My Little Reviews & Feedback 504 members · 856 stories
Comments ( 1 )
  • Viewing 1 - 50 of 1
Clarke Otterton
Group Contributor

Something a little bit different this time around as I try my hoof at reviewing smut. I will be discussing adult topics and sex in this review, so if you are underage or that sort of stuff doesn't interest you, consider this your warning.

[Adult story embed hidden]

SUMMARY
An anthology of sexy times between Fluttershy and Discord.

There really isn't much too this story than that simple sentence, however, the separate "episodes" each contain well-developed plots and provide some thread of charming continuity between.


LANGUAGE - Excellent, 9/10
Style:
The author's style seems to be particularly suited to this genre, especially in the use of detail to communicate the action.

The only issue I noted with regards to style was in the opening of the first chapter as Fluttershy's day is recounted. This passage is heavy on exposition, but its placement at the beginning and its role in establishing the atmosphere counteract that.

When the story leads into the naughty scenes, the author's style is on par with the expectations of the genre. There are plenty of sensory details (which I will omit here) to indicate the action and excite the reader; the second chapter was particularly rich in these. Furthermore, I like the choice of perspective, that is, both Fluttershy and Discord act as equals in narrating the story, allowing for a whole, balanced view of their sexual adventures.

Mechanics:
Very few issues in mechanics. Sentence structure and the dialogue-action interplay is handled well.

The only thing I noticed was the use of "had had" in the opening. Understandably this part of the story needs to be told in past perfect tense, however, the repeated verbs occurs twice in a short period of time, so my suggestion is to find an alternative, more active verb to replaced it with.

Other issues were minor, such as a missing comma or word. Some words were missing spaces between them, though I believe this was intentional to suggest that these words were being slurred when spoken.

Mood and Tone:
It is undeniable that erotic media has one sole purpose above all others - to elicit in it's reader a strong mood of arousal. To that extent, the author does a wonderful job of creating just the right atmosphere to accentuate the characters and their action in the story.

The first chapter is a great example of using language to set the tone, such as this short excerpt:

When she opened the door, the cooler air outside her bathroom made her shiver. Fluttershy galloped to her bed, quickly crawling under the covers to keep the sweet warmth from her bath from dissipating. Sinking into her pillow, she smiled to herself. This was nice.

All of these sensory details, indicating how Fluttershy feels, lead to a strong sense of feeling at ease and taking care of oneself; in the case of Fluttershy's character, this feeling lends credibility to her reasons to masturbate, to essentially take care of herself as the story has established up to that point. It is intimate without being horny, and that is difficult to pull off.

The other scenes do just as well in establishing the atmosphere, each with a little bit of a different flavor (sometimes literally, as in chapter three's "climax"). The variety is good to see, and highlights some of the creativity of the author.


SETTING - Excellent, 9/10
I found the settings to be excellent, particularly for this genre. Although many details were not explicitly stated, the color in the language and character interactions were such that I could easily imagine the spaces where these sexy adventures occurred. For instance, the time of day nor light in Fluttershy's bedroom is never explicitly stated, but the recounting of her day up to that point and the use of warm, calm language seemed to bathe her room in gentle tones of evening light perfect for the sex scene that occurred.

Likewise, the scenes at the Grand Galloping Gala in chapter 3 made excellent use of setting. The details of the closet added significantly to the effectiveness of that scene.

Furthermore, as in the mood section, there was good variety in locations and ambience.


CHARACTERS - Excellent, 9/10

The characters are well-written, especially as the author explores sides of these characters that are rarely seen in the show or otherwise. Their expressions are natural and create an intimate rapport that connects to the reader.

Fluttershy has an interesting characterization throughout this story. I enjoyed how the author introduces her bashful personality through the use of her reactions to a romantic novel:

Oh. Oh! This was... getting a bit more passionate than Fluttershy had expected.

As she read on, a heated blush steadily rose to her cheeks. The writer didn’t spare any details, going through every small gesture and sensation.

[...]

This was when Fluttershy slammed the book shut, flushed and panting.

However, the author paints the fully unleashed, sexual side of Fluttershy just as well; her tone and actions convey her somewhat desperate, previously repressed lust. There is also, surprising, a bit of character development as she starts to take more and more control of her own sexuality and go after what she wants. For a normal story this would be excellent writing; for a clop-fic, it is beyond expectations.

Discord is likewise portrayed well in this story. His actions, dialogue, and of course, antics are all with-in his canon characteristics, and I would argue that his sexual side is likewise show accurate. I enjoyed the clever bits of information that hinted at his chaotic, slightly evil self, such as his role in leading to the copulation in the first chapter.

The remaining background characters, when they appear, are good and their roles are meaningful in the story however little time they may have "on-screen".


PLOT/THEMATIC DEVELOPMENT - Good, 8/10

In many ways, sex is perfect for writing a compelling plot - there is the introduction with the promise of something satisfying, the progressive build-up and increasing excitement until the climax, followed by a release of all the tensions and a cozy conclusion that pays off what was promised.

In that regard, the plot of this story essentially writes itself, hence why I have assigned a lower score. However, as simple as this formula may be, the author is still able to find ways to be creative with the plot. The lead-in for each of the scenes is excellent, allowing this natural development of the character's feelings and desires with an appropriate amount of tension. The pacing throughout is great, avoiding the pitfall of jumping too quickly to the most exciting parts; this in turn makes those moments, when the reader arrives, all the more satisfying.

Furthermore, there are some literary elements that are used to good effect. In chapter 3, for instance, Celestia's subtle actions help foreshadow what is going to happen between Discord and Fluttershy (although genre expectation also dicates that); this is also concluded nicely with this line from Celestia which absolutely floored me:

As they joined their friends by the drinks table, Celestia covertly undid the sound proofing spell on the closet door.
"There is one every year,” she sighed to herself, shaking her head in exasperation.

It is also nice to see a bit of continuity between chapters, suggesting that the relationship between Fluttershy and Discord is growing. It makes for a story with more substance than is expected per the genre.


FINAL THOUGHTS
I really enjoyed reading this story, even if it is simple clop. There are some tender moments between the characters that capture the reader emotionally as much as sexually. The writing is crisp and clean, with the right amount of details to convey the story just the right way.

There is not much I find that I didn't like. Granted, many of the explicit sexual acts were the standard, throw-away variety of porn, but then again, sex never changes; you put the thing in the thing and that's that. I do believe this story could have more continuity going forward as has already been suggested - an ongoing plot focusing on the relationship can allow for more opportunities to see how their sex-life changes as their relationship does.

Overall, Excellent story. 8.75/10


Score guide
Unsatisfactory: 0-3
Fair: 4-6
Good: 7-8
Excellent: 9-10

  • Viewing 1 - 50 of 1