at him my life gained greater definition once again. He reminded me of the simplicities that were really important. He may not know this. Maybe he could not know this, but he was literally creating entire worlds in his mind. Real worlds too, not just figments of his imagination. Those spirits depended upon him to supply that youthful energy. I was among them. I was proof that the power of their belief truly and effectively changed the world.

“My heart yearned for his company. I flew further up from the edge of the window, subconsciously wanting to be noticed. I had forgotten that I had chosen to be invisible, but still he noticed. I was movement out of the corner of his eye, begging for attention. He looked to confirm what he thought he saw, then he smiled! My soul brilliantly flared with color at that moment. Without realizing it I waved hi to him. He returned the gesture. He did not freak out. He just accepted what he saw as if I belonged there, a natural part of his world. Images of him as a baby returned to my mind, to a time when he simply accepted everything without thinking anything was strange or unusual. He didn't question my existence, only confirmed it with his brilliant smile that created worlds. I felt so . . . moved!”

Both Selendria and Astrid were sniffing at this point.

“'Mommy, mommy! Look at!' He cried as he pointed my direction. 'A fairy! I see a fairy, momma! A real live fairy!'

“My heart skipped a beat again. Suddenly I looked passed him, desperately wanting to see the mother he was referring to. This was one of the two people I desperately wanted to meet, someone I kept thinking about over and over again in my mind. More than anyone else, I felt like I owed this woman. An apology if nothing else, but I must admit my hopes aimed considerably higher than that and it felt so important that my chest squeezed with the pain of anticipation. Would I be rejected or is this the start of a new beginning of another beautiful friendship? Images of her returned to the forefront of my mind, the image of a young innocent girl dancing about a field of flowers in a white dress.

“But when she came into view I was once again taken aback by how much older she looked. The image of her as a little child dissolved in the face of this much older woman. She shattered my own internal illusion of her, the memory fading somewhat sort of like a slap in the face. This was who she was now, her new image reminded me. In my heart, I kept clinging onto her as an innocent little child but the image was hard to endure when I saw the woman herself. Gone was her youthful spirit. Gone was her youthful face and energy. She was much more mature, a poised woman in control of her destiny rather than a slave to it. She asked no one for permission to do anything anymore like she used to with her parents. She was more accustomed to giving commands now. In my mind, it was hard to compare the two versions of Angelica. I resisted the urge to burst into a sob to mourn the loss of my old friend. Instead, I peered at her carefully, trying to discern any sign that the young innocent girl I once knew was still in there . . . somewhere. It was hard to resist concluding that everything I sought in her I found in her son instead minus the feminine part.

“'Mommy, look at!' Daniel pointed right at me despite me being invisible. 'A fairy, momma. A pretty little fairy right there!'

“Angelica glanced down at her son with a discerning look to evaluate if her son seemed to be joking or not. From my perspective, I couldn't tell what she was thinking and I guess it was just one of those days when I inconveniently forgot I ever had that ability to begin with. I guess I was too wrapped up in emotion to think straight. She did not immediately reject me, however. She simply seemed to try to determine if he believed in what he said.

“Then she looked back out the window again with searching eyes. In her case, I could tell she could not see me, not directly at any rate. This disappointed me somewhat. I remember back in the days when she could do precisely that, effortlessly. I still held out a little bit of hope that she eventually could see me again if she tried hard enough. I knew all she had to do was believe again, to want to believe. She also had her own memories of playing with me to back her up. For her, she did not have to question the existence of fairies, not with so much personal experience with one of them.

“But . . . if that was true . . . why did she have such a hard time seeing me? Her faith should not have been an issue. Sure I was invisible but that should not matter to someone like her. We were bonded. We were connected. We had the same spirit despite growing apart. I honestly still believed that, that she was the one that created my existence in the first place. Maybe not in this life, but it does not matter. Matters of spirit is eternal. It transcends lifetimes unconsciously if nothing else. I felt that in my heart. Deep down I sensed she felt that too.

“But her eyes kept searching, not focusing on any one particular target.

“Then, to my infinite horror, she glanced down at her son and said 'Don't be silly, son. There is no such thing as fairies' then she proceeded to shut the curtain on me.”

Azmellia paused again as she looked down with what Selendria could see was something far beyond mere sadness. It was the deepest levels of shock but then replaced with something else, or more accurately to say nothing else. Her eyes grew empty and lifeless in recalling this memory. Selendria was herself startled to see that. It was like watching Azmellia's soul disappear before her very eyes.

“I, ah . . .” Azmellia began lamely. “I heard stories once of those of my kind who heard those forbidden words. Words spoken by mortals, the very thing that originally caused our existence in the first place.” Azmellia wiped the side of her head hard. “I suppose I never fully appreciated the implications of those stories but, from what I had gathered from them, I suspected that hearing those words from a mortal was outright deadly to our kind. If fellow fairies said those forbidden words to each other it did not have such a powerful or deadly effect. Still it is considered rude of the highest order. We never say that to each other if we have kind intentions, not even as a joke. That is a line we all instinctual never cross. This is because we each knew deep in our hearts that our existence was dependent upon the faith of mankind. To hear another fairy deny the existence of another is the gravest insult. There can be no greater offense because that insult is enforced by an undercurrent of our deepest fear. It's insulting but . . . not deadly. There is no surer way to poison a relationship with a fairy. We frown very darkly on any fairy that speaks such words, even if they deliberately intend to end a relationship with another for some odd reason. The consequences are far darker than that, though. I heard of some fairies banished entirely from our village for daring to use such words under any circumstance. I'd like to think they did it more than once to deserve such a severe punishment, but still . . . it's a blow to us all to hear that. You just don't say things like that among us. You just don't.

“But to hear those words spoken by a mortal, the very thing that once created us, carries with it far more dire implications. I was stunned for so long, unable to move. Only distantly did I register the fact that I was still alive because I was able to think at all, but my emotions were blown away. In time, I realized that the implications of those words were far worse than I had ever imagined because it does not kill us physically.” Azmellia crossed both arms across her chest and looked down. “It kills us spiritually! It was my very soul that got attacked! Looking within I noticed it was now completely drained of color. If someone could see my aura then it probably would have been gray, black, or maybe even entirely absent. Well, maybe not absent. If it were there would be no energy to sustain my body at all. Then I would be truly dead.

“But no, my body was fine. It was my soul that had a hole in it now. I did not know how to summon my emotions anymore. I did not know how to care about anything anymore. I could not even care about what just happened to me. I was nothing but a mind, a cold slab of pure logic. Eventually, I noticed my magic was gone as well. It taught me since then where my magic comes from. Without my soul or emotions, there is no fuel for the fire necessary to create magic. I had no light around me anymore. I was . . . nothing. Nothing that mattered at any rate. I might as well not existed for real.

“Maybe it was far worse to hear those words from the very same soul that originally created me. I don't know. I should also point out that, curiously, we're immune to harm from those words when it's said out of earshot even if it came from a mortal. If we don't know it is said then it does not harm us. Mortals probably say it all the time. I don't know how often they mean it but I estimate they say it and mean it far more often than a child's first laugh because that can occur only once per lifetime. In that moment of blank emptiness when I had nothing but pure logic to keep me company that epiphany dawned on me. Mortals must have said it all the time but I was only damaged by hearing it personally. If the other scenario were true then we should not exist at all because the act of saying it even beyond our presence would wipe us all out because of the frequency of the event compared to a child's first laughter. That did not add up so I realized that it was only in the direct company of mortals could such words affect us.

“No wonder, then, were they so afraid of mortals. This was the heart of their very dire fears. No one likes to remain around beings that could damage our eternal souls with a few simple words, not when the risk wasn't necessary by simply not remaining around them to begin with. By avoiding them we can have paradise instead. Paradise or hell. Paradise or hell. Eternal happiness or eternal damnation. This is a very one sided argument here.”

“But if the consequences were eternal how can you ever recover?” Astrid asked, mystified.

Azmellia winced as she shook her head. “Please, no more interruptions, please. Especially not at this point of the story. This is very difficult for me to relive.” Azmellia chopped both of her hands down to the sides of her knees. “Keep a frame of reference in your mind when you listen to my story. I might say it in present tense but it really applies to the past. I'm telling you all that I knew and thought at the time. I didn't know back then that things would get better later on. At the time, I thought I really had suffered an eternal consequence. I was learning a lot of things at the time. Be patient and I'll answer all your questions eventually. If not I'll answer them later, okay?”

“Ah . . . okay.” Astrid said, spooked.

Azmellia sighed then rubbed the bridge of her nose as she attempted to regather her thoughts. This particular point of the story was hard to jump back to. To recall the memory she had to relive it and doing so meant reliving a time when her soul was damaged, almost virtually gone.

“I, ah . . . didn't really notice when I returned to my own people because I did not cause it. I could not even tell you how long I simply sat there on the windowsill, staring forward with those wide, empty, blank eyes. I had lost all motivation to do anything. If I needed to breathe I would have suffocated to death at that moment. This isn't the kind of damage any of my kind can recover from entirely on their own. With all motivation gone no action is ever taken necessary to recover from a blow this severe. Not on our own, at any rate. Thank the gods that I had friends aware of my plans. They were the ones who scouted out Angelica's new dwelling in the first place so they also knew where she was. Because of that, they also knew where I was. After failing to report back for an unknown amount of time they must have come looking for me and found me a virtually lifeless husk. They dragged me back to my homeland before I knew it. Thankfully the task was much easier compared to lugging Daniel around all over the place. Compared to us, he was a boulder even as an infant.

“Back in my village, I continued to be totally unaware of the passage of time for the longest time. Faintly I heard music, noticing dancing about me, various scents and fairy magic. To put it bluntly, my village was trying to stimulate me. If they could cause any emotional reaction it would give them something to build upon later. Each success supports the next attempt. Slowly my mind stirred, mostly thinking about what happened around me without any emotion but just cold hard logic. Many things occurred to me that I had not considered before because of it. Largely that included more efficient ways they could have done something. I noticed things like the way they moved in their dance could have accomplished more if they were more refined with their movements. By then I had forgotten this wasn't martial arts practice, this was pure art practice. They did this for emotional sake. Efficiency wasn't supposed to be a factor but, in that moment, I had forgotten that.

“Even if it was only logic it was still a thought. Thought stimulated me somewhat, caused me to pay attention to my environment again. I began to pick apart various details that I noticed around me, often very minute details we often overlook. I could count all the specks of the floor, for example, without growing bored because it turns out boredom is still an emotion. Without emotion, there is no boredom either. In a way, I think I was the closest to a marionette state then compared to any other time in my life. Back then I could handle a dull and repetitive task with ease.

“But slowly, very slowly, my emotions returned. Regretfully it was my negative emotions that returned first but not strongly enough to overwhelm me. Sorrow, regret, remorse, sadness . . . I noticed the emptiness inside me just enough to hurt. There was a little bit of relief too, mainly by noticing the fact that my emotions were returning at all, even if they were mostly negative. That thought inspired another. Relief is also an emotion, not a negative one either. If was the first positive emotion to return back to me and it was quickly followed by another . . . hope. I knew if I could experience any emotion, including relief, then more than likely my other full range of emotions will recover as well, including the positive ones. I clung on to that thought with a desperate passion. I needed that hope. It was my life-raft in the darkness of the abyss hanging within my soul. Finally, a little light returned within me. A small spark at first but steadily getting stronger. It was also a relief to know that I wanted anything at all. Desire was another emotion, in this case, a very important one. Desire was the foundation of all emotional motivation. To simply want something is the first act of getting it. It is a goal to set our minds to. It plots the course of everything else.

“I can't tell you how long it's been. Even by immortal standards that period of my life felt especially timeless. Timeless enough to remain completely unaware of the passage of time. In retrospect, it felt like a very long time. I did not think of it in those terms back then. I was still in the middle of reconstructing my soul piece by piece. It was an agonizing process, especially when my emotions were just starting to bud. On the other hand, it was reassuring to know that at least it was possible and that, my friend,” she said with a glance to Astrid “was when I learned the consequences was not eternal. Any progress I made assured me that further progress could be made. So right then, in that room, I dispelled at least one myth. I proved it was possible to recover from even the greatest blow to our souls. None of my kind envied the process. Not enough to dare risk the experiment themselves as far as I know.”

Azmellia looked back forward with an empty blank stare.

“I'm, ah . . . a little embarrassed to admit that my home village was not as supportive as I original thought. During a time when nearly all my emotions were gone it was hard to care enough to notice who came to visit me. We don't have a 'family' as you come to term it. None of us are born from each other in the manner that you are created so no one is related to each other in those terms. We have no siblings, mothers, fathers, uncles, cousins. None of that. No family at all that's blood-related. Instead of that, our bonds are entirely a choice which suits us just fine because freedom is the foundation of our nature. The nature of our creation forces nothing upon us beyond our apparent gender, and even then it's basically meaningless. Just because I have a female form doesn't mean I can breed. It only reflects the persona of the one that created me. That's all.

“My friends did visit me as I would most expect. I had a lot of friends, too, so that was not a short list. Some of the elders visited me too. I am pleased to call a few among them my friends but largely I did not get the chance to personally associate with most of them. More than most of our kind, our elders are more remote. Still a few showed up, quietly chastising me with their very presence. One of them said, 'You heard the words, didn't you?' But his question sounded more like a statement. It was pretty obvious to all I heard those forbidden words. He stared at me as if his only reason for being there was to get me to acknowledge that fact. As logic spun in my head I started to wonder if this was his tactic to get me to recover and that is by first acknowledging the scope and the reason for the damage. I asked him back if he knew this was going to happen to me, if this could have happened to anyone. They kept warning me over and over again to avoid mortals but they never said to do so for this specific reason. I wondered why. Why not warn all fairies very implicitly the exact reason why it is dangerous to associate with mortals? I felt like I was being used as an example to the others and along with that thought it occurred to me that it may be he did not know this would happen but at the same time he did not want to acknowledge that ignorance out loud because to do so might diminish others perception to trust his knowledge and authority. As I suspected he withdrew quietly, leaving the question largely unanswered but I was growing wise enough to suspect the truth.

“Everyone that did visit me treated me differently. It was with sympathy, a sense of loss in their eyes. It was as if nobody viewed me fully as a fairy anymore. I was damaged goods, something I might not be able to fully recover from. At least my friends cared enough to visit me. Everyone else avoided me like I carried the plague. I think I honestly sensed terror in them and, at first, that mystified me. My mind spun with possibilities and I came up with two. Theory number one; they thought somehow I was contagious. That also implies the friends who visited me did so with bravery because they believed that visiting me carried with it an element of risk. This could also explain why they did it less and less over time even though I was showing signs of improvement. I heard terms like 'gray-soul'. I did not know what that meant for the longest time until then. It meant a soul who lost its soul, who lost its emotions. If I could conjure up dancing lights in that moment then it's color would have been gray but it was a moot point. A gray-soul also lost it's magic because emotion is where it comes from.

“Theory number two, and this is a much darker one; contagious or not they might have also avoided me for another frightful reason entirely. Some might have feared I might devolve into something much worse than a gray-soul. At least as a gray-soul I was basically harmless unless I was somehow contagious, an object of pity at worst but they must have feared I might become something much worse, a black-soul, or basically a member of the unseelie. This theory probably snuck into their minds when they noticed my negative emotions returned first. I think they feared that instead of my positive emotions returning eventually it would be only my negative emotions that would get stronger and stronger. At first, I was experiencing nothing but sorrow but as black-soul takes deeper root it could grow into other vicious emotions like hatred and spite. When hate takes hold I would become downright dangerous to be around because at that point, unlike them, I would be capable of killing. Not only killing but doing it for pleasure, for fun. If killing wasn't possible I could instead torture for the purpose of spreading my internal madness. That's not the only way an unseelie is born. Vicious emotions exist in the ones that spawn us too. It should be noted that, with determined effort, we have lost some of our kind to the unseelie through torture and vicious attacks. The plague of fear and nightmarish illusions are very effective psychological weapons for the unseelie. Hey, they'll use whatever works because they know it only strengthens their numbers and their cause. We see the unseelie as mentally ill. Worse then that we see it as a condition that can spread if we're not careful. The way the village started to treat me reminded me of that precaution exactly and yet I cannot recall a time when I treated anyone else this way. I could be the first example they have ever seen.

“Then the thought sank into my head . . . what if they were right? What if I really do become a member of the unseelie? It's strange to think they'll gain a member of their court without any effort on their part unless they had anything to do with Angelica's change of heart. That seemed unlikely from what I have observed. I don't know what it is. Did she forget how much fun we had together? Did she forget about me entirely? Sometimes returning from the fey lands can do weird things to a mortals memory and mind. Maybe she closed off her heart about me completely and on purpose due to the perceived act of betrayal. Maybe, in truth, she actually believed fairies still existed and me in particular but she did not want her son to believe else it could lead him into the same trap she fell into. Maybe she simply did not trust us anymore, but that did not imply disbelief per say.

“My mind was a jungle of theories.

“The most frightening one at the time was the possibility that my village could be right. What if I was turning into an unseelie? The thought horrified me at the time but I could not dismiss the possibility I might grow comfortable with the idea later. Sickness does indeed exist among immortals but the only ones we truly fear is the sickness of the mind. That is the kind of sickness that can transform you and when it does you might never change back. The seeds of black-soul is a very dangerous thing because of its corrupting influence.

“I found I could not ignore the concept that if the seeds of black-soul were indeed planted in my mind it was something that would germinate over time. One by one it could twist all of my emotions into the darkest equivalent a soul was capable of expressing. Since logic was partly ruling my mind I found the only way to attack this situation was to fully explore it and carefully analyze my emotional reaction to this. That also came with a partial plan in case I found the worst case scenario was indeed true. If I found for certain that I was becoming an unseelie then I had to abandon my village as soon as possible to protect them before I gain the urge to harm them. I would instead seek out other members of my new kind or maybe get lost in the forest and hopefully eaten by something.

“I did not want to run that thought to it's furthest course without confirming anything. First, I had to know the true extent of the damage as well as assesses how serious it was going to grow. Since Angelica started all of this I concentrated my mind on her.

“First, I tried to imagine what she looked like when I first met her and how I felt about her. I wanted to see if I could draw out those positive emotions first. I found the memory to be clouded. Instead of white her dress, it looked gray. The flowers looked gray. Everything looked gray except her face. Her face was replaced by nothing. I could not remember her face. Her movements felt meaningless too. It evoked no emotional response nor could I recall how I felt before. My memories of my joy in seeing her were erased, causing me to briefly question if those emotions were there in the first place . . . but no, that thought quickly passed. I may not be able to remember my emotional joy but I could remember my actions ever since that day. Based on the pattern it was logical to assume I acted in a manner consistent with the emotion of joy even though I could not remember what joy ever felt like. There was no other logical explanation for my behavior. I acted in a manner consistent with a singular emotional response because logic alone could not explain it.

“It was depressing not to be able to pull up any joy on her but not unexpected. Since she was the cause of my recent blow to the soul it's not unusual for all of my memories of our shared experience to sour. I next concentrated on how I felt about her now given my recent . . . um, handicaps. I analyzed myself carefully for any hatred or bitterness. I can't say I entirely lacked it. There was a part of me that felt this was unjust but, beyond that, another part of me understood why she might have said that. In fact, half a dozen theories rang in my head why she might have said that. I only wished I could rule it down to a single theory but would that make me feel any better necessarily?

“Next, I tried something dangerous. I considered this my stress test. I tried to force negative emotional response towards Angelica simply to see if I could. I tried to imagine myself as an unseelie wanting to kill her, but my logic told me that was unlikely. A true unseelie would toy with their food if they could. A true unseelie would prolong suffering as far as they could unless it becomes inconvenient for some reason. If I had a whole village to terrorize and if I was convinced I would lose the opportunity later for some reason then I might start to consider rapid killings but only to terrify the rest of surviving the populace. I might concentrate on children in particular. They are easily frightened.”

“Stop it!” Selendria said under her breath.

“Or I might concentrate on their animals and pets then build it up from there. I would want them to feel the darkness slowly creeping all around them, closing in on them from all sides. I would want to make sure they didn't feel safe anywhere, that they were constantly exposed to mortal danger no matter where they tried to hide. I would need to make especially certain that whatever they cherished the most was in the greatest peril. I need them to suspect that their cherished loved ones, like their parents or children, was my specific target that I'm eventually getting around to. I would make sure they could not sleep due to their sheer terror. Tired minds are more paranoid. Eventually, I would not even need to strike them. They'll do all the damage I need themselves out of sheer madness caused by their terror!”

“Stop it!” Selendria repeated more loudly.

“I would cast illusions to hide anything that shows any semblance of joy. I would cause child drawings to warp and twist into evil grins, pictures that would move if you dare to look away from them for even a second, somehow seeming closer and closer whenever you glance back at them. That which they normally cling to for safety must instead terrify them. I would grow bladed claws off every teddy bear as their fur blackens and their eyes steadily grow red.”

“STOP IT!” Selendria cried out forcefully, this time taking Azmellia by the shoulders and shaking her to force her out of this reverie. Finally, it worked. Azmellia blinked back at Selendria, dazed for a moment.

“You no longer wish to hear my story?” Azmellia asked Selendria, sounding more normal when she asked the question.

“Not with the direction you're taking it too,” Selendria responded with a frown.

“Relax, Selendria. You know this can't end badly.” Astrid assured but then nervously asked Azmellia “Can it?”

“You see?” Azmellia pointed back and forth between Selendria and Astrid. “This is why the unseelie target your age ranges so much. You're both easily frightened. That's like food to them. I knew that logically.” Azmellia lifted a hand, palm aimed up, and a white glowing ball appeared floating above her palm. “Trust me, Selendria. I'm not going to attack you. I'm not an unseelie. I'm way beyond those urges now. The memories I speak of are of a great deal of time ago. A thousand years at least, probably more. You could leave my story now with this dark ending, or you can brave on and hear the rest of it with the hope it might get better. It's up to you. What do you choose?”

“Face it, we already knew that Angelica would say something like that to her.” Astrid pointed out cunningly. “She said near the beginning of her story that her relationship with her first friend eventually went south. We already knew that story would not have a happy ending.”

“Are you sure?” Azmellia checked Astrid with a mischievous grin.

“Mostly because you already implied it. I can also deduce this from other facts too. You stole her child. Mortal mothers don't easily recover from a blow like that. Even while you try to so carefully explain your motivations I find myself unable to ignore the other side of the story at the same time. Angelica was extremely pissed at you. Pissed and frightened at the same time. Knowing you for as long as she did she knows she could not adequately defend herself or her child against you if you became determined again. You can pass through solid walls. How was she supposed to defend herself against a being like that? You could make her pass off to sleep again or charm her into willingly giving up her child, at least for as long as the magic lasts.”

Azmellia rolled her eyes. “So you do wish to finish my story.”

Astrid blinked and looked taken aback. “No. I never said that.”

“But you're so smart you got everything figured out already. Gee, how predictable my actual life turns out to be for you. I suppose not every fairytale can surprise you children.”

“Why are you being so obtuse with me?” Astrid complained. “I'm not attacking you.”

“I begged you not to interrupt me again.” Azmellia reminded.

“SHE is the one that did that, not me!” Astrid complained while pointing at Selendria.

“Yes, about that . . .” Azmellia shifted her gaze back to Selendria “. . . do you want me to continue . . . or end this story here?”

“I already cast my vote!” Astrid cried out while flailing her arms in the air for a second then crossing them in a pout.

“Selendria?” Azmellia prompted, raising an eyebrow while looking sharply at Selendria.

“Go ahead.” Selendria lamented as she sank back on her knees. “Just . . . do me a favor, alright? Can you skip this part? The part about you contemplating about becoming an unseelie?”

Her face still aimed towards Selendria, Azmellia shifted her eyes only to the right which was directly back ahead of her then turned her whole face in that direction.

“I, ah . . . suppose I could do that. I guess I don't have to go into too much detail but by removing myself from the emotion of the moment I quickly lose my own place. I have to remember what the moment felt like before I can remember any of the rest of the details. It's weird, but my mind is organized like that. It sorts by feelings first and then the rest of the senses.”

Selendria sighed as she looked down and said “Whatever. Just do what you have to do and get this over with.”

“Well,” Azmellia looked down with her eyes only “long story short, I started to aim more and more of those emotions towards Angelica if I could. I tried to imagine her running from me in terror. For some reason, I could more easily imagine her as a child doing that. Seems to me her adult self was more resistant to terror. Since this was all a mental exercise anyway I decided to go ahead and let me imagination loose, floating wherever it wants to go. Unrestrained, I more easily pictured Angelica young if I wanted to imagine her running from me in terror. By that time, my physical appearance is twisted as well. I probably had a wider mouth-line. I have teeth extending a full thirty percent further back on each side of my jaw. That would put it closer to my neck and it is from there the jaw becomes unhinged so it can lower even further for a much wider bite. Maybe I don't have eyes or maybe it simply seems like I don't have eyes. Whatever the case may be, I'm chasing her without error. Every turn she makes I track her perfectly. I'm caring a rusty razor with me. By itself, it's hardly deadly, and that's not the point. The point is I'm being followed by thousands of others of my kind who all look identical to me. They, too, are carrying rusty razors each with the intent to carve off a small little piece of the girl. Deep down, however, we don't really care about causing her physical harm. It's only a means to an end. It's her fear we're really after. Her fear that is our true food. As long as she lives in that insane amount of panic we'll keep gobbling up her fear to sate our minds, not our bellies. It is the mind that experiences true hunger pangs for an immortal. That is also the reason we're constantly starving of it. Because it's not a physical but psychological need we are constantly driven to evoke pain and fear.

“As we chase her we nick her with the blades if she ever gets within reach. Her screams of pain prompt her to run faster despite her enormous fatigue. She knows she cannot ever stop running or she's going to suffer a most excruciating death. Her heel, in particular, is getting more and more bloody as the chase continues. Smelling that, a sort of bloodlust drives our hunger further up the insanity level. Now we're so distracted with her we're oblivious to any other dangers about us. And then some ranger snags us up a net and throws us all into a fire.”

Azmellia waved the whole scene off carelessly. “Every step my mind took followed what I thought was most logical considering what I knew of unseelie pattern of behavior. How would they react in this situation? I had a good imagination and when prompted it gave me everything I asked for . . . everything except emotion. This scene played out in my mind like a play on stage but still I felt detached from it, like I was a member of the audience that just didn't care about what I saw no matter how gruesome the scene became. I felt neither remorse nor excitement. I considered that half good news. Gray-soul, then, seemed to be the most likely answer in this case, not black. At least I did not want to harm her. I did not want anything in particular at all. That was my problem. Still I considered that closer to progress than the alternative. If I was black-soul it would be even harder to climb back into white, but I pictured her . . . Angelica that is . . . as we unseelie finally leaped upon her and knocked her down only to tear her up with rusty razors and I thought to myself . . . no. No, this is not me. I do not wish to become that now or ever in the future. That's not who I was. That is not even close to what I wish to become again. I had a big problem with motivation at that moment but what little I had recovered of it suggested I wanted things to return back to normal because I was happy then. Life was just plain good. I had more allies too, friends I could count on quite likely far more than the unseelie ever would be.”

“I resolved myself as much as I could at that point. My goal was to return to my original self. As long as that goal remained I would never stop striving for it. Since I was still alive I had to assume I still had an eternity to recover from this blow. Given the progress, I made so far it made it seem all the more likely I could recover one-hundred percent of my original personality considering I had an infinite amount of time to devote to the project. If nothing else, it was something to do. Logically I also knew that as I steadily gained my emotions back I would desire to regain the rest back more and more. That fuels my motivation, causing me to strive harder with each passing moment.

“I also decided another thing, quite possibly one of the wisest decisions I ever made at that point of my life. In retrospect, I still agree with that assessment. That decision was to consider everything that happened between me and Angelica as an isolated incident. What happened between me and her was no proof I'd have the same kind of relationship with the next mortal in line.

“Everything I learned about mortal life proves that their world has a more pure form of chaos than even our own world. In our world, there are several consistent patterns to it. The main two themes are freedom and joy. If I imagined my world as rolling dice it frequently falls on whatever is considered lucky numbers over and over again. If the result of this 'random' chaos would result in either greater freedom or greater joy then that dice would always favor those results. They were loaded dice, I realized. Not the mortal plane. There it was likely to fall any number, no matter how spectacular or disastrous the result may be. Nothing was off the table and that was also the reason why a species like humans were so varied. They had to be to adapt to the sheer enormity of countless possibilities their world could offer them.

“If Angelica grew up in a world like that and that was all she ever knew then naturally she would be cautious about anything she perceived could harm her or those she loved. When I proved to be a threat it became very difficult for her to trust me again. Her son was too young to learn that lesson on his own. She considered it her job to teach her son to fear whatever she feared just in case that same source attempted to attack him ever again. I realized then that was how all mortals pass on their lessons and, through that, that was how they grew as a species. If they didn't they would keep on repeating the same mistakes. Since each person's memories and experiences is robbed from the physical world upon their death there is no way the species can grow except by learning from their elders and their own personal experiences. Passing those lessons on to the next generation was their way to ensure those tools of knowledge survives the ages since each individual mortal can't.

“I realized then that I probably could not recover my relationship with Angelica and it was my fault. There was so much I did not know at the time, so many mistakes made. So much underestimated, but the value here is I became less ignorant by learning from these mistakes. My advantage over mortals is I can keep on accumulating these lessons endlessly because my one life never ends. Furthermore, I can pass on these lessons to everyone I encounter as much as I want. The whole world could benefit from a source of knowledge that builds and builds and builds and, at the same time, willing to share that knowledge as far as wisdom and experience allows it to.”

“I never heard you talk like this before.” Astrid marveled. “If you were so deeply philosophical then, why did that change later?”

“I'm getting to that, but the short answer is I haven't changed a bit. That philosophical part is still a part of me. I'll draw it out whenever I need to, whenever it's convenient to do so. Largely my main priorities are geared towards fun but if I need to I can resort to my earlier training to overcome the challenges ahead of me. Those are the tools I found and I keep them handy as needed.

“Now . . . I say I haven't changed a bit but I'm referring to that time period onward. I have changed quite dramatically from the girl I used to be before that moment. Much of the ignorance and innocent bliss I once possessed were gone. A hunger grew in its place, a hunger for yet more knowledge. As painful as the journey has been it was also worth it. It has opened my eyes to the myriad of possibilities that existed beyond my original realm of perception before that point. I opened a new book and I found I could not stop reading. There was more to explore. I had to know more.

“I realized too how these experiences separated me from the rest of my kind. Their ignorance and fear kept them in check, kept them from growing and exploring all possibilities unrestrained. Unrestrained exploration is adventuring. Adventure welcomes any degree of risk necessary for the sake of growth. Growth, in turn, is used to overcome yet greater challenges. Now I knew why some among my own kind are more powerful than others. It's because they knew the secret, not merely the fact that they were born with greater power. The nature of their chaos permits that possibility too to some extent but it does not explain the greatest heights of our powers. It does not explain why two members of the same species once had identical magical potential but later on one of them exceeded ahead. Those kind of people didn't view risks as an impassible wall they could not cross. In fact, it was adapting to those challenges beyond the risk that caused them to be stronger later.

“Once I realized how different I had become to my home village and how they would fear me because of my changes I accepted the fact that I was no longer welcome there. They did not completely have the heart to kick me out. Their sympathy prevented that and as long as I don't prove to be an intolerable threat they would tolerate my presence because they felt sorry for me. That sympathy did not necessarily extend to friendship, though. Fear kept that at bay. They would not kick me out but chose not to associate with me either. So basically I was shunned. In a way, I was already an outsider. I could almost say their reaction was dead neutral were it not for their fear behind it.

“So I decided to do them a favor and banished myself. I'm sure that declaration was not considered truly official. Hardly anything in our society ever is. It's easier to keep track of a reality that rarely changes. We don't write anything down either to remind us later. Our memories can suffice in a pinch if we use it correctly, but as I demonstrated earlier it's often associated with emotion first, and emotion can cloud sound judgment. This is why I choose to associate with Mr. Paladin. He can give sound judgment for me and I trust him completely. His logic, his instincts, his motives, everything. For as long as he does that I can trust myself and my emotions to be free and unrestrained. We'll balance each other with each of our cosmological forces, something he may not fully appreciate yet but I've been around long enough to learn why such things are valuable. Why balance is valuable.

“I have very fond memories of my home world and that will never change. At the same time, I also accept I'm not fully apart of it anymore. There is only one place I could go for the likes of me to receive what she truly needs. I have found that place already. I just have to finish what I started. Because I have no end it also means I never stop exploring. There is always more to the journey. More to add to my long chain of memories.

“So I returned to the mortal world and this time for good. I put everything was behind me in order to embrace a larger future. Even there I still did not have to concern myself with issues like breathing, sleeping, drinking or eating. I considered that my blessings because it means there is less to impinge upon my journey. I could cross an endless desert or endless ocean if I wanted to. Nothing will stop me from exploring the world and exploring myself. Nothing. Anything that tries is simply an obstacle to overcome and learn from. In the end, it can only make me stronger.

“There is one need that remained and that was the need for companionship. I could not endure eternity alone. I am a very social creature as is most of my kind. The difference here was the fact that there were hardly any other immortals to associate with anymore. That meant every relationship I ever make will often be temporary. The best of intentions can't remove the fundamental fact that they will die. Dying means goodbye forever. Since I will never die myself then that also means there is no hope of ever meeting those friends in the afterlife. I might meet their next reincarnation but if I do they are still a different person who does not know me and for the most part I don't know them anymore either. I'll have to acquaint myself with him or her all over again, even if the soul knows otherwise deep down.

“So I had to grow accustomed to these new rule sets. Every friendship I ever develop is like a sweet fruit that slowly rots with age. It's not to say that our friendship itself sours but rather their bodies do, although my relationships can still go south as well sometimes. Mortals keep changing and I must accept that which means today's friends can become tomorrow's enemies and vice versa. This prompts me to keep on traveling. I can only consume rotten fruit for so long. Eventually, I must move on to sample younger fruit once again. Each one may keep changing but at least there is plenty of you. I can keep moving to the next person and the next and the next and that is my solid plan for eternity in the mortal world. I'll keep making new friendships and keep losing them. When I lose them that's intensive to seek the next one in line. It's not a lonely existence necessarily unless I apply no effort. I must keep going on and on to satisfy my true needs.

“As I did so my mind and emotions not only recovered but grew stronger than ever before. This is inspired by the journey and everyone I met within it. I have to do something with all this time so I choose to spend it by keep learning, keep growing, keep adapting as the need demands.”

Selendria sniffed as she wiped some tears away then crawled forward to hug Azmellia.

“I'll be your friend, I promise,” Selendria vowed very emotionally. “I'll never tire of you. I will never put you on the shelf. I may change myself but my caring for you never will. Even when I die . . . my love will remain. Somehow I'll make sure you'll feel it in my next life too. I promise, Azmellia. I will find a way.”

Normally Azmellia would be skeptical of a promise like that coming from a young child considering all the others in her long life that made that same claim but faltered with circumstances usually beyond their control. A child usually cannot consider all the implications of all the changes they will go through as they approach adulthood, chief among them their spouse and children. A child almost always underestimates the sheer impact those two experiences will have later on in their future lives. It's very common for them to put away childish things as they grow up and occasionally that meant old relationships too. Despite their best intentions, they made a promise they frequently could not keep.

But Selendria was different. Azmellia could feel it. She had already proven to be a child beyond the scope of any other and in more ways than one. Her passion and compassion for life, the miracles she performs . . . Selendria clearly had the touch of the divine within her physically, magically and spiritually. As a former goddess, Selendria's soul probably knew how to hold onto things more permanently. Few other mortals come close to that level of innate immortal perfection. Obviously, her mortal life was not among them unless that somehow later changes. Azmellia could not ignore Akeldon's potential either and clearly these two were bound for each other. Does that mean he will become fully mortal, her immortal, or somehow somewhere in between? It was an exciting prospect to realize anything was truly possible between them so Azmellia could not reject Selendria's promise out of hand. Despite all of her earlier experiences, this particular child proved that she was capable of any miracle, maybe even one's as great as that which she promises.