I am currently writing a new Rainbow Dash cuddlefic and I would like to hear some feedback based on the description of the story. Is there anything I should change?

Dashie wants to show you her sonic rainboom. She goes for it, but messes up and bounces backward like in the MLP episode. You try and run to catch her, but she bounces way too far back and hits the ground. Surprisingly, her injury was quite minor for what it was. Though, she can no longer fly, so you have to resort to taking her to your house. You take her to your house, place her cozy in your bed, and make her some cider to make her feel better; even though she doesn't feel like she needs it.

Nighttime comes, and Dashie attempts to get out of bed so that you can sleep. You are not going to let her fly to her house given that she hurt herself, so you tell her that you must share the bed. Little did Rainbow know that cuddling was what she wanted.

so you tell her that you must share the bed.

It kind of escalates quickly here. Not much else I can say.

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5944207
Yeah I would be careful around this part, too. Don't want to force Dashie into cuddles until you're both ok with it.

Other than that, sounds like some good opportunities for wing massage/preening, getting close to Rainbow, etc. I'd definitely read it.

How can I make it escalate more gradually? I seem to have a lot of trouble doing that with everything

5944231
In place of having Rainbow Dash trying to leave in the middle of the night, have her visit "you" during the night, asking to sleep with you.

Just an idea.

5944231 Well, instead of going from Rainbow sleeping in your bed straight to you cuddling with her, maybe you could slowly up the ante by doing smaller things with her to gain her trust.
Maybe after the accident there could be a moment where she refuses to show you her injured wing (because of her stubborn nature), but eventually lets you take a look at it and fix it up.
There could be some moments of you two spending some time in the house together (maybe explain that you don't hang out as much as she'd like), playing board games, watching TV, stuff like that. In fact, if you did the TV watching, that could be a good time to introduce physical comfort by putting your arm around her.
It's all up to you on how you want it to play out, but take your time with developing the character's bond.

5944246 Also a good idea. Maybe she has a roundabout way of asking...?

Thank you for the suggestions, I appreciate the help. I am trying to make this my best, fluffiest story.

5944260
Don't forget that we don't get notified if you don't use the reply button. Note for the future.

5944251
Now these are some good ideas.

5944260 Excellent! I can't wait to read it.

5944272 Thanks, I plan on writing some fluff myself one day.

5944278
I hope you wouldn't mind if I advertised a couple of my fics and recommended them to you. I need someone to judge my ability to write fluff (or just romance in general).

5944309 Sure, sounds good.
I usually only read self-insert-type stuff, but I just like cute fluffy romance so anything you've got in that category I'll read.
Can't promise on timing, though, I tend to procrastinate on reading. And writing, for that matter.

5944313
Yay!
First one is really long (also my first uploaded fanfiction):
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/357470/two-eyes-one-heart

Second and third are really short:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/360902/special-appointment
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/363201/growing-beyond-her-garden

I hope at least one of these will tickle your fancy!

5944324 I think I'll start with the Carrot Top/Derpy one. I'll message you to let you know what I think.

5944344
Thank you kindly.

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5944353

Thanks very much for helping me, here is the current updated description:
Dashie wants to show you her sonic rainboom. She goes for it, but messes up and bounces backward like in the MLP episode. You try and run to catch her, but she bounces way too far back and hits the ground. Surprisingly, her injury was quite minor for what it was. Though, she can no longer fly for now, so you have to resort to taking her to your house. You take her to your house, place her cozy in your bed, and make her some cider to make her feel better; even though she doesn't feel like she needs it.

After a while of nothing to do, you ask Dashie if she wants to play some video games. She is feeling quite bored given that she can't fly right now, so she decides to go ahead and play the games with you. After playing for a little bit, you put your right arm around Dashie while using the joystick with your left hand. After a bit of time, she accepts your touch and begins to get a little closer to cuddling. She leans on you, you pet her, you hug her. Cuddles.

5946300
That sounds really good.
Here's an idea: Maybe Dashie is struggling with a particularly tough part of a video game. You can't stand to see her do so poorly, so you wrap an arm around her, allowing you to hold her controller for her. She's surprised by this, but accepts your help. This could be a good way to earn her trust with touching. (also, beating said tough game is definitely cause for a celebratory hug! )

That part at the end, though:

She leans on you, you pet her, you hug her. Cuddles.

That sounds pretty fast. Make sure to put some meaningful dialogue here to show how our characters feel about all this. Cuddles is a big leap, and it has to be believable.

5946341
Thanks dude, I really appreciate it and will thank you as well as AppleOfThineEye in the author's note.

I was planning to make the ending of the description last more gradually and fluffy in the actual story, I'll see how I can change the description to make it sound better

5946349 Hey, no problem. I have a passion for pony cuddles

If that's the description you plan on giving the story when you post it, you might want to condense it a bit. You know, let the reader discover for themselves how things play out.
But make sure you mention the cuddles. People will read it if there are confirmed cuddles in it.

5946351
I tried my very best to condense the description but I couldn't seem to hide some of the contents of the story because I'm trying not to be too vague in the description, so it came out like this:

Dashie wants to show you her sonic rainboom. She goes for it, but messes up and bounces backward, hitting the ground quite hard. Surprisingly, her injury was quite minor for what it was. Though, she can no longer fly for now, so you have to resort to taking her to your house.

After a while of nothing to do, you ask Dashie if she wants to play some video games. She is feeling quite bored given that she can't fly right now, so she decides to go ahead and play the games with you. After playing for a little bit, you offer Dash some physical comfort. After a bit of time, she seems to have accepted your touch.

When it gets late after an hour or so of playing, Dash seems deeply relaxed as she leans on you. You head over to your bed and give her the cuddles that, for the longest time, she thought she was too "cool" for.

I really hate interrupting whatever you may be doing

5946365 Hehe, don't worry about it. I've actually been sitting here for like an hour just deciding what video game I should play next.

Maybe you should wait until the story is completed before you write the description for it, that way you can let the story write itself more naturally.
If you're still having trouble then, I could give you what I think is a nice description, if you want.

5946367
OK, thanks so much for the help, it means a lot to me.

5946369 Any time! Can't wait to see how it turns out~

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5946365
You guys are geniuses.

Thanks for the credit, Gamecube.
Hope you enjoy my story, Riley!

5946409 Whoa, GamecubeGuy is double genius?

5946709
Oopsie! Meant to reply to you too right there.

5946717 Hehe, it's okay. I've been going through some stuff but I'll probably get to reading it tonight.

5946757

5946717

The story has been submitted and is now waiting for approval. Thank you so much for your help. I hope that the story is at least OK.

5960744
If you tried more than the troll-writers on this site, I'm sure it'll be just fine. Be sure to leave us a link of it!

5946757

5960957

The story has been approved, hope you enjoy. Thanks so much again

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/372595/1/sweet-dreams-dashie/sweet-dreams-dashie