This is a spot for suggesting tweaks and edits for the chapter which will be considered in the final pass after the entire story of book one is finished.

We can make more threads for the other chapters as we go. This is so suggestions don't get lost in the Discord chat, as it will likely be many months before they are examined.

“Luna, how have you really been? None of this princess' politics 'everything's fine'." Nyx mimed air quoting, "It's me, I'm here, I want to know. Please.” Nyx asked staring intently into Luna's eyes. Just my vision of how to add emotion and depth into that paragraph

Nyx offered with a kind smile. feels like it needs more physical actions accompanying it

Her defenses fading, Luna met her eyes directly Describing what 'her defenses fading' looks like would add a depth of emotion to this bit

Eyes shooting wide for a second, Nyx put her hooves around Luna’s shoulders, pressing into her neck. Memories flooded her mind as she held tight to the one pony who had most been like an older sister to her. This seems like a great place to put Nyx internal thoughts for the reader to get into her head.

Luna sighed. “All the families are grief-stricken. I visited as many as I could. After only a few, I could not bear it.” This would be an absolute fantastic place to add depth to her emotions. "I vowed to visit every family that had lost a foal, but after each one, the rending pain in my heart grew more unbearable. I broke my vow after only the fourth family. I made excuses for my cowardliness, buried myself into my newfound administrative responsibilities. But every day I awake with the knowledge that I am so weak, I can not even help the ponies who are suffering the most from my decisions." Or something to that effect.

“Those were [i]my[/i] students!” she snapped, suddenly. “Those were [i]my[/i] teachers and staff! I [b][i]personally[/i][/b] chose them!” This spot seems to indicate anger, but could be grief or sadness.