(Link To Story)

Tag: [Slice of Life]

Rating: Everyone

Let me start off by saying that it is definitely worth the read if anyone had any second thoughts on if the story would be good or not. It's definitely good.

This has to be the first story I read where I was expecting romance (based on the picture although the author said there wasn't any) and I got nothing of that sort. However, a potential romance between both Terra and Selune can definitely spring forth from a story like this.

Terra and Selune know each other as classmates and not much else till after the earthquake scenario. It was then a moment was formed where Selune told Terra (with his forearm broken) her past and why she is afraid of the dark.

She gives an interesting story of what had happened when she was born and what made her significant as a character altogether, having some connection with the Luna and the moon; the key sentence giving that away is, "The first image I remember seeing is the moon’s surface, and the legend ‘carved’ on its surface,” she paused closing her eyes for a moment, “the moon, and by extension the mare, are what saved me.”

Moving on with grammar.

I din't see anything that stuck out to me in particular expect a few misplaced words or admission of words in the wrong sentences. And a simple omission of those words would make the sentence sound clearer? I don't know.

Did I forget to mention one or two incorrectly place punctuation marks?

The spine of the world was once filled with life:, rumors spoke of a legendary city of light where the ‘White Plains’ were located.

The comma before rumors could have been left out there and would have made for a much smoother read here.

...And I guess that's it. Not sure if the corrections were made over night, but I don't see them now.

The over all flow of the story was good. I was able to read without any significant pauses. The character dialogue and description was done really good as I was able to comfortably see and imagine each scene and character like a movie within my head. My take on it is if anyone could have me do that throughout the whole story then you have done a good job.

I had a bit more fun reading through it listening to "Skyrim - Tooth and Claw" when Terra and Selune were trying to struggle their way through the debris coming down on them. And Skyrim "Skyrim - Distant Horizons" reading through Selune's backstory. Fun read was it indeed.

I guess that's all for that.

Thanks for reading this short review. Hopefully with each one that I do in the future I would hopefully get better at reviewing.

I also have it on a blog I made which can be seen here >>> (Link to Blog)

4609578 yay! Thanks. If any mistakes typos or edits you can make I'd welcome it.

4609683 Welcome. Yes, if I see anything that need editing within the story, I will let you know.

4609744

with any significant

without?

Fun read was it indeed

Yooooda lol

you done

missing have.

Anyway thanks!

4609833 Fixed. I intended the for second one to be written that way. :3

4609843 aaah lol is k.