October 25, 2016
Samantha News

Another Alt-Right Hero Comes To Someone With Tiny Hands’s Defense

In case you were wondering, we have not yet reached the bottom of the fathomless well of stupidity in which the alt-right dwells.

Matt Forney, a self-described alt-right radio host and spokesperson for the ugly movement, is predicting a “white baby boom” after Someone With Tiny Hands wins (yes, I know, but what do you expect from an “alt-right radio host”?) the November election. And his reasoning exposes his complete and utter ignorance in regards to both women and basic biology.

“n my experience though, the majority of white women are having sex dreams about Someone With Tiny Hands, expect a white baby boom after he takes office,” he predicted.

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Matt Forney @basedmattforney

in my experience though, the majority of white women are having sex dreams about Trump, expect a white baby boom after he takes office
9:43 PM - 24 Oct 2016
11 11 Retweets 16 16 likes

Mr. Forney, I assure you, that’s not how women or basic human biology works.

Never Mind Biology…

The alt-right personality, who has (improbably and weirdly) authored a book called Do the Philippines: How to Make Love to Filipino Girls in the Philippines, came to his far-fetched, biologically-inept conclusion after apparently reading a piece from Cosmopolitan writer Laura Beck, who said that Someone With Tiny Hands and his free-for-all groping through life was impacting her sex life.

“On one hand, the thought of being touched by my husband, a man, after spending day upon never-ending day listening to Someone With Tiny Hands’s sexually assaultive language, is not a pleasant one. On the other, we are both so obsessed with the election that our combined anxiety is killing our sex drives,” Beck wrote.

Forney, when not hosting his crazy alt-right radio show, apparently reads Cosmopolitan, took deep offense to this, and responded, like the object of his sex dreams Someone With Tiny Hands, via twitter.

Forney responded: “I fully endorse shitlibs not having sex due to Someone With Tiny Hands, it makes them less likely to breed.”

But although he initially displayed at least a rudimentary level of understanding when it comes to procreation, Matt Forney then asserted that there would be a white baby boom because all of the white women having sex dreams about the orange Donald, and where do these people even come from?

And Twitter Responds

Twitter, of course, soundly schooled Forney.

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A. J. Puppyfeet @aldehyde
@basedmattforney are you saying this as a white woman or someone who has sex dreams about trump?
10:06 PM - 24 Oct 2016
11 11 Retweets 85 85 likes

Good question.

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Everyone's Grudge @paulengelhard
@basedmattforney A hideous Nazi loser doesn't know how sex works. Now there's a real shocker.
Matt, your mum didn't get pregnant from dreams
9:21 AM - 25 Oct 2016
6 6 Retweets 43 43 likes

There is that.

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Paul Williams @Pwill666
@basedmattforney The only person having sex dreams about Trump is you, fantasising about those tiny hands running over your flabby excess.
2:34 AM - 25 Oct 2016
13 13 Retweets 56 56 likes

That was pretty graphic.

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Tom Bloke @21logician
The face of the world's foremost expert on white women's sex dreams. On his own he will boost the white birth rate after Trump wins #MAGA
8:53 AM - 25 Oct 2016
18 18 Retweets 33 33 likes

But not as graphic as the one with the picture.

The alt-right is insane. And gross. They serve no purpose at all…except as the punchline of a joke. And when it comes to that, they are really good at it.