[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]

The tale of the downfall of a would-be bully before they came to such a dark path? I am interested. Let us put on our reading monocle and see what lurks before us.

Oof, before I started reading, an author note right to start. Avoid those. I should be reading the story, not a pre-word if it can be at all helped. Nothing in it was required knowledge for reading the story.

I am sad to report that the grammar leaves much to be desired. Tense slippage, misspellings, and missing periods are the start of a long trail of grammatical horror. Good grammar isn't noticed, but bad grammar can sink a story, and it's doing that right now. It is difficult to get through this. Grammar: ★

Use of show canon: We have named characters from before they were on screen. They seem reasonable enough. Ponies can be jerks, so I deem that canon enough. ★★

Character Consistency: I will fully admit to being distracted by the grammar to get into the specifics of the characters. The chapter is too short to really measure this one way or the other, though the teacher's response was odd, but pegasi teachers are already proven to be odd in canon. (no rating)

Plot Flow: This chapter spends 1000 words telling us a lot in as few words as possible. I feel it would gain a lot by slowing down and giving us details. Describe impacts. Describe actions. Don't just do a thing, tell us how it's done. Derpy hit a pole. Was she hurt? Did she bounce? Did she break the pole or dent it? Just saying she hit it tells me very little. For all I know she gently tapped it with a wing on the way past. ★

Entertainment: An unfinished story in a hiatus. I would suggest advancing, if you like the seed you've planted, but taking your time with it. This isn't a race. Give us more detail and less rushing from action to action. I left some notes on the first few typos I stubbed my literary toes on, but there are plenty of others. Good luck! ★

Overall: ★ See entertainment. This is a fine start of something maybe, but it needs work before continuing. The first chapter is in need of a deep helping of polish, then proceed with caution. You can do it!