Past Shadows
Word Count: (At time of posting) 25,419

Grammar: 5/10
Overall, the grammar is good. However, there are numerous places where the grammar errors, spelling errors, or misused words do distract. This does not make the story unreadable, but there are occasional sentences that require reading a second time to understand it due to said mistakes.

Characterization: 7/10
Each character is portrayed in a believable manner and allows for the reader to connect and understand their current emotions. However, there are times when the characters act in a way that seems uncharacteristic or even irrational. This is on only a few occasions though.

Use of Show Canon: 8/10
Though the story is listed as an alternate universe, it does utilize canon characters. Each character I feel is portrayed properly with the exception to Flash Sentry. I understand he is hardly characterized in the show, but his use seems off. A believable character but there are several times that I feel he is portrayed differently than the small portrayal in the show.

Plot Consistency: 5/10
While the story progresses in a reasonable manner, there are a few times when it seems to fly off the rails or transition in a manner that does not seem believable or consistent with what logic or reason would dictate. One such example is the OC character Weaponry killing a Changeling he is interrogating then killing the Changeling through torturous means. He is chastised then the story continues without any punishment regarding the act. This has bugged me through the entire reading since the scene.

Use of OCs: 4/10
Two OCs make an appearance in the story. Weaponry, the main character and focus of the story, and Sacred Arrow. Weaponry's characterization is done well as a character with a scarred past and inner demons to conquer. However, his power as a unicorn does put him in a high tier in power and at times makes him unreasonably overpowered. Being said to have protected those under his command and returned with his subordinates unscathed puts him in that overpowered tier. As well, there are times when his character seems tortured or aggressive for conflict sake. Sacred Arrow seems to be done semi-well, however, her lack of use in the story, intentional, does make it difficult to peg her as a good character or not, being a past character not a present. Making her related to a canon character does put her in a unique position. She is said to be related to Flash Sentry, which is good as Flash has little canon characterization. I do think this is done well though no relation to canon characters might have served her better.

Coherence: 6/10
Overall, the story is consistent and able to be followed. There are many moments when a transition between perspectives is done which leaves the reader confused as to which character is being focused on and if there is a time or place jump. Events are easy to follow and understand, yet the transition points leave the reader confused several times.

Genre and Tags:
Adventure: 8/10
The adventure tag does seem appropriate as the story does follow a bit of an adventure as well as the discovery and exploration of the past of the character Weaponry.

Alternate Universe: 8/10
It is hard to say outright whether this fits the story as it takes place five years after the events of the Canterlot Wedding. However, the introduction of Twilight's library home does indicate that this must be a separate universe where the home is not destroyed by Tirek. As well, with the description mention peace for these past five years, this would indicate that the events of Season 4 premiere and finale did not take place.

Additional Tags/Touchy Topics: -4 (following formula), 1/5 (not following formula and following grading scale only)
Presence of Gore, Heavy violence, Mutilation. I will be counting this as a single offense and ranking it as realistic as it does fit the story. I personally do not feel such a topic to be touchy unless it fits the theme of the story. However, the lack of a gore tag as well as the above mentioned torture scene does require noting. The use of gore in fight scene is appropriate while the gory torture scene required some realistic resolution rather than the characters simply passing it off as PTSD and then throwing a party to cheer up Weaponry later. The lack of a gore tag does put of the reader who would very likely be thrown off or quit reading when they reach the gore and blood when they are not prepared for such.
(To the admins: I'm not sure I understood the formula well so I have listed a pure grading scale score as an alternative just in case. With a single infraction, I used one of the examples given in the grading scale.)

Final Score: 61% (without touchy topics formula), 60% (with touchy topics formula)

While the story is good, the number of mistakes, inconsistencies, and occasional lack of realism, leads the story to fall short of the standards of the group. I personally do find myself intrigued and interested at how it will end.

thank you for your time and effort for reviewing my story. At this moment in time I do have someone proofreading the story while also helping me with the final project. all the issues with the grammar, spelling, and other issues I am working on with the help of GradualGhost who is proofreading the story. all the edits will be up when the story is competed, this way by the end of the story, I can give credit to GradualGhost in the comments. again I'd like to thank you for taking the time to review my story and give me some insight to what works and what doesn't

3870460 You welcome. Sorry this took so long to do. Different things held me up and it just has been hard to get much of anything done lately.

3870479 no worries.