Hints about the story.

1)It's written with a tottaly serious mind. ((I am in no way trolling you about this))
2)My editor at the second page of the fic told me "Okay when are those two gonna do the do?"...
3)... and then proceeded to sarcastically laugh when the chance was "cockblocked"...
4).... and then sarcastically raged when by the end of the fic they remained "just friends"
5)I ended up changing and deleting many parts that wiped this opportunity away. SHIPPING FUEL FTW!!!
6)The OC used is my first OC and to me is a symbol of how far I've gotten in creating OC stories.

Oh and if you read the story...

1)I will respond personally to EVERY SINGLE COMMENT
2)I will accept constructive feedback
3)I WILL GIVE YOU AWESOMESAUCE!
4)I WILL HUG YOU, AND LOVE YOU, AND CALL YOU GEORGE! :P

So go read the story. You won't regret it.

I hope...

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/280192/origins---selune-darkeye

4592628

“Selune?” She heard a male voice and realized that it was Terra speaking all along.

“Terra, your…”

“Batpony father. What happened to you? You were mumbling something incomprehensible, and you weren’t responding. I thought you had hit your head or something.” Selune couldn’t see Terra’s face clearly, but she knew by the tone of his voice he was worried. His voice had brought her back from that terrible darkness, and to hear it was a blessing. His eyes reflecting what little light out there was enough for her, fortunately the worst had passed.

I'm only assuming by Batpony Father, Terra is capable of seeing in the dark. If so, the message isn't as clear as it could be.

Aside from that, the transition is smooth enough to follow and it can be possible to ship the two characters(which i recommend you try next). The story is well written and the plot is thought out enough to grasp at the readers' attention. A good piece of fiction.

4592672 Yes I'm gonna say that. It was supposed to be mentioned that he can't see in complete darkness.