[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]

Two HiEs in a row? Why not. Sad and Tragedy? A failing due to one's own nature, in theory, though I find many writers forget that part and just think 'Tragedy' is another word for sad. Self insert? I've done one of those. Will it be half as shameless? Let's find out!

The grammar is rough to the point of distraction. I left a laundry list of what I found on my first reading. I'm certain there are more waiting to be found. Grammar: ★

Use of show canon: It's set in Canterlot, and Celestia and Luna are present. It feels mostly like Equestria. There's a human, but I don't give or take away points for that. Celestia is not feeling as refined, or playful, as she normally is(Usually one or the other at any given moment) ★★

Character Consistency: I had a hard time getting a feel for this. The grammar was distracting badly, alas. Though a human dumped in a new world should react on some level a bit more strongly than a limp-wristed 'meh'. That part felt off. ★★

Plot Flow: Nothing special here, which is good and bad. Nothing made me hooked. ★★

Entertainment: Meh... Too many people acting like puppets dangling from wires that need practice yet at imitating life. ★

Overall: ★ I can see a spark of potential here, but one must learn to walk before one runs. I think dialogue and action are where you should focus your efforts. Try to make your characters not be talking heads that could exist in a void for all it matters. Do keep it up and press forward.

PS: Don't put your notes at the front of a chapter unless you're giving a trigger warning or something of the like.