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Review; Code:Omega

Tags [sex] 0, [Gore] 0, [narcotics] 5%, [Suicide/Self Harm] 100%, [death] 25%, [profanity] 60%, dark 0, sci fi 0.  {On Hiatus might change later.}

Summary: This story so far is about a wedding disaster.

Plot:  The plot is about this one pony who loved her and takes her away from some other pony.  There are maybe a few investigators that are maybe going to be of use to this story on how the character reacts later in the fiction. 

Future Plot maybe: Future Plot theory! > I would have to say sex maybe, and maybe some gore death in the future such as torture and maybe something so dark. 

Theory opinion analysis: I think where in theory the writer might be trying to have a vision on the structure of the characters for future chapters.  Such as maybe the user will give us the past as a past scene which I hope that would do for a lot of good character development.

Personal opinion:  This fiction needs love and care such as grammar it needs a lot of polishing love. Especially chapter 1 and 2.  This seems to be more of a mystery and it should have a mystery tag on it.  The story for chapter 1 and 2 may have been a bit of a mess to the main story. Since this is on hiatus things might change later.  I think it still has potential, however, it’s still too early to tell if it’s good or not since it’s on hiatus.

           interesting    Grammar   Idea         the flow      dialogue    release date
Prologue: 7/10        5/10            7/10            10/10        7/10             9/12/2018
Chapter 1: 4/10       3/10            5/10             6/10         4/10             9/12/2018    
Chapter 2: 4/10      3/10             5/10             4/10         4/10             9/15/2019

It could have been the grammar.  It could have been way too long to release.  Hopefully that person can get an editor and a proofreader.  To fix all the core stuff.

Rating:

Grammar score is at least a 4/10
I have to say it’s very good of an idea. 8/10
The flow of it was dropping I give it at least 6/10
Dialogue was also dropping and hard to read who says what. I give it at least 4/10
Characters I have to say alright but it may not be for everyone. I give this at least 6/10

18/30 

6/10

However if this person can find a way to fix some of these… my score will change into a high positive. Until then this fiction needs a lot of fixing.

Thanks for the review! I've been wanting to know what needs improving and I've been thinking whether I should continue this story or just do a rewrite because so far I don't like what I've written. Either way I go this, I'll apply these criticisms.